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It hasn’t stopped snowing since last night, but that doesn’t really concern Jiseok, nor Jungsu, who are cuddling on the couch in Jiseok’s apartment. The drama they decided to watch together is playing on the TV, however Jiseok is on the verge of falling asleep. Jungsu is splayed on his chest and he feels like a warm, weighted blanket, his scent gently tickling Jiseok’s senses.
Then, out of nowhere, he speaks, his voice reverberating through Jiseok.
“Jiseok-ah?”
“Hm?” Jiseok mutters in response.
“I know you told me you don’t mind staying here during the holidays…,” Jungsu pauses, considering his next words, “...But how do you feel about spending them with me? And my family?”
Jiseok jolts awake. Quite literally. Jungsu sits up on the couch to give him the space to do the same. He’s stealing glances at Jiseok, trying to gauge his reaction, until the ongoing dialogue between the two main leads ticks him off, and he reaches for the TV remote to pause the drama.
Meanwhile, Jiseok’s head is spinning a little. Jungsu wants him to meet his family? Even worse, to spend the holidays with them? Is it worse, or better though? Jiseok isn’t sure, but it’s definitely not good for his heart, given the way it’s gearing up to beat out of his chest.
Jungsu is clearly waiting for him to speak, not wanting to push it, probably, so Jiseok gathers himself and starts the conversation like the grown adult that he is.
“You–” It comes out like a squeak.
So dignified, Jiseok, great job.
At least Jungsu looks amused. He clears his throat and tries again. “You want me to meet your family?”
Jungsu nods. “Well, it won’t be my whole family. This year it’s going to be just my parents and my sister, so no cousins or aunts, or whatever extended family you’re imagining. They’re all off somewhere and will be back before the Lunar New Year. But we’ll be back in Seoul by then.”
He’s rambling a bit, but Jiseok doesn’t interrupt him, instead he decides to hear him out.
“I was thinking we could spend Christmas there, and well, the days before and after, so maybe a week? If that’s not too much, of course. And we can always come back earlier, I don’t want you to feel like you’re stuck there or anything and–”
He sucks in a breath and stops. “I’m doing it again, aren’t I?”
Jiseok chuckles, “You are, but it’s fine. Gotta say though, hyung, you’ve really thought this out, hm?”
Jungsu’s ears go pink and his hand goes to his nape, where he plays with his hair. Jiseok has noticed he’s started doing that now that his hair is longer. A bit of a nervous tic, subconscious for the most part. It’s cute.
“I mean, yeah. I want you to meet them, and my mum’s been kinda pestering me about it. Apparently I won’t shut up about you, so…”
Jungsu’s scent turns slightly bitter, due to his growing embarrassment, though the brown sugar still prevails. Jiseok has learnt to read the changes in his scent much better in the past two months that they’ve been together, even though most of it was instinct, right from when they met each other.
That reminds him, “Jungsu, are you sure? We’ve been together for less than three months, and, you know… what if it doesn’t work out?”
He didn’t want to say it, but it’s true. How can he meet the parents of the person he loves, when their relationship is still so new?
Jiseok hasn’t even told him that he loves him yet. Yes, it’s a fact he knows in both his heart and his mind, but it’s an entirely different story when he has to say it out loud.
How early is too early? Will Jungsu say it back? He’s almost certain he will, but what if he doesn’t? And his parents? Oh no, do they know he’s an omega?
His breath hitches.
“Jiseok, baby, I think you’re spiraling a little. How about we take a deep breath?” Jungsu takes his hand and guides it to his chest, so that Jiseok can feel how his ribcage expands and then shrinks. So that he can feel Jungsu’s steady heartbeat.
They spend a few minutes doing the breathing exercise that Jiseok’s therapist, Dr. Kang, showed him. The one that Jungsu wanted to learn, so he can be there when Jiseok needs him. Like he’s not already.
When he finally feels calm again, Jiseok speaks first. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why that happened.”
He knows, though. And Jungsu may have an inkling, too.
“Don’t apologise,” he kisses him. Just a quick gentle press of his soft lips against Jiseok’s. “And Jiseok-ah… we can’t know what will ‘work out’ in life, you realise that, don’t you?”
Jiseok nods.
“I get why you’re worried, and I understand our relationship is new, but it feels right to me, you know? I mean, I’ve had boyfriends before, but I’ve never wanted to introduce them to my parents.” Jungsu glances at him from where he’d been staring at their interlaced fingers.
Jiseok hears him. Jungsu feels secure enough in their relationship and that does give him a small push. It means he’s doing good, and despite his fears, Jiseok is not failing him.
He must’ve been silent for a moment too long.
“Jiseok-ah,” Jungsu gently tugs on his hands. “I stand by what I said, but I’ll never make you do something that you don’t want to, okay? If you’re not ready, that’s fine. We have plenty of time.” He smiles softly at Jiseok, as his thumb lightly strokes his hand.
“Hyung, it’s not that. I–” he stumbles over his words. “I’ll be happy to meet your family, I’m just worried.”
That’s right, if he has concerns, he should voice them, not bury them inside.
“About?” Jungsu nudges him to continue.
“Well, what if they don’t like me? I know it sounds stupid, but Jungsu, I’m an omega, what if they expect someone else for your partner? I also say a lot of stupid things sometimes, and I don’t have a relationship with my own family and… Yeah, stuff like that.”
This is one of those moments where he gets increasingly tired of himself with every word that comes out of his mouth.
Jungsu sighs, and for a moment Jiseok fears that he’s also exhausted by his constant spirals. Who wouldn’t be, really?
“Jiseok, you’re letting your overthinking get the best of you. We’ve had this conversation a million times, but I’ll say it again and again, until you start to believe me: Your worries are not stupid, you are not stupid, in fact, you’re one of the smartest people I know. And I don’t care about your subgender, neither will my parents.”
They stare at each other for a few minutes, Jungsu’s scent growing soft and even sweeter in effort to soothe Jiseok’s growing anxiousness. He’s right, they’ve talked about these things before. Never have Jungsu's parents been involved, but that’s only because Jiseok assumed that would be a worry for a later point in time.
Nevertheless, the moment has come, and as Jiseok takes the time to reflect on his relationship with Jungsu, putting his fears and insecurities aside, he finds that he also feels ready. He is ready to tell him that he loves him, and he’s ready to meet his family. Jungsu wouldn’t have brought it up if it weren’t important to him, and Jiseok wants to make him happy, to show some real growth.
They put the conversation on hold for now, and go back to the drama. However, as Jiseok settles by Jungsu’s side, he makes up his mind.
Later that same night, Jungsu is heading out to his own apartment. He wants to send off Seungmin tomorrow morning, since he’s also going home for the winter break. Jiseok stops him at the door with a tug at his hand.
“Hyung.”
Jungsu turns, a question in his eyes.
“I’ll spend the holidays with you and your family. I’ve made up my mind about it.”
“Huh? Are you sure?” He looks like he wants to give Jiseok an out if he needs it, but his excitement is palpable and shimmering around him.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
Jungsu’s beaming smile lights up Jiseok from inside, warming him up until there’s a smile of his own pulling at his lips.
Jungsu bends down to kiss him, both of them getting lost in the slow push and pull, until they have to break away, panting. Jiseok’s legs feel like jelly and his entryway is full of crystallised sugar spreading further into the apartment.
Jungsu’s eyes are shining prettily, as he strokes Jiseok’s cheek. His lips are red and glistening with spit. “I’m really happy, Jiseokie. Thank you.”
He gives him one last peck on the lips, and hurries out the door, late for his bus. Jiseok just stands there, slightly dazed still, until his brain reboots and he huffs, finding his boyfriend’s antics ridiculous.
❄️
A few days later, on the 22nd, Jiseok and Jungsu are on the train to Ilsan. It’s a short ride, only around 40 minutes to get there, but it’s enough time for Jiseok to try to enjoy the scenery. He’s glad he decided to put scent patches on, because his stomach is tight with nerves, and he’s sure his scent would be very unpleasant.
He’s coming to terms with being an omega and his nature, thanks to his therapy sessions and a lot of talks with both Jungsu and Seungmin, so wearing patches is not something Jiseok does as frequently as before. Still, when he goes to a public setting and he knows it might stress him out, he puts them on.
At first he thought of doing that as a setback, more denial, but then realised many people do the exact same thing. Not wanting everyone to know your scent is not something strange, especially when you’re not good at regulating it.
So, yes, he’s got the patches on and they do make him feel a little bit more secure. Jungsu is sitting next to him, texting his family. Seeing him fidget and chew on his nails, Jiseok realises he’s not the only one who’s nervous about this meeting.
“Hey,” he reaches and gently pulls Jungsu’s hand away from his mouth. “What’s wrong?”
Jungsu smiles apologetically and interlaces their fingers. “Nothing really. I’m just a bit… worried? I don’t know,” he sighs.
Jiseok waits for him to continue, laying his head on his shoulder. Jungsu’s not wearing patches, but Jiseok wouldn’t know he’s distressed if he wasn’t this close to his scent glands. Or if he didn’t know how to read his body language, but still.
“I know you’re worried about my parents liking you and stuff, but I’m worried about you liking them. They can be a lot sometimes, my little sister too, and I’m saying this with love.” He bumps Jiseok’s head with his own.
“Well, aren’t most parents like that? Not that I would know,” he snorts. Jungsu starts to say something, however Jiseok stops him. “In any case, don’t worry about it. And don’t go on feeling bad about my situation. I don’t want that, hyung. Even if I end up overwhelmed, I’m sure I’ll like them. They are your family, aren’t they?”
He knows that comment made Jungsu blush, and he doesn’t even need to look at his face. He just knows him.
In a small, shy voice, Jungsu replies, “Okay.”
The tall gray buildings of Seoul start giving way to white fields. The snow glitters in the afternoon sun, as the train enters the suburban areas.
In the city the prettiest view is the streets dusted in snow that stays pure for only a few moments, while out here it lies untouched, crowning the treelines.
Jungsu looks as happy as a child who's seeing snow for the first time. Even with how bright and luminous the frosty fields beyond the train are, Jungsu’s smile is where Jiseok’s eyes return to, over and over.
After about half an hour of marvelling at the winter landscape in relative silence, Jungsu speaks up, saying they should get off at the next stop.
He and Jiseok both get up to gather their luggage, when Jungsu’s phone pings with a notification. “Ah, my dad says he can pick us up. Are you okay with that, Jiseokie?”
It’s a little sudden, even though Jiseok has been preparing to meet Jungsu’s parents since he said he’ll come. That’s why Jungsu’s asking him, probably. However, sudden or not, it doesn’t really matter.
“Babe, come on, my mental state is not that fragile,” he huffs. “Of course I’m okay with that.”
Jungsu winces, “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
He seems clearly on edge, and he might be projecting his anxieties on Jiseok. Honestly, he gets it, so he doesn’t really mind. For a moment he wishes he hadn’t put the patches on, if only to be able to soothe Jungsu with his scent. Instead, he does the next best thing and playfully bumps their shoulders, for both of their hands are busy with luggage.
Once they get off, Jungsu leads them to the train station exit, where his dad is waiting, leaning on his car. He looks like any middle aged Korean man with his dark hair and glasses, but as they get closer, Jiseok can see the similarities.
For one, Jungsu has his dad’s eyebrows it seems, and both have that ‘reliable’ feeling about them. It’s in the way they hold themselves, Jiseok supposes.
When Jungsu’s dad notices them coming, his face relaxes into a kind smile and he hurries over.
“Jungsu-ya!”
“Dad!” Jungsu puts his stuff down and his dad hugs him, patting his back. When he lets him go, he gives him a good look and nods.
Then he turns to Jiseok, who’s standing there, feeling awkward. But only a bit.
“You must be Jiseok. Nice to finally meet you,” he extends his hand and then Jiseok realises he should’ve also put his luggage down. Mr. Kim sees his full hands and chuckles, taking his suitcases from him.
Jiseok tries to protest, but Jungsu’s dad doesn’t budge, so he thanks him instead, bowing his head.
“Don’t worry about it, son. Let’s talk in the car, it’s cold out here,” he strides ahead with Jiseok’s luggage.
Jiseok stares at his back for a moment, brain catching up to what just happened, then turns to look at Jungsu. He looks delighted with the whole interaction, and his shoulders seem to have loosened.
“Let’s go,” he takes his bags and Jiseok follows after him.
Once in the car, Jiseok starts to relax. Mr Kim strikes up a conversation about school and living in Seoul. He and Jungsu are sitting at the back, basically stuck to each other. The body contact makes Jiseok feel more at ease, but also, the fact that Jungsu’s dad is as kind to him as he’s to his son.
The drive to the Kims’ family home is not long, and in just 10 minutes they are in front of the front yard. It looks nice, like a typical suburban two-story house with beige walls and tiled roof. As they unload their luggage, the front door opens and a kid zooms past Jiseok, slamming right into Jungsu’s stomach.
He stumbles a step back with an ‘oof’.
“Oppa!” It’s Jungsu’s little sister.
“Jihye!” He bends and picks her up, spinning her in the air one, two times.
When she’s on the ground and all out of giggles, Jihye looks up at Jungsu with a barely-there serious expression. “Have you been good?”
He frowns playfully, “Shouldn’t it be me asking you, huh?”
Jungsu starts chasing her around and she dissolves into more giggles, her reserve seemingly endless. Jiseok feels a smile tugging on his lips. He’s never seen this side of him. Which, given that they’ve known each other for two months, makes sense.
Damn. He never thought he'd be in a situation like this. Meeting his boyfriend of two months’ family. Going to therapy. Growing into his true self.
Back then he was barely going through the motions and holding himself together, and now?
Despite the ups and downs, what he feels is mostly happiness.
While he’s getting lost in his head, Jiseok feels eyes on him. Turning around, he finds Jungsu’s mother leaning on the door frame. She has a small, fond smile on her face, her eyes jumping from her children playing around to Jiseok.
If Jungsu has his dad’s eyebrows, then everything else he’s taken from his mother. Jiseok feels slightly speechless as he watches her go down the steps and stroll towards him.
Everything falls into the background when she speaks. “Jiseok-ssi? Welcome to our humble home! I’m really happy to finally meet the person our Jungsu has been telling us so much about.”
It’s the calm, but assured way in which she speaks that gives Jiseok goosebumps. Suddenly he finds himself missing his own mother even with all that has happened. True, his mother has never had that kindness about her features that Mrs Kim has, and still she was his mother until–
Until he presented.
His eyes prickle with tears and Mrs Kim immediately notices the change in his expression, even though he tries to mask it when he greets her.
“I’m glad I get to meet you too, ma’am. You can call me just Jiseok, thank you for having me,” he bows, squeezing his eyes and chasing away the tears.
“Jihye, Jungsu, come on, enough playing around! Let’s go inside or we’ll all freeze out here!” Jungsu’s dad calls out somewhere behind him, bringing Jiseok back to the moment.
The sky is tinted with vivid pink that will turn into purple indigo in just a few minutes, as the sun keeps getting lower beneath the horizon. The night is taking over, with it the temperatures also dropping very noticeably.
They are ushered inside, but Jungsu stops him just before they enter, gently holding his hand.
“You okay?” He murmurs, searching Jiseok’s face.
“Yeah,” Jiseok nods, squeezing Jungsu’s fingers back.
❄️
Jungsu’s parents say that dinner tonight will be a little earlier than usual, so that he and Jungsu can rest after. Jiseok appreciates it. It’s not easy to get used to a completely new place, new people and it gets even harder when you’re as high strung as he is right now.
Jungsu takes him to his room upstairs, but they stay for only a moment, just enough time to leave their bags in there. As he goes down the wooden stairs, following after Jungsu, he takes it all in.
The house is well lived in, truly what could be called a home. It has a cozy atmosphere of kept chaos and the smell of home cooked meals. It’s not the pristine place he used to call home, the one that looked too orderly, too clean. Like you could move the next day and it will look just the same.
And he likes it here, much more than he liked it in that oppressive place where expectations lived in the walls.
When they enter the living room, Jungsu puts his hand on Jiseok’s lower back and guides him with a light push in the direction of the couch, where Mr Kim is already sitting.
“Go on and sit, I’ll see if mum needs any help in the kitchen.”
Jiseok’s first reaction is for his body to tense, but Jungsu’s dad pats the space next to him, encouraging him. It doesn’t feel pressuring or intimidating, so Jiseok takes a nice, deep breath and goes. He doesn’t want to be rude, he wants Jungsu’s parents to like him. They’ve shown him kindness and hospitality and he’s grateful for it. He just needs to chill out a bit, which is, frankly, easier said than done.
The leather couch squeaks when he sits, and Jiseok isn’t sure if it was too loud or he’s getting in his head again. Well, he’s already in his head, so when Mr Kim chuckles next to him he gets startled, knees jumping up.
“You don’t have to sit so stiffly, Jiseok,” he gestures to Jiseok’s straight back, the corners of his eyes crinkled with mirth. “I understand though. The first time I met Hye-mi’s parents I was as nervous as you are. Ah, Hye-mi is Jungsu’s mother,” he clarifies for Jiseok, who nods.
A silence overtakes them. He isn’t sure what he should say, so he takes a look around instead. To the coffee table in front of them, with a tray of tangerines sitting on it. The TV mounted on the wall and the many family photos dotting the entire living room - there are on the shelves, the side tables, on the walls. However, it’s not overwhelming, it feels just right with how full of love this house seems to be.
Mr Kim speaks then.
“You seem good, Jiseok.”
Seeing Jiseok’s confused expression, the man continues in a tone that’s a touch more serious than earlier.
“I think I have an accurate judge on people’s characters, but our Jungsu is just like his mother, you know? Very empathetic, sometimes too kind. We were worried at first, when he said he’s dating someone, however seeing you now, I’m relieved,” he pats Jiseok on the back and laughs.
And for Jiseok, this might be the first time he’s had the approval of someone’s father. And even if it’s not his own, he gets choked up.
“I, um, thank you. For saying this, I mean, we don’t really know each other, so I hope I don’t disappoint,” he swallows down his feelings.
“Oh, I’m not saying this to keep you on your toes or anything, son. I’m just happy to meet you, really,” Jungsu’s dad waves his hands around, looking apologetic.
Jiseok wants to ask how much has Jungsu told them about him, but before he can open his mouth Jihye flops down next to him.
“Hello!” She says brightly. “My name is Jihye. I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier, my mum said that was rude of me,” she finishes with a small pout.
Jiseok turns to her, smiling. “Hi, Jihye. I’m Jiseok. It’s fine, you’re introducing yourself now, aren’t you?”
That returns the smile to her face and she nods excitedly.
“So you’re Jungsu’s boyfriend? How old are you? I’m ten. You have a pretty face, did you know?” Jihye rattles off question after question, not waiting for him to answer. It’s hard for Jiseok to get mad though, when he watches her animated expression.
The time until dinner goes fast like that, with Jungsu’s sister telling him about school and whatever else comes to her mind, and her father shaking his head fondly in exasperation.
Sitting at the dinner table with Jungsu next to him makes it easier to breathe, now when both his mum and his dad are asking him questions. To be fair, they are asking the two of them, so it’s not that overwhelming.
“Jiseok,” Mrs Kim turns to him, “Jungsu said you play in a band?”
That is something he can talk about for hours on end, but ends up bashful when her eyebrows go up in awe as he rattles off about their achievements and music.
“...so we’ve played at a few festivals. But nothing big, really. We were actually in need of more people, but now we have Jungsu and Seungmin, so I think we can create even better music…,” he trails off, feeling his face flush.
Should he be talking so much?
He thinks that, but when Jiseok looks around, he finds everyone smiling at him. Jungsu with fondness and his parents with interest. Jihye also looks curious. Then he feels that weight he came here with lifting off his chest.
For the rest of dinner, he and Jungsu’s dad bond over rock music and for the first time in his life, he takes his time on the dinner table. The people here listen to him without irritation hiding in their eyes. They don’t mock his interests or put him down for being who he is. It’s a bittersweet feeling, to be glad his boyfriend has grown up surrounded by love, but to also wish he had been, too.
If his parents hadn’t been a pair of alphas, would that have been possible? If they hadn’t grown up with expectations on their shoulders only to pass them to him and his brother, could they have been a loving family? Maybe, he muses. But nature isn’t everything, is it? It’s upbringing and will to change, the strength to break a generational cycle.
His parents ultimately lived in a completely different world, dictated by their superiority and unwillingness to see beyond their shallow ideologies. He hoped wholeheartedly that his brother wouldn’t become like them.
Jiseok rarely thinks about him. He doesn’t want to. His big brother had been his idol when he was little. He had taught him to ride a bike, had helped him when the other kids had bullied him for being small and short. They had a good relationship, at least in Jiseok’s eyes. Yet, when their parents had started blatantly ignoring Jiseok, his brother’s behaviour had also taken a chilled edge.
Then he left home for good, and hasn’t spoken to any of them since.
It’s still relatively early as he and Jungsu make their way upstairs, to Jungsu’s room. Once the door shuts closed, Jiseok feels Jungsu’s nose on his neck, and his arms close around his smaller frame. He inhales and after a moment murmurs against Jiseok’s skin.
“Can you please take these off?” He taps the scent patches softly. “I want, no, I need to breathe in your scent.” There’s a quiet, barely noticeable whine behind Jungsu’s words.
Jiseok leans his head back, resting it on Jungsu’s shoulder.
“Even if it’s a bit bitter?” He asks and nuzzles their cheeks, relishing in the sweet brown sugar that overtakes the spices usually found in Jungsu’s scent.
“You know I don’t care, Jiseok-ah. I like being enveloped by you, in every sense. So to have your scent missing when you’re right next to me is kinda disorienting.”
Jiseok’s lips pull into a shy smile and he reaches for his neck, pulling off the two patches, one by one. Caramel follows immediately after, sweet and heavy, and with just a hint of stressed bitterness. Jungsu’s chest swells behind him, taking it all in.
And he finally feels the tension that had settled into his bones start to drain away, slowly, like water dripping on the carpet beneath his socked feet. Now that he’s alone with Jungsu and in the privacy of the bedroom, Jiseok’s ribcage expands properly at last, letting him catch up with his breathing.
They take turns washing up, after Jungsu shows him the bathroom and gives him a towel. The steamy bath turns Jiseok's limbs to jelly and he crawls into bed without any anxiety left.
The winter sky is clear outside the bedroom’s window, now bottomless black. The lack of clouds means that the stars shine, bright and unobstructed, winking at him. Then Jungsu enters quietly, allowing the light from the hallway to spill in the dimly lit room before he closes the door.
“I thought you might be sleeping,” he says, sitting on the bed and brushing Jiseok’s hair from his forehead. Jungsu’s fingers are warm from his bath.
“I’m not that tired yet.”
“You sure?” Jungsu has that teasing smile on his lips and Jiseok can imagine what he’ll say next. “You looked like you had a bad case of indigestion for a while there, Jiseok-ah,” he snickers.
Jiseok has to hold his smile back. “Is this the way you should be talking to your boyfriend, huh?”
What this leads to is a pathetic attempt on Jiseok’s side to jab Jungsu in the ribs, and him retaliating and tickling Jiseok until he can’t breathe. Well, they both can’t breathe, mainly from laughing so hard, and the whole bed shakes with their giggles.
They get lost in their heads, and only their heavy breathing fills the silence for a while. Jiseok thinks back on the whole day and his worries.
“Your parents are really nice,” he says into the crown of Jungsu’s head, his boyfriend having settled with his head on Jiseok’s chest. “Your sister too, she was really cute.”
“Cute? Not overwhelming or annoying?” Jungsu huffs, but there’s humor in his voice.
“Well, a bit overwhelming. But isn’t that normal for kids to be?”
“True.” After a few beats, “Did you really like them?”
“Of course I liked them, Jungsu. What was there not to like? They were kind, welcoming, they didn’t–” They didn’t say anything about him being an omega. “I know you told me they wouldn’t care I’m an omega, but still…” he trails off.
“You know you probably wouldn’t be able to meet my parents, right?” Jiseok asks him quietly.
He has talked with Jungsu about them, and about his brother. There isn’t anything about his past that Jungsu doesn’t know, but Jiseok doesn’t know if he expects for them to reconcile. He’s afraid of the scenario where Jungsu asks him of that.
Jungsu raises his head, so he can look him in the eyes, and Jiseok sees that he’s dead serious when he says, “Jiseok-ah, I don’t want to be in the same room with the people that have hurt you so much. I don’t care for them. But even if, down the line, you decide to see them again, I’ll be next to you.”
Jiseok nods and Jungsu smiles at him. He can’t take his eyes off that smile, the one that makes his day better, that encourages him to try and be himself. The smile of the person who has shown him he will be there with him, even if the future is uncertain.
And suddenly he feels his love bubbling over, spilling out of his pores and making his caramel scent almost unbearably sweeter.
He has to say it. He can’t not say it. It’s right there on the tip of his tongue, the words wanting, demanding to be let out. So, Jiseok stuffs all of his fear and hesitation away in his chest, it can’t ruin this.
And in the quiet of the room, with Jungsu’s head on his chest and their gazes locked together, he whispers, “Jungsu.”
He tilts his head in curiosity. “Hm?”
“I love you.”
He watches in slow motion how Jungsu’s skin heats up and becomes a pretty pink. His scent is going wild, engulfing him and the whole room in sweet spices. Jiseok can almost feel Jungsu’s emotions.
And then Jungsu’s face crumbles and he buries it in Jiseok’s chest, a small shuddering whimper wrecking his body. Jiseok’s heart drops.
Shit. Should he have waited more before saying it? Does Jungsu feel obligated to say it back now? What is happening?
“Stop overthinking, Jiseokie, it’s not whatever you think it is,” Jungsu says, his words barely audible and muffled into his shirt. Jiseok waits for him, keeping the shake in his hands at bay with some deep breaths.
When Jungsu stops sniffling into Jiseok’s chest and lifts his head, his face is red and streaked with tears, but he’s smiling.
“I love you too, Jiseok. I’m just so happy, I can’t–” another tear falls down his cheek and Jiseok reaches to brush it.
“You’re so happy you couldn’t help but cry? Hyung, I know you’re a crybaby, but you scared me to death this time,” he sighs. He can’t be mad though. He rarely can when it comes to Jungsu. And then, suddenly, Jiseok registers that Jungsu just said he loves him back.
Jiseok had known since they became boyfriends that he would come to love Jungsu. He could say he’d been in love since the first week they spent together, but it’s different from the love you develop for a person as you get to know them. And he knew Jungsu would just become more loveable to him, it was inevitable. Jiseok just hoped that he, too, would be someone Jungsu would be able to love as they grew closer.
There was little doubt that Jungsu liked him, but to hear the words ‘I love you’ is totally different. And it feels so sincere, so true, that even that annoying voice in Jiseok’s head is quiet, for the first time in a while not making him second-guess anything.
They fall asleep cuddled together, in this nauseatingly sweet room, under the watchful eyes of the stars outside.
❄️
The next few days are… busy. Jiseok gets to know Jungsu’s family better, and they - him. From helping Mrs Kim with cooking and decorating, to going grocery shopping with Mr Kim, he does it all, and he enjoys it, even when it leaves him drained by the end of the day. He just can’t get rid of the tension in his muscles, but it’s definitely getting better and now Jiseok can speak comfortably with all of them.
It’s his first Christmas with someone else’s family, and it couldn’t be more perfect. A warm atmosphere filled with laughter and his boyfriend’s hand in his as they eat the Christmas cake made with the help of Jihye. Jiseok never thought he’d have this and he couldn’t be happier.
“I, uh,” Jungsu starts, once they’re upstairs, “I got you a Christmas gift?”
Jiseok giggles. “Why do you sound unsure, hyung?”
Jungsu’s ears are tinted red. He weakly pinches Jiseok’s arm for teasing him and takes out a small box wrapped in paper from his suitcase.
“It might be too much, if I have to be honest, so it’s fine if you don’t like it,” he says, fidgeting with the gift, before he finally hands it to Jiseok, albeit hesitantly. “Here.”
Jiseok carefully takes it, wondering what could Jungsu have bought to make him so nervous. He turns it over in his hand and slowly unwraps it. Underneath the rustling paper is a smooth black box. Suddenly, he’s also nervous.
He takes the lid off and the air leaves his lungs. It’s a silver ring on a delicate chain. He looks at Jungsu, who is chewing his lip.
“It’s not an engagement ring or anything like that,” he explains. “More of a relationship one, I guess? I have one, too, made them myself, actually.”
“Really?”
Jungsu nods and pulls out a dainty chain from under his shirt that is holding a ring, twin to the one in the box. Jiseok is close to tears, which is nothing new for him really, but still. Jungsu made them rings. To signify their relationship.
“I love it, Jungsu. I love you. Thank you.” Jiseok wraps his arms around Jungsu’s neck, almost throwing himself into his lap. He feels him breathe out in relief against his chest.
Jiseok asks Jungsu to put the necklace on him, it’s more romantic that way after all. And even if Jiseok himself isn’t the biggest fan of romance, Jungsu is, and he giggles as his fingers clasp the chain. There is no better sound in the world than Jungsu’s laugh, his happiness, Jiseok is sure of it.
He touches the silver ring that is now resting on his sternum, the cold of it slowly disappearing, and turns to pout at his boyfriend.
“Now the gift that I got you will look stupid…”
It really will though, because what Jiseok got him is a… giant duck. The fluffy plushy is almost as tall as him, and its beady eyes seem to stare right into your soul.
And Jungsu can’t stop laughing at it, so much so that he’s on the floor, clutching his sweater and gasping for air. Jiseok finds it amusing, but he’s too embarrassed to laugh along.
“Oh, come on…hyung…” He draws out his words, “If I knew you were getting us couple rings, I would have gotten you something better.”
“No-” Jungsu wheezes, pushing the duck’s face away, so that he doesn’t have to look at it. “No, Jiseokie, this is perfect, really.”
He crawls to sit between Jiseok’s legs and takes his hands in his, kissing his fingers. It’s so, so sweet and Jiseok immediately turns even redder.
“I’m sorry for laughing, babe. I love it,” he says, looking up at Jiseok, who has to glance away, because Jungsu between his legs, with his longer hair and sparkly eyes is not good for his health.
He sighs. “It’s fine, you can laugh. It does look kinda stupid,” he spares a look at the duck’s direction and snorts.
They stay like this for a while, simply drinking in each other’s presence, breathing in their mixed scents. Jiseok feels like home, but only because Jungsu is next to him, saving him from the cold winter with his warmth.