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Summary:

Hugo, my twin, has a crush on Dave, the guy from freakologic, comma, and they go on a date ❤️‍🩹

In which: Hugo the unofficial voice actor of Dave dates Dave.

Notes:

So we all know freakologic right? (If you dont go play the game it's on itcho by Scottie 🗣️‼️) So because pathologic3 is here and this blond dude is NOT named Dave (who would have thought) we feel betrayed by IPL. So i'm writing a fanfiction to the #1 Dave kinnie about them 🤞🤞. This is an AU where Daniil doesnt blow up the school...

This ff is just a joke it's not worth reading if you aint a funny pal.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Hugo is a student in Plague high™ and he's close friends with Janet. She's like.. the only normal person in the whole school. And the other one is Dave Pathologic, who Hugo has a secret crush on but he'd rather JUMP then aproach him.

Good thing is, Janet is good friends with Dave, they're like brother and sister so she knows how both of them are like and for them to end up having a converstation naturally is around 0-4.6%. She decided to help Hugo and set them up on a date because she has no better things to do in her life. She went over to Dave after classes and tried to somehow make him get into it since he usually just doesn't care about such things.

"Hey, Dave!" She runs after him before he leaves school.

"Oh hey Janet, i havent seen you all day i thought you're sick" they stand to the side of the road so other students can walk past them.

"Yeah i was just really busy with exams you know how it is... Anyway," she pulls out a small box from her bag. "Look someone gave me chocholate for Valentines, isnt that cool..? ... Romance..?" She tries to make the converstation about realationships in the most unnoticable way but it's hard considering between all the numberless topics they've talked about romantics never crossed their minds.

"Janet why are you so chalant?" (Yeah Janet is real out of character this author sucks.) Dave gets suspicious of Janet, she never really cares about other people so why now?

"You're just changing the topic. Answear me." 

"Sigh, romance? I dont really care. You know the last time i had a crush it didn't end well.. (we all know what happend)"

"I feel like you should move on. We're about to finish high school and you never had a normal realationship yet. Just give it a shot, what's the worst that could happen! The school blowing up?" 

"Even if i wanted to get someone how would i? Firstly no one would go out with me, secoundly I wouldn't go out with anyone from here."

"I'll send you on a blind date? You know me i wouldn't send someone bad for you" She smiles at him innocently knowing her plan is going the exact way she planed it to.

"I'll think about it.." maybe she's right. Dave never had anyone close to him, maybe It's about time.. "i'll see you tomorrow." 

"Bye bye" They go seperate ways. 

At home Dave thinks about what Janet said. But why would he need this? Does he really lack rizz? No, that can't be! He sits up in his bed sweating. He's the most nonchalant guy in the whole school, he has aura.. Right?...

Next day he goes to school and tells Janet that he agrees to the date. Janet's manipulation worked perfectly. A week later Dave shows up at the agreed spot, it's uh kfc (those who know..).

He's really nervous starting to regret his life choices. He's starting to think about where his life went wrong, maybe when he was 4? But then Hugo shows up snaping him out of his thoughts.

"Exacuse me, you're Dave..?" Of course he's Dave, Hugo knows that well but he has to apear cool. If Dave found out that he's been secretly stalking him on instagram he would probably get up and leave. 

"Yes and you are..? Janet didn't tell me anything.." Hugo sits down to his table.

"I'm Hugo. There's nothing much else to it.." Hugo is NERVOUS. He doesn't know how to interact with people especially with people he likes. Dave wasn't much different, they just sit there awkwardly for a few secounds. "So.. do you also go to our school? I never saw you before." He's lying, of course he saw Dave before. He's been going crazy wanting to meet this guy face to face to just talk to him, yet now he doesn't know what to say.

"Yeah I'm just not crazy like the other people." 

"True, this school is.. horrible. I dont even know why i still go there." 

"Right. Well i'm leaving it soon anyway, have to keep studying. I'm planing to move to the capital." Why is he suddenly telling so much to a stranger? This isnt you Dave.

"The capital? That's a horrible place. What do you plan to study?"

"Medicine, like everyone else.. but not everyone gets in. Are you planing to keep studying?"

"Im not sure, maybe? Well i should but it's also hard."

"Yeah i know."

"..." , "..."

"You seem like a legit guy, why did you agree to this date?" Hugo almost chokes at that, well he basically arranged it but he can't say that. He has to make something up.

"Janet said 'she thinks i would like you', so i came.." Hugo looks more shy all of a sudden which Dave finds weird, is there something he's hiding? 

"Yeah so uh, you know René Descarted? He's my grand grand grand father" Hugo trys to get the converstation to something else before Dave notices.

"How do you even know that? Didn't he live like way back?"

"Well all proof is pointing to it, i could just call it official at this point."

"Makes sense." Dave blushes, he's on a date with such an important person. Wow. But he hides it. 

A waitress goes over to them. "What can i get you two?"

They get confused and Hugo talks to her. "There are waitresses here? I thought it's kfc.." 

"Yeah kfc has waitresses we're just too lazy to serve costumers." 

"Oh okay, can i get fried chicken? Like in a menu"

"Yeah same for me" 

"No." 

"What?"

"We're out of chicken."

"Then.. can we get two menus without the chicken..."

"Ugh. Fine." Dave gets kinda mad, why the heck is this lady so rude??

"Who the hell even are you? You look like a tiktok meme"

"I'm NOT a tiktok meme!! My name is Kasane Teto and i existed way before your little tiktok. I don't get paid enough for this every single day..."

"Well kfc fits your hair yk it's shaped like the chichken nugget"

She sighs and kicks Hugo and Dave out of the restaurant. I guess that was expected. The two biggest ragebaiters go on a date, how romatic. They just feel closer from getting kicked out, you can feel the romance in the air between them. 

"Then let's just take a walk?" Hugo suggest watching Dave still be mad at what happend.

"Yeah sure."

They go on a romatic walk in the sunset and talk for long hours about pointless things but somehow they enjoy it.

They end up talking till it becomes dark. Which is 5pm because it's winter. Dave invited Hugo to his house and he agreed. They went to Dave's house and just continue talking despise thinking about confessing. They're clearly the perfect fit for each other tho, it's like watching the same person. They also know that the others thinks the same way as they do. And even then they wouldnt meantion anything even if they want each other. What a bunch of losers. They end of just having tension then Hugo goes home when it starts becoming late. How emberassing, it must suck to be them lol. 

Next day Hugo goes to school like nothing happend. But somehow it's like everyone is staring at him and he has no idea why. He looks for Janet but she's nowhere around, did she not come to school? Maybe she's sick. He wanted to go to his locker but then Daniil apears?!?! (SMASH 👅👅) He stands before Hugo blocking his way.

"Who do YOU think you are, huh?" Hugo gets confused, what does this guy want from him? He's never seen him before.

"What?"

"You go out with my ex in public to emberass me?!" Oh right Janet did meantion Dave has some crazy history with realationships.. "you'll regret this."

"Look, i don't want trouble. He's your ex, isn't he? Then you shouldn't have a say in what he does." Daniil gets mad but knows he's right, he's just jelous. "It's not emberassing for you, i doubt anyone even knows about it." Just then you hear someone laughing and see them pointing at Daniil.

"Haha look it's the guy who's ex went out with a new guy!" No one knows what's funny on this but Plague high™ was always like an American high school so everyone laughs at Daniil and points at him. Daniil looks defeated. 

"Sigh, whatever... It's really not worth this much." Daniil goes down the hall and Hugo watches him leave. Well that was weird, so now people are bullying this kid because of him? Hugo can't help but feel sorry for him because he's a softie. He goes to class and Janet comes in after him late, she seems to be in a rush.

"Ah, Hugo! I've been searching for you!!" They sit down at their usual seats in the back and Janet starts ranting right away. "The whole school knows about you two, someone saw you walking with Dave and now it's the newest rumor in every class that you're dating him!" Serious why does the school care that he's dating Dave? Is it just because Dave is Daniil's ex and they want to bully him? Geez that's too much drama and also exhausting to even think about. 

"Can't they just.. leave us alone?" 

"You're forgetting where you live, Hugo."

"Right. So how do i move by tomorrow?"

"C'mon it's not even that bad, you didn't even see the events that happend in this school before you got here, this is like a normal tuesday."

"So how do i move by today?" But before Janet could answear the teacher comes in and the class starts. As usual Hugo doesnt pay attention because these classes are kinda.. ass. He looks out the window and sees some people beating up Daniil, wow. Well atleast you know no matter how bad of a day you're having Daniil has a worse one. Class ends early because one of the kids thought a candle isn't flameable so they accidentally burned themselves and their seat and now the school is kind of on fire but they just let you to go to your next class early because school would never close. Hugo goes to his next class and sees Dave in the halls, dang his crush just got bigger on this guy since yesterday. He thinks about going over to him but decides against it and instead goes to sit down somewhere before the next class. But as he was walking Dave notices him and goes after him.

"Hey, Hugo"

"Oh hey" he stops

"Are you free right now? Do you wanna hang out till the next class?" Yeah he really wants to but thinking about it, wouldnt that just cause more drama?

"I'm not sure.. did you hear the rumors?"

"Of course i heard, don't worry about them, no one really cares."

"But there's this guy who they make fun of and.."

"Oh Daniil? Don't worry about it. Everyone hates him no matter what happens. It's like a town tradition." 

"Well that's just horrible"

"Yeah it is, i dont know why he's even here. I think it's only Plague high™ that keeps him in the town."

"Sigh i just don't know what to do.."

"Yeah I get it. Every person coming out of town feels that way when they get here. This place is uh weird.. if you havent noticed. Just accept it."

"Easy to say." A bit of silence. "Maybe we should stop hanging out.."

"What! You cant say that. And what about what we had?"

"What we had? That one day?"

"You know exactly what I mean Hugo, you like me even if you deny it!" Hugo gets emberassed. Damn this guy. Hugo doesn't know what to say, He's right. But can he really date this guy knowing he's making someone else's life worse with it? Or is it really not that big of a deal? Dave also feels bad right after saying it out loud, these guys are so awkward... After a moment Hugo breaks the silence. 

"Fine. I'll go out with you." Like he wasnt thinking about doing this weeks ago, but in two days things changed.. time flies fast in this town, in a day your whole life can change.

"Wait really?"

"Yes really."

 And then they start dating? yay? 

 HAPPILY EVER AFTER XXX 🤞

This ending sucks tbh.

 

Notes:

You guys arent ready for A Pathological Love Story by zombiegoeswrong..... Maybe once apearing on ao3 too