Work Text:
On the roundabout of Twin Peaks, San Francisco, Jackson parked his rented Mustang and sat on the hood, looking over the city. The sun set gently over the horizon, the golden glow coloring the entire city with its warmth.
It had been three months since he last saw Serenity and he found himself in the US for some stand alone shows. California was his favorite state to perform in because it's lush cities and beautiful scenery. His show was in Oakland, but he landed 80 miles away, in San Francisco, to think about things.
He was sober, unlike how he planned to be right now. Being sober looks different for everyone; he still drank socially and was more likely to control himself around his closer friends, but none of his friends were with him. Mark was the closest at this moment, but he was in Los Angeles. That wasn't exactly a trip he could make before his show the next day, especially in a 70s Mustang.
He decided to just sit and wonder what could've been. Serenity hadn't texted him directly since that night. Jaebeom gave periodic updates, but that wasn't enough. He needed to know exactly how she was doing. But he didn't want to cross the boundaries she had placed to protect herself. He would also be breaking down his 12-step program, and that might as well be him messing up his sobriety.
Jackson pushed his hair back out of his face. He contemplated sending Serenity a text, something, anything, to let her know he was doing okay, and maybe she'd respond. That was a hopeless thought. She'd text when she was ready. If she ever was ready.
Jackson lit a cigarette and took a long drag, held it for a moment before blowing it out. He kept asking himself questions that would probably drive him insane:
Who would drive her home when she had a crazy day at work?
Who is going to dry her tears when she was crying like the rain?
Do they really have to break up, after all they've been through?
He kept replaying their last meeting in his head. How he wished he could fix it. How he wished he could change everything. He replayed how he didn't drive straight home afterward, how he slept in his car outside her apartment. He did drive to see her heavily drunk, and she was right about him almost getting into an accident and killing people. Jackson recalled how reckless he'd been and how he regretted it.
That night, he contemplated going back and begging her for another chance, but she'd already given him about a thousand chances. He knew he didn't deserve to have her occupy his thoughts.
Serenity knew him better than anymore else, seen him through drunken nightmares and saw his flaws, and stayed for probably far too long, but it didn't matter. He thought they had a stronger bond, but he'd been chipping pieces away for awhile, and didn't realize that in the end there was only a tiny piece left.
Would one more drive fix it? Jackson just wanted to hold her hand one more time while she sat in passenger, staring at him lovingly again. How he missed the way he hair fell into her face. How her nose crunched up when she was thinking intently. How she leaned on every surface and how that drove him crazy because despite almost two decades in Korea, she never lost her American habits.
The first time she told him she loved him and how he never said it back despite loving her so deeply. And maybe he was delusional in thinking he could give all of himself to her after she left, but maybe he could. Maybe if she reached out, he'd be able to confess every thing he never got to say. That he loved the way she got two inches from something she was working on because she wouldn't admit she needed glasses. That he loved how she laughed out loud when she tripped over anything instead of getting outwardly embarrassed. That he loved the way she pulled her hair into a ponytail when she was determined to get something done.
But it was futile. Serenity was finally done and Jackson wouldn't get anymore chances. He leaned back into the roof of the Mustang and glared at the now navy sky.
"I miss you Ser. I'm sorry for everything. I hope you can find a way to forgive me." Jackson sat up and sighed.
Who's going to drive you home?