Chapter Text
The key to telling them apart is the shoes.
The soles, to be exact.
If they're wearing any sort of platforms, they're female.
If they're wearing flats, they're male.
Either way it doesn't really matter because they've always been taller than Lily, either a slight tilt of her eyes or a slight tilt of her neck, she's always been the shorter of the two.
She doesn't mind. Haewon always lowers themselves to her height anyways, leaning their head on her shoulder, laying on her legs when she stretches out after a particularly long dance practice. They're always sitting her the couch, flopping on the ground to lean against her legs. She'd learned that trying to refuse them would result in sharing the space, with her sitting on their lap as they leaned over her shoulder.
Haewon's a interesting person. Lily could list what she loved about them all day long, just like anyone else in their group. But one thing stood Haewon apart from the rest of them.
Haewon has recurrent TSS. Transsexual Syndrome, better known as TSS.
TSS is a condition that results in a sudden change in sex, from male to female and vice versa. This instant sex change phenomenon cannot be explained by current medical research.
The cause is unknown. The cure is unknown. The only thing that seems to be uniting factor is the trigger for the change. It seems to be a spike in heart rate caused by a potential mix of serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin.
Serotonin, associated with mood and happiness. Dopamine, associated with pleasure and reward. Oxytocin, associated with feeling of bonding, attachment, and commitment.
The internet calls them the love hormones.
In any case, the condition is rare, occurring at a rate of approximately 1 in million people. Lily's never met anyone else with it, so she would assume that part to be correct. Because from what she's read online, the switch happens once. It switches someone's sex once. At some point in their life, they're now living a whole new reality. But not Haewon.
Haewon who sometimes has a male body, and other times has a female body. Haewon, who sometimes isn't ok with touching her, and other times is ok with touching her. She's working on that.
As an idol, Haewon's lucky that both bodies don't look too different. As a guy they're taller, but not so much so that it's ridiculously noticeable, just barely 171 centimeters. As a girl they're shorter, around 165 centimeters. It's not that bad. Everyone constantly wears platforms anyways, so their real heights are confusing already.
Jiwoo always tries to guilt trip Haewon into buying her snacks since she claims they stole her height. "It's unfair that you're taller than me no matter what!"
Lily distinctly remembers one time they snuck out, where someone recognized their dyed hair, bright and professionally done in colors that most likely belonged to idols. It was only the reveal of Haewon's makeup less male face that convinced them they were wrong. They all hustled back to the dorm after that.
Not just their managers, but also their staff sometimes have a hard time identifying Haewon when they don't have makeup on. They're used to one look, female, softer, smaller. It's what Haewon is marketed as.
But Lily hasn't ever had trouble identifying them. She always knows who they are, what they're comfortable with, their boundaries that change with their body.
She can't explain how she knows though, because everyone always laughs, brushing her off with a "Typical Lily for you," or a confused scoff. She knows they don't mean any harm, but she genuinely can't explain it any other way. How she just knows when they slip their hand into hers, the way its either slightly broader, larger, or slightly thinner and a little smaller. How their voice is just a bit lower, or just a bit higher. How their shoulders are either a little broader, or a little softer. How their scent changes, from woody tones to more floral notes.
It's just like how Haewon knows what she means when she says something she doesn't know the words for, how she knows exactly what she's trying to say no matter what language she uses. Haewon gets her. She gets Haewon.
The fact is it doesn't matter what form Haewon takes, she'd still recognize them as her friend.
After all, their sex doesn't matter to her when their hug still engulfs her the same way, when they harmonize with her during her random song breaks, when their eyes still form the same smile she remembers through the years. They're just Oh Haewon, her Haewon, and she loves them for that.
She doesn't mind that Haewon doesn't always like being touched. She likes to remind them that they are loved, no matter what form she is in. She's grown to like the personal space Haewon allows her to occupy, and for her to fit next to them in the same way. She enjoys how Haewon can sometimes lift her like she's nothing, and hates that in the same breath, they set her gently back on the ground with an apology for touching her.
She likes to be the one Haewon lifts on their shoulder, even if the manager scolds her for it. She likes when they watch movies and read books together, even if she can tell Haewon can't fully keep up with what's going on. She blushes whenever they gift her something. She loves when their lower register mixes with her higher register when they sing together, two very different sounds harmonizing to create something more powerful. She wants for Haewon to always be comfortable enough to wrap around her.
The point is she isn't really affected by Haewon's body anymore. It's not that much different from hers in some ways. They both made of muscle and bone, skin and hair, and have teeth and eyes, a nose, a mouth, and two ears. It's just that sometimes Haewon's larger, able to fully wrap around her, and other times they're softer, tapping on her shoulder to give her a side hug. Neither form truly embodies who Haewon is, and she's alright with that.
Haewon isn't.
Haewon doesn't treat her differently, but they act differently. Lily doesn't care, she's known people whose body differed from their preferred sex. It may have been more normal from where she came from, but she doesn't find much difference when the people are the same.
She's just not always used to the difference Haewon makes.