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Since when did my brother, who had been chasing me hard behind him, stubbornly tried to walk ahead? When she reached out to her little brother, who looked like a fragment of herself in his mother's arms, she raised her eyebrows a little. Me, Paul, and my mother, and William, who seemed to have not yet grown a hairline. His common wish to have a sister was the price of his missing faith, or a distortion. The fact that the living room was spacious. There was a large brown hole in the white wall. My younger brother's eyes, who was supposed to have been asleep, opened quietly and looked at me. That's all I remember.
My eyes are shaking. Thinking about the catastrophic fact that the upper and lower eyelids will stick together forever as soon as they are forgiven even a little, the stairs of public housing are cold and they climb up like old people one step at a time as they return to reality.
I felt a complete sobering sensation when I realized that there was a strange smell in the air that made me frown when I turned the cold knob back from the warmth.
I knew that the simple room, which had only a Western-style lavatory, was dull and full of the smell of iron, and that it was from my brother who had just called me. Cold sweat drips down my neck.
There is a proverb that says, "What do you call a sleeping dog?" It's just the way it is. I wanted to go around holding my breath at the front door pretending I hadn't seen anything, turn right, and go back to my room and have a peaceful afternoon, recovering the afterglow. That's all. I just didn't want to feel any better.
"No, el…."
Ahh。
He turned to the owner of the voice, who heard a feeble voice as he felt the peaceful hour of the afternoon falling apart.
Pure white jeans, sloping down to the legs, eroded like insect-eating red-black holes, and the boxer pants on top of them were almost useless. I almost turned my eyes away.
`Don't cry r kid, you're not a Fuckin' child,'
"... shut up,"
If you sit on a Western-style toilet bowl and squat before you stretch out, and scratch your hair, your eyes will collide.
The skin around the face is swollen, and there is no shadow of the same blue eyes that always open cheekily. Eyelashes are wet and stuck to the lower eyelid more than usual.
Liam was crying. It didn't just start. It's been a long time since I've forgotten, as if I've been crying since the beginning, and just repeating that act. I peeped into the blood-stains that had become impregnated and ruined, wondering if the time had come.
"Raising Like Other Children". It was like a chain attached to my brother, who had become this womanly sobbing sister, when he came home. Or it was like the transfer of ownership. But I was wondering if I could do that anymore, and the dark clouds filled my mind, and there was a damp wind.
I'm sure I can't do it anymore. The chains are rusty against the red copper in the rain.
"You don't know, Liam, but you're a little different from me. I'm not leaving. It's just a little bit different."
"………"
"It's just special. I know you're the way you are."
Tears trickled down again. Every time I see it, I feel very dreamy, and one day I feel something like that that that I didn't realize when I was a kid. Oh, I can't. I'm sure it won't work anymore.
"...really?"
"Oh, listen to me,"
My tears are so sweet. The phantom limb pain that gouges out the eyes is so sweet. Am I sure I am strange?
I'll take out the napkin that my mother told me just in case from the shelf facing Liam, who still wouldn't move from the tile.
"Here, take it off,"
Liam, who was so obedient that he thought his usual defiance was hallucination, finally raised his back and offered with a weak hand that he decided to turn away his face into underwear and Buddha -- which he might be able to remove dirt, but would never again be interested in his once-mudded favorites. Liam, who had turned his eyes away, seemed to whisper something to me only with his mouth, but my eardrum seemed to have only the roar of rain in my ear, and I had no idea what he was saying.
"You have changed your diapers, and you should stop crying quietly and go to bed. Don't even make this mattress dirty without permission."
His thin neck, which stretched gently, rubbed his legs cramped together and nodded vertically. I saw his back being sucked into the back room, and put down the aspirin and water I had been buying together on my desk.