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If you had told Megumi Fushiguro back when he was in high school that at 30, he would be standing with his one-year-old nephew in his arms and a bag full of baby supplies in his back as his cousin Maki told him what to do and what not to do, he wouldn’t have believed you.
Turns out Panda was right the whole time, and now he was on babysitting duty.
The good news is he wasn’t alone, as he had Yuji and Nobara with him. The bad news is he didn’t want to do it. He didn’t know how to take care of babies, and he had never been alone with Iori without Yuta or Maki there with him. But Yuta was out of town on a mission, and the elders had called for a meeting. Something about Hakari, and Megumi knew that his generation really didn’t care, but being part of the family, and with Yuta unavailable, Maki had to go.
“Does it really have to be me?” Megumi asked, interrupting Maki and praying that he didn’t sound as nervous as he felt.
Maki scowled at him, though Megumi felt that rather than judging him Maki was worried for his sanity. “No one else is available, Toge is going to the meeting and everyone else is out”
“What about Panda?” Yuji said, who was behind Megumi and more excited than him. The trio tried to make as many possibilities as they could to hang out together, and if one of those opportunities was going to be babysitting Yuta and Maki’s baby then they’d take it.
Maki snorted at Yuji. “That poor bear can barely hold Iori, I’m not leaving him alone with Panda” she smirked. “Plus I’m sure Panda is gonna try to sneak into the meeting to get all the tea he can”
Nobara, also behind Megumi, was also excited, but at this very moment she looked very annoyed. “Do you know how long is the meeting gonna last?” she said, almost whining but not really.
Maki smirked even wider, and if he didn’t know her Megumi would think that she did want to abandon her baby to his unexperienced uncle and friends. “Nope”
“How do you even entertain a baby for that long?” Nobara asked.
Maki smiled, more serious this time. “There’s formula and toys in the bag” she said. “There’s also a public park we take him to on a walk, he usually falls asleep after running in the playground for a bit”
“We don’t have a stroll” Megumi points out.
“He’ll also fall asleep in your arms” she said. Maki then turned to Iori, who was in Megumi’s arms facing away and looking at his mom. “Be good to your uncle”
Yuji and Nobara giggled behind Megumi, very unlike the adults they supposedly were.
“You’re an uncle” Yuji said, a smug grin on his face.
“Uncle Meg” Nobara went on.
“Shut up” Megumi groaned, wishing he wasn’t holding Iori for a second so he could punch his friends.
“And don’t drive him too crazy” Maki continued as if she hadn’t heard the trio, though the little smirk she had gave away that she heard. Iori just looked at her and babbled.
The moment Maki went through the gates and Iori realized his mom was gone, he started to cry. Like ear-piercing crying.
“Make him stop” Nobara said, less whiny and more panicked. Iori was still in Megumi’s arms, writhing and reaching out at the direction Maki had left. Suddenly Megumi was panicking too.
He changed his hold on Iori and started pacing, trying to rock him into calming down, but it didn’t work. “I knew he didn’t like me” Megumi said, in an attempt hide how panicked he really was, but it wasn’t working. Nope, no it wasn’t.
“Yes, he does” Nobara said in an annoyed tone Megumi wasn’t sure if it was directed to him or Iori’s cries. “He normally doesn’t mind how emo you are”
“Let me try something” Yuji said, now standing in front of Megumi and Iori with his hands covering his face. “Hey Iori, guess who” Yuji cooed, and Iori looked at him and stopped his cries for a second. Yuji then took his hands away and went “Hi!”. Iori wasn’t crying but he was now pouting, as if insulted that Yuji would try that of all things.
As Iori’s whimpers threatened to become cries again, Nobara just started walking. “Ok that’s it, we’re going to that park Maki mentioned” And Yuji and Megumi followed her before Iori could do anything else.
Turns out walking did help. Midway to the park Iori, now in Yuji’s arms, had stopped crying, but he wasn’t completely relaxed yet. He was still fussy, so Yuji tried talking and cooing to him about things they passed by. So far it was actually working.
Megumi looked at Yuji and Iori walking in front of him and was struck again by the oddness of the situation. Here he was, babysitting his nephew with his best friends, and thought what a weird image they must give off, especially with Yuji who didn’t look any different than he did when he was 15. Megumi and Nobara had changed, though not that much. They didn’t have wrinkles yet, but their features looked sharper and less awkward. Yuji though still looked like he could be in high school. The trio had silently promised to not bring it up, but as Megumi, Nobara and the rest of their circle grew older it became harder to ignore. And Megumi couldn’t help but think that one day Iori would look at them and notice-
“Don’t” Nobara said beside him, interrupting his thoughts.
“What-“
“I can hear you thinking” Nobara said, and Megumi realized the image of Yuji and Iori must’ve done something to her too. “Whatever it is, stop it”
Megumi sighed. “You don’t know what I’m thinking”
Nobara snorted. “Well stop it anyway, it’s annoying” she said. She looked at him and giggled like she did when teasing him. “Wait Megumi, don’t tell me you’re getting baby fever”
Megumi sighed again, trying to sound more pained because how is she one of his best friends. “I can’t even take care of my nephew without him crying”
Nobara laughed. “We’ve had him for barely an hour”
“Still I don’t want Maki to kill me” Nobara laughed so hard she didn’t even realize they had reached the park.
Yuji, Megumi and Nobara were now sitting in a bench, Yuji in the middle with Iori in his lap as Nobara was playing with a toy from the bag, a panda Inumaki had given him because of course someone had to. He was happier, more alert and he wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon.
Looking at the small playground especially made for toddlers in front of them, Megumi turned to Yuji and gently took Iori from him.
“What are you doing?” Yuji asked, suddenly sad that he had no baby.
“I’m going to take him to play” Megumi said. “Maki said he liked it, maybe he’ll get tired and fall asleep”
Whatever sadness Yuji had faded as he and Nobara started giggling. “You’re being a good uncle” Yuji teased.
“Shut up” Megumi groaned before leaving.
As they made their way to the little slide, Iori looked up at Megumi and babbled. No crying, so progress.
Megumi placed Iori on top of the slide, and as he sat there Iori made no attempt to go down. He was just there looking down, then up at Megumi and babbled some more.
So much for tiring him out, Megumi thought.
“Excuse me” someone said, and Megumi had to secure Iori before turning back to see a mom with a toddler of her own. Said toddler looked slightly older than Iori, and looked at him like she barely knew she existed.
“Excuse me” the mom repeated. “Is your baby going to slide down? Mine wants a turn”
It didn’t look to Megumi like she did. Megumi looked back at Iori. “I don’t think he likes it”
The mom looked at him, curious. “He’s never tried it?”
“I don’t know, it’s my first time on the playground”
The mom’s curious stare turned sour as Megumi picked up Iori from the slide and into his arms. Again, no crying, good.
“Sure” the mom said while placing her toddler on top of the slide, and this one actually went down. “Dad comes to play with his son once and suddenly he thinks he’s dad of the year”
The only things Megumi could process in his shock was the mom and her toddler leaving and Iori’s babbling.
And now Yuji and Nobara were laughing so hard it was a miracle Iori hadn’t gone back to crying.
“She thought you were his dad?” Nobara repeated in between wheezing, while Yuji covered his face with the panda plushie. If he was trying to hide his laughter he was failing miserably.
For once Megumi didn’t sigh or groan. He just looked at his best friends and then at Iori, wanting to be swallowed by the Earth and spit somewhere far away, like America or somewhere farther. “It’s not that funny”
“Why didn’t you just tell her you’re his babysitting uncle?” Yuji asked as his laughter calmed down.
“She was too busy walking away from me” Megumi said before being hit with another realization. “And honestly it’s none of her business”
“I mean I kinda get it” Yuji said. “You’re his uncle, still family”
Megumi looked at Iori, and then turned around in a way Yuji and Nobara could see them both clearly. “We don’t look alike”
“Actually yeah” Nobara said, still smiling. “The Zenin genes didn’t even try”
“Thank God” Megumi interjected.
“Well maybe Yuta and Maki will have more kids” Yuji said. “Or maybe one of their grandkids will look like you”
“I hope not”
Since Megumi didn’t want another episode of drama Yuji volunteered to go play with Iori next. He took a baby carrier from the bag and sat in a swing that made him look really awkward. Said swing, while made for bigger kids, was still for kids, and as much as he hadn’t aged, big muscular Yuji still had to made himself smaller to fit, especially with a baby on his lap. But as Yuji sat there, he didn’t care. He wasn’t comfortable but he was really entertained listening to Iori babble and seeing him pointing at things. He’d point at animals, other children, toys, and then look at Yuji as if he was as intrigued as Iori was.
“Yeah that’s cool” Yuji would say, and Iori would turn away.
As Iori was clapping at something, Yuji wasn’t sure what, another kid, probably around 7, came to him and yelled “You can’t sit there”
Yuji turned to the kid, not really mad just confused. “What?”
“You’re too big” the kid said. “You can’t sit there”
Yuji kept smiling. “Yeah, but this little guy” he gestured to Iori who was still distracted. “can’t sit on the swing by himself, he needs support, I’m support”
“Still, you’re too big” the kid said. “And you look old, you look like you’re 30!”
Yuji could’ve laughed.
Before the kid could try to antagonize him again, a woman, probably his mom, came to him. “Jun!” she yelled. “What are you doing?”
The kid, Jun, pointed at Yuji. “He can’t sit there”
Jun’s mom kneeled down. “What did I tell you about being mean to other kids?”
“He’s not a kid”
“You might not see it, but he is”
If Yuji had laughed before, now he’d be crying.
“It’s fine” Yuji tried reassuring the mom. “I just wanted to tire him out” He pointed at Iori, how the heck was he not tired yet?
The woman cooed. “Aww, that’s sweet, playing with your little brother”
And for some reason, whether it was what Megumi had just lived or just his filter deciding to die right then and there, Yuji blurted out before he thought about it. “Oh, he’s not my brother” Yuji grinned, almost convinced that unlike Megumi he didn’t stumble upon a misunderstanding, but the woman’s face turned from sweet to pitiful and concerned.
“Where’s his mom?”
“Busy” Yuji said, still not getting that the air had shifted.
The woman looked at Yuji so seriously she hadn’t realized Jun had moved on to another part of the playground. “You know, you can tell an adult if you’re having problems with his mom” she said to Yuji. “There are resources and reliable adults that will help you” Yuji just smiled through the shock.
“Now you know how I felt” Megumi deadpanned, though he still smiled a little.
“That’s not fair! I’m an adult!” Yuji complained, Iori still in his lap, now playing with his panda plushie. “I’m 30 years old!”
“Well, you don’t look like it” Nobara deadpanned.
So much for not talking about it.
“Megumi, I get, that’s his uncle” Yuji kept complaining. “But Iori and I literally look nothing alike!”
“Probably thought he took after his mom” Megumi pointed out.
“What does she know anyway” Yuji continued, ignoring Megumi and now he was pouting. “She’s so nosy”
“At least she was nice about it” Megumi pointed out again, knowing he was probably gonna be ignored. “By the way Maki sent me a text” At this, both Yuji and Nobara looked at him.
“What did she say?” They huddled with Megumi to look at the texts.
hey how are you doing?
iori should get hungry anytime now so feed him
don’t go too crazy
i’ll be here for a little longer so sorry
also panda and toge say hi
“What’s so important that the elders suddenly cared about Maki and Inumaki’s opinion anyway?” Nobara complained.
“Todo is also there” Yuji said. “Apparently Hakari had a great idea”
“He better with the time the meeting’s taking” Nobara said.
Iori started fussing before Yuji could reply, leading Megumi to grab the bag and take out the formula. “Maki said we’d need to get water, but making the formula should be easy enough”
“I saw a vending machine on the other side of the street” Nobara said. She stood up and walked a few steps before stopping and turning around, noticing that Yuji was going with her, Iori still in his arms.
“What are you doing?”
“Going with you”
“With him?”
Iori babbled at her, as if answering yes with him.
“He likes it”
Nobara shrugged. “Alright then”
They turned the corner, and as Nobara had said, there was a vending machine. In front was a man trying to get a drink. Within seconds of Yuji and Nobara turning the corner the man started lightly hitting the vending machine, then more aggressively until he started shaking it. “Stupid machine!” The man said. “Give me my drink!”
Nobara got closer and put her hands on her hips. “Excuse me” she said, voice strong and firm as she tried to get to the vending machine. “What are you doing?”
The man turned to her, more annoyed than before, and took in her appearance. “What do you want?”
“Water” Nobara said. “And you are blocking the vending machine”
The man gave the machine a final shake before groaning and letting it go. He turned to Nobara and glared at her, then turned to Yuji and pointed to him. “You should keep your old hag of a mom in check, brat”
He turned away and Yuji could only look as Nobara desperately tried to calm down so as to not kill the man.
“We’re leaving the park!” Nobara announced as she came back to Megumi, so furious he thought she would break something.
“Where’s the water?” he asked.
“Machine’s broken, we’re going to a convenience store” she replied before Megumi asked, but as soon as he saw Yuji, he knew something had happened.
Megumi stood up, with the bag strapped to the back and the panda plushie in his hands. “That’s not a machine is broken kind of mad”
“A man saw us and thought Nobara was my mom”
Megumi was speechless, because that was by far the craziest thing anyone had assumed of them all day. Nobara didn’t look that old, 30 years old and if anything, she looked like she was still in her 20s, but the contrast of her and Yuji next to each other probably made it easier to age her. Still, for Nobara to be Yuji’s mom (in the hypothetical scenario, since Nobara was really like 6 months older than Yuji) she would either have to be much older than she looked or she would’ve had to be a teen mom.
Great. Why can’t anyone just mind their own business.
Next time either they could come with Yuta and/or Maki or they would make Iori fall asleep with a movie night.
On their way to the convenience store Nobara took Iori in her arms and started rambling to him. Knowing her, it was probably something related to fashion or fancy food, but it kept him calm, and Megumi was starting to suspect that the only reason Iori was still awake was because he’d get hungry soon.
“So we’re getting snacks?” Yuji asked as the trio entered the convenience store.
“I’m getting water for Iori” Megumi corrected. “You guys can get snacks if you want”
“You don’t want any?” Yuji asked, as he and Nobara stood near the door. “It’s better if you eat something”
“Then I can just go to a place and eat properly” Megumi answered, but turned around and disappeared in the drinks section before Yuji or Nobara could say something.
“Ugh, I hate that he has a point” Nobara said, still rocking a now fussing Iori in her arms.
“I know, I wanted snacks” Yuji complained. He didn’t pout, but he was really close, probably because of the temptation of snacks, definitely because of the hunger.
But Nobara being Nobara, she rolled her eyes. “You can get snacks if you want. You’re an adult”
Yuji, as if remembering that he was in fact 30 years old and that he had free will, smiled and went through the same aisle Megumi had gone, surely buying snacks that he probably wasn’t going to eat just yet but would end up in his bag forgotten until he had a movie marathon night. Not that it mattered to Nobara, Yuji was an adult and he should know what he’s doing, but as much as she loved him it didn’t make it any less annoying.
It took a while to notice that the cashier was looking in Nobara’s direction and that he was looking at her funnily. Having worn an eyepatch since she was 16, she was used to these looks, and while it annoyed her she had learned to live with it. Only Nobara and a few select people knew what that happened that led to her looking like this, and she wasn’t going to let strangers that didn’t know anything meddle in her business.
Because if all of today had taught her anything is that some people can be really nosy.
The cashier did a double take once Yuji was in front of him to pay. And just as Nobara had thought, he was carrying a bunch of snacks that he probably wasn’t eating today. Whatever, he can buy whatever he wanted.
However, seeing Yuji with snacks suddenly made her want to buy something for herself. Call her weak, she was hungry.
“Hey Yuji” Nobara said as he came to her with his bag full of snacks. “Take Iori for a sec, I wanna buy something”
Yuji looked at her in confusion but didn’t protest in taking Iori in his arms. “I thought you said Megumi was right and you could just eat decent food”
“I lied, I’m hungry” she said.
Nobara went to the aisle where Megumi was and saw him looking at all the water bottles, as well as other drinks, in front of him, and she knew he was overthinking again. “You have the water?”
Megumi lifted a hand and it turned out he had already grabbed one bottle. “Yes, but I’m still thinking on if we need anything else”
Nobara turned to look at him, completely deadpan. “So, you do want snacks”
“…I never said that”
“But you do!” Nobara couldn’t help but smile, because even as an adult Megumi was still a freaking dork. “Yuji already grabbed stuff, so you should hurry”
Megumi turned to her, looking confused and annoyed. “I thought we were going to go for real food”
“Just grab your snacks and let’s go” Nobara said, and she decided to leave it be because when Megumi inevitably came out of the store with his snacks, neither she or Yuji were going to let him forget it, teasing him until they found a place they could eat properly.
After wandering around in the store and grabbing a bag of chips for herself, Nobara made it to the counter and placed her things there. Before the cashier could finish, she turned around and saw Megumi standing behind her. She gestured for him to give him the water and the money he was going to pay so they could end faster, which he did.
“Excuse me” Megumi asked as the cashier was finishing. “Do you have somewhere we can warm the water”
The cashier nodded and pointed to somewhere down the hall. “You can use the microwave we normally use to warm the ramen and onigiris”
“Thanks” Megumi said, turning around to go to the microwave, but before he was truly gone the cashier turned to Nobara.
“There are some benches right outside, you can sit there with your sons while you wait for your husband”
Megumi didn’t turn around, and he didn’t dare to. Nobara was speechless, because what on Earth were people saying.
The alternative however was really confusing. No he’s not my husband, he’s just been my dorkiest friend since we were 15. No he’s not my child, he’s just my other best friend who hasn’t aged since we fought and beat the four-armed cursed whom he was used as a vessel for at one point. No this is not my other child, this is my friends’ baby who we’re babysitting because the old farts decided to have a meeting when his father was conveniently away.
But seeing as how they were being confused by a family for a whole day, and it’s really no one’s business the relationship the three and the baby had, Nobara decided to just let it go and save the story as the anecdote Inumaki and Panda would 100% laugh at them for.
“Sure, thanks” she said, before turning away and exiting the store.
Waiting by the door, and exiting at the same time as her were Yuji and Iori who, bless their hearts, didn’t appear to have listened to what the cashier had said. Not like Iori could understand but still. The three sat down in the bench, with Iori now on Yuji’s lap. Nobara fidgeted for a while before turning to Yuji.
“Do I look old?”
Yuji turned to her confused. “No..?”
“Do I look old enough to be your mom?”
“No!”
Nobara went back to staring in front of her, looking confused, but something more than that.
“Are you having a mid-life crisis?” Nobara turned to Yuji with a threatening glare, one she’d perfected on him whenever he did or said anything stupid.
“What?”
“Quarter-life crisis…?”
Apparently, that was better because Nobara calmed down. “I don’t know” she answered, like she wanted to protest but didn’t know how.
A minute or two later Megumi came out of the store, with the water bottle and Nobara’s bag of snacks intact. “Yuji, pass me the bag so I can make the formula”
Yuji did as he was told, and Megumi sat on the other of Nobara. She just looked at him as if he had personally offended her.
“Do we look old?”
“Old enough to be Yuuji’s parents, not unless we were teen parents” Megumi deadpanned. “But considering we’re a year younger than Okkotsu and months younger than Maki, yes we could be Iori’s parents”
As soon as Megumi was done with the formula, he reached his hand towards Yuji. “Give me Iori”
Yuji pouted. “What if you give me the formula and I feed him?”
And whether or not Megumi was tired, annoyed, or just done with the world, he just sighed and gave Yuji the formula.
As Yuji was cooing at Iori while giving him his bottle, both Megumi and Nobara looked at them and suddenly it hit them that they were old. Maybe not too old, but their friends were now having babies, and they were old enough that they could be confused as parents to a teenager.
“This is actually sweet” Megumi said as he looked at the boys.
“Yeah” Nobara answered. “No wonder people think they’re our children”
“Oh oh” Yuji said, turning to them as soon as he was sure Iori was still drinking his milk. “If we go to a restaurant and pretend to be a family, do you think we can get a family discount?”
In the end, it turned out other people’s nosiness was too much to bear, so they decided to go back. After Iori finished his formula, the trio packed everything and started walking back to the shrine where they were having the meeting. Iori fell asleep in Yuji’s arms halfway there, and sat as soon as they arrived, fearing that Iori would wake up and cry. They spent another hour and a half waiting for the meeting to be over, with Yuji giving Iori back to Megumi so he and Nobara could eat the snacks they had grabbed from the convenience store. They even had time to tease Megumi about it (although silently, because Iori), but Megumi didn’t even have the energy to groan and shut them up like he usually did.
Finally, as people were coming out of the gate, the trio heard a loud voice directed at them.
“Brother!” Of course, it was Todo, with Inumaki, Maki and Panda behind him.
All three stood up, but Todo put a hand over Yuji’s shoulders before he could react. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it”
Yuji looked up at him confused. “But I saw you this morning”
Megumi went straight to Maki and handed her back Iori, who was now waking up.
“Hey little beansprout” Maki cooed at Iori, before he fell asleep on her shoulder. “You didn’t drive your uncle crazy right?”
”Iori was great actually” Nobara interrupted. “The rest of the world is the problem”
Yuji stopped talking to Todo and turned to Nobara. “I thought you didn’t care”
“It doesn’t make it less annoying”
“What happened? Why do you guys look so sad?” Maki asked, but before the trio could answer Panda, who was in Inumaki’s shoulder, spoke up.
“Let me guess, they thought Iori was Megumi’s”
Megumi looked away as Maki chuckled. “Wouldn’t be surprised, that’s his nephew”
Panda and Inumaki turned to her. “He looks nothing like you guys”
“Salmon”
Panda looked at Yuji, still with Todo, Megumi, who was still looking away, and Nobara. He scanned them for a minute until his eyes lit up. “Then what happened?”
Nobara groaned. “Just very nosy people”
“Wait, did they think you and Megumi were Iori’s parents?” Panda asked.
And then silence, a silence that was broken seconds later by Inumaki’s giggling.
“That wasn’t even the worst part” Nobara complained, face red with anger.
“People thought they were my parents” Yuji continued, clueless to Nobara’s anger until Inumaki’s giggles turned into full belly laughter, and even Panda and Maki were laughing too, to the point they might’ve as well forgotten about the sleeping baby. “
That’s comedy gold” Panda wheezed. “Next time you babysit, let me go with you”
Todo looked at Megumi now. “So, you lied to me” Megumi turned to him confused.
“What?”
“About your type” Todo answered, gesturing to Nobara. He made a pose and extended his arm to Megumi. “It’s alright I forgive you”
As everyone laughed around him Megumi didn’t know what to be more mortified about: the fact that Todo was basically shipping him with his friend he didn’t like like that, the fact that that was his takeaway of the whole adventure or the fact that he still remembered what had happened the day they met.
But at least one thing was true, they were old now.
“So we all agree to never return to that park?”
“Yep”
“Like hell I’m going back there”