Work Text:
Staying friends with your ex is not as hard as people think.
Many strongly believe that after breaking up, cutting your ex off should always be the next step, but that may not be the case when the relationship ends in good terms, and if it’s with someone you have immense respect for.
That’s what Bonggu believes. After all, he’s known Yejun for eleven years, and has been friends with him for most of it. All throughout high school, they’ve been known to be the duo joined by the hip. In every group work, every school event, every party— people always find them with one’s arm over the other’s shoulders. They didn’t always agree on everything, but they never argued to the point of fighting. They were each other’s anchor.
Their closeness is what brought them to enroll in the same university. Yejun studied business while Bonggu studied health sciences. Even if their departments are on the two opposite ends of the campus, they managed to find time to hang out. Their weekly hang outs became their habit, an important part of their schedule they never sacrificed for anything else.
A few months later, they finally confessed to each other.
Bonggu had always thought it to be a cute love story. Yejun thought the same.
But unlike the movies, relationships don’t always end up with sunshines and rainbows.
They decided to call it quits not long after.
Not out of betrayal. Not out of animosity.
Just circumstances in life that were beyond their control.
Still, neither of them found the need to burn bridges. Or at the very least, had the courage to. Somehow, Bonggu is quite thankful for it.
It has been a year since their breakup. They have graduated and kick started their careers since then. They’re both still rookies in their own fields, but they’re making their own mark, and aiming to cement their place.
Now Bonggu sits in the passenger seat of Yejun’s Honda Civic.
The car is still as spotless as the last time he saw it, although it seems like Yejun switched the air freshener to something woody, like balsam. It’s nothing less than what he expects from Yejun, who has always been a neat freak ever since. He used to scold him for dropping crumbs all over his leather seats whenever he brought in takeout. Bonggu would always clean up after himself, but he never missed a chance to try and annoy the goody-two-shoes that his boyfriend is.
Well… ex-boyfriend.
Still, even in his sweaty jacket and dusty pants, Yejun doesn’t say a word about him getting the car dirty.
Bonggu finds it quite funny, the concept of having your ex pick you up after your motorbike breaks down in the middle of the road to drive you home. A handful of his friends would perhaps rather get hit by an oncoming truck than ask their exes for help.
But Yejun is different.
The two of them are different.
Yejun never hesitated to lend a helping hand when he needed it. He still deserves that spot in Bonggu’s emergency contacts.
“Sorry for disturbing you,” he breaks the silence as his hands fiddle with the anchor keychain hung from his carabiner. It was a souvenir his ex bought for him on one of his trips on a ship.
Yejun shakes his head; his eyes locked on the road. “It’s alright. I’m just around the area anyway.”
“But still…” Bonggu turns to him. “Thank you.”
Yejun sighs. “I already told you to buy a new motorbike months ago. But you said it can still last for five more years.”
Bonggu puts up his hands in a defensive stance and exclaims, “It still can! The only problem is the carburetor, but the repair shop will get that fixed.”
“The entire thing is rattling like a can. I know you like the 80s look but maybe don’t get parts that are also from the 80s?” The corner of Yejun’s lips pulls upwards to a lopsided smile. The younger recognizes this expression of his as the one he makes when he knows he successfully teased him.
Bonggu huffs anyway and sinks in the passenger seat. “I know that…”
Yejun stops and pulls the handbrake in front of a red light. His hands let go of the steering wheel, his eyes look at him with a softened gaze. “I’m kidding. I’m just glad you didn’t get hurt.”
“I won’t die that easily. You still haven’t returned my jacket,” Bonggu scoffs.
“Alright we’ll drive by my house then so you can get it right now.”
Bonggu pulls back, angling away from the driver’s seat as far as possible in mock fright. “No, thank you. You might lock me in your basement.”
The green light shines down on the road as Yejun says, “Ah, you got me.”
They laugh. For a moment, Bonggu almost forgets that things have changed.
The mirth dies, and silence falls. The sound of speeding cars seep in, filling in the empty spaces between them. It’s almost uncomfortable and awkward but Bonggu can’t seem to find anything to say.
“I’m guessing you’re headed to Auntie’s?” Yejun asks out of the blue.
Bonggu raises an eyebrow and tilts his head. “How’d you know? It’s her birthday dinner.”
Yejun shrugs and gestures to the backseat. “She invited me.”
Bonggu looks over his shoulder and finds what seems to be a box of cake sitting behind him. He recognizes the shop as his mom’s favorite. Beside it is another box wrapped in a powder blue sheet, secured with a gold ribbon on top.
Shit. He realizes he left his gift at home.
Bonggu can only laugh at himself in defeat. Apart from having his motorbike towed, he is going to his mom’s birthday party all messy and empty-handed. In a span of one hour, he managed to compromise his status as his parents’ child.
They might just disown him and adopt his ex instead.
“We can stop by a flower shop if you like,” Yejun mutters offhand, as if he heard the younger’s panicking thoughts.
Bonggu nods, his smile reaching his eyes.
Once again, he is reminded that no one will ever know him as well as Yejun does.
The last time Bonggu visited his parents’ house was a few months ago. The Christmas tree stood in the corner of the living room, which walls were adorned with sparkly curtains, poinsettia wreaths, and a banner tied over the dining table that read, “Happy New Year!”. Balloons taped to the corners kept falling off and bursting every now and then, following the beat of the fireworks that exploded in the skies outside. His father was sitting quietly eating roast chicken while his mother tried to take pictures of everyone. Bonggu could only shake his head as his brother chased after his three-year old daughter who had his wallet in her hand.
It was crowded, it was noisy, but he felt home.
Now, the decorations have long been taken down. The space inside now feels lighter with the absence of chaos the New Year’s brought in. He’s thankful his parents seemed to take his advice of switching from harsh fluorescent light fixtures to warmer bulbs. The ambient glow makes the house look all cozier.
His mother greets him with a tight embrace. “I missed you, son.”
“Happy birthday, Mom,” Bonggu mumbles.
He pulls back, swallowing down his embarrassment of showing up looking as unkempt as he is. His gaze keeps on the floor as he hands her a bouquet of fresh tulips, silently praying she won’t make a big deal out of it. The moment he feels the weight of the flowers being taken off his hand, he immediately steps out of the way to redirect attention to the guy behind him.
“Hello, Auntie!” Yejun beams.
Mrs. Chae smiles with genuine enthusiasm. “Here’s our Yejunie!”
Yejun raises the box of cake on his one hand and the bouquet of lilies on another. “Happy birthday.”
“Oh my. Thank you so much, son.” She steps in between his arms to give him a lopsided hug.
Bonggu’s father steps out of the kitchen, beckoning with the spatula. “Dinner’s ready now.”
Mrs. Chae sits at the head of the table, right in front of Yejun’s cake that they just unpacked. Mr. Chae sits on her right. His older brother usually sits on their mother’s left, but he can’t make it today. Apparently, his daughter has caught fever and colds after playing in the rain.
Bonggu takes his usual spot, right beside his brother’s seat. Yejun pulls the chair to his left, but Bonggu’s mother stops him before he can settle.
“You can sit here.” She gestures to the empty seat on her left.
Yejun nods politely and follows suit. “I can lead the happy birthday song then.”
In a moment, the candles are lit, and they all erupt into a chorus of the song. Yejun has everyone sing it three times, keeping the beat with his claps. Mrs. Chae makes a wish and blows the candles, before letting everyone settle down to dig in the feast laid on their oakwood table. Mr. Chae begins serving the ribeye steak he cooked himself.
Bonggu’s mother turns to Yejun. “How have you been? Are they treating you well in your new company?”
“They’re really nice over there. Thanks again for your recommendation,” the latter replies.
Mrs. Chae reaches for the cake knife to slice. “When I heard my cousin was looking for a new project engineer, I told him I know someone perfect for the job.”
Yejun chuckles meekly, scratching the back of his neck. “You flatter me, Auntie. I’ll do my best to prove them you’re right!”
Bonggu remains silent as he watches his mother and ex converse like nothing has changed. He has seen how close they have become during his relationship with Yejun. His parents were quick to grow fond of him and would immediately ask for him whenever Bonggu came alone to family functions. To say the least, they treated him like their own child. Bonggu couldn’t be happier to have his loved ones get along so well. Even now that they’ve already broken up, he can’t say it doesn’t warm his heart to see them like this.
Yejun’s phone dings a couple of times. The screen opens and shows three messages from a “Noah”.
7:18 pm
Noah: hyunggg
Noah: !!!
Noah: you left your coatttt
Bonggu watches Yejun from the corner of his eye as he glances on the screen, smiles, and turns the phone off.
“If you wanted corned beef instead, I can cook a pack for you,” his father says jokingly.
Bonggu looks at him, puzzled. He then notices that the chop of steak he was served, is now shredded to bits under his utensils.
Yejun chuckles beside him. “You murdered it.”
This makes Bonggu roll his eyes, stabbing the chunks of meat with his fork.
Yejun flips the signal light on before turning the steering wheel. “I gave Mr. Yoo your number. He’ll text you when you can claim your motorbike back.”
Bonggu hears him loud and clear, but he doesn’t have it in him to say anything. His head leans on the glass, his eyes staring into nothingness outside the car.
A beat passes. The older asks, “Are you okay?”
Bonggu sighs. “Yeah. Just tired.”
As the car approaches the apartment building, Yejun begins to ease into the driveway towards the parking, but Bonggu stops him before he can do so. He settles for the lay-by along the sidewalk.
“Your uncle’s company is just two blocks away. Looks like we might see each other more.”
Bonggu scoffs. “I should move again, then.”
“Nooo… No, no, no.” Yejun shakes his head profusely, his blue hair bouncing softly under the glow of the overhead light. “Just saying if we bump into each other maybe we should grab coffee… or something.”
“If.”
“It’s likely we might.” Yejun smiles, almost as if he’s hopeful of the possibility.
Bonggu looks away. Without a word, he unbuckles the seatbelt and pushes the door open. He stops halfway from shutting the car door to reply, “Thank you for the ride. Or rides, rather.”
“Anytime. I’ll see you around then,” Yejun says.
For a moment, Bonggu feels a pang of apprehension in his gut.
Bonggu stared at his phone screen. His message that read “good morningggg!!” stared back at him, almost mockingly. The messages that followed were all his. It began with random things he found during the day, and ended with worried texts asking where he was and if he’s okay.
It was already 8:24 pm. He was already losing patience, but he couldn’t find it in himself to get mad.
After all, Yejun had valid reasons.
The change didn’t happen overnight.
They started off sweet and affectionate. Like typical couples in their first few months, they spent most of their time together. They went on dates often, and called each other everyday.
Then the honeymoon phase was seeing its end, much too quick for Bonggu’s liking. It happened in a span of a couple months.
Yejun had already told him he’d become busy by the end of the year, as the end of the semester comes. He had already apologized prior that he’d be less available as he’d have to focus on the ever increasing workload he had as a graduating student. He promised to keep in touch whenever he could. He said he’d make it up to him come the holidays.
Still, to Bonggu, the change was too jarring.
The texts grew colder, their dates became rarer, and sudden disappearances happened that threw him off. Bonggu couldn’t hold it against him though. Apart from the grueling amount of tasks he had to do, he was also aware of what Yejun had to go through in the hands of his peers.
Microaggressions, assigning all the grunt work to him, teaming up against him, leaving him out of discussions— they did everything to make it clear that they did not like him one bit.
Yejun had already told him the gist before they started dating. He endured it for almost a year. The only thing he was holding on was the thought of their graduation coming in a few more months. He would only endure until then and he’d be finally free.
Bonggu supported him the best he could from where he was. Still, he couldn’t do anything but watch all the misery take the life out of Yejun’s eyes.
He felt bad he couldn’t do more to help as his boyfriend, but Yejun assured him he’s doing more than enough.
Bonggu acknowledged the situation, but seeing Yejun grow more distant everyday hurt more than he’d like to admit.
He understood that what Yejun was going through was not easy. He knew that it was eating him alive. But what struck him most is the strain it was causing in their relationship.
Or what was left of it.
Now they were unrecognizable from the happy couple they once were. There were already too many cracks in the glass.
Then came the breaking point.
Bonggu woke up to the sound of a distinct ringtone.
He picked up his phone and looked at the screen. It was a message from Yejun. Finally.
The message was long, and only the first few sentences could be viewed from the notification bar.
Bonggu read the words.
“Hi. I’m sorry. I know I always disappear without notice lately despite repeatedly apologizing for it. I don’t want to make this any harder for you so… ”
It had already been more than a year since then. Still, it stings a little whenever Bonggu remembers how they had to end. But things are different now. They are in much better places than they were before.
After meeting at his mother’s birthday, they started bumped into each other often. Too often to the point that Bonggu started thinking the heavens might have orchestrated every instance. The reason? Maybe they’re bored and wanted to cause a ruse. But that only works for those who had messy ends to their relationships. No one would ever get a heated argument between them because they never held any animosity for each other. They can’t make them cause a dramatic scene when Yejun had been nothing but wonderful.
He still is, as a friend at least.
Now they’re hanging out again like they did back then, even before they became boyfriends. Yejun asked him to accompany him to a site viewing, saying he’s not familiar with how to get to the location. Bonggu is well-aware that Yejun is bad at directions, but navigation apps exist. Yejun insisted anyway.
Bonggu parks his motorcycle a few feet away from the vehicle entrance leading to the company. He pulls his phone out and texts Yejun.
5:43 pm
Bonggu: im here lol
Yejun: otw
Bonggu sees Yejun walking out of the company building. With him is a tall, blond man that seems to have the stride of a runway model. They are laughing about something. It makes Bonggu feel uneasy.
Yejun finally notices him from the distance. He shoots an arm up and waves, like a passenger from the airport looking for his fetcher. He grabs the blond by the arm and brisk walks toward Bonggu’s direction.
“Hey there,” Yejun greets as they reach Bonggu.
The latter nods up. “Hey.”
Bonggu eyes the man beside Yejun. His long, golden hair is tied behind his head, flowing down behind his neck, tips reaching his shoulders. It has become clear that not only does he walk like a model, but he also looks like a model. He looks exceptionally dandy in his long brown coat and black dress shirt. Bonggu glances at down at the creased tee under his denim jacket, and decides it’s better to keep physical distance.
“Bonggu, this is Noah. Noah, this is Bonggu.”
“So you’re the ex.” Noah reaches for a handshake. His grip is firm as a clamp. “I’ve heard lots about you.”
Bonggu is taken aback. He glances over at Yejun and says, “Good things, I hope.”
“Hey, what do you mean by that?!” Yejun exclaims.
Noah looks down at his phone and then at the two. “I shall get going now.”
“Hey don’t forget. Six o’clock tomorrow,” Yejun says, his finger pointing at him as a reminder.
Noah nods with a smile that reaches his eyes. “Of course, hyung.”
The eye contact seems like it can go on forever. Bonggu can feel his chest sink with every second that passes. He has stopped breathing completely, and he only noticed as they take their eyes off each other.
Noah then turns to Bonggu and says, “Nice to meet you, by the way. Take care, you two.”
He waves goodbye and walks down the pavement to the parking lot.
Yejun clasps his hands. “Let’s go?”
“Where’s your car?”
“Broken,” Yejun replies dismissively.
Bonggu raises an eyebrow. “How do you plan on going to the site then?”
Yejun shrugs. “Maybe you can give me a ride?”
“You don’t have a helmet.”
“You have an extra under that seat, though. Right?” Yejun says with a teasing smile.
Bonggu presses his lips into a thin line. He’s hoping Yejun has already forgotten, despite knowing he has a much better memory than him.
He sighs in defeat, and pops the seat open to take the helmet out. It is the open-face kind, one that Yejun preferred above those with visors.
“Thanks.” Yejun says as he takes it from Bonggu’s hand.
The latter watches as Yejun slips it on his head. The helmet makes him look a lot younger, like a kid excited to ride a motorbike for the first time.
Bonggu pushes the motorbike off the center stand. Yejun sits behind him, grabbing onto the rear handle.
“Where are we going anyway?”
“I’ll tell you along the way. Exit to the highway first.”
In the next half hour, the mountains come into view. It’s at this moment Bonggu realizes where Yejun wants to go.
He grips the handles tight, and speeds up at the bridge that connects the city to the countryside. He wears layers of clothes and safety gear, but still, the afternoon breeze blows cold into his core.
A moment later, he feels Yejun’s hands gripping the sides of his clothes. He’s saying something, but Bonggu can’t hear him over the loud muffler. Yejun hits his shoulder before going back to clutching on his sides. Bonggu laughs, certain that he’s complaining about him going too fast again.
Yejun points at an inconspicuous entrance at a distance by the roadside. “There.”
Bonggu immediately recognizes the dirt road. It’s been years since he has last seen it, but he cannot be mistaken.
He turns to the unmarked path and drives through the unkempt grasses and tall trees. As they emerge at the end of the tiny road, they arrive at a cliff overlooking into the lush green valley, the edges of the city bleeding into the woods. The sun lays the last of its warm rays as it sets in the horizon between the city and the mountains.
Bonggu sees flashes of his younger self leaning on the wooden fence, talking and laughing with Yejun. They were only sixteen back then— driven and full of life. They had always been friends, but they also had many differences that made them unlikely to be close. For one, Yejun was a social butterfly, while Bonggu liked to keep to himself. Yejun had also always been the careful type. He liked to think things through and is organized about everything in his life. Bonggu, on the other hand, was impulsive. He doesn’t plan and instead liked to “go with the flow”.
Despite all of these, whenever they went up to this hidden cliff, those differences are forgotten and set aside. Here, they’re the best of friends, who, unknowingly, were treading that very line.
That was years ago. They have long crossed that boundary, but now they’re back to stepping on opposite sides of it.
“Remember this place?” Yejun asks as he unbuckles the helmet.
Bonggu nods, his eyes scanning the view. “It’s been a long while, but this view is hard to forget.”
“Eleven years. It’s still beautiful,” Yejun says.
A moment passes, and silence falls between them. Bonggu loves to be back here, but deep in his chest is growing fraught for reasons he can’t put words to.
He swallows the lump in his throat and asks, “What’s up with Noah?”
Yejun’s eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”
“You’re going on a date tomorrow?” Bonggu tries to put on his most convincing teasing smirk.
Yejun chuckles, avoiding eye contact as he steps away. “You know…” He sits on the bench under a tree. “We went here once, during a project nearby.”
Bonggu clears his throat, his hands now fidgeting with the anchor keychain on his hip. “How was it?”
“We’ve only known each other for a couple months then. But we were already having deep conversations about many things. I told him about this place, how important it was to me. It’s been my home since I first went here in high school. It has seen me through my ups and downs, my growth, and all the changes I’ve undergone. This is the one place where I felt safe. I have been to many beautiful places around the world but I will always go back here. This is where my heart belongs.”
Bonggu watches as Yejun speaks. His eyes are locked on to the scenery as he talks of his sentiments, as if he is replaying the memories he made on this cliff. Bonggu was there for most of them. But now that Noah knows about it, the feeling of unease dwells at the pit of Bonggu’s stomach. By introducing Noah to this place, Yejun has just invited him to their hideout, completely burying the promise of not telling anyone about it.
Bonggu and Yejun’s cliff are not just theirs anymore, and Bonggu doesn’t like that one bit.
“You really poured your heart out to him, huh,” he mutters, his once teasing smile now turned into a disappointed one.
Yejun nods, eyes now studying his face. “He’s a great listener. And adviser.”
“How so?” Bonggu asks as he pockets his hands. The wind blows against the part of his hair, but he can’t be bothered to fix it.
Yejun shrugs. “For one, he told me to bring you here.”
Bonggu looks at him through his disheveled hair. “Why?”
Yejun doesn’t answer. Instead, he stands up and pats down his pockets as if looking for something. He spends a minute fumbling around, before freezing when he notices Bonggu looking at him, puzzled.
“We haven’t really had a good closure when we broke up, no?” Yejun says, almost drawling the last words.
Bonggu is taken aback by the sudden change of topic. He brushes his hair to the side and replies, “Pretty much, yeah. But we already understood each other. I think.”
““Well then,” Yejun nods as he clasps his hands. “I’ll take this opportunity to apologize. I wasn’t a good boyfriend to you.”
Bonggu shakes his head and hands. “It’s already in the past, hyung. It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”
“Still. I know my lapses. I couldn’t make time for you, for us. I should have. And I shut you out every time I didn’t feel great. I always disappeared without explanations. I’m sorry.” Yejun meets Bonggu’s eyes before dropping his gaze to the ground in guilt.
For a moment, the rustling of the leaves and grasses against the wind fill the space between them. Bonggu has already expected this conversation to come, but not this soon. He finds himself wordless, until he let the words just come out on their own.
“I understand, and I never held grudges against you. Besides, I wasn’t a perfect partner for you either. I couldn’t be there the way you needed me to.”
Yejun shakes his head. “I felt like I didn’t deserve such kindness from you, especially because I wasn’t treating you well. I know I hurt you and I can never fix what’s already done.”
Bonggu walks up to him and nudges his shoulder to keep the atmosphere light. “You don’t have to. We’re fine now. And that’s what matters.”
“Thank you for letting me back in. The past year has helped me find a steady ground, and I’ve grown in that small amount of time.”
Bonggu nods. The end of their relationship certainly broke his heart, but this period of separation enabled him to focus on himself. He was able to put all of his attention into his career, personal development, reconnecting and making new friends. Seeing Yejun do the same for himself, he realizes breaking up has done them more good than bad. In a span of a year, they’ve both managed to become better versions of themselves He couldn’t be more proud.
“Now, I’ve decided to make it up to you.”
As Yejun finishes his sentence, his hands reach in his coat pocket and pull out a silver necklace with a ship’s wheel pendant that sways along with the mountain breeze.
“What… What’s this?” Bonggu asks, although he already has an inkling of idea.
“Three years ago, I gave you an anchor keychain. It was cheesy I know, but it’s because you were always there to hold me down whenever life shakes me. It is because of you that I came this far.”
Yejun unhooks the necklace and takes a step close. He looks at Bonggu, silently asking for permission. The latter nods.
“Now I give you this, the North Star.” Yejun locks it around Bonggu’s neck. “Because you are among the main reasons I’m where I want to be in life. I’ve found all that I needed and wanted to keep. Well, almost.”
There is sincerity in Yejun’s words that Bonggu can’t deny. Ever since, he has always known how to put his appreciation to words that let Bonggu know how genuine he is. It is one of the things that made him feel loved. Now that he’s hearing all of this, he can’t help but feel warm inside.
“The only dream I have left is to be a better partner for you.” Yejun takes Bonggu’s hand and takes a deep breath.
Bonggu can already anticipate what he says next. Still, the question hits him like a sudden splash of water.
“Will you let me be your boyfriend again?”
For a split second, the memories of the past year flashed in Bonggu's mind.
Lonely nights, cans of beer, and muffled sobs.
Then, he remembered that it's different now. Times have changed. They have come so far from the people they used to be back then.
They know better now.
Yejun tucks a strand of his pink hair behind his ear. “I will not let go this time.”
Tears well in Bonggu’s eyes. He smiles wordlessly, and steps closer to hold his face.
He never thought this day would come at all. For the longest time, he’s fine with what him and Yejun found after ending their relationship. But then, he can’t help but still have feelings for him. After all, he has loved him for many years. That won’t go away easily.
Even more so now.
Bonggu looks him in the eyes.
This is the man he has loved all these years. Even when their friendship was just starting, Bonggu already knew that they’ll be written in each other’s history. He already knew they will be in each other’s lives until they grow old and wrinkled. Now he wants to stand by this and make it come true.
He wraps Yejun in his embrace. “Hold me tight, then.”