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In Wind Archer’s opinion, things had been going pretty well. Since their fight on Halloween, him and Fire Spirit had been doing.. better. Not perfect, but better. They were talking in a way that was almost regular, and they had even had a very pleasant Thanksgiving at Fire Spirit’s family’s house. Now, a few weeks later, Wind Archer has returned to New York City in order to attend a small gathering to celebrate Sugarfly and Black Sapphire’s engagement (they had gotten engaged in early November). He was told that it technically wasn’t an engagement party, since only a few people were going to be there, but he didn’t really understand why the title didn’t fit.
They were currently sitting around Shadow Milk’s living room, having a very rousing game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ as per Candy Apple’s insistence, another thing in which Wind Archer didn’t really get. He was doing his best not to be overwhelmed by the loudness of the game and the additional people who were there. This feat was made a lot easier with the steadying presence of Fire Spirit next to him. His leg was pressed up against Wind Archer’s, and his body heat warmed him up even through their clothes. Every so often, Wind Archer would look up at him, and Fire Spirit would turn his head down towards him and smile before bumping their legs together.
He was starting to think that things really would be okay, that they were really looking up. Sure, they’d had a rough year for reasons Wind Archer still didn’t really understand, but things were steadily going back to normal. It was completely normal for best friends to go through a rough time, especially two people who had spent most of their lives as best friends, and so he really had nothing to worry about. Everything was going to be okay.
Despite the positive outlook, though, he’d noticed that Fire Spirit had been a little off all night. He felt he could trace it back to a conversation they had had earlier, though he didn’t really understand why the conversation would have upset him. Sugarfly’s ‘cousin’ who was going to be one of her bridesmaids, Kouign-Amann, had arrived a bit later than everyone else with her (loud) boyfriend in tow. Although she and Sugarfly were only related by (a now divorced) marriage, they still called each other their cousin.
“What did you say your name was again?” Fire Spirit had asked Kouign-Amann’s boyfriend, since this was the first time he and Wind Archer were meeting the couple.
“Capsaicin! Man, it’s totally awesome to meet you all,” He had grinned, and Wind Archer had watched as Fire Spirit’s bright smile had immediately dropped.
“Oh,” He had said, voice suddenly sad. “Yeah, you too.”
Wind Archer didn’t understand what had made him so suddenly upset, but Fire Spirit had gradually perked up throughout the night, especially with Wind Archer’s persistent attempts at cheering him up. So now, here they were, happily sat on the couch. It felt like, if he didn’t think too hard about it, nothing had ever changed in the first place. So content with the way things were going, he drops his head down to lay on Fire Spirit’s shoulder for a moment. Fire Spirit immediately receives the touch, dropping his own head to rest on top of Wind Archer’s. Just for a second, Wind Archer shuts his eyes and takes in a long, deep breath. He relaxes against Fire Spirit, lets the noise of the room drown out for a moment, lets his presence ground him.
“Never have I ever…” Said the dreamy voice of Eternal Sugar, who gently lifted Wind Archer back into present focus, forcing him to open his eyes. She was lazying on the couch, refusing to play the game, but every so often she would butt into the conversation, unable to help herself. “… Spray-painted a statue.”
“What?!” Shadow Milk shrieks, and Wind Archer winces. “You bitch! You absolute bitch, that was so targeted.” Begrudgingly, he puts down a finger as his two kids, Candy Apple and Black Sapphire, laugh. “Don’t laugh at me, you brats! No targeting, dollface! You’re not even playing the game!”
“Hmmm,” Eternal Sugar hums, before she shuts her eyes again and turns her head away from the game.
“Blasphemous,” Shadow Milk grumbles, and Fire Spirit snorts above him. The noise vibrates into his shoulder, where Wind Archer’s cheek laid.
“If we’re targeting, I’ve got some shit to say.” Fire Spirit grins menacingly.
“Don’t even try me,” Shadow Milk says, narrowing his eyes. “Never have I ever fuckin’ climbed a mall Christmas tree!”
“Dude!” Fire Spirit yells, and he starts to laugh, and it makes Wind Archer smile and laugh, too. It makes him so happy to hear the happiness in his voice. “Oh my God. Fuck you!”
“Did you actually do that?” Capsaicin grins. Wind Archer didn’t bother questioning how it happened— he had heard the whole story on Fire Spirit and Shadow Milk’s podcast they occasionally hosted for fun. Not that Fire Spirit knew that. “That’s sick as hell! Gnarly!”
“Gnarly,” Pavlova repeats, before doing a motion Wind Archer doesn’t understand, though he hears Candy Apple and Fire Spirit snicker in response.
“How did you not fall?” Silverbell questions.
“Mad skills, man, I dunno.” Fire Spirit shrugs. “It was lowkey cool as fuck.”
“You’re so weird.” Silverbell frowns, somehow unreceptive to Fire Spirit’s charms. Unintentionally, Wind Archer throws a withering glance his way.
“Okay, ummm,” Candy starts with excitement. She bounces in her seat and kicks her feet as she thinks. “Never have I ever published any fanfiction.”
“Bro!” Pavlova yells in protest, shoving her lightly. “He just said no targeting! I hate you!”
“Looooooser!” Candy cackles, shoving him back, much harder. Pavlova falls to the side of his seat before sitting back up and grumbling, putting a finger down. “Kyahahaha!” Candy still had quite a few fingers up.
“Okay, guys,” Sugarfly says with a soft smile. “Let’s not try and purposefully get anyone out, okay?”
“If we should be targeting anyone, it’s him,” Kouign-Amann says, gesturing at Wind Archer. “He only has two fingers down.”
“I don’t do much,” Wind Archer says, lifting his head off of Fire Spirit’s shoulder.
“Don’t target him,” Fire Spirit says sternly, and nobody argues back. He sees a few people shoot each other looks, but he can’t decipher what they mean.
“Okay, okay, okay!” Seltzer, Silverbell’s new (and very, very loud and annoying) girlfriend starts, waving her hands around. “I just have one more fun one before I start playing fair! Is that okay? I promise it’s not bad!”
“Oh, of course,” Sugarfly nods, eager to please. “Just one more is fine!”
“Okay,” Seltzer says, before she squeals excitedly. “Okay! Never have I ever….. been engaged!!”
“Oh, you got us,” Black Sapphire grins, putting a finger down and turning to look at Sugarfly with the lovesick expression he always had on. “I think that’s something we are, Junebug.”
“Yes!” Sugarfly laughs joyfully. She makes a happy exaggeration of putting a finger down. “We are!”
“Put your finger down, ex-husband.” Eternal coos, and Shadow Milk rolls his eyes before putting a finger down, mumbling something about how they were only technically engaged for a couple of hours.
“You dumbfuck,” Shadow Milk laughs, and Wind Archer isn’t sure who he’s talking to. “She said if you have been engaged.”
There’s a beat of silence as everybody tries to figure out who his words were directed at. Then, Wind Archer hears a voice above him say, “I know what she said.”
“So put your finger down?” Shadow Milk says, raising an eyebrow.
There’s another moment of hesitation from Fire Spirit. Eyebrows furrowing, Wind Archer turns to look at him. He watches as he gulps, the movement of his Adam’s apple sinking against the line of his tan throat, before Fire Spirit says, “I have been engaged before.”
Wind Archer’s heart immediately drops out of his chest. It bangs against each of his rib bones like a piece of plastic in a pinball machine before it plummets to land on the pit of his stomach, the fall crushing it with one final splat. Fire Spirit had been engaged. Before he can finish even processing the five words Fire Spirit had just spoken, the room lights up with question.
“What?!” Candy Apple and Shadow Milk shriek at the same time. Shadow Milk continues, voice spiking with outrage and confusion, “You were engaged and you didn’t fuckin’ tell me?!”
“When? Who?!” Candy Apple jumps out of her seat, clapping her hands together.
“Uhh—“ Fire Spirit starts, and Wind Archer feels the way he tenses up, feels how he suddenly becomes extremely uncomfortable.
“You gotta be kiddin’. Right? Don’t be a dumbass and ruin the game.” Shadow Milk laughs, shaking his head in disbelief.
“I don’t think he’s kidding,” Black Sapphire says, his eyes narrowed. Black Sapphire flits his eyes over to look at Wind Archer, who swallows and folds his lips inward.
“Wow, really?!” Seltzer, annoying Seltzer, squeals. “Wow! Yay!!! Oh, I’m so happy for you!”
“No, no, I don’t think he’s engaged anymore, man.” Capsaicin says, nodding as if he just said something wise. Wind Archer’s nose starts to burn and tingle, an indication he knew meant that he was close to tears.
“Ohhh,” Seltzer sighs, deflating. “That’s so sad!!”
“Wow,” Shadow Milk says, drawing the attention back toward him, as per usual. “You really were engaged. You were engaged and you didn’t tell me.”
“Why didn’t we know this?” Pavlova questions, flipping his hair out of his face. He says it snarkily, as if he of all people should have been entitled to know about Fire Spirit’s personal life.
“Yeah,” Wind Archer says quietly, and suddenly all the chatter in the room silences, for a reason they didn’t really care enough to try and decipher. They turn to look up at Fire Spirit, eyebrows furrowed and jaw tightened as they try to somehow miraculously hold back their emotion. “…Why didn’t we?”
Fire Spirit turns to look down at them, and there’s such a heavy emotion behind his eyes that it’s almost startling, almost makes them jump out of their skin and away from him. His eyes search their face for a moment, jaw dropped as he attempts to form words, lips parting and pressing together without any rhythm or noise, before he turns away and faces back toward the group, body shifting from where it was in perfect contact with Wind Archer. The coldness strikes Wind Archer like a blade, and their lip quivers as if they were some sort of child. Wind Archer, unable to hide the shattered expression any longer, turns to look across the room to the only other person they felt they could find reassurance from— but Sugarfly quickly darts her eyes away from their gaze guilty.
She knew, Wind Archer thinks to themself miserably. Who else had known that Fire Spirit had been engaged? Did Sea Fairy and Moonlight, his other two best friends, know? Had they, too, withheld this information from him? What about Stormbringer, someone else especially close to Fire Spirit? What about his family? Surely, if Fire Spirit was engaged, his parents and step-siblings would have known— so many people must have known, and yet they all had kept it from them. There was a time in Wind Archer’s life where their best friend was engaged, and they had no idea and had simply moved about their life normally, without knowing that the man they desperately had loved for years was set to marry someone else. Even if the engagement was broken, it had happened— Fire Spirit had been in a serious enough relationship that he had been set to have been married.
So many thoughts were racing across his brain. Were there signs that he didn’t notice? Clues he didn’t see, didn’t put together out of ignorance and delusion? Had Fire Spirit gotten down on one knee to propose to someone? How long ago was the engagement, and how long did it last? Was it a joke like Shadow Milk and Eternal Sugar’s brief lavender engagement and marriage? How close did he get to planning the wedding, how close did he get to saying ‘I do’? Who could he possibly have been engaged to? He had ideas, yes, and a primary thought stuck out in his brain. Did he still love them? Did he call it off? Was he upset, was he aching, or was he happy? And most of all— why hadn’t Wind Archer known?
He was so encased in his mile-a-minute thoughts that he almost didn’t hear Fire Spirit’s answer. “Woah, sorry guys! I didn’t think this would be that big of a deal, haha!” Unable to look at Fire Spirit, he trains his gaze ahead of him, but he can hear the way Fire Spirit nervously tugs at the back of his hair, hear the way his bracelets jingle and jangle. “It was no biggie or anything, yeah? Sorry for the secret, didn’t think it was that important. Anyway, uhhhhhhmmmm, errrm— never have I ever lost a fight.”
With a hesitant start, the game started to go back to normal, everyone seemingly agreeing not to push Fire Spirit any further on the subject. As people continued to play, and then moved onto aimless chitter chatter, Wind Archer felt he couldn’t remain present any longer. Instead, miserably searching for answers inside his own memory, he wandered back to a conversation he once had with Moonlight. It was 3 years ago now, not too long after he had freshly turned 23– it must have been in the middle of that October, October of 2022. They were sitting at Moonlight and Sea Fairy’s kitchen counter while Moonlight was knitting. Sea Fairy was at the store and Wind Archer was reading. Moonlight had set down her knitting and, with an expression he knew was thoughtful after knowing her and her expressions for years, turned to him.
“Are you still in love with Fire Spirit?” She had asked, startling Wind Archer with the suddenness and randomness of the question.
“What?” Wind Archer says, raising an eyebrow and putting his thumb where he had stopped reading.
“Answer, please,” Moonlight smiles, in a way that doesn’t quite reach her eyes all the way. “I’m very curious.”
“Umm,” Wind Archer starts awkwardly. “Why wouldn’t I be..?”
“I didn’t say you wouldn’t be, dear.” Moonlight nods, effectively confusing Wind Archer completely. “So your feelings haven’t changed? Even after all this time?”
Wind Archer looks away in embarrassment, grabbing his bookmark and shutting it in his book before setting it on the counter. “No, Moonlight. They’ve only grown.”
“I see,” Moonlight says. “I assumed as much.” She then picks up her knitting needles again and continues working.
Wind Archer stares at her for a moment, before asking, “Then why did you randomly ask? Is there a reason this is on your mind?”
“No reason,” Moonlight chirps without any of her usual kind enthusiasm.
“Moonlight,” Wind Archer says firmly. “Why are you asking me about my feelings for Fire Spirit?”
Moonlight sets her needles down again, chewing on her lip. She turns and searches Wind Archer’s face, who only pinches his eyebrows together. With a sigh, she says, “Have you ever thought about telling him how you feel?”
“Yes,” Wind Archer says truthfully. “Many times. And I’ve decided I never will.”
“Why?” Moonlight says.
“Because I’m — I’m not naive? I’m not an idiot?” Wind Archer say’s incredulously. “How could you even suggest that?”
“I don’t understand what you’re so scared of..” Moonlight had frowned. “If I hadn’t told Sea Fairy how I felt, we wouldn’t be married now.”
“That’s different,” Wind Archer said, fighting the urge to childishly roll his eyes.
“Why?” Moonlight questions again. “We were best friends just like you guys. Very close.”
“Because Sea Fairy loved you in return,” Wind Archer says. “Because she wanted you. Wants, present tense. She’s in love with you. It was so obvious that both of you shared in your feelings. It’s not that way for me.”
Moonlight had sighed very loudly and shut her eyes for a moment. She opened them to say, “What’s the worst that could happen if you just try?”
Wind Archer turns to face her fully. “Are you messing with me? Sorry, is there something that I’m not catching onto?”
“No, sweetness, I apologize,” Moonlight comes up to pat their head and brush her hand through their hair. “I mean it straight up. What’s the worst that could happen if you tell him how you feel?”
“There is a plethora of horrible outcomes..” Wind Archer muttered, despite the fact that he felt this information was obvious. “But the worst and most likely is that I’ll make him uncomfortable and he’ll either never speak to me again, or our relationship will never be the same. And I couldn’t…” He frowns, crossing his arms for comfort. “I couldn’t live with that, I don’t think. I don’t want to sacrifice everything we have for my own selfishness.”
“What selfishness?” Moonlight asks sincerely. “Why is it selfish that you love him?”
“Selfish that I would sacrifice our friendship because I want more.” Wind Archer says. “It’s… our relationship is enough as it is. It has to be. So— So no, I’m not going to tell him.”
“I think… that you…” Moonlight starts, before trailing off and biting her thumbnail. Wind Archer waits patiently once more as she becomes lost in thought, before she looks back up at him with a cloudy expression and says, “I think that you should tell him. Before… it’s too late.”
Wind Archer’s heart jumps nervously. They gulp. “Before what’s too late?”
“Before you lose your chance,” Moonlight says, no longer looking at him, picking up her knitting needles once more and signifying the end of the conversation. “You never know when someone else might sweep him off his feet. And then you’ll lose any possibility you may have had. If you love him… maybe it’s time to be brave and take the leap.”
It was now that Wind Archer finally understood what she had meant, what must have inspired her to inquire and motivate him— she had known he was engaged. She knew, somehow she knew, and she didn’t say a word to him about it. He couldn’t be mad, because still she had tried, but… why had she known and not him?
He tries to rack his brain. He only knew of two actual relationships that Fire Spirit had been in. Everything else, at least from what he had heard from others and gathered from Fire Spirit’s tendency to gab on the internet, was just a mix of one-night stands and brief, casual flings. So there, that was easy, it shouldn’t have been too hard to deciper who he was engaged to. He’d only ever had two serious girlfriends (again, as far as Wind Archer knew): Pop Rocks, his high school girlfriend, and ….
Wind Archer stops.
He dated Pop Rocks in high school, through his junior and senior years. They had hated each other, and spent all their time arguing or .. well, frequently letting out their teenage hormones. They’d broken up just after senior prom, which he heard from Stormbringer, who had called him at Princeton to tell him the news. They hadn’t seen each other many times since, which made sense since Pop Rocks had gone on to become a famous bassist for Rockstar, and Fire Spirit had gone on to be an influencer. A few years back, when Fire Spirit was 20, he had seen Pop Rocks at a music festival and kissed her there (Wind Archer saw the tabloid pictures online). But Fire Spirit had come out and very publicly stated that he hated her, and that all they did was sleep together, and that there would be no relationship between them.
So… that couldn’t be it. They wouldn’t have been engaged, they were too young in their time together and honestly had hated each other. So there was only one option left, and the more he thought about it and sat it in with the timeline, the more it made unfortunate sense.
He felt as if he was going to vomit. Or faint. Or both at the same time.
And yet, the party went on, and all Wind Archer could do was try his best not to show how sick he felt, for Sugarfly and Black Sapphire’s sake. But he couldn’t shake the thought of Fire Spirit’s engagement, couldn’t shake the image of a picture he’d seen only a couple weeks ago. It stood at the forefront of his brain, where he couldn’t rid of it, couldn’t look away. He felt like a deer in headlights, unable to move out of the way of a car heading toward him at full speed.
Eventually, they watched as Fire Spirit quietly snuck off to go out onto Shadow Milk’s back porch. They waited a couple minutes, before gathering their courage and following him out there. When they opened the patio door and shut it behind them, Fire Spirit turned to look back at them, sadness in his eyes. Wind Archer’s face immediately fell into a frown.
“Hey,” Wind Archer said awkwardly.
“Hi.” Fire Spirit said, again sadly, before turning back to keep looking beyond him, past the patio.
Wind Archer shifts on his feet a couple of times, unsure of what to say or do. He still felt like, if he stood for too long, he would pass out. “Are you doing alright?”
“I need a fucking cigarette,” was Fire Spirit’s exhausted response.
“I thought you quit smoking a few years ago,” Wind Archer said uncomfortably.
“I did.” Fire Spirit says shortly. “That’s why I said I need one.”
“Oh.” Wind Archer nods, and then they continue to stand around aimlessly. Fire Spirit doesn’t say anything else, lost in a thought that doesn’t concern Wind Archer at all— and so, unable to hold their dam of emotion back anymore, they stupidly say, “Were you engaged to Snowdrop?”
Fire Spirit’s head whips around and Wind Archer startles backwards. Fire Spirit stares at him, eyes wide and angry, before he says, “What?!”
“I—“ Wind Archer croaks. “Sorry, just— were you engaged to her? I’m just.. curious.”
Fire Spirit laughed dryly before looking away. “You just… Hah. You…” He drops his head into his hands before letting out a heavy sigh. “You just get right to it, don’t you? Don’t even waste any damn time.”
“Sorry,” Wind Archer mumbled sheepishly.
“I really didn’t think this would be such a big fuckin’ thing.” Fire Spirit says, still staring at his feet. “Excuse me for playing the game.” He pauses, before lifting a hand to run through his hair. He had his jacket on, the one he’d been wearing since he was 21. It had fur on the collar and was a worn, brown leather. Wind Archer watched as he pulls the collar down around himself. “I really don’t wanna talk about this, Wind Archer.”
“So that’s… a yes.” Wind Archer says slowly, swallowing back the bile that was rising in their throat. “.. You were engaged to her.”
“I said I didn’t want to talk about this.” Fire Spirit repeats.
“I just..” Wind Archer starts, not quite knowing where to go after. He looks past Fire Spirit and into the dark December air. He lets out a breath, and watches it fog up before it vanishes in front of him forever. Fire Spirit and Snowdrop were engaged. He feels his nose start to burn again and wrinkles his face to stop it, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He turns back to Fire Spirit, bringing his hands together to nervously fidget with. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Fire Spirit shrugs. “Let’s not talk about this.”
“No,” Wind Archer shakes his head, and he sniffles once— a reaction from the cold air that was biting his face and the emotion piling up. “No, I want to talk about this, Fire Spirit. This is huge.”
“Well, I don’t.” Fire Spirit bites, still refusing to look at him.
“You never do!” Wind Archer says, his voice raising. Luckily, the music inside the house was blaring, overwhelmingly so as people had the time of their lives— there was no chance this time that anyone would hear them. “You never tell me anything about your love life! I never even know you’re dating someone until you’re a foot away from me with your tongues down each other’s throats!”
“This conversation again?” Fire Spirit laughs.
“Yes!” Wind Archer stomps his foot. “This conversation again!” Fire Spirit was referring to a time they had fought over text just a few months ago, sometime in September. Fire Spirit had apparently been talking to Shadow Milk about how he thought Wind Archer was dating Moonlight’s little brother, which was an insane thought. They had fought about it when Wind Archer decided to confront him. “You have no problems inquiring about— about my life, asking dumb questions to everyone but me about it! I mean, come on, Stardust? I don’t even know why you thought— I’ve never even—“ He waves his hands around. “That’s besides the point! Why don’t you want to tell me these things or talk about these things with me? Why?! Was I ever going to find out you were engaged, or was I just gonna see the wedding photos online and find out that way?!”
“I was gonna tell you eventually, princess.” Fire Spirit grumbles. “Sorry, excuse me. I forgot the world revolves around you.”
“Don’t do that.” Wind Archer grits, raising a finger to point at him. “Don’t. Don’t pull that shit with me right now.”
“Then stop trying to fucking argue with me!” Fire Spirit finally raises his head, slamming his palms down on the wooden railing of the porch.
“I’m not! I’m not! Can’t you see that I’m—“ Wind Archer tries to run his own hand through his hair, but it gets stopped by the braid in it. “I’m hurt, Fire Spirit, I’m hurt! How could you be engaged and not tell me?”
“Because not everything is about you, Wind Archer!” Fire Spirit shouts. “Don’t you get that? Don’t you?! It had nothing to do with you and it never will!”
“But Sugarfly got to know?!” Wind Archer shouts back. This makes Fire Spirit flinch, and Wind Archer knows he’s just shot a clear arrow into his resolve. “Yeah, that’s what I thought! Why does Sugarfly get to know, and I don’t? Why does everyone always get to know everything but your best friend doesn’t?!”
“You don’t even know what you’re talking about.” Fire Spirit says, hands curling into fists. “You don’t. So just shut up and go inside, and we can pretend this didn’t happen, and we’ll go back to normal and keep celebrating.”
“I can’t do that.” Wind Archer says, and his eyes start to water, and he knows he’s lost the argument. Was it even an argument? He had no clue. He was running off emotion and emotion only. Logic was cast out the door. He wasn’t the type to ever let his head go, but he couldn’t help it. “I can’t. I can’t believe you’d— keep this from me. Over what? Some stupid woman?”
“Don’t.” Fire Spirit growled, and suddenly there was a new anger in his eyes that Wind Archer had never seen before. It was different than the one he saw on Halloween, different than the rage he’d seen him present during the physical fights he got in during high school. This was something that Wind Archer didn’t yet have another adjective for. “Don’t talk about her that way. You don’t even fucking know her. Don’t even say her name.”
Wind Archer could only stare at him and search his face. It felt, suddenly, as clear as the brisk, December air pelting against his cheeks— somehow, he had missed it all these years, but here it was, now finally right in front of him for him to see. He feels… it’s like his heart shatters, then and there.
“You love her still,” Wind Archer says quietly. “You’re still in love with Snowdrop.”
“What?!” Fire Spirit says, but his voice has lowered. “You— you just— you really don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“I think I do,” Wind Archer says, and his voice shakes and he feels a tear roll down his cheek. He rushes to wipe it before turning and pulling his phone out of the pocket of his jacket. He opens his phone and scrolls through his photos until he finds the one that he hadn’t been able to shake all night, hadn’t been able to erase since he saw it. Marked as downloaded on December 5th, 2025, he turns his phone around to show Fire Spirit the photo, hoping he doesn’t see the way his hands tremble. He gulps, and then says, “You do. You love her still.”
“What are you even— what—“ Fire Spirit starts angrily, before he reaches over and grabs the phone. Once his eyes laser in on the picture, his face goes white as a ghost. His jaw drops, and he stares at it, and Wind Archer miserably watches the tears quickly well up in his eyes. “What the fuck is this. Where did you get this?!” He looks up at Wind Archer, eyes filled with that same broken rage, it now spilling to roll down his cheeks. “Where did you get this?!”
“It was online,” Wind Archer’s voice breaks. He still remembered the way he had felt when he’d come across the photo, how helpless and distraught he’d been. It was a photo, taken on some street of Manhattan that Wind Archer had never seen, of Snowdrop and Fire Spirit kissing. It had happened on December 4th, he remembered it. It was such an intimate photo that Wind Archer’s truly couldn’t look at it for too long or he felt he truly would vomit. They were holding each other so tightly, so close, and they both seemed to be crying. Fire Spirit held both of her cheeks, as if he was cradling the most precious thing in his life. His eyebrows tilted upward passionately, face red from tears that streamed down his cheeks. She held him with one arm around his back and the other around his neck. They looked— God, he hadn’t even had a word to describe. Now that he was thinking about it, it must have been some great and romantic reunion, captured by a lucky fan walking by. It only made Wind Archer feel sick.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Fire Spirit says, his voice breaking. He looks at the picture one more time before shoving the phone back into Wind Archer’s hands. “Oh my fucking God.” He starts to scrub his face with shaking fingers. “Oh my God. Fuck my life. She’s gonna be so mad when she—“ Suddenly, some sort of strangled cry breaks its way out of his mouth, startling Wind Archer’s effectively. He watches as Fire Spirit’s fingers move to latch with a death grip onto his hair, pulling as he stumbles to lean back onto the patio railing. “Fuck my fucking life!”
Wind Archer didn’t know what to say. He stood there, watching him cry into his hands, in complete silence except for the much softer sound of his own tears. When Fire Spirit started pulling his hair a bit too hard, Wind Archer stepped forward to say, “Are you—?”
“Get away from me,” Fire Spirit said, lifting his head and putting his hands in front of himself, stopping Wind Archer in place. They stare at each other for a moment, before Fire Spirit chokes and says, “I’m going to speak and you’re not going to interrupt, and then I’m going to go inside and keep celebrating with the people I care about.”
“Okay,” Wind Archer breathed helplessly.
“Don’t ever mention Snowdrop to me ever again,” Fire Spirit said firmly. He lifted the sleeve of his jacket to wipe the tears that kept falling. “Don’t say her name. Don’t speak to other people about it. Don’t even think about her.” He wipes his face with his palms before standing off the railing and inching towards the door. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know my life and you don’t know her.” He goes to open the door but hesitates, staring at the knob before he looks back over his shoulder at Wind Archer. The rage seems to be gone, leaving him with just a sadness that Wind Archer felt he might never understand. “I have trouble talking about the things that really bother me. That’s why.” He said, before walking inside and closing the door behind him, leaving Wind Archer standing in the cold.
Wind Archer watched him walk inside through the screen door, watched Candy Apple run over and jump into his arms, watched Sugarfly give him a knowing look and kiss his cheek, watched Kouign-Amann come forward with some sort of game in her hands. He watched him carry on seamlessly, as if nothing had happened. How could he do that? How could Wind Archer do the same when he felt like — like —
He drops into one of the plastic seats on the patio, frost melting under his weight and soaking into his pants. He sat, mouth open, taking sharp breaths of cold air, staring blankly at the patio ground in front of him.
Snowdrop. Snowdrop. Snowdrop, Snowdrop, Snowdrop. He’d only ever met her once, years ago at Fire Spirit’s 22nd birthday party, yet she still had haunted him ever since. Snowdrop, with her long blonde hair and porcelain, pale skin; Snowdrop, with her long and feminine body; Snowdrop, who was taller than Wind Archer in heels; Snowdrop, with her soft and crystal voice; Snowdrop, with her large blue eyes and pink cheeks; Snowdrop, with her rosy lips and long, thin fingers; Snowdrop, with her hips and her breasts and the womanly curve of her back; Snowdrop and her icy clothes and long legs; Snowdrop, Snowdrop, Snowdrop, and everything about her that made her the one of the most beautiful women Wind Archer had ever seen. Was she beautiful because Wind Archer truly thought she was, or was she so beautiful to him because he was something that Fire Spirit loved?
Snowdrop. Snowdrop, who had gotten to have Fire Spirit in ways Wind Archer never would have but had desperately wanted and craved and hoped for every night. She got to kiss him, to feel his hands upon her, to share secrets with him, to take him on dates. She got to share her rainy days with him, she got to hear him moan, she got to wake up to him in the morning. She got to hear the words ‘I love you’, got to see the shapes form on his lips. She got to trace his freckles and his moles and run her fingers absently through her hair while she read. She got to wash his hair and wash his clothes and keep a million pictures of him on her phone. She got to hold him in her hands and press her body against his and see him fully bare. She got to watch him blush and smile and grin. She got to watch his eyes roll back and hold his hand and hear him sing in the shower. She got to take him shopping, got to write grocery lists with him, got to sit and hear him sigh in his sleep. She had— she had everything. Everything Wind Archer had ever wanted that he knew he would never achieve.
And yet, could he have? Could he have achieved his last wish?
Here he was, someone who had spent his life working for what he wanted, dedicated his life to his dreams. He had spent his entire life working for his PhD, and here he was in arms reach of it. He was ambitious and ready to put in the blood, sweat, and tears to make his dreams come true. He wasn’t scared of hard work… yet, he had always written off ‘a relationship with Fire Spirit’ as the item on his to-do list that was unachievable, like learning to fly or gaining a knowledge of the entire universe. He was scared of that— rejection from Fire Spirit was the one and only thing in this world that he had ever feared. He had feared it, and never tried, and now— now, he realized with a profound misery that Moonlight was right… he had, in fact, missed any possible chance he might have had and lost Fire Spirit.
He feels wetness on his face and looks up to see that it had begun to snow. He stares at the snow in disbelief for a moment, before he chokes out a strangled sob and drops his head into his lap.