Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

19.08.1993

Yoon Seoyeon is seven years old when she meets Hsu Nientzu for the first time.

She’s standing halfway behind her mom’s legs, clutching at the pant fabric as she stares at the other girl. The other toddler just stares back at her, her eyes so big they seem to take up half her face. Seoyeon thinks they remind her of chocolate balls.

“再见!” The girl screams something so loudly that Seoyeon jumps from behind her mom and she can already feel her eyes welling up. Through her tears she can see the other lady say something to her mom.

“Oh Seoyeon, don't cry, Nien was just trying to say hi to you!” Seoyeon's mom coos at her, trying to pry her daughter's hands off her pant legs.

The other mom does the same, saying something to the other girl—Nien—in a language Seoyeon doesn't understand before putting her hands on Nien's shoulders.

“He-llo!” Nien says again, quieter this time and in Korean. Seoyeon watches the girl's lips twist as she sounds out the word—an-nyeong—and she sniffles as she feels her mom nudge her own shoulders.

“Hi…” Seoyeon murmurs, still staring at the taller girl.

“要和我一起玩吗?” Again Nien says something that Seoyeon doesn't get, and she just stares at her helplessly. Why can't Seoyeon understand her?

“Nien wants to play with Seoyeon,” Seoyeon hears the other mom say to her mom yet again. Why won't they talk to her! She's the one who can't get what Nien's trying to say!

Frustrated, Seoyeon steps forward and sticks her hand out to the girl. “Come with me, I'll teach you Korean!”

Though she doesn't seem to understand, Nien happily takes her hand anyway and lets Seoyeon lead them away from their moms, towards the playground. She sits them under the slide.

“Why don't you speak Korean?” is the first thing Seoyeon asks, but Nien doesn't give a reply. She tilts her head instead, confused.

“Never mind. I'm Seoyeon.” Deciding to switch gears, Seoyeon points to herself in introduction. At hearing her name Nien perks up and starts nodding vigorously.

“Seoyeonie!” the other girl says, then points to herself as well. “Nien! Hsu Nientzu!”

Seoyeon laughs at that one. Of course she knows that, silly! Her mom told her Nien’s name earlier. Seoyeon nods, pleased that they’ve gotten that covered, and looks at Nien again.

“So why don’t you speak Korean?”

Before Nien can answer with another head tilt Seoyeon’s mom appears in front of the slide, holding her hands out to the both of them. “Come out from under there, you two! Nien, your mom is waiting for you.”

She leads them to where Nien’s mom is standing on the sidewalk, and Seoyeon just watches Nien as their moms say some things over their heads. If Seoyeon can’t get what they’re saying because they’re speaking too fast, she can’t imagine how Nien must feel hearing them speak in Korean.

The other girl, however, seems blissfully unaware as she rocks on her heels. Instead, she continues to look at Seoyeon with her large brown eyes, not moving even when her mom begins to pull the two of them towards the park exit.

“Seoyeonie… bye!” Nien repeats what she said earlier, the an-nyeong coming out slightly more smoothly this time.

“Bye,” Seoyeon says in reply, holding up a hand in a wave. Nien does the same as she walks away, continuing to wave at Seoyeon until she disappears behind the park wall.

Hsu Nientzu is a weird girl, thinks Seoyeon, and she thinks she’d like to see her again.

To Seoyeon’s joy, they do see each other again, exactly one week later, and this time Seoyeon’s prepared. She’s made a list of every word she knows in her head, determined to teach the other girl Korean. Cycling through the most important ones—ice cream, mom, dad—she and her mom walk to where Nien is sitting with her own mom on the park bench. Seoyeon opens her mouth to speak but the other girl beats her to the punch, her voice drowning out Seoyeon’s attempt.

“HI SEOYEON! I WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU!” Nien shouts excitedly, having clearly practiced beforehand. Seoyeon stops herself from getting startled like last time, resolving not to cry in front of Nien for something as small as a loud noise. She is, however, a bit miffed.

“Who taught you that?” Seoyeon narrows her eyes. “I’m supposed to teach you Korean.” Traitorously, she hears her mom laughing from above her head.

“Don’t be silly, Seoyeon! Nien has her own tutor to learn Korean.” She feels a pat on her head and notices the two moms talking above their heads again, not including Seoyeon or Nien in their conversation. With a huff, Seoyeon scrunches her nose to stop tears from falling again and reaches forward to take Nien’s hand.

“Come on, Nien. I’m going to teach you Korean my way.”

Much like a puppy, Nien’s eyes light up at seeing Seoyeon’s hand and she bounces up, taking the lead as they move to the slide.

“Hi Seoyeon,” repeats Nien when they sit down. “How are you today?” The other girl speaks slowly, trying her best to pronounce the words correctly.

“I’m okay,” Seoyeon answers, and stops herself from changing the topic. She remembers what her mom told her, about asking a question back to her partner when she’s having a conversation. “How are you, Nien?”

Nien blinks at her for a second, her eyes a little lost as she smiles blankly.

“I’m good,” Seoyeon says slowly, leaning forward slightly to prompt the other girl to imitate. Nien leans forward to copy her position.

“I’m… good…”

“That’s good,” Seoyeon praises. “I can teach you Korean better than anyone else.”

Seoyeon thinks that might just be the truth when she watches Nien and her mom get ready to go home again. In the following weeks she notices that Nien’s Korean gets better and better every time they meet, no doubt due to her influence. As the summer draws to a close Seoyeon decides it’s time to ask Nien an important question.

“So, Nien,” she starts. “You’re going to school with me, right? My mom says I’m going to start school again next month, and I think you should come with me.”

Looking up from her sand castle, Nien nods happily. “Yeah! I’m going to go to school with Seoyeonie, and it’s going to be awesome!” She beams, one tooth missing in her bright smile.

Seoyeon looks down quickly, busying herself with her own part of the sand castle. “That’s cool,” she says nonchalantly. Of course, Nien should come to school with me. She nods once. It’s only right.

Seoyeon feels a little nervous as she sits at the lunch table, watching Nien talk to a group of the other kids. It’s break time, Nien was only supposed to grab juice boxes for the two of them and come right back, and yet she just kept talking to the other kids. Seoyeon watches for a little longer, wondering if she should just go over and grab Nien back from them. She’s about to get up when a voice comes up from next to her.

“I know right, isn’t that new girl so weird?” A classmate whose name Seoyeon doesn’t remember asks her, watching Nien as well.

“What do you mean?” Seoyeon questions, eyebrows drawing together. Who is this girl calling Nien weird?

“I mean, I heard she moved here from Taiwan. Taiwan! That’s across the ocean. I bet she talks weird too,” the girl continues with a laugh.

Seoyeon feels something strong come up her throat, ugly and hot, and her chest hurts like how it does whenever she gets sick. “Nien is not weird! And she doesn’t talk weird, either. I bet you would talk weird if you didn’t live in Korea,” she says quickly, face hot as she glares at the other girl.

And so what if Nien did have an accent! Seoyeon could be the only one who understands her and she'd be just fine with that. She doesn’t wait for the girl’s reply and storms over to where Nien is, meeting her halfway across the asphalt and taking her by the arm to a different table.

“Woah Seoyeon, slow down! You’re going to make me spill the juice!” Nien exclaims. And then, with a cheeky smile: “Hold your horses!”

Seoyeon frowns at her. “What does that mean?”

“The other kids taught me it! It’s like, a cool way to say ‘slow down’!” Nien answers, oblivious to Seoyeon’s growing irritation. Even though they’re sitting away from that other girl, Seoyeon still feels a pain in her chest and she thinks it might’ve gotten worse when Nien mentioned the other kids. She picks up her juicebox, flicking at the straw petulantly.

“Don’t hang out with the other kids. Just hang out with me,” she says, not looking at Nien.

“Okay!” Nien agrees easily, picking up her own juicebox and scooting closer to Seoyeon. “Seoyeon and Nien forever!”

At this Seoyeon gives a small smile, pleased as she takes a sip of her juice. Maybe school won't be so bad.

“Give that back!” Seoyeon makes a grab for the huge Lego block in Nien's hands but the girl moves it away before she can reach.

“No! We can only make the tower bigger by stacking them on top!” Nien puts the block at the very top of their tower, other hand already reaching for another one.

“No, you don't get it! We have to put a bunch of blocks on the bottom first so the tower doesn’t fall!” Seoyeon couldn't believe Nien was disagreeing with her—she’s the best tower builder among all the second graders, she'll have you know!

She tries to grab the second block in Nien's hand. “I said, give me that Nie—”

“Nuh uh!” Nien's free hand quickly rises to block Seoyeon's own—and misses. By a whole three inches. And hits Seoyeon's face instead.

Holding her cheek, Seoyeon can already feel hot tears threatening to spill down her face. She turns away when Nien tries to reach for her—had dropped the block with a face full of concern—and pushes the Taiwanese girl's shoulders instead.

“Don't touch me!” Seoyeon screams, and through her tears she can see Nien's lower lip wobbling and eyebrows scrunching, too.

“But Seoyeonie—”

“Woah woah woah, what's going on here?” Their teacher, Ms. Choi, arrives at their playmat and quickly kneels, bringing Seoyeon and Nien to her sides with both arms. “Why are we crying?”

Seoyeon points an accusing finger at Nien. “She started it! She took my blocks!”

Nien only sobs harder at her words. “I didn't mean to hit Seoyeonie! I'm really sorry!”

Cooing, Ms. Choi pats Nien's head and wipes her tears with a napkin. “Oh Nien, I know you didn’t mean to but it probably hurts a lot for Seoyeon, right?” Nien nods sadly, still rubbing her eyes.

Turning her attention to Seoyeon, Ms. Choi rubs her shoulder soothingly as she takes out another napkin. “Here, Seoyeon, does this feel better?” Slowly, she nods as well. “Then what about Nien's apology? Do you think you can forgive her?”

“I guess so…” is all she says before Nien reaches for her again, leaving Ms. Choi's side to crush her in a hug.

“Seoyeon—hic—I didn't mean—hic—to take your Le—hic—gos or hit your—hic—face.” Nien's hands come up to her face, slowly this time, and she wipes the last tears from her cheeks.

“If you're really sorry you need to give me ice cream,” Seoyeon pouts. She sees Nien's face brighten before Ms. Choi chimes in again.

“Instead of ice cream, how about we have some milk?” Seoyeon feels Ms. Choi's hand on her shoulder starting to guide them to the snack table, so she takes Nien's hand and pulls them to the table herself.

“Milk can't compare to ice cream,” Seoyeon says matter-of-factly, and Nien nods in agreement as she reaches for a milk carton, handing it to Seoyeon before grabbing one for herself.

“But milk is the best with a straw!” Nien exclaims, poking a straw into her carton excitedly.

“Are you a baby?” Seoyeon asks, scoffing as much as she could for a nine-year-old.

The other girl puts her milk carton down and, to Seoyeon’s horror, faces her with both fists under her cheeks. Then, in a high-pitched voice: “I’m always a baby!”

Do they do aegyo in Taiwan? Seoyeon pretends to make a face, and she’s about to comment when a different voice cuts through their conversation.

“Ew Nien, that was so cringey.” One of their classmates is suddenly looking at the two of them, laughing with a group. Seoyeon sees Nien’s eyes widen slightly as her hands lower.

“HEY! What’s your problem? You’re just a meanie who’s not even half as cute as Nien!” Seoyeon speaks up, looking at the kid head on.

“Oh come on, Seoyeon, it was just a joke.” The kid laughs again. “You’re so sensitive—me and Nien are friends, right Nien?” All eyes are looking at Nien now, and at her half-second delay Seoyeon stands up abruptly. She doesn’t think she could handle hearing Nien take their side over hers.

“Seoyeon, wait—!” Nien scrambles up as well, quickly following as Seoyeon storms out of the classroom.

“Leave me alone, Nien. Why don’t you go back to your own friends?” Seoyeon asks angrily before Nien can get a word in. Her annoyance only grows when she sees the taller girl is following her with ease, despite Seoyeon trying to walk as fast as possible. In response, Nien grabs her wrist and pulls her to a stop, turning the two of them so that Nien’s facing her with both hands on her shoulders.

“Those guys aren’t my friends, Seoyeon. You are.” Seoyeon can see Nien unsuccessfully holding in a laugh at her sulking face. “Thanks for standing up for me back there. You know, I don’t do aegyo for just anyone!”

“Stop lying,” Seoyeon retorts, trying to stay mad. “I’ve seen you do it to Ms. Choi.”

“That was because I wanted more time to play with Seoyeonie~!” Nien links their arms, steering them back to the classroom. “Do you think she would give us more playing time if I did aegyo for her when we come back?”

“No.”

“Man, isn’t it so hot today, Seoyeon?” Nien asks, swinging their joined hands in large circles. They’re walking home from school, with their mothers chatting leisurely behind the two kids. “This is the perfect weather to eat ice cream in.”

“Nuh uh,” she objects, ever the contrarian. “Ice cream is the best when it’s cold.”

“Well, duh!” the girl exclaims. “Of course ice cream is best when it’s cold. If it was hot it would melt.”

“No DUH!” Seoyeon replies in a more exaggerated tone. “Obviously the ice cream itself should be cold, but I mean the weather, too.”

“No way! What if you get a brain freeze?”

“That’s if you eat too fast, not if it’s already cold outside.” She rolls her eyes. “And anyway, cold weather is better than hot weather in general.”

“Seoyeon, you can’t say that!” Nien looks horrified. “Our birthdays are in the summer months! It’s, like, a crime to say you like the cold better.”

“No, it isn't,” she defends. “And your birthday is before the solstice, so it's technically still in the spring.” Something occurs to her. “Your birthday is literally today.”

“Yeah, and it's hot so I'm still right,” Nien argues.

“No, you're not? My birthday can be in the summer but that doesn't stop me from liking winter more.”

“Why do you even like it better? What's so great about cold weather?” The girl giggles after asking. “Woah, that rhymed.”

“Barely,” Seoyeon retorts. “And I like the cold better because then there’s snow, and the crystallization makes it kind of like big ice cream.”

“Did you know each snowflake is unique, with no duplicates?” Nien suddenly asks.

“Yes, I did.” A pause. “What does that have to do with anything?"

“Well, ‘cause you brought up snow,” Nien offers. “Actually, I should ask you why snow and cold weather makes ice cream better. Since you didn't answer the question.”

“I was getting there!” she exclaims. “And as I was saying, ice cream is better in the cold because it doesn't melt, so you can take your time enjoying it.”

Nien hums as she considers that for a moment. “But in the heat, ice cream cools you off. It's like a big ice pack.”

“Well, it is ice cream,” Seoyeon emphasizes. “And like I said, it melts in the heat. So then it just turns into a sticky mess that you can't even enjoy.”

Nien is quiet for a moment, seemingly stumped, and Seoyeon starts to internally celebrate her victory over the girl. Suddenly, Nien perks up. “But Seoyeonnn.”

“What.”

“It's my birthday today.” Nien pouts at her. “Can’t you let me have this one?”

Seoyeon pushes the girl’s face that starts getting closer to hers. “Stop that.”

“No~” she replies. “Just admit it, ice cream is better in the heat~” Nien hits her cheek lightly with her nose, which makes Seoyeon jump.

“Wha—” She leans her face back reflexively, feeling her cheek burn at the spot where they made contact. “Fine, fine, I admit it!”

“Say it! Say, ‘Nien’s right and ice cream is better in the heat’ and I’ll let it slide.”

“Nien’srightandicecreamisbetterintheheat,” she mumbles.

“What was that?”

“I said,” she clears her throat, “Nien’s right and ice cream is better in the heat.”

“That’s more like it!” the girl cheers, bringing their hands up in a fist bump. “Let’s go get ice cream to celebrate! The kind in the fish bread.”

Seoyeon was never one to turn down ice cream. “It’s called bungeoppang.”

“And the next graduate from Daejeon Middle School is… Hsu Nientzu!”

A round of applause erupts from the audience of parents and students, and some of Seoyeon’s own classmates are cheering as well from the stage.

“HSU NIENTZU! HSU NIENTZU!” they chant, and Seoyeon feels like she wants to say something as well. She wants Nien to hear her cheering, too.

“LET'S—!” Her voice dies in her throat with a cough. “Let's go Nien!” she says lamely, clapping her hands louder to make up for the pitiful volume.

“And finally, the student who ranked at the top of Daejeon Middle School's class of 1999… Yoon Seoyeon!”

At her name Seoyeon gets up slowly, smoothing out her skirt as the parents clap and cheer. The cheers, of course, come from her own parents. “THAT’S OUR DAUGHTER!”

Seoyeon plays it cool, only smiling lightly at her dad's voice. Her smile drops, though, when she realizes that none of her own classmates are cheering. It makes Seoyeon’s heart pound uncomfortably fast—the way they all just clap politely with bored expressions, a stark contrast to their cheers for Nien just moments prior. All, except for said girl.

“WOO! LET’S GO SEOYEON! THAT’S THE NUMBER ONE IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL!” Nien shouts, and the girl positively beams at Seoyeon when she hurries up the stage.

“Stop, you’re embarrassing me,” Seoyeon huffs as she takes her place next to Nien, fingers fiddling with the edge of her award as she tries not to smile.

“What are you talking about! Since you cheered for me, I gotta cheer for you too!” Nien scoots closer to Seoyeon and links their arms as the photographer gathers the students’ attention. Tilting her head, the girl holds up two fingers. “V!”

“They need to take an official photo first.” Seoyeon’s hand bats Nien’s peace sign down.

“Aw what, can’t the peace be in the official one?” Nien jokes, still facing ahead, but straightens up regardless.

“Now a silly one!” the photographer calls.

“Here’s your chance,” Seoyeon whispers, but Nien is already bringing her hand up. It makes a hook shape.

“Let’s make a heart, Seoyeon!” Nien shakes her hand once, eyes still focused on the camera and not looking at Seoyeon.

“... Fine.”

Seoyeon’s been to Nien’s house so often she knows the route like the back of her hand, and she’s sure Nien could say the same about hers. The thought occurs to her when she’s trudging along the path, adjusting her backpack with one hand while her other one holds a plastic bag. All at the request of her mother, who so-abruptly woke Seoyeon up this morning.

“Yoon Seoyeon!” Her mothers voice thunders up the stairs and she jolts awake, eyes bleary as she fumbles for her alarm clock.

“Yeah, mom?” Seoyeon cracks her door open to call back down the stairs, wondering what her mother needed her so urgently for. “I’m not late for school yet?”

“Come down here!” is her reply and when Seoyeon arrives in the kitchen her mom holds up a wrapped container. “Hurry and get ready so you can take this to Nien’s house. You’re heading over to meet with Nien before going to school, right?”

The urgency in Seoyeon’s body leaves, and she mourns the precious minutes of sleep she’s missing out on by having this conversation. “Well, usually Nien comes here to pick me up. So—”

“Then you should go today!” her mom says in interruption. “Nien can’t always be coming to you, right? You should go to her sometimes, to balance it out.” She puts the container on the table. “Remember to take this before you leave, okay?”

Seoyeon opens her mouth, about to object, before deciding to just accept it. It’s not like she’d be able to fall back asleep that quickly anyways. “Okay, fine, I will.”

She runs her hand along the brick wall outside Nien’s house. When she reaches the gate she lifts the keypad cover, about to input the code that Nien told her in—actually, she doesn’t remember when Nien told her the code. She just remembers that it’s 0862 and, in Nien’s words, kind of like our birthdays, August 6th and June 2nd, isn’t that funny? Seoyeon shakes her head at the memory and begins to recite it under her breath as she types it in. “Zero, eight, si—”

The gate opens. And stepping out of it, about to run into her, is Nien.

“Seoyeon!” Nien reaches for her shoulder to keep from falling onto Seoyeon, steadying herself. “What are you doing here? I was just about to go to your house.”

She holds up the bag in response. “My mom said to give this to you.” Then, side-stepping past the girl to head for the house: “And she said you guys should come over tonight for karaoke.”

Nien bounds up to her, gate forgotten. “Oh, that sounds fun!”

“You know our parents will just hog the karaoke machine.” Seoyeon glances back. “You left the gate open.”

“Yeah, ‘cause we’ll be leaving right now!” Nien says as takes the bag from her hand, her own hand swiftly replacing its spot. She quickly tugs her into the house and drops the bag onto the dinner table. “MOM! Seoyeon’s mom gave us some banchan and wants to karaoke tonight!” Satisfied, Nien pulls Seoyeon just as quickly back out of the house.

“We didn’t even see your mom?” Seoyeon questions as Nien locks the gate. The girl just shrugs.

“Yeah, but she heard me.” Then she grins at Seoyeon, taking her hand again. “Let me tell you about this crazy dream I had last night...”

16.06.2002

When Seoyeon is not yet sixteen, Nien throws a curveball into their friendship.

They're sitting at the swings by her house and Seoyeon fans herself once, leaning back. “It’s so hot,” she complains, taking a singular lick of her ice cream. She has to savor it—her mom only lets her have one cone a day. Nien, on the other hand, has already finished her cone and she turns to Seoyeon, her eyes brimming with excitement.

“Seoyeon, guess what!” Nien rocks her swing sideways as if to bump shoulders with her.

“What?” Seoyeon answers, still looking at her own cone.

“I’m going to Taiwan!”

Seoyeon’s neck almost snaps with how quickly she turns her head. “You’re what?” she splutters, eyes wide as she stares at Nien.

“Oh no, not like that!” Nien’s eyes also widen, realizing why she looks so shocked. “My parents are only taking me back for the summer. And then I’m going to Vietnam after, to visit all of my family!”

Seoyeon brings her eyebrows back down, forcing her voice to be calm. “How long are you going for?”

At the question Nien's excitement returns. “Only until school starts again!” She frowns. “Which is actually kind of a long time. What if I miss Seoyeon too much?” Nien pouts at Seoyeon as she asks, then brightens up again. “I know—I’ll bring you lots of souvenirs! There’s so much I want to show you from Taiwan, you’re going to love them!”

Seoyeon gives a weak smile, but inside she thinks she’s going to be sick. Until school starts again… Two months is a long time. Seoyeon wonders if she’ll be able to go two months without Nien. And she'll be away during my birthday, too… She's suddenly hit with a wave of nausea and can't even bear to look at her ice cream.

Nien, noticing that Seoyeon’s gone silent, takes her hand. “Hey, your ice cream’s melting.”

The girl pulls a napkin from her pocket, taking the cone out of Seoyeon’s hand and wiping the melted ice cream off. When Seoyeon doesn’t react, just keeps staring at the cone that Nien puts back in her hand, Nien speaks again.

“Hey Seoyeon, we can still talk while I’m gone,” Nien insists, shaking her wrist lightly to bring Seoyeon’s gaze up to her.

“How?” Seoyeon asks, lower lip jutting out slightly. “You don’t have a phone and neither do I.”

Nien giggles and takes her hand off Seoyeon’s wrist, tapping her nose once. “Don’t be silly, Seoyeonie. We’ll do it the old-fashioned way, by sending letters.”

“Letters?”

“Don’t tell me the great Yoon Seoyeon doesn’t know how to write letters,” Nien teases.

Seoyeon rolls her eyes at the jab but she can’t help the corners of her mouth from going up. She takes another bite of her ice cream. “Okay, then. We’ll write.”

Nien leaves for Taiwan the following week and Seoyeon receives her first letter by the end of it. She had considered writing to Nien first, tearing through different types of paper and endless drafts until she saw that Nien had beaten her to it, the envelope sitting neatly on top of Seoyeon’s mail.

It’s unmistakably hers—Nien’s messy handwriting is scrawled across the front of the envelope with a crooked stamp in the corner. Seoyeon only feels a little sad that she couldn’t be the first to write, but her excitement to read the letter wins out. Seoyeon reasons that Nien probably has more to write about, anyway. She tears it open.

04-07-2002

Dear Seoyeon,

I’ve landed! I’m writing this from the airport right now, actually. Even though we saw each other this morning (it was this morning, right? time zones are confusing) I still miss Seoyeon a lot :( On the bright side, I’ve already found my first souvenir to give you! It’s one of the complimentary candies they gave me on the plane. I’ve already had mine, so you should have yours, too! I taped it on the back of the paper. Anyway, I think I’ll do a lot of fun things in Taiwan, so I’ll make sure to send back a lot of things! And I’ll collect a lot so we can do a haul when I come back, too. Don’t miss me too much, Seoyeon. I’ll be back before you know it!

Love,

Nien :)

Seoyeon laughs after finishing the letter, feeling the back of the paper. Sure enough, there’s a fruit candy taped to it, with Chinese text wrapping around a large purple grape on the wrapper.

Careful not to tear through the text, Seoyeon opens the wrapper slowly and puts the candy in her mouth. She looks at the wrapper again. I wonder what this says. If Nien were here she'd tell me. She pauses. Maybe I should learn Mandarin. Then I could understand when Nien talks to her mom. It's only fair since she learned Korean…

Seoyeon picks up her pen, about to write to Nien about her idea when another thought strikes her. No, it should be a surprise. Nodding once, Seoyeon straightens the paper on her desk and begins to write.

04.07.2002

Nien,

Thanks for the candy. You don't have to worry about me; I can handle myself for two months. It's not that long anyway. You should just have fun in Taiwan but don't have too much fun without me. I hope you have a good time with your family. I'll be waiting for you I miss you, too.

Seoyeon

Realizing she's run out of paper from her earlier failed attempts, Seoyeon decides to just blot out certain parts—embarassing parts—of the letter with an extra layer of ink, making sure Nien wouldn't be able to read them. She adds a note at the bottom, too.

P.S: don't mind the scribbled parts. I just smudged it a little.

Satisfied, Seoyeon folds the paper in thirds and tucks it into an envelope. Taking the sheet of stamps, she peels one off and uses her pen to line it up with the corner of the envelope, pressing it down lightly. Seoyeon picks up her pen again, about to write on the front of the envelope when she remembers. Right, I need to ask Mom what Nien's address is.

“MOM!”

Seoyeon heads to the library after dropping the envelope off at the post office. It was also the last day of the semester that morning, but Seoyeon didn’t particularly care for it. Mainly because Nien wasn’t there with her, and none of her classmates cared to interact with her without Nien anyway.

Stepping into the lobby, she thinks briefly about getting academic textbooks—she’ll be going into her last year of middle school, after all—but decides against it. She makes her way to the foreign languages section, making mental justifications to herself. I mean, learning Mandarin is technically academic, because we’d have to learn Hanja, anyway. I’m just getting a head start. Scanning the rows of books, she settles on a couple and brings them up to the librarian’s desk.

“Hi, I’d like to check out these books.” Seoyeon smiles at the librarian, hoping to check the books out quickly. She wants to get started on at least one of them by tonight.

“Oh, you want to learn Mandarin?” Unfortunately, the librarian seems to have other ideas. “Since you’re a student, I think you might like this book better.” The lady picks up a book from beneath her desk titled Chinese Basics: Hanja for Korean Speakers and puts it on top of the pile, replacing the book Seoyeon had chosen—Mandarin for Beginners. Just as quickly, Seoyeon reaches over the desk and swaps the books back, placing her hand on top of her original stack.

“Sorry, I only want these ones.” She smiles tightly, annoyed at the librarian’s audacity. Seoyeon can choose her own books just fine, thank you! Then, because she doesn’t forget her mom’s manners: “Thank you for the recommendation, though.”

“Oh, it’s no problem! It’s my job to help kids out at the library.” To Seoyeon’s dismay, the lady seems to want to continue conversing with her. She takes a quick look around the library—not another soul in sight. That’s fair, Seoyeon thinks. Other kids would probably rather be out than in a library during the summertime.

“So why do you want to learn Mandarin? Hoping to make friends overseas?” the librarian continues.

Seoyeon nods once, drumming her fingers against her thigh. “Something like that.”

Finally, the librarian finishes scanning Seoyeon’s books and slides them back across the table. “Well, I hope that goes well for you. Have fun learning!”

Seoyeon takes the books and tucks them under her arm, mumbling a quick Thanks and farewell as she finally leaves the library. Stepping onto the sidewalk, she brings her free hand up to shield her eyes from the sunlight. I want ice cream.

Seoyeon exchanges more letters with Nien over the next few weeks, and by the third letter from Nien she decides she needs somewhere to store them. She can’t just have them sitting on her desk—what if her mom found them when she’s cleaning her room one day? It’s too embarrassing to even imagine. Rummaging in her house’s storage, Seoyeon luckily finds an old shoebox and brings it up to her room, setting the letters neatly inside of it.

Before she puts the shoebox under her bed Seoyeon looks at it again, wondering if she should write anything on it—maybe something like Nien’s letters.

Or maybe not. She thinks again about what would happen if anyone ever found them—which they wouldn’t!—and decides not to mark it with anything, keeping it as nondescript as possible.

Seoyeon's eyes open in anticipation. In reality, she had woken up probably fifteen minutes ago but decided to keep her eyes closed, so as to not seem too eager. That, and she could hear her parents shuffling downstairs as they prepared something, probably decorations. It's her birthday, after all. She sits up. I should go downstairs now, she thinks as she slips out of bed and pads towards her bedroom door.

“There’s our birthday girl!” Seoyeon’s mom hugs her as soon as she comes downstairs and her dad comes over, too, ruffling her hair. “How’d our princess sleep before her birthday?”

“I slept fine, but I woke up because I heard you guys down here.” Seoyeon grins. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Well, since it’s your birthday I made seaweed soup!” Seoyeon’s mom says, steering her towards the kitchen table.

“You know, seaweed soup is usually eaten on birthday mornings—”

“To signify thanks to one’s mother for raising them, I know,” Seoyeon finishes her dad’s sentence, puffing her cheeks. “I must know it by heart now, Dad, you say the same thing every year.”

Picking up her chopsticks, Seoyeon hands her bowl to her mother’s outstretched hand next to the rice cooker as her dad settles down at the table as well.

“I’ve gotta remind you just in case, kiddo! We have to be thankful for everything your mom does for us,” he says, bumping shoulders with her mom, who laughs as she hands the bowl of rice back to Seoyeon. She averts her eyes and pretends to gag watching her parents in front of her.

“You guys are so gross,” she says, half-complaining. Secretly, though—but she would never tell them this—Seoyeon thinks she’d like to have a relationship like her parents’ in the future.

“So what’s on the agenda today? Should we open presents right away or do whatever you want first?” Seoyeon’s mom asks, blowing on her soup as she looks at Seoyeon. She doesn’t know if it’s just her imagination but she swears she sees her mom’s smile falter slightly before recovering. “Or maybe you want to hang out with some friends today?”

Seoyeon’s shoulders come up reflexively, imperceptibly. “You know Nien’s in Taiwan, Mom.” She just leaves it at that and frowns slightly when she sees the glance her parents give each other. Honestly, Seoyeon doesn’t know why they keep asking if she’s got any other friends—Nien is more than enough for her, and they’ve been each other’s only friends ever since they were babies. Seoyeon doesn’t have any desire to find anyone else.

“Can we just eat right now?” Seoyeon looks into her soup as her frown deepens.

“Of course, baby, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Her mom shifts closer to her side of the table and pats her knee reassuringly, putting another piece of meat in her bowl. “How about we go see a movie?”

“And then I was reading this part about the Sinosphere—that’s all the countries in China’s sphere of influence—and I found that Mandarin has a bunch of words in common with Korean because they share the same Chinese roots. I mean, I knew that Korea had relations with China from my history classes, but I didn’t expect there to be so much overlap!” Seoyeon says excitedly, stopping to catch her breath and take a bite of her ice cream.

She’s recounting her Mandarin self-study journey while walking with her parents back from the movie theatre, holding her mom’s hand with her free one while her dad had his arm around her shoulder. She smiles to herself—it’s been a while that she’s hung out with both of her parents at the same time, and she thinks it reminds her of when she was younger.

“That sounds awesome, kiddo! And you said this was going to be a surprise for Nien?” her mom asks from next to her, lightly squeezing Seoyeon’s hand as they walk.

“Yep!”

“Well in that case, I think it’s time to open presents!” her dad exclaims as they stop in front of the house gates, taking his key out to open it. He ushers the two of them inside. “Come on, Seoyeon, I think you’re going to love this!”

Pulling her to the couch, her mom sits her down next to her as her dad disappears into the other room. “I’m going to cover your eyes, honey,” her mom says as she brings her hands up to Seoyeon’s face.

Internally, Seoyeon can’t help but feel excited. It’d be a lie to say she didn’t think about Nien the whole day—considering the girl wasn’t here with her today like she had been for the past ten birthdays—but even she thought it’d be unrealistic for the girl to suddenly appear in her living room.

And, she didn’t want to bring Nien up to her parents in case they got weird about her again. Now that her mom had mentioned Nien first, though, and her dad’s opportune segue that seemed to hint toward it, Seoyeon feels anticipation bubbling up in her again. She hears shuffling and then her dad’s voice speaks up again.

“Okay… open your eyes!” Her mom’s hands come off her eyes and Seoyeon lays her eyes on the gift her dad set on the table: a fax machine. 

“No way!” Seoyeon’s eyes widen into saucers as she looks at her parents, speechless.

“We figured since you talk with Nien so much, it might be easier for you guys to fax instead of sending letters all the time. It’s quicker too, and saves us the cost of stamps.” Her mom looks especially pleased with herself. “And I talked to Nien’s mom too, since they already have a fax machine. What do you think of it, honey?”

Seoyeon launches herself onto her mom. “Oh my God, I love it. Thank you, thank you so much!”

“But wait, that’s not all!” her dad puts on an announcer’s voice. “We’ve got one more thing for you, princess.”

Pulling herself away from her mom, Seoyeon watches as her dad pulls something out from behind his back—a letter.

Seoyeon fights a shriek, slapping her hand on her mouth. She leans forward subconsciously, already reaching for the envelope. 

“I knew she’d like that more than the machine,” her dad stage-whispers to her mom as he hands the letter over, but Seoyeon can hardly hear him through the blood rushing in her ears.

“Alright, we’ll give you some privacy to enjoy your gifts. Your dad and I will go prepare dinner now,” Seoyeon’s mom says, standing up from the couch and taking her dad’s arm.

“Sounds good!” Seoyeon chirps, fingers already toying with the seal and itching to tear the envelope open. Once they finally leave the living room Seoyeon burrows herself into the couch, bringing the envelope up to her face to inspect it closely. The stamp is straighter than usual. Like Nien took the time to align it properly, she notices with satisfaction. Opening it carefully, she unfolds the letter and starts to read from the top.

06-08-2002

Dear Seoyeon,

Happy birthday~~ to you~~ Happy birthday~~ to you~~ Happy birthday~~ dear Seoyeonie~~~ Happy birthday~~~ to you~~~! That was me singing you happy birthday, so you gotta pretend like you can actually hear my voice! And I did actually sing out loud when I wrote that, even though everyone around me looked at me weird. You better be grateful, Yoon Seoyeon! Anyway, I heard from a little birdie (my mom)(you taught me that one, remember?) that you got a fax machine for your birthday. Guess this is the last letter then, huh? Don’t be sad Seoyeon, I can see your pout through the paper >:( It’s symbolic because it’s your birthday! Also, I even asked my dad to help me with the time zones so that you would get this in time. You gotta remember these things I do for you so you can pay me back someday, y’know!

Anyway, even though this is the last letter, the faxing will be easier, my parents said. They said to tell you that my area code is 886, and my fax number is 131-1301, so then it makes ten digits 886-131-1301. I don’t really know how to use it well yet, so that’s all I can tell you :( I think you’ll have to ask your dad. But on the bright side, isn’t that number easy to remember? It’s just 13 and 1 over and over!

And one more thing! I discovered this new drink here, and I guess since I've been away for so long it hasn't come to Korea yet? I don't remember seeing it whenever we went to get ice cream. It's called bubble tea, and it has these chewy balls in it called boba! Seoyeon I really wish you could have been here when I tried it cause it was sooo good!!! I wanted to bring some back for you (I'm coming back soon!) but my mom said they don't let us bring drinks on the plane :( so instead, I'll just bring back a box of the boba balls and we'll make the milk tea together in Korea! And it'll be really soon so I bet you can't wait~ See you soon Seoyeon!

Love,

Nien =P

When Seoyeon finishes Nien's letter she doesn't speak for a moment, hands just gripping the paper and eyes re-reading every sentence like it would make Nien come back faster. After her heart calms down a bit she finally exhales, still keeping the letter in her hands. She doesn't even know why she's so flustered—it's just a letter, Yoon Seoyeon!—but that doesn't stop the smile from growing on her face. Nien is coming back!

It's when she suddenly stands up from the realization that her stomach decides to make its irritation known, and a large growl escapes from her small frame. Seoyeon was going to ask her parents to help her set up the fax machine but changes her mind—she should probably eat first before trying to form coherent thoughts anyway.

“What's for dinner?”

06.08.2002

Nien,

I got your letter, and the fax machine. Thanks. Since this is the first fax between us you wouldn't know my number, so I'll tell you right now. It's 84-502-1321. Keep this number so I can get a fax back.

Although, since you're coming back soon we wouldn’t have to use the area codes soon. Still, it's a good habit to build. Also, what kind of tea goes into bubble tea? I'll be waiting for an answer when you come back and teach me how to make it. Do you know when you're coming back? Or is that a surprise, too? I'm curious.

Seoyeon

Seoyeon presses the send button and sits back on her heels, watching nervously as the machine starts scanning the letter she had written. She waits a beat longer after seeing the confirmation screen, also making sure the machine is fully stocked with paper.

More waiting. Half an hour passes of Seoyeon just watching the unmoving machine, and still no paper comes out of its mouth. Glancing between the dark staircase and the machine's tiny screen, she sighs. Nien’s probably asleep already. So are Mom and Dad… I guess I should just go to bed now. She takes a final look at the machine before rising from the floor and starting up the stairs. She'll reply in the morning.

Nien does not reply in the morning.

Seoyeon had rushed downstairs as soon as she woke up, making a beeline for the office room. Yet, it was just as she had left it last night, tray empty with a single light blinking as if to mock her. Seoyeon trudges back upstairs, falling face first onto her bed.

Whatever. I mean, it makes sense she hasn't replied yet. She rolls over, hugging her plushie as she continues to reason to herself. Even though faxing is more convenient than letters, there's still the cost of paper and ink… Nien's just being considerate.

And maybe she's putting a lot of effort into her reply, too, and that's why it's taking so long. Seoyeon feels a smile growing on her face and she sobers slightly, pressing an index finger to her mouth. Yoon Seoyeon. Be calm. You have a Mandarin lesson to get to today. And first, wash up.

When the evening comes, Seoyeon considers sending another letter. She tried going about her day like normal, finishing her Mandarin self-study in the morning and dropping by the library to return one of the books she had finished. And yet, she came home to a still-empty fax machine. Seoyeon even asked her mom! But she didn't seem to know either.

When the weekend starts approaching with no return letter, Seoyeon begins to feel worried. Sure, before they had gone a couple days without exchanging letters, but that was just accounting for the shipping delay. Again, it shouldn't be an issue with the fax machines. Maybe her machine broke…?

“Let me see this.” Sitting at her desk with a huff, Seoyeon picks up the calendar. There, circled in her red marker: First day of second semester. Before dread can fully set in her body she remembers why she was checking her calendar in the first place. Making mental calculations, Seoyeon realizes that Nien's only got a little over a week to get back to Korea before her promise of returning before school gets broken, too.

Forcing the twinge of hurt down, Seoyeon decides not to check the machine tonight. If Nien really does have machine problems, or if she just forg—No. Seoyeon doesn't finish the thought. In any case, she wasn't going to hurt herself more by constantly checking an empty machine.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. Seoyeon wakes up to an incessant pounding in her head. Though, when she lifts off of her pillow she realizes that it's not coming from her head at all. No, the sound seems to be coming from downstairs, like someone only had enough patience to wait ten seconds before releasing another round of knocks on her poor front door.

Groaning, Seoyeon pulls herself out of bed and wonders who it could be. Glancing at the clock—6:30 AM—she rules her parents out of her guesses. They've forgotten their keys before when going out for their morning runs, but if it were them they wouldn't be back for another fifteen minutes. Plus, neither of them ever knock like it was an emergency.

Wait. What if it is an emergency?

Seoyeon quickly snatches her glasses off her dresser and bolts out of her room, all sorts of scenarios running through her head. What if her parents got into an accident and it’s her neighbor trying to reach her? What if she forgot to return her books on time and it's the librarian coming to collect payment for the overdue books? What if—

In her rush Seoyeon doesn't look through the peephole and throws the door open, coming eye level to a raised fist about to knock again. And attached to the fist, a face with large brown eyes.

SLAM. Seoyeon closes the door just as quickly as she had opened it, hand trembling on the handle as her heart thunders in her chest.

“SEOYEON! OPEN THE DOOR, IT'S ME!” Nien's voice is barely muffled through the wood, and it's like the sound waves materialized into a hand that pulls Seoyeon back with how forcefully she halts her sprint to the stairs.

“Um, I know!” she calls out. “I need— just, give me a second to wash up!” She doesn’t wait for Nien's reply and climbs her stairs in record time, flinging the bathroom door open.

Seoyeon's reflection—hair sticking up in all directions, huge glasses framing her puffy eyes, a slight trail of drool on her cheek—stares at her in the mirror and she almost screams. Vigorously, she grabs her hair brush and flings her glasses off her face, trying to scrub any trace of sleep from it. Fully aware Nien is still waiting outside, she speeds through her morning skincare routine but struggles to get her contacts in right, her hands unable to keep still long enough to get the lens on her eyeballs.

Whatever! I'll just be blind today. Smoothing out her pajamas, Seoyeon descends the stairs once again and stops in front of her front door, thinking. Should she act natural? Pretend like she didn't slam the door in Nien's face? Or maybe—

“Seoyeon! I can hear you in there, open the door already!” Nien's voice rings through again, and as if on command her hand takes the handle and finally opens the door.

“Hi,” Seoyeon says, a little breathlessly, as she just stares at the girl in front of her. Somehow, she had gotten taller in the two months away, now a noticeable amount of centimeters taller than Seoyeon.

“Hi to you, too, Seoyeon.” Nien grins goofily as she holds up a box. “Let's make bubble tea!”

Standing in the kitchen, Nien considers two pots on the table. “Which one do you think, Seoyeon?” The left one. “I feel like the left one might be better; it's taller so we can boil the water more easily.” Nien holds up the pot, checking for Seoyeon’s confirmation before bringing it to the stove.

“And turns out the convenience store does have boba pearls, but it's like the instant version that you heat up,” Nien continues as she fills a pitcher with water. “And I was like, that's fine and all but I wanted the better quality pearls for my Seoyeonie, you know? These are the dried kind.”

Seoyeon thanks the heavens Nien was too busy at the sink to notice how her face flames up at the nickname, one that the other girl liked to call her ever since they were toddlers. “Yeah,” she murmurs, prompting Nien to continue.

“So these ones are the kind where you have to boil them first, and then let them sit for like fifteen minutes in the water so they'll get soft.” Nien turns abruptly after lighting the stove. “Seoyeon, you are not going to believe how soft and chewy these pearls get, it was honestly crazy when I tried it for the first time in Taiwan.”

“Oh yeah?” she replies from the table. “And how was Taiwan? I noticed you didn’t reply to my last letter.”

“Seoyeonie~” Nien takes a seat across from her. “I couldn’t write a reply ‘cause they took my machine early to get it through customs. And I did reply, I’ve got the letter here with me now! So don’t be mad, yeah?”

Pleased at her words, Seoyeon reaches for the envelope Nien extends across the table, fingers about to close around the pap—

“But first!” Nien whips the envelope just out of Seoyeon’s reach. She points at Seoyeon. “Show me some aegyo.”

“Ew what, no!” Seoyeon exclaims, leaning over the table in an attempt to grab it. “Just give it to me!”

“Come on, Seoyeon!” Nien leans back in her chair, extending her arm as far as it would go and out of Seoyeon’s reach. “You’ve gotta work for it! I know you missed me like crazy while I was gone, don’t I deserve a gift?”

“Isn’t the ‘missing you like crazy’ part enough?” Seoyeon grumbles.

“So you admit that you missed me like crazy?” Nien says gleefully.

Stuttering, Seoyeon’s face burns as she scrambles for a response. “Yah, what do you mean ‘don’t I deserve a gift’? If anything, I should be the one who deserves a gift, you missed my birthday!”

Unexpectedly, Nien sobers up at Seoyeon's words and she nods pensively. “That’s true, I did miss your birthday.” She stands up, walking to Seoyeon’s chair and wrapping her arms around her shoulders. “I’m sorry, Seoyeon.”

The action renders her speechless, and for a few moments Seoyeon doesn’t know how to respond. When she feels a wetness start to prick at the corners of her eyes, though, she wills the tears not to fall, not wanting to stain Nien’s shirt.

“I’m—”

“Seoyeon, are you boiling water? Why are all the lights on?” Upon hearing Seoyeon’s mom’s voice Nien springs out of the hug, dropping the envelope in surprise. When Seoyeon reaches for it at the same time Nien does their fingers accidentally brush, which sends a shock up Seoyeon’s arm.

“Oh? Nien! When did you come back, honey?” Seoyeon watches Nien straighten up quickly as her mom comes over to give the girl a hug.

“Oh, I just got back last night, haha.” Nien seems to play off her flusteredness coolly, but she can’t make eye contact with Seoyeon, who silently grips the letter in her hand. “Oh, the water!”

Seemingly just remembering the pot, Nien rushes to the stove when Seoyeon’s mom releases her and takes out a plastic bag from the box on the counter, full of small black orbs. “I was just making these tapioca pearls, and you drink them with milk tea! Would you like to try some, Mrs. Yoon?”

“Oh Nien, you're too kind. You're probably still feeling jetlagged—go sit down.” Seoyeon's mom looks over at her, half risen out of her chair. “What are you waiting for, Seoyeon? Come take these pearls from Nien.”

“Oh no, Mrs. Yoon, I came to show Seoyeon! I was hoping we could make it together.” Still Nien does not look at Seoyeon, but she can't hide the redness at the tips of her ears.

Seoyeon grins as she walks over. “Don't worry, Mom, Nien and I are just fine here. Didn't you say you wanted to head to the market with Dad today?”

“You're right, I did say that,” her mom hums thoughtfully. “Well, I think I can trust you guys not to burn the house down.” She pulls them down for a group hug, exclaiming when she looks at Nien again. “My goodness, Nien, you’ve grown a lot! You're so much taller than our Seoyeon now!”

“Mom!” Seoyeon whines, steering her mom towards where her dad is waiting in the living room. “The market's gonna get busy if you don't go now.”

“I know, I know, dear.” Her mom adjusts her cap. “Well, you two be safe in here!” With that her parents finally leave, leaving Seoyeon alone with Nien in the kitchen again. Speaking of the other girl, she's already stirring the pearls in the pot.

“Hey, you said you wanted to make them with me! I haven't touched a single utensil this entire time,” Seoyeon half-complains, coming to watch the bubbling pearls by Nien's side. “So what do you do now?”

Wordlessly, Nien takes Seoyeon's hand and guides it on the ladle, stirring gently. “Now, we have to boil it for 15 to 20 minutes, and then wait another 15 minutes after to let it sit in the water.” Letting go of Seoyeon's hand, Nien goes to set a timer on the microwave.

“Then, we just make syrup and tea and combine with milk—after that, we're done!” Nien claps her hands and leans against the counter, satisfied.

“So what are you doing?”

“Hm?”

“I mean, why aren't you brewing the tea yet? Doesn't it take some time for the water to boil?” Seoyeon clarifies, still stirring at the stove.

Nien nods but doesn't move. “Oh sure, but I don't want the tea to cool down too quickly before we drink it. And we have a lot of time ‘cause we still have to let the pearls sit, too.” She smiles cheekily. “Plus, we're making it together. So I'm fine just watching you stir.”

“What the heck? That was so cheesy.” Seoyeon blushes as her eyebrows draw together, laughing slightly. “Why don't you tell me something more about Taiwan?”

“I can do that, too!”

Setting both cups on the table, Nien opens two plastic straws and puts them in their drinks, pushing one cup to Seoyeon. “Here, you try it first.”

Taking the straw hesitantly, she brings it to her lips and almost takes a sip.

“WAIT!” Nien's sudden exclamation makes her jump. “Don't drink it too fast! One of my little cousins almost choked on the pearls ‘cause they just chugged their drink.”

“I'm not one of your little cousins, Nien.” Seoyeon rolls her eyes good-naturedly but heeds her warning regardless. The taste is definitely different—Seoyeon didn't expect milk to pair so well with tea, but she doesn’t hate the flavor.

“How are the pearls? Chewy, right?” Nien's eyes watch her expectantly.

Seoyeon chews thoughtfully. The consistency kind of reminded her of rice cakes, though not as chewy. And sweet, of course, instead of spicy. It was somewhat like ice cream, but less crystallized and held more firmly when she bit it.

“Seoyeon? Don't leave me hanging here,” Nien jokes, but Seoyeon can see a trace of uncertainty in the girl's eyes.

“Nien…” she starts, drawing out the girl's name and watching said girl hang on her every syllable. “It's really good.”

“Oh my god, Seoyeon! You had me thinking you hated it for a second!” Nien bursts out, laughing now. “That's good, because I brought a bunch of boxes back and I didn't want to finish them myself.”

“Let's have them together,” she suggests. Nien hums happily in agreement and finally takes a sip of her own drink. “Woah. This is actually really good. I thought you were just saying that to be nice.”

“How many times should I say that it's good for you to believe it?” Seoyeon huffs.

“Hmm, I don't know, maybe a hundred?” the girl wonders aloud. “By the way, is your mom okay with us having milk tea before breakfast? Although milk and tea are technically breakfast drinks…”

Seoyeon snorts as she takes another sip of her drink. “I'm pretty sure my mom would be okay with anything if she hears that you're involved.”

“Really?”

“Nien, how many times do I have to say it? Everyone adores you around here, I'm pretty sure my neighbors know your name and face, too.” Seoyeon pretends to be exasperated.

“Depends, are you included in the everyone?” grins Nien.

Seoyeon just groans loudly in response, fiddling with her straw. “By the way, I'm pretty sure my mom will make you stay for breakfast, too. In case you were planning to go home or something.”

“Fine by me! Your place is like a second home to me, anyway.”

Now Seoyeon's really blushing, and she stares at the bubbles in her drink as she wracks her brain for a response.

“I'm glad,” is what she decides on, and the two settle into a comfortable silence until her parents return.

(“So,” Seoyeon's dad starts as she helps him set the table. There's enough distance between them and where Nien and her mom are in the kitchen that the two can't hear their conversation. “How's it feel, now that Nien's back? Feels like all is right in the world again?”

“Dad!” Seoyeon whispers quickly, shushing him. “Can't I just be happy my friend is back?”

“Of course, princess,” he laughs. “Your happiness is what matters the most to your mom and I in this world.”

“You guys are so corny,” she deflects, but she can't stop the smile on her face.

“You'll have to get used to it, because I've been teaching Nien my corny ways.”

“Dad!”)

By the afternoon Seoyeon's mom suggests that they check out the bus stop, to keep them from being cooped up talking in Seoyeon's room.

“You'll be starting school in less than two days, Yoon Seoyeon! You should at least make sure you remember how to ride the bus. And make the best of your last days of summer,” her mom says, pulling her off the bed by the arm. She looks at Nien sitting backwards in Seoyeon's desk chair. “And you, too, Nien. Go with Seoyeon to make sure she doesn't get into trouble.”

“You say that like I ever get in trouble,” Seoyeon grumbles, but she gets up regardless. 

“Don't worry, Mrs. Yoon! I'll make sure to have Seoyeon under my watch at all times!” Nien chirps, joining her by her door. “Let's go, Seoyeon!”

“Why did she have to remind us… I don’t want to think about school,” she groans as they step outside her gates.

“No way!” Nien exclaims. “You can’t be saying that! If you’re dreading school then what does that make me?”

“No, not like schoolwork.” Seoyeon rolls her eyes. “I like learning just fine, I even do it in my free time.” She bites her lips before she can reference her Mandarin self-study. For some reason, she doesn’t want to tell Nien just yet. Maybe later, when she can actually say something intelligible.

“I just… I don’t know. I like it like this,” she says finally. “I like hanging out when it’s just the two of us.” I wish you came back sooner dies on her lips.

“Aww, Seoyeon, I know. I wish we had more time to hang out before school starts again,” Nien says, as if reading her mind. “But on the bright side, it’s not like we wouldn’t be around each other during the year! And plus, we can meet new people and make more friends!”

“I guess,” she concedes, a little frustrated. First her parents, now Nien? Everyone seems to think Seoyeon needs more people in her life—aren’t the ones she has enough?

Seemingly noticing Seoyeon’s mood, Nien brings them to a stop in front of the convenience store. “Hey Seoyeon, I’m kind of hungry. Let’s get some ice cream before we get to the bus.”

Nien pulls her into the store, already bringing her to the freezer section. As she watches the taller girl bounce between the different ice cream varieties, Seoyeon feels a weird feeling start to grow in her chest. She ignores it.

“Let's split a cone.”

Despite having known each other for almost ten years, Seoyeon is surprised she never asked why Nien is living in Korea.

She’s laying on the girl’s bed, socked feet propped up on the windowsill as she thumbs through the photographs Nien hands her. Said girl is sitting cross-legged on the ground next to the bed, shuffling through bundles of photographs in shoe boxes and periodically handing some up to Seoyeon.

“Oh, take a look at this one!” Nien moves to place a photograph on the pile next to Seoyeon’s splayed-out hair but pauses first, reading the back. “My mom wrote, ‘Nien meets Seoyeon!’”

Seoyeon picks it up to take a closer look. We were seven years old here, she notes—now, they’re already sixteen. Her heart does an odd flip. She turns the photograph over, silently reading the Chinese characters written on the back. To her pleasure, she finds that she can actually understand it. Those Mandarin lessons are paying off... “Hey, Nien.”

“Hm?”

“Do you remember what the first thing I said to you was? When we first met?”

The girl barks a laugh. “As if. I was barely learning Korean then.”

Seoyeon cackles as well. “I know. That’s why—I said, ‘Why don’t you speak Korean?’” She sits up, bringing her legs down from the wall and shifting to lean on her elbow as she watches Nien’s reaction. The girl tilts her head once.

“Oh yeah, that’s right! You did, I remember that!” Her eyes widen at the memory before narrowing. Suddenly, Nien reaches over to grab a pillow—smack. “Meanie. How could you pick on baby Nien who didn’t know a lick of Korean?”

“Oh no, you didn’t.” Seoyeon’s face splits into a grin as she grabs the other pillow. Smack. “Baby Seoyeon didn’t know that—you can’t blame her!”

“Yes I can!” Nien stands up now, photographs forgotten as she climbs onto the bed. Smack.

“HEY! THIS IS WAR!” Seoyeon shrieks, using her own pillow to defend against Nien’s.

The two descend into a fit of giggles, both using their pillows to simultaneously block and attack the other.

“Just give up already. I won’t stop until you apologize to baby Nien!” Nien shouts gleefully. The girl had managed to climb on top of Seoyeon, legs straddling her waist with a pillow raised above her head, ready to strike.

“Okay, okay, I will!” Seoyeon gasps between giggles. She drops her own pillow and raises her hands by her head. “I apologize!”

“To baby Nien…” Nien raises the pillow a little higher.

“To baby Nien.”

“For bullying a little kid.”

“I was a little kid, too!” Seoyeon grabs Nien’s wrists, which puts the taller girl off balance. She almost falls on top of Seoyeon, catching herself only with her forearm next to Seoyeon’s head. Their faces, though, are only centimeters apart. She feels Nien’s breath on her lips.

“Ahem!” The Taiwanese girl suddenly pushes herself up, stumbling slightly in an effort to swing her leg off of Seoyeon’s. She rolls off the bed with a thud, landing on the wood floor below.

“Nien!” Seoyeon scrambles up as well, leaning over the side of the bed to see Nien holding her shoulder on the ground. The girl’s face is bright red, her eyes darting everywhere but up to meet Seoyeon’s.

“I’m okay!” Nien’s voice comes out higher-pitched than normal. She clears her throat once. “I, uh, don’t really care by the way. I know you didn’t mean it then.” Nien still does not look at Seoyeon. To be fair, Seoyeon’s almost positive her own face is just as red.

“That’s— that’s good,” she stutters. She tries to change the subject. “So, why are you living in Korea, though? I just realized you never told me.”

“That’s ‘cause you never asked.” Nien’s playful demeanor is back and she stretches her limbs out on the floor, humming once.

“It’s actually my parents. Did you know they actually met in Korea?” Nien raises her eyebrows at Seoyeon, as if to say I know, right? “Apparently they went to the same international school here, and it was originally only supposed to be for a semester.”

“But it wasn't,” Seoyeon guesses.

“That's right.” Nien shrugs while lying on the floor, and Seoyeon thinks she looks like a wiggling starfish. “So they decided to keep living here, until my dad got a job in Taiwan. The plan was to move back as soon as they could, but then they had me.”

Nien looks at Seoyeon with a grin. “We stayed in Taiwan until we could move back here. And then I met you, and the rest is history~

“If you think about it, I'm kind of like them. Growing up in a foreign place that's not really foreign. Maybe I'm meant to find my soulmate here, too,” Nien says with a laugh.

Seoyeon freezes slightly from her position on the bed, and she replies a half-beat late. “Maybe, haha…”

If Nien notices her pause she doesn't say anything, just shimmies over to the boxes of photographs. Seoyeon points at one to stop the thoughts in her brain. “What's in this one?”

It's Nien's turn to freeze now, the girl pausing slightly as they both stare at the shoebox.

“It's nothing!” Nien blurts out, kicking the box with her foot. It slides on the wooden floor, and Seoyeon hears it hit the wall with a light thud below the bed.

“I mean, it’s not nothing, it’s just—um, it’s your letters. And stuff.” At Nien's words matching blushes bloom on both of their faces, and Seoyeon finds herself once again at a loss for words.

“I mean,” Seoyeon starts slowly. “That's… normal. You’re my best friend, so— that's what friends do.” She pauses. “I have one, too. A box, I mean.” She doesn't say of your letters, figures it was obvious enough.

Yeah, Seoyeon thinks to herself. And we’ve been writing for more than a year! It would be weird if friends didn't do that.

Evidently, Nien seems to come to the same conclusion, and the two burst into laughter when they finally make eye contact, the awkward tension dissipated.

“Do you want bubble tea?”

02.06.2004

Seoyeon is a little panicked.

“Seoyeon, are you ready?” Nien's voice rings up from down the stairs.

“I'm coming, just give me a second!” she calls back, rushing around in her room. Where the hell is it?

“What's taking you so long?” The moment Nien asks, Seoyeon finally finds what she was looking for and her fingers close around the object. “It's not nice to keep me waiting on my birthday!”

That's right. Today is Nien's birthday; June 2nd, 2004. Two weeks until the midway point of their high school careers—three weeks until Nien leaves for Taiwan for the summer. Evidently, Seoyeon's got a lot on her mind. She finally makes her way downstairs, meeting Nien in the living room.

“Finally, you're down! What took you so long?” Nien exclaims, getting up from her seat in the armchair.

“I was just getting something, let's go now.” Seoyeon grabs Nien's elbow and steers her to the front door.

“Nien, honey, before you leave!” Seoyeon's mom’s voice suddenly rings out from the kitchen, where she emerges with a paper bag. “Take this ppeongtwigi; I bought it fresh this morning.”

Nien's hands come up in front of her mouth as the girl exclaims happily, “For me? Oh, thank you Mrs. Yoon!” At the same time, her mom also hands a lunch box to Seoyeon and she grabs Nien’s arm again.

“We’re going to be late—Nien, come on!” Pulling her to the door now, Seoyeon calls out a quick goodbye to her mom and drags the girl outside, closing the front door carefully behind them.

“Dang Seoyeon, I can’t have a sentimental moment with your mom? You really want all of my attention today, huh?" Nien teases, but her eyes hold no malice. The taller girl resituates her bag on her shoulders before slotting their hands together as they walk to the bus stop.

“So what have you got for me, Seoyeonie? I know that’s what you were digging around in your room for; you’re not sneaky,” Nien continues, dropping two coins into the bus driver’s box as they get on.

“I can't give it to you yet—you'll have to wait until we get to school.” Seoyeon doesn't even pretend to deny it. Nien makes a noise of quiet excitement and settles into her seat, occasionally pointing out things on their way to the school. When the bus finally rolls up to the stop just outside the gates, Seoyeon stands up abruptly, tugging Nien up as well.

“Come on, let’s go.” She gives Nien a gentle push, prompting the girl to exit into the aisle and off the bus. Walking quickly, Seoyeon brings them past the front office and takes a glance at the clock hanging on the wall. 7:45 AM. She keeps walking.

“Woah Seoyeon, what’s with the rush?” Nien objects, but her long strides have no trouble keeping up with Seoyeon’s pace. Finally, they stop beside one of the brick buildings, one that Seoyeon’s sure no one else is around.

“Close your eyes.”

Nien shuts her eyes obediently, but not before Seoyeon covers them first with her hand—for good measure.

“Damn Seoyeon, I know it’s my birthday but I don’t think we should be doing this at the school,” the girl says exaggeratedly. Never mind the fact that they were alone—students were only just starting to arrive, and certainly none of them were at the side of this building.

“Hey!” Seoyeon taps Nien’s cheek lightly. “Stop saying weird things!”

“Yoon Seoyeon! Did you just hit my cheek while my eyes were closed? Didn’t know you were into that sort of thing,” the girl comments, her grin only growing wider as she continues to tease Seoyeon.

“Hsu Nientzu. If you don’t stop, I won't give you your gift.” At this Nien shuts up, pretending to zip her mouth with her hand and making an OK sign.

Reaching into her bag, Seoyeon slowly removes her other hand from Nien’s still-shut eyes and takes the girl’s hand instead, placing something on her palm. “Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

Slowly, Nien’s gaze lands on what Seoyeon placed in her hand: an envelope.

Before the other girl can say anything—before Seoyeon can lose her courage—she starts to speak.

“今天是你的生日，所以我想给你一份礼物.” It’s your birthday today, so I wanted to give you a gift. 

“我的普通话还不是很好，但希望你能理解我.” My Mandarin still isn’t good yet, but I hope you’ll understand me anyway. 

“你的微笑如此灿烂，总是让你周围的人感到快乐.” Your smile is so bright, and it always makes everyone around you happy.

“但今天，我希望你将成为最幸福的人. 生日快乐，許念慈.” But today, I hope that you’ll be the happiest person. Happy birthday, Hsu Nientzu.

It’s an almost flawless recitation, save for the slight stutter as she said Nien’s name. Seoyeon’s unbelievably nervous, much more nervous than when she had practiced in her room—she only said five sentences, for goodness sake! But seeing that Nien still hasn’t responded, a cold feeling starts to pool in Seoyeon’s stomach. Oh God, I’ve really done it this time.

The birthday girl was frozen in her place, had seemed to stop breathing the moment Seoyeon opened her mouth. The only indication that she was still alive was the blood rushing in her cheeks, making her whole face a pink shade. No doubt out of embarrassment, Seoyeon thinks disparagingly. I mean, who even ambushes someone with broken Mandarin? She probably didn’t even understand half of what I said. Yoon Seoyeon, what have you done?

“I—” Seoyeon starts to speak, but is suddenly stopped when Nien crushes her in a hug. The pounding in Seoyeon’s chest is deafeningly loud; it feels like it surrounds her.

“Seoyeon.” Nien's voice sounds breathless, her arms tightening around Seoyeon to complement the squeeze in her chest. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Seoyeon whispers back, praying the girl can’t feel the heat coming off her face. She continues to stand in Nien’s embrace until the bell suddenly rings, snapping her out of it. Nien doesn’t let go, though, and just takes her hand instead.

“Let’s get to class.”

Even as they’re sitting in class, Nien’s hand never leaves the envelope on her desk. Seoyeon notices this fact by the fifth time she looks over at the girl, but she can’t help it. It’s become routine for Seoyeon to look at Nien, especially since they’re hardly seated together anyways, and this habit is only worsened by the extra attention Nien receives today. Something warm glows in Seoyeon’s chest, though, when she realizes that Nien just puts her other gifts in her desk without so much as a second glance, while Seoyeon’s letter remains glued to her hands.

RING~ She watches Nien immediately get up from her seat at the sound of the break bell. It’s only after she breaks through a small crowd of students—who all say some variation of “Yo, Nien, happy birthday” or “Nien senior, you’re so cool!” while giving her all sorts of snacks—that Nien finally makes it to Seoyeon’s table, plopping into the seat next to hers.

“Sorry ‘bout that, Seoyeonie. I didn’t know I was so popular,” the taller girl exhales, making a show of stretching her arms above her head.

“Well, it is your birthday,” Seoyeon reminds her. “You could stand to give them a little bit of your attention—you always end up sitting here for break anyway.”

“You mean you could stand to give them a bit of my attention?” Nien’s eyebrows raise as she emphasizes the you. “You’re not just hoarding me for yourself?! You’ve changed, Seoyeon,” the girl laments dramatically, falling sideways onto Seoyeon’s desk.

“I take that back—your ego’s gotten overinflated.” Seoyeon rolls her eyes as she continues to work on their math assignment. “I think the popularity’s gotten to your head.”

“What popularity? The only popularity I care about is from you,” Nien says, head propped on her hand as she winks at Seoyeon.

She pushes Nien’s face with her palm. “Stop that, I’m trying to focus.”

“Ah whyyy! Why won’t you pay attention to me?” the girl whines, pouting. Seoyeon didn’t think it was possible for humans to look like puppies. Woah, where did that come from?

“Ugh, fine.” Seoyeon pretends to look indifferent. “Let’s hang out after school. Since it’s your birthday.”

“You’d ask to hang out regardless, but I’ll take it!” Nien pumps her fist. The girl perks up with a small gasp, getting up quickly to retrieve something from her desk. “Watch this, Seoyeon.”

Nien’s holding the ppeongtwigi that Seoyeon’s mom gave her, carefully angling the puff as she breaks off tiny pieces to eat. Seoyeon watches in amusement as she nearly snaps it in half.

“Look, a face!” Nien says, holding up the now-heart-shaped puff. Her eyes peek out of the two holes she punched into it. “It’s only slightly uneven.”

“Hmm, it looks like it’s missing something though?”

“Missing?” The girl’s indignant voice is blocked by the puff in front of her mouth. “What’s missing from it?”

“Try adding a mouth,” Seoyeon suggests. “Or is that too hard?”

“Pssh, what do you think of me?” Nien asks in faux offence. “Of course I can give it a mouth.” Lowering the ppeongtwigi from her face, the girl holds it still over Seoyeon’s desk and positions her finger—crack.

“Hey!” she shrieks. “You got crumbs on my desk! And it doesn’t even look like a mouth.”

“Nuh uh, it’s a smile,” Nien insists of the rounded crack. She hands the puff to Seoyeon while sweeping the stray crumbs into her hand.

“What the heck?” Seoyeon laughs as she takes the puff, holding it up to her own face. “How do I look?”

Nien connects her fingers in a frame shape, squinting as she looks at Seoyeon. “Like a rice monster.”

“Hey—!” Seoyeon drops the ppeongtwigi from her face, about to object when Nien suddenly puts a piece in her mouth.

“Shh, just eat it,” Nien coos, patting Seoyeon’s chin twice before snatching the rice puff out of her hand. “And be careful with this—I put a lot of effort into it!”

“Since when did you learn to do that?” Seoyeon mutters, chewing.

“I’m a woman of many talents, Seoyeon.” Nien looks like she’s about to say something else when the bell suddenly rings again, signalling the end of the break period. The girl places the ppeongtwigi neatly on top of Seoyeon’s math work instead.

“Here, take my heart,” Nien says, getting up to head to her own seat.

“Wha— this is yours! My mom gave this to you!”

“Just keep it!”

02.06.2004

Dear Nien,

At the time of writing this the clock just turned midnight, so I’ll be the first to say it: Hsu Nientzu, happy birthday. You might be wondering when I started learning Mandarin—and my written Mandarin’s pretty good, isn’t it? If you’ll remember, you left me alone for two months while you went to have fun in Taiwan. So, I thought I’d pick it up in the meantime, as a surprise. That’s right, I’ve been learning for nearly two years now.

In any case, I wanted to wish you a sincerely happy birthday. Although I don’t say it often, you cheer me up more than you think, and your energy is infectious. I’m grateful that we’ve been friends for so long, and my wish is that we’ll stay friends for much longer. You’re very important to me, so I hope you’ll take care of your health, too. To be frank, this feels unnatural and a bit cringey to write, since I hardly say it. And that won’t change, so savor this letter. 

Today marks the start of the two months where you’re one year older than me, so I guess it’s good for me that you’ll be in Taiwan for most of it. Mostly. I’m reaching the end of my vocabulary, so I’ll end this message here. I wish you a new year of good health and prosperity.

Seoyeon

20.09.2004

Seoyeon can’t help but feel like something’s changed.

She's on the bus, and really, there's nothing terribly out of the blue. Seoyeon's sitting by the window as she usually is, with Nien sitting next to her—the girl either humming a random song or pointing out whatever piques her interest in the window. Today, it seems to be the latter.

“Oh, Xinyu asked if we could hang out at the mall later,” Nien suddenly says.

Ah. Maybe that’s it. Zhou Xinyu, a new transfer student to their school. And, according to Nien, her sister from another mister. Seoyeon remembers the day she met the girl.

(It's August again. Another year has passed, and Seoyeon's squarely in her second year of high school. And, she's one year older, once again the same age as Nien, who had returned from her trip just before school started again.

Just as the year before, their teacher had separated the two in the seating chart, except now it wasn't without reason. No, Seoyeon—being the newly appointed class president—is sitting next to a new student, Zhou Xinyu, and she doesn't think anything of it. Until Nien comes in.

When the break bell rings, Nien naturally makes her way over to Seoyeon's desk like clockwork, only this time the girl doesn't address her right away. She turns to Xinyu instead.

“你好！你是新转的学生，对吧?” Hi, you're the new student, right? Seoyeon mentally translates.

“I can speak Korean,” Xinyu answers bluntly.

Okay, that was a little rude, Seoyeon thinks. She glances at Nien, worrying that the girl might have been hurt by the comment, judging by her momentary silence.

Nien bursts out laughing.

“Okay, that’s fair, I didn’t ask you first,” Nien chuckles, holding her hands up.

“How do you speak so well?” Seoyeon blurts out, making the two girls look at her.

“I've been living in Korea for, like, three years? It's just that I've recently switched schools,” Xinyu answers politely.

“Oh what, you're kind of like me! I've been living in Korea for more than half my life,” Nien says. Seoyeon tries to ignore the feeling in her chest seeing Nien smile so comfortably at Xinyu. Of course, Nien is just that kind of person. A kind, extroverted person who could probably even make friends with a rock.

“Me and Seoyeon basically grew up together,” Nien continues, grabbing Seoyeon's hand. It eases the tightness in her chest. “Actually, Seoyeonie knows Mandarin, too!”

At this the two girls look at her again, Nien happily and Xinyu curiously. It makes her feel ill.

“Um, yeah, a little,” she mumbles. Xinyu looks like she wants to say something, but decides not to push it. For once in her entire school life, Seoyeon is glad when the break period ends.)

“Seoyeon?” Nien looks at her again, waiting for an answer to Xinyu's invitation. Hang out with us, or hang out with you? Seoyeon thinks immediately, then chastises herself for it. She has nothing to hold against Xinyu—the girl is perfectly nice, and she’s new, for goodness sake. Seoyeon should be welcoming her, not thinking horrible thoughts borne of a green monster in her stomach.

“Sure, let’s hang out,” she agrees, ending the conversation at that.

By the time they hit their third department store Seoyeon feels even more horrible. It’s not that she hates shopping—she’s had her fair share with her mom or Nien—but it’s the fact that it’s enjoyable that convinces Seoyeon that she must be a terrible person. 

The manner in which Xinyu is passionate about clothes—how she told Seoyeon and Nien that she’s going to be a fashion designer—is infectious. Seoyeon can respect drive; she especially respects people who have already set their sights on their goals and are relentless to achieve them. Xinyu is just that, and Seoyeon wonders why she ever felt uneasy around the other girl in the first place.

“By next summer I want to apply for an internship at a designer’s studio. Just put myself out there, you know?” Xinyu says to her as they walk to the food court. Their destination was courtesy of Nien, of course, who had loudly exclaimed that she was about to pass out from hunger from how much they’d been shopping.

“No, yeah, I get that! I want to try getting a job, too, just to gain experience.” Seoyeon nods enthusiastically. “Wait, so are you still going to take the CSAT next year? Beca—”

“Oh my God!” Nien suddenly squeezes in between them, slinging her arms over their shoulders. “Guys, are we really talking about the CSAT right now? This year’s CSAT hasn’t even happened yet and we’re literally hanging out at the mall?”

Xinyu laughs at the girl. “It’s not our fault that we’re future-conscious, right Seoyeon?”

“Yeah, Nien, we can’t have head starts?” she jokes.

“But this is too early!” the girl whines. She’s also steering them to the tteokbokki shop.

“What are you going to do when it’s time to apply for college, then?”

“Easy, I’ll just go wherever Seoyeon goes.”

She nudges Nien’s shoulder. “You’ll have to try a little harder, then.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

Nien’s raving about a street food she tried in Taiwan while they wait for their orders.

“And the guy was popping the buns out of his oven as soon as they were done. We bought them fresh, I’m telling you, they were so hot!” the girl says excitedly, making motions with her hands.

“Oh, char siu buns, right? I tried them like that in China, too!” Xinyu says. She’s sitting next to Nien across the table, hands playing with a napkin.

“Maybe I should go with your family the next time you go to Taiwan,” Seoyeon offers. “Try out these buns for myself.”

“Oh, you totally should! You know my mom already loves you—she's, like, one step away from taking you there herself,” Nien agrees enthusiastically.

“Oh, are your families close, too?” Xinyu asks. Irritation involuntarily flares up in her and Seoyeon tamps it down just as quickly. Oh my god, Yoon Seoyeon, be normal! Xinyu has done nothing wrong to you. Not to mention, Xinyu had slotted herself into Seoyeon and Nien's dynamic so well that Seoyeon even considers her a friend now, even outside of Nien. And this is not how friends act.

Seoyeon musters up a smile. “Yeah, our moms made us play together when we were kids.”

“Seoyeon was just a baby when I met her! Though not much has changed since then,” Nien teases from across the table. Xinyu giggles at the two of them while Seoyeon’s face burns.

“Aw, you guys are so cute!” Xinyu gushes. “The second year of high school is kind of the perfect time to date.”

“Oh, I agree!” Nien says. “You're not like little kids, but you're also not stressed with college entrance exams or anything.”

“Oh my God, you're so right! Ugh, when am I going to get my own girlfriend,” Xinyu laments.

Seoyeon’s head is spinning. How did they get on this topic, she doesn't know.

“Hi, can I get one of you guys to help bring the food out? It's a lot for me to carry,” says a voice, and Seoyeon looks up to see the worker who took their order. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Seoyeon how she only stares at Nien.

Nien, being the ever helpful person she is, agrees immediately. “Oh, of course! It must be a lot, sorry! I’d be happy to help.”

Seoyeon watches as Nien leaves with the server, mouthing an I’ll be back to Seoyeon before she goes.

“Pffft.” Xinyu suddenly laughs, loud and tickled, as she looks at her. “You look like you’re about to shoot lasers out of your eyes.”

“What do you mean?” Seoyeon’s face flushes like she’s been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

Xinyu pats her hand. “Don’t worry, Seoyeon. It's pretty clear to me that the only thing that could separate you guys is, like, divine intervention. And I’ve only known you for a couple weeks.” Then, with another giggle: “And that includes me. I'm not going to take Nien from you—she's not even my type, really.”

Seoyeon's face flushes again, deeper now with multitudes more intensity. “You're very straightforward.”

“I get that a lot.”

“And, um—” She coughs. “We're not dating. Me and Nien, I mean.”

The two girls stare at each other for a beat, neither saying anything for a moment. Xinyu lets out a low whistle. “Damn. I'm praying for you, girl.”

Before Seoyeon can reply Nien returns to the table, balancing various bowls and trays in her arms.

“We've got tteokbokki, fried chicken, fish cakes, and more!” Nien announces dramatically.

Seoyeon laughs, about to say something when a second voice cuts her off.

“Oh, you're so silly!” The worker giggles as she sets down a final plate.

Seoyeon frowns, biting back a remark until she's out of earshot. “They don't have carts here? How do they expect to serve large parties, especially in a mall landscape?”

“I'm pretty sure they do,” Xinyu guesses at the same time Nien says, “Don't worry, Seoyeon!”

The girl makes a show of flexing her bicep. “I can handle it. And I'm also starving—let's eat!”

Xinyu gives her a final look, one that Seoyeon pretends not to see.

“Yeah, let's eat.”

At first, Seoyeon couldn't stop thinking about it. About what Xinyu said, how she thought the two of them were dating. It took several sleepless nights for Seoyeon to convince herself to forget about it. And she did, for a while.

It creeps up on her, little by little. She starts noticing how the crowd of people vying for Nien's attention is unwavering, always inviting her everywhere despite how many times the girl politely turns them down to hang out with Seoyeon and, on occasion, Xinyu as well. (Though the taller girl had quickly made friends with others in their class, befriending Sohyun and Dahyun just as quickly as she had Seoyeon and Nien.) Seoyeon starts to worry that she's becoming a bother, that she's the one blocking others from breaching Nien's inner circle. And holding Nien back.

Seoyeon's not blind. She knows that Nien is popular, that she has multiple adoring underclassmen by virtue of being tall, kind, and, well, pretty. And, at the same time, she knows that the same treatment isn't extended to her. That her classmates hesitate to interact with her outside of her role as class president, that most see her as something of a leech that clings to Nien wherever she goes.

Her worst fear comes true when the end of the year arrives.

“Hey Nien, come here and sign our yearbooks!”

A group of kids are waving Nien over, who glances at Seoyeon once. Why do you need my permission? She nods slightly.

“Sure, I’m coming!”

When Nien’s out of earshot her gaze falls to her own yearbook, pitifully sparse with signatures only from Xinyu—who’s sitting at a nearby table—Sohyun, Dahyun, and a few of people she knows from the other class, a limited Nakyoung, Mayu, Yooyeon. An ugly feeling coils in her stomach.

“Aren’t you kind of shameless?” Seoyeon’s head shoots up at the sound of someone addressing her, a classmate she can’t quite recall the name of.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” The girl looks at her fully, and Seoyeon swears her gaze is one of mild disgust. “Don’t you feel bad? Nien has so many friends,”—she points her nose to where said girl was laughing with the other group—“yet she’s always stuck here with you.”

The girl doesn’t need to say anything else for Seoyeon to get the message, that she’s obviously not a desirable option against her peers. Her face flushes angrily, and she’s trying to think of something to say in response—something like, How dare you talk to me like that—when another voice speaks up.

“Aren’t you the shameless one?” Xinyu suddenly cuts in, glaring at the girl with daggers in her eyes. “Who are you to talk about their relationship? Clearly Nien prefers to be friends with Seoyeon, not with the likes of you.”

Undeterred, their classmate only scoffs. “And I’m sure you know something about that? You should agree with me—didn’t you have to get through Seoyeon to befriend Nien in the first place?”

Seoyeon’s stomach drops. Humiliation hits her like a truck, and it multiplies tenfold when she sees that Xinyu’s at a loss for words, the girl’s mouth slightly ajar. She feels even more like a piece of trash for her initial aversion to Xinyu’s friendship, made worse because it was noticeable to other people.

She stands up. “I can’t do this,” is all she says before she bolts out of the room, walking quickly to wherever her legs would take her.

Nien finds her crouching against an empty brick wall.

She gets up quickly. “Nien.”

“Seoyeon.” The girl moves towards her, about to take her hand when Seoyeon retracts it slightly. An unmistakable hurt flashes in her eyes, and it feels like a stab to Seoyeon’s heart.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Nien looks so concerned that Seoyeon almost topples over from the painful squeezing in her chest.

“Why do you do that?” she asks, and continues after seeing Nien’s confused expression. “Why do you only hang out with me, and not others? You don’t have to feel chained to me.”

Nien’s eyes soften. “Seoyeon, what? Why would I feel chained to you? I hang out with you because I want to.”

“But why?” Seoyeon stresses. She doesn't know if she really wants the answer, doesn’t want to hear the girl say, Because I’m used to it; because it’s comfortable.

“Because I want to?” Nien repeats. The girl’s eyebrows hold a hint of frustration, and Seoyeon almost feels glad for it.

“I—”

“You know, it’s not the end of the world to have other friends!” the girl exclaims suddenly, which makes Seoyeon flinch harder than she’d like to admit. It seems to go unnoticed by Nien though, the girl seemingly more startled at the volume of her own voice. “And, there’s something I need to tell yo—”

“We’re not even dating,” she blurts out, and Nien goes stock-still.

For a brief moment—for an eternity—nothing in the world moves.

Nien’s demeanor shifts, just ever so slightly, but Seoyeon catches it.

“I’m leaving for Taiwan early.”

Without waiting for her reply, Nien swiftly turns and walks away.

I need to talk to Nien. Seoyeon wakes up in a cold sweat the next morning. She remembers the conversation they had yesterday, when she had just let her mouth say whatever it wanted without a filter. Groaning, she gets ready quickly and pulls on her shoes, walking briskly to Nien’s house.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. No reply. Seoyeon tries again. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. When the gate still doesn’t open she considers knocking a third time, raising her knuckles again and about to make contact.

“Who are you looking for, kid?” Seoyeon turns and recognizes one of Nien’s old neighbors, who seems to recognize Seoyeon, too. “Oh, they left last night already. You just missed them.”

She already left?

“Ah… thank you.” She hesitantly bows once before leaving the gate.

So Nien did just leave. Okay, she thinks. At least she told me beforehand. She remembers what events transpired before the telling in question.

“Our first fight.” The words feel bitter in Seoyeon’s mouth. Well, it’s normal for friends to fight.

Friends. Seoyeon’s mind lingers on the word.

Nien is my best friend.

08.03.2005

For the first time in ten years, Seoyeon starts a new school year without Nien.

She didn’t want to get her hopes up—after all, Nien did leave for her trip a whole semester early, instead of at the mid-year summer break. It wasn’t likely that the girl would be back for school after just a few weeks, but it still stung to see an empty house on the eve of their senior year.

It’s nothing compared to the sting of an empty bus seat next to her.

And somehow, this year was simultaneously different from other years and yet just the same as every other one. Most of her peers continued to pay her little mind, still wanting little to do with her without Nien by her side. To be honest, Seoyeon was kind of avoiding them, too. She didn’t forget what her classmate had said, of course, about her being the clip on Nien’s wings.

“Yet she’s always stuck here with you.”

Seoyeon tries to forget about it. Emphasis on tries to. It’s hard though, when she gets reminded of it every time she sees Xinyu in the halls. Which was another thing.

The girl is too kind, needlessly kind, to Seoyeon. She had defended her then and still greets her warmly now, and even though Xinyu seemed to understand where Seoyeon was coming from—understand why she acted the way she did—that doesn’t make her feel any less guilty. There's a huge ball of unease that sits in Seoyeon's stomach every time she sees the girl, and slowly the subconscious wall that bars her classmates comes up in front of Xinyu, too.

Seoyeon pretends like that doesn't bother her, either.

It comes to her one night after much deliberation, when she’s lying in her bed and unable to fall asleep. At first, she had considered writing a letter to fax to Nien. But then again, she had thought, she’s on a long trip. Seoyeon hadn’t considered it at the moment, but maybe something serious happened; something that required Nien to leave four months early.

And she didn’t exactly leave on good terms… Seoyeon can’t bother her. A voice in the back of Seoyeon’s head tells her Nien might not want to talk to her either, and she just has to will the thought away. Which brings her to her current resolution.

Her senior year, the sleep-deprived Seoyeon decides, will be dedicated to herself. It's the last year she has before college entrance exams, and—come the end of the summer—it'll be her first year as an adult. (Against her will, Seoyeon can’t help but remember another thing she often waited for at the end of the summer.) She thinks about what Nien said, right before she left.

“You know, it’s not the end of the world to have other friends!”

A surge of hurt accompanies the memory and she has to restrain the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. Pathetically, Seoyeon remembers that Nien would always be the first to comfort her if she ever showed any sign of pain, though Seoyeon never expected the pain to be inflicted by the girl.

No, but Nien is right, she concludes after some rumination. She’s not going to be with Nien all the time—these trips are literally proof of that—and eventually, she’ll have to get over her inability to make friends. This can be practice, like an assignment.

Maybe this break will be good for them.

Seoyeon rolls over when she feels pricking again, pressing her face into her pillow in frustration. This is the last time I will ever cry over you, Hsu Nientzu.

To Seoyeon’s dismay, making friends is much easier said than done. When Nien left, Seoyeon had stopped going to the canteen during lunch—there was no point, she thought, when she’d only ever go with Nien. Now, though—with her newfound resolution—she’s trying to work up the strength to go again. To find somebody, anybody, in there to practice befriending.

On her fifth day of eating in the classroom, though, Seoyeon thinks that maybe making friends is just a skill one was born with, one that wasn’t present in her delivery room. She’s wondering how much longer she should wait before she tries contacting Nien (Does she need a lot of time…?) when a voice suddenly rings from the doorway.

“Yoon Seoyeon.”

She’s not at the point of hallucination yet, unfortunately, where she’ll believe any voice calling for her is Nien’s. She turns her head to confirm her guess: it’s Xinyu.

“Oh, Xinyu, hi…!” Seoyeon says politely, cringing internally at how awkward she sounds. The stone in her stomach is back, and she starts internally freaking out as she watches the girl move to take the seat in front of her. Is now the right time to apologize?

“I—” she starts, but Xinyu gently grabs her hand with a sympathetic look that makes her stop.

“You’re going to apologize for icing me out when we first met, right?”

Wow, she does not hold back, Seoyeon thinks, and she can only give a meek nod in response.

Xinyu hums knowingly. “You know, I’ve never yearned for…” the girl trails off, looking at Seoyeon quizzically. “Wait, how many years have you and Nien been friends for?”

“Twelve years by August,” Seoyeon replies automatically, then coughs. “Hold on, I’m sorry, what are we talking about right now?”

“I’ve never yearned for somebody for twelve years before,” Xinyu starts again, ignoring her question. “So I guess what I’m saying is, I kind of get it?” Again with the sympathetic look. “I understand why you get territorial about Nien.”

Seoyeon splutters, trying to think of a response. What do I even say to that?

Xinyu’s eyes suddenly sharpen as she looks at Seoyeon again. “But I’m telling you, you need to put yourself first. This whole ‘moping over Nien’ thing is cute and all, but you also need to have some dignity, you know?

She points a manicured finger at Seoyeon. “You need to work on yourself, build your self-esteem first. And that includes putting yourself out there and making new friends.”

Seoyeon objects at this. “I am doing that!”

“No, you’re not,” Xinyu disagrees, just as quickly. “You’re sitting in here and eating lunch alone instead of eating with me and Sohyun.” Somehow, the girl’s words are sharp, yet don’t hold any malice. How does she do that?

“What next, you’re going to tell me that you’re running for class president and you’ll make friends that way, too?” Xinyu cocks a challenging eyebrow at her.

“I was literally also class president last year?”

“And look where we are now. Your friendship skills need a little work, in my opinion,” Xinyu says, face breaking into a teasing grin.

“Ouch,” Seoyeon says, but smiles as well. “And I will, by the way. I'm going to be class president and make more friends that way.”

“I'll hold you to that.” Xinyu glances at the clock, then stands up. “Lunch is about to end, so I'm going to go find Sohyun.” The girl raises two fists. “Fighting, Seoyeon!”

And with that Xinyu leaves, leaving Seoyeon alone in the classroom once again. But somehow, she feels lighter.

Just watch, Zhou Xinyu. I'm going to make so many friends Nien won't even be able to recognize me when she comes back.

Seoyeon, predictably, clinches the class president position. Where past-Seoyeon would have stopped there, though, present-Seoyeon still isn't satisfied. As soon as she lays eyes on the first target of her Making Friends Without Nien's Help scheme, she springs into action.

Step One: Befriend Seo Dahyun

“Hi, Dahyun!” Seoyeon exclaims, a bit loudly. I need to work on that. “Is anyone sitting here?”

“Oh no, take a seat!” Dahyun looks slightly startled as she looks up at Seoyeon. The girl clears some space on her desk so that Seoyeon can take a chair in front, turning it around to face her.

Seoyeon extends a hand. “You won the secretary ballot, right?” Shit, I put my hand out too early. “I’m the class president.”

“I know you’re the class president, silly.” Dahyun smiles at her warmly, shaking her hand. “Let’s work together well from now on?”

Seoyeon makes a noise of affirmation and the two lapse into silence. It's a little awkward, but not awful.

“You're friends with Xinyu, aren't you?” Dahyun speaks first.

“Oh, yeah, I am,” she answers. “Aren't you friends with her, too…?”

“Hm, acquaintance, more like. Although she's such a social butterfly she could make friends with just about anyone.”

Seoyeon nods at that, and Dahyun's voice suddenly drops to a whisper, leaning forward slightly. “And I don't want to third-wheel her and Sohyun, you know?”

This is news to Seoyeon. “I did not actually know that,” she admits. She considers it for a second. “I can see that though, actually.”

Dahyun giggles at her, but for once Seoyeon doesn't feel like the butt of a joke. She smiles at the girl again, giggling as well.

This won't be so bad.

They keep meeting after that, of course, but their conversations soon extend beyond just their class. She and Dahyun talk about all sorts of things: music, college prospects, future aspirations, the like. Once they get into a certain familiarity, Seoyeon considers inviting the girl to eat lunch with her. So that I don’t have to third-wheel Sohyun and Xinyu, either, she thinks.

“Dahyun! Can I ask you something?” She catches the girl at the beginning of the lunch period, just as she’s about to leave.

“Huh?” Dahyun sits down again when she sees Seoyeon. “Oh sure, what’s up?”

For some reason, Seoyeon finds herself thinking too long about how to ask. And this is why I need practice. “Um, I wanted to ask…”

Dahyun waits for her to continue.

“Since we’ve become good friends—or, at least I think we have,” Seoyeon continues hesitantly. “I was wondering if yo—”

“Wait, Seoyeon,” Dahyun interrupts. “I thought you were dating Nien?”

…?

A stifling silence envelops the two, with Seoyeon bewildered and Dahyun confused.

“Oh no, I’m not…” she starts, then realization dawns on her. “Oh my God! Does it sound like I’m trying to confess?”

Dahyun nods and Seoyeon feels deep, deep mortification.

“That isn’t—! No, oh my God, I’m sorry that’s not what I meant,” she says in a rush. “I just wanted to ask if you wanted to have lunch? With me and Xinyu and Sohyun.”

Understanding washes over Dahyun’s face and Seoyeon feels her own muscles relaxing, just slightly. “Oh, that’s good, then! You’re a nice girl, Seoyeon, but you’re not really my style. No offense.”

“None taken.”

“But yeah, I’d love to eat with you guys!” Dahyun gets up, linking arms with her to walk them to the door.

“So when are you and Nien going to get together?”

To Seoyeon’s pleasure, Dahyun fits right in at her table with Xinyu and Sohyun, and the four grow close over several lunch periods. It’s there that they find themselves on what seems to be a hot topic among their peers: relationships. Specifically, the beginning of a new one.

“Guys,” Sohyun starts. “Xinyu and I—”

“—are dating!” Xinyu finishes her sentence with a squeal, grabbing the girl’s hand.

“Oh my God, finally!” Dahyun exclaims as Seoyeon says, “Congratulations!”

“So how did you guys get together? Who asked who first?”

“Well, we’re taking it slow right now…” Sohyun begins, prompting the two of them to launch into a full-scale retelling of how they got together.

“And yeah, I just knew that Sohyun was the one for me,” Xinyu finishes with a light shrug, positively beaming at the rest of the table.

“Aw, that is actually so cute,” gushes Dahyun, and Seoyeon feels herself agreeing. What she doesn’t agree with, though, is when Xinyu looks at her with a spark in her own eyes and starts to say, “Wha—”

Sensing that the girl was going to ask about Nien—don’t ask her how, she just has a gut feeling—Seoyeon quickly redirects the table’s attention.

“That’s pretty amazing,” she coughs. “What about you, Dahyun? Do you have anyone you like right now?”

“Actually… yes,” the girl confesses. She looks at the three of them. “I was wondering if you guys could help me?”

Seoyeon is reeling—she did not expect the other girl to actually agree with her, and feels bad for putting her on the spot. “Well, of course!” she manages.

“Yeah, that’s what friends are for!” Sohyun adds. “Who’s the lucky gal?”

“It’s…” The three of them lean closer. “... Kim Nakyoung. From the other class.”

“FROM THE OTHER CLASS?” Xinyu screeches, which earns her a hand on her mouth and a hushed “Xinyu!” from Sohyun. “That Kim Nakyoung?” she whispers.

Dahyun nods meekly in response, and then puts her head in her hands. “I mean, I don’t know! I’ve only talked to her, like, once before when I found out we share the same dialect.” Seoyeon rubs soothing circles on the girl’s back as she continues. “Do you guys think I have a chance?”

“Oh, one hundred percent,” Xinyu answers, supported by nods from both Sohyun and Seoyeon. “You should go for it!”

“But like… how?” Dahyun puffs her cheeks.

“Girl, if you don’t be serious. Even that pout you did just now was naturally cute. If she doesn’t fall for you then she doesn’t have eyes,” Xinyu declares.

“I could invite her to sit with us during lunch,” Seoyeon suddenly offers, which gets incredulous looks from the other three.

“You?” Sohyun asks. “I mean, no offense, but I’ve never seen you talk to her? How do you know her?”

“Well, isn’t she the secretary of the other class?” (“Match made in heaven,” Xinyu mouths at Dahyun). “And I’ve spoken to their president before, I could try to invite both of them to eat with us?”

This earns more stares from the others, and Xinyu speaks up again. “Wow, our Seoyeon talking to not one but two new people? They grow up so fast.”

“Hey, I believe in her!” Dahyun exclaims. She takes Seoyeon’s hand. “Thank you for being so willing to help me. I know it’s not easy for you.”

Seoyeon nods in response, mind already steeling itself.

Step Two: Befriend Nakyoung (And Set Dahyun Up)

Luckily for her, it was the end of the month, meaning it was time for all the class presidents to gather for their routine report to the principal. And, the perfect opportunity for her to talk to her next target: Kim Yooyeon.

“Yooyeon!” Seoyeon waits for all the other class representatives to leave before approaching the girl. “Could I talk to you for a second?”

“Seoyeon? Of course, what is it?” The girl slows down in packing up her things, looking at Seoyeon expectantly.

“Well, it’s not really related to our classes,” she admits. “And I’m sorry if it’s out of the blue, but I wanted to ask if yo—”

“Hold on.” Yooyeon holds up a hand to stop her from continuing. “I’m sorry, Seoyeon, but I’m already seeing someone.”

Seoyeon cannot believe this is happening again.

“Oh, no, Yooyeon, I think you’ve got the wrong idea. You’re nice, but I’m not interested in you, either. Actually, I wanted to ask about Nakyoung. She’s the secretary of your class, right? I—”

“Pause.” Yooyeon holds up a hand again. How many times is she going to respectfully cut me off? “I thought you were dating Nien?”

Word for word, bar for bar. It seems like this sentiment is going to follow Seoyeon for the rest of her life. Does everybody think that…

She clears her throat awkwardly. “No, I’m not. But, I’m not trying to date Nakyoung either. I actually wanted to invite you guys to have lunch with me and my friends. If you don’t mind.”

“Oh,” says Yooyeon at first. Then the girl laughs, slightly embarrassed. “Wow, I really did get the wrong idea.” Seoyeon chuckles as well.

“Well, I’m willing to hang out with you guys, and I think she’ll be willing as well. If you don’t mind, my girlfriend Mayu could come with?” The girl looks at her for permission.

“Oh yeah, the more the merrier!” Seoyeon nods quickly. “And actually, don’t tell her I told you this, but I’m not just asking for no reason.” She glances around the classroom once. “My friend Dahyun actually likes Nakyoung, so I’m trying to help her out a little bit.”

Yooyeon makes a noise of acknowledgement. “Oh, the one with big eyes, right?” The girl takes a glance around the empty classroom as well. “I’m also not supposed to tell you this, but Nakyoung’s mentioned her more than once. I think your friend has a chance!”

“Nice!” Seoyeon says, and—before she can stop herself—does a fist pump. God, Nien’s rubbing off on me.

Yooyeon laughs lightly before finally getting up, putting her bag on her shoulders. “We’ll see you guys tomorrow, then?”

Seoyeon nods and follows the girl out of the classroom, bidding her farewell before heading home herself.

Wow, I’m pretty okay at this thing.

When Nakyoung shows up at their table the next day—quite eagerly, Seoyeon notes, sneaking a glance at Dahyun trying not to smile too wide—with Yooyeon and Mayu in tow, their group grows a little bigger. Everyone claims unofficial-official seats, though it doesn’t deter their blooming friendship. Soon, as more days pass of all of them at one table, Seoyeon finds herself quite enjoying their presence in her life. It’s definitely far from what she’s used to—six other people when it used to just be the one—but she doesn’t mind it. In fact, she thinks there’s only one other thing that would make the little group better.

Nien is going to love this, Seoyeon thinks, and she wishes her thoughts could just stop there. Unfortunately, her mind just never seems to listen to her.

It hits her one day, when she’s sitting at lunch with them and realizes she had spaced out for a second, and her eyes refocus on the scene in front of her: all of them easily joking with each other, getting along so well as if they had been friends since diapers. What she can’t stop the voice in her head from noticing, though, is how she sits at the edge, with a glaringly-empty seat next to her.

They’d rather talk to each other than talk to you, the voice goads, and Seoyeon feels a familiar unease settling in her chest.

“I’m going to use the restroom,” she announces, standing up before any of them can object and quickly turning towards the canteen doors. She’s halfway down the hall, about to turn the corner when she hears a voice call out from behind her.

“Seoyeon, wait up!” A hand grabs her wrist, and she turns to see who it is: Dahyun.

“Dahyun! What’s up?” she tries, but her reddened eyes give her away.

“Come with me, let’s sit down.” Taking her hand, Dahyun guides her to a bench in the courtyard, sitting her down next to her. “Do you… want to talk about it?”

Seeing the girl’s expression so full of worry only makes Seoyeon feel worse, and she wipes a hand at her damp eyes. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to cry in front of yo—”

“No, don’t say that,” Dahyun interrupts, taking her hand. “I’m for you, Seoyeon, you don’t need to hold it all in.”

She sucks in a breath as she looks at the girl. “It’s just… I don’t feel like a good friend,” Seoyeon admits. “Not to you, or the others.”

Seeing Dahyun’s confused expression, she continues. “About when I first approached you, I feel like I had the wrong intentions. And again when I talked to Yooyeon, and she and Mayu and Nakyoung started hanging out with us.

“I forced it, basically,” she confesses. “It was… I considered it a practice for me to make friends. Um, I’ve never told you this, but—” She pauses, willing her voice to stop shaking before continuing. “Ever since I was young, Nien’s been my only friend. And, I’ve never taken it well whenever we were apart, so when she left—”

She chokes, and Dahyun rubs soothing circles on her hand as she collects herself. “When Nien left for her trip earlier this year, I… made a resolution to myself. That I’d break out of my shell so she wouldn't feel obligated to hang out with me when she came back, could see that I was capable of standing on my own. And so that’s when you guys came in, and—”

“Oh Seoyeon…” Dahyun says sympathetically when Seoyeon barely suppresses a sob, moving closer to hold her shoulders.

“And I feel like I’ve deceived you. Because this entire time, I’ve been thinking only about Nien even when I’m with you guys, and I think— I think that you must much rather hang out with each other than me.

“And what’s even worse—” She looks at Dahyun with desperate eyes. “What’s worse is that I’m a terrible person because it scares me—it scares me so much that I think it might even be better if you all decide you don’t want to be my friends anymore, because I’ve never before considered anyone to be my friend in the same way that Nien is my friend.”

She stops herself before she can say her next thought—and I don’t want to think of anyone else as the same as Nien—because she hasn’t even admitted it out loud to herself before, let alone to another person.

“I just— I miss her so much,” she sobs, finally breaking down.

The girl scoots closer, patting her back gently. “Shh, let it out,” Dahyun murmurs, continuing her patting until Seoyeon calms down.

“Are you good now? Can I speak?” Dahyun asks and she nods, sniffling quietly.

“Seoyeon, the first thing I’m going to say is that you should never think that we don’t want you around. Never. Okay?” The girl maintains eye contact, not continuing until Seoyeon gives another small nod.

“I think you underestimate yourself, honestly,” she continues. “Because actually, you were the one who brought the whole group together. First, it was inviting me to eat with you, Xinyu, and Sohyun.” She starts counting off on her fingers. “Then, it was you again who invited Yooyeon, Mayu, and Nakyoung as well.

“And that, too. You did put yourself out there, Seoyeon, and you even did it for me and Nakyoung when you didn’t have to.” Dahyun raises her eyebrows at her. “How do you think people make friends in the first place? It’s by having the guts to talk to someone new in the first place, and doing so as a means of working on yourself is not a bad thing.

“In fact, I think it’s very admirable of you.” She takes Seoyeon’s hands now. “So don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re not a bad person for having insecurities—we all have them. I’ll be the first to tell you that we value you more than you think, and we very much want to be your friends, if you’ll have us.”

At Dahyun’s words Seoyeon feels tears coming on again, though now they’re ones of relief. “Thank you,” she whispers, accepting Dahyun’s hug again.

The girl pulls back. “And one last thing,” she says seriously. “About Nien. I know we weren’t close before Nien left, but it is very clear to me—and even then as your classmate—that she cares for you a lot. I do not, for one second, believe that she sees you as a burden to her, and if she ever said that then she doesn’t deserve you and I will have her head.”

“She didn’t! She never did,” Seoyeon says quickly, eyes widening.

“That’s your answer,” Dahyun replies. “You’re not a burden, Seoyeon, not to Nien or us or anyone else.”

Seoyeon quiets down now, feeling the tension in her chest easing as she sits with Dahyun’s words. “Thank you,” she says again, squeezing Dahyun’s hand. “I think I really needed that.”

“No problem,” the girl says, hugging her a final time before pulling her up from the bench. “Come on, I think the lunch period is about to end.”

She doesn’t stop thinking about Nien, of course, especially after her talk with Dahyun. However, she does make more efforts to initiate with the others, especially after they—somewhat—seemed to realize that she needed a little extra love.

(Coming back into the classroom, Seoyeon sits in her seat with little thought and reaches into her desk. She was intending to take out one of her books, but her hand comes in contact with something distinctly un-book-like. Taking it out, she realizes what it is: a pack of jellies. And, attached to the jellies, a note.

Enjoy these jellies. Cheer up, Seoyeon!

Love,

Mayu and Yooyeon

The next day, Sohyun, Xinyu, and Dahyun refuse to leave her desk during breaktime, even when she insists that she wants to work on her schoolwork.

“Come on, Seoyeon, I know you love school but you’re not that much of a nerd,” says Xinyu with a dramatic roll of her eyes.

“Hey, that’s mean,” Sohyun says, but even she adds to the faux-complaints. “You should pick up a hobby, like journaling or painting!”

“Only you like those things,” she replies, dead-pan.

“You’re such a fake tsundere; we can see you trying not to smile,” Dahyun teases, which earns her an eyeroll and a half-hearted “Yeah, whatever” from Seoyeon.

Even Nakyoung, who usually only visited their classroom to give Dahyun a chocolate milk, hands Seoyeon an extra banana one when she arrives.

“Sorry, I don’t know which flavor you like,” the girl says sheepishly.

“Oh no, you didn’t even have to get me one! Thank you,” she replies graciously at the same time Nakyoung laughs, “I bet if Nien were here, she’d tell me right away.”)

At the memory Seoyeon again thinks about how Nien would react when she returns and considers, for the umpteenth time, sending the girl a fax before she remembers why she has been holding off on the faxes in the first place.

Can she just come back already so I can explain myself… She wants to know why Nien reacted the way she did when Seoyeon said they weren’t even dating—which is true, they weren’t—and also wants to know Nien’s thoughts on the matter, too. About the two of us potentially… dating. Unwittingly, Seoyeon’s heart starts to race and she presses her hands to her heating cheeks. And that’s not a conversation to have over fax, that’s for sure.

The urge to send a letter only gets stronger, though, as the days inch towards summer. And, towards a certain girl’s birthday.

Seoyeon’s lying in her bed, having collapsed into it as soon as she came home, when a sense of longing hits her so strongly she can’t breathe for a moment. I wonder what Nien’s doing in Taiwan right now… She rolls over, about to resign herself to an afternoon of rotting in her bed alone with her thoughts when her doorbell suddenly rings.

DING DONG. Her head pops up faster than the speed of light, and she almost stumbles over her feet in her rush to get downstairs. No way…

Throwing the door open, Seoyeon’s brain buffers as it registers who it is. She tries not to let the disappointment show on her face too obviously. “Oh… hi guys.”

Mayu’s face beams back at her, with Sohyun and Nakyoung peeking out from behind her. “We brought ice cream!”

When they’re sitting at a table in the playground by her house, one bungeoppang ice cream in front of each of them, Nakyoung tries to start the conversation.

“So…” the girl trails. “It’s pretty hot, right?”

“Yeah!” Sohyun agrees quickly. “It’s not even the solstice yet.”

Both girls nod eagerly and Seoyeon lets out a laugh at their awkward attempts at casualness.

“Alright, someone confess,” she says. “What’s with the ice cream ambush?”

Nakyoung coughs and starts to say “What are you talking about?” when Mayu suddenly cuts her off, signaling the girl to stop.

“We’ll come clean.” Mayu puts a hand on hers. “We noticed you were a bit off today, and when we asked Xinyu she told us that today’s Nien’s birthday.”

Oh, they want to cheer me up, Seoyeon realizes. A small warmth blooms in her chest, and she laughs whole-heartedly at the matching expressions on their faces. “Why do you guys look like Nien died or something?”

“No, I mean,” Nakyoung objects. “You talk about Nien like she's this larger-than-life figure and I haven’t even met the girl yet.”

Seoyeon looks at her ice cream instead of responding, taking a bite as she considers her words. “How’d you know I like bungeoppang ice cream?” she asks instead.

“You mentioned it once, when we were talking about our favorite foods,” Sohyun answers.

At the same time, Mayu narrows her eyes. “I feel like that’s somehow related to Nien, too.”

She chokes at the observation, which prompts Sohyun to start quickly patting her back. “It is, actually,” she admits, chuckling when she sees Nakyoung’s head whip to Mayu with widened eyes.

“It was because one time, she refused to talk to me until I admitted that ice cream is better when it’s hot out instead of cold.” Seoyeon recalls the memory like it happened yesterday, as if eleven-year-old Nien’s sulking face was right in front of her. “We got bungeoppang ice cream afterwards, to ‘celebrate her win.’”

“Wait, she has a point,” says Nakyoung. “Ice cream is way better when it’s hot.”

“You don’t like the heat? I thought you were born in the summer.” Mayu asks at the same time, confused.

She swallows her bite. “Hold on, one at a time. First of all,” she points at Nakyoung, “I’ve already been through this argument with Nien and I’m not going to hash it again. Second of all, Mayu, it’s true that I was born in the summer, but I prefer the winter.”

“Because of the snow?” Sohyun guesses, and Seoyeon nods.

“When I was younger, I wanted it to snow on my birthday so badly but it never happened, obviously,” she laughs. “I don’t like the summer because it takes the snow away.” And now Nien, her brain supplies unhelpfully.

The others laugh and the conversation flows naturally from there, and when she finally returns to her home Seoyeon realizes the ache in her chest is a little more bearable.

Nien, she thinks. I think you’re really going to like these guys. 

unsent letters.

24.02.2005

Nien,

How could you just leave so suddenly? What happened? Is something wrong? Let me know right away as soon as you get this.

Seoyeon

08.03.2005

Nien,

I want to send these letters to you, but I think you might be going through something right now and I don’t want to bother you. And about what I said

I started senior year today. It was weird, not having you there with me. I keep wanting to ask why you left, but I won’t push it. I hope you’re still healthy and doing well, with whatever it is. We need to talk when you come back.

Seoyeon

18.03.2005

Nien,

I know I’m not going to send these letters, but you’re not sending me anything either. Are you okay? I even asked my mom and she said your mom said it's a family matter, and that you’re fine but you don’t want to talk to me. Ouch. I guess you’re still upset about our fight?

Seoyeon

P.S. I’m upset about our fight, too. I don’t want to fight with you.

30.03.2005

Nien,

I’ve started a new thing these days. It’s called the Making Friends Without Nien's Help scheme, which sounds a little pathetic when I write it out like this. But really, it’s because of what you said. I’m going to make more friends! And you won’t have to think of me as the helpless seven-year-old Seoyeon anymore.

I’ve also made up with Xinyu, about “icing her out.” Normally I wouldn’t tell you there was even a misunderstanding between us at all, but since I’m not sending these, it’s okay. But she just barged into the classroom so suddenly, it really surprised me.

Seoyeon

08.04.2025

Nien,

I think you’d be happy to hear I’m quite good friends with Xinyu now. And, I’ve also befriended some others, too, you might know them. It’s Sohyun, Xinyu’s girlfriend (they got together while you were away); Dahyun, who’s our class secretary (and I’m the president, of course); Yooyeon, who’s the president of the other class; Mayu, her girlfriend (also from the other class); and Nakyoung, their friend (other class). It’s a lot, right? I was surprised, too.

We all sit together at lunch, and you’ve got your own seat, too. It’s funny, they all thought we were dating So come back quickly! I can’t save your seat for much longer.

Seoyeon

12.05.2025

Nien,

Today, I cried in front of Dahyun. I can already imagine your reaction to that, and I miss you, too luckily she cheered me up. There’s a lot I want to talk about when you come back, and I don’t know if you’re still mad about our fight. Because that’s part of it, too. What are we? Just, come back quickly and I’ll tell you.

Seoyeon

02.06.2005

Dear Nien,

I miss you.

Love,

Seoyeon

02.06.2005

Nien,

I think the others noticed I was off today, and Mayu, Sohyun, and Nakyoung suddenly showed up at my door with ice cream. It’s funny how they know your birthday, even though you guys haven’t really met yet. You know, in my head you’re already here and part of the group. It was touching, really. It kind of reminded me of when you showed up suddenly with bubble tea on my sixteenth birthday and actually, I thought it was you, at the door. It’s weird, not having you here. Usually, we celebrate your birthday before you leave for Taiwan, but you left early this year. How’s it feel, being an adult now? I really wanted you to come back so we could celebrate it together. I hope you’re celebrating your birthday well.

I’m still learning Mandarin, by the way. I know this one by heart: 生日快乐，許念慈.

I told them about the bungeoppang story, when you told me ice cream’s better in the heat. Do you remember that? We were probably like eleven years old. I’d take back what I said then if it makes you come back faster, but you’re probably still busy in Taiwan. I know you don’t usually come back for my birthday, but could you make an exception, for this year?

Seoyeon

03.07.2005

Nien,

Today I was hanging with the others, since it’s summer break. We didn’t really do anything—we were all just talking in Sohyun’s room. It was kind of nice, and it reminded me of whenever we’d hang out at your house or my house without really doing anything. Sometimes, when I’m alone in my room I randomly get reminded of you, haha. I hope you’re doing well.

Seoyeon

06.08.2005

Nien,

I had bubble tea today.

Seoyeon

Like always, Seoyeon counts down the days until the end of the summer. Nien hadn’t come back for Seoyeon’s birthday, and really, she could have told herself that. It doesn’t make it hurt any less, though.

It’s when school starts again that Seoyeon gets nervous.

Surprisingly, it’s not because of a lack of friends this time around, and normally Seoyeon would have given herself a pat on the back for that. This time, though, it’s the absence of just one person that gets her really anxious. She decides to give it a couple more weeks.

“Hey Seoyeon, do you want to go check out the new cafe with me and Xinyu?” Mayu asks her one day when school’s about to end. “Nakyoung and Dahyun said they couldn’t make it.”

“Ah, sorry, I think I’ll have to miss this one, too,” she replies sheepishly. “I need to check up on something after school.”

“Aw, that’s okay. We’ll see you tomorrow, then?” the girl says, pretending to pout. From next to her, Xinyu gives Seoyeon a curious glance but—thankfully—doesn’t seem to push it.

“You definitely have to come with us next time,” is all the girl says, taking Mayu’s hand. “Let’s go, Mayu-chan!”

Pushing them along with a laugh and wave, Seoyeon waits until they turn the corner to finally leave the classroom. Contrary to what they may have been thinking, though, she doesn’t head for the student council room. Turning on her heel, Seoyeon speed walks in the opposite direction and out of the school doors.

This is the only time I’ll ever do this, she thinks as she approaches a familiar gate. Just as it had been for the past seven months, Nien’s house is devoid of life, the lights inside perpetually off. The only thing that gives Seoyeon hope that Nien hasn’t completely abandoned her is that her family hasn’t sold the house, with faint traces of the girl’s presence still lingering. She tries to ignore the marks of their heights on the wall as she slips past the gate.

Instead of knocking, Seoyeon takes a quick survey of the neighborhood before heading for the side, slipping into the space between the house’s side wall and the brick wall that guards it. She shimmies along the wall slowly, careful not to get her uniform dirty as she scoots along.

Here it is. Nien’s bedroom window. Seoyeon peers inside, heart hammering as she hopes that she won’t find what she’s looking for, that the room is just empty.

Then, her eyes catch it. The unmistakable blinking light of a lone fax machine.

“Mom.” Seoyeon had rushed home as soon as she saw the machine, needing to confirm something first before her chest fully caved in. She’s breathing heavily, now, as she stands in the doorway of her parents’ room.

“Yes, honey?” Her mom looks up from the bed, and upon seeing Seoyeon’s disheveled state immediately gets up in concern, going to embrace her daughter. She takes a small step back.

“When I asked you to call Nien’s mom, that one time…” Seoyeon says slowly. “What did she say, exactly? About why they’re in Taiwan.”

“She told me that it’s a family matter, sweetie. The same as I told you.”

“Was there anything else?” Seoyeon asks carefully. It’s almost imperceptible, the change in her mom’s eye, but she catches it. “There was.”

“There was one thing,” her mom admits. “She told me that Nien’s father got a new job in Taiwan, and they’re considering moving there.” The permanently goes unsaid, but the message gets across crystal-clear. “Seoyeon…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she whispers. She takes another step back. “Why did you hide that from me?”

“Well, they still weren’t sure, then! They were just going to try it out, living there,” her mom tries. “But, look on the bright side? You’ve still got so many friends here, and I’m sure you and Nien could still keep in touch.”

Seoyeon brings a hand up, wiping her face fervently. “That’s not the point, Mom! Nien’s been my friend since we were babies, you could have just—just—” Her voice cracks. “I want to have all my friends here. I don’t want to replace Nien.”

“Oh, baby,” Her mom finally hugs her, and Seoyeon lets her head fall onto her shoulders. “I’m sorry, Seoyeon. I shouldn’t have kept it from you.”

Seoyeon doesn’t know how long they stand there for, her mom rubbing circles on her back while she whispers soothingly into her ear. Finally, she pulls away.

“I’m going to go rest in my room,” she says, looking at the floor. “I’m not really hungry for dinner.”

“You still have to eat, even if it’s just a little bit,” her mom objects as she ushers Seoyeon down the hall. “I’ll call you out when dinner’s ready.”

Seoyeon nods, too tired to object. “Thanks mom,” she whispers as she gets a kiss on the forehead, finally turning to close her door when she leaves.

Hsu Nientzu, you’re really cruel.

The next day, Seoyeon immediately seeks out Xinyu and pulls her to an empty desk at the start of the break period. Somehow, the girl already looks guilty.

“Did you know Nien might move to Taiwan permanently?” Seoyeon asks, but she already gets her answer when the girl refuses to meet her eyes.

“She told me not to tell you,” Xinyu says weakly, holding her hands in front of her face. “Don’t be mad at me?”

Seoyeon inhales, about to say something, anything about this absurd situation. Exhales. “I’m not mad at you. I’m… mad at Nien,” she decides, stepping back to give Xinyu some space. She heads back to their table.

“What’d you guys talk about?” Dahyun asks when they return. Next to her, Nakyoung and Sohyun also look at her curiously.

She pauses, considering it for a moment. Then, with a determination in her voice: “Nien’s living in Taiwan now. Don’t talk to me about Nien anymore.”

She changes the subject, deciding not to draw the silence out any longer. “Does anyone know what’s for lunch?”

The next few months are a blur. Seoyeon throws herself into her schoolwork, rationing her time between school, presidential duties, and her friends. Thankfully, they don’t pry for details, but she does notice that they get more gentle with her, careful not to bring up anything that might remind her of Nien. (She doesn’t tell them that almost everything reminds her of the girl, doesn’t want to admit that herself.)

“How do you feel?” asks Yooyeon as they stand outside a high school. It’s not theirs—one in their district, instead—but they stuck together as the only two from their school.

Seoyeon smooths out her CSAT assignment sheet. It’s surreal that they’re finally taking it; it means they’re only a couple months away from graduation. She startles when Yooyeon coughs, still waiting for her response.

“Huh? Oh, I guess I feel fine,” she answers. “All those hours at hagwon should pay off, hopefully.”

The girl hums in agreement. “Yeah, Mayu was telling me to cheer up this morning. She says she’s rooting for you, too, by the way,” Yooyeon offers.

“Tell her I said thanks,” Seoyeon accepts. She pauses. “Wait, Mayu isn’t taking it this year?”

Yooyeon shakes her head. “No, she wants to try living in Japan for a bit after graduation. Visit family and stuff.” The girl shrugs. “She’ll take it next year.”

This makes Seoyeon pause again. “How is it?” she asks finally. “About Mayu leaving for a bit. Did you guys talk about it?”

“For starters, having a foreigner girlfriend is already different,” Yooyeon laughs. She considers Seoyeon’s question for a moment. “But yeah, we did talk about it. We’ll still keep in contact, of course, I don’t think I could leave her alone for that long.”

The girl chuckles again and Seoyeon notices how confident she looks, completely secure in her girlfriend’s trust. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little envious.

“Ultimately it’s Mayu’s decision to come back to Korea,” Yooyeon continues, “and I’ll support her no matter what. But I don’t think she’ll leave forever.”

Yooyeon looks at her now, and Seoyeon thinks there’s a certain shimmer in her eyes. Almost as if she’s trying to say something, silently. “Oh, I don’t know if that’s still a sensitive topi—”

“No, no, you’re good.” Seoyeon stops her before she can continue. Then she nods, once. “It’s very brave of you guys, I think. You have my support.”

“Oh thank you, the great Yoon Seoyeon, for your blessing,” Yooyeon jokes. She glances up, noticing movement by the school’s front doors. “I think they’re going to let us in now.”

She gives Seoyeon a final look before they separate. “You’ve got this, Seoyeon,” the girl says with a shake of her fist, and Seoyeon thinks she might mean more than just the CSAT.

Global warming is crazy, Seoyeon thinks as she walks through the street. Around her are various couples, all enjoying the cold weather that makes her remember Ah, right. Today is Christmas. It’s a shame, though, that snow still doesn’t coat the roads, and Seoyeon’s not even talking about the whole superstition surrounding the first snow.

(Xinyu definitely believes it, though, having been talking excitedly with Seoyeon in the final days before they went on break for the holidays.

“And I heard that whoever you see the first snow with is your soulmate,” the girl gushes as they walk to the restroom. “Do you think I’ll see it with Sohyun this year? Oh, I really want to invite her to come with me and visit my family in China!”

“You should do it,” Seoyeon replies absentmindedly. “Who knows, you might see the first snow together in China and decide to live there for the rest of your lives.”

Xinyu makes a noise of agreement before slapping Seoyeon’s shoulder lightly. “Don’t be silly, Seoyeon! We’ll obviously fly back and forth so we can visit you guys, too.”

“If you do that, your carbon footprint will be the reason why there won’t be any first snow for future generations.”

“Hey!”)

It makes sense I can’t have snow on my birthday, but even on Christmas, too? Seoyeon thinks wryly. She takes another look at everyone around her, again at the couples huddling together for warmth in the snow-less cold. She thinks about how she must look, a young adult walking alone to get out of the boredom of her house only to find herself still bored out of her mind, just now surrounded by people.

And everyone else is busy having fun and traveling. She remembers the conversation at the lunch table, when everyone was sharing their plans for the break. It was like falling domino pieces, how they went down the line saying “We’re going to Japan,” “We’re going to China,” “I’m going to Busan,” “I’m going to Busan, too!” until it got to her, and all she had to say for herself was “I’m staying in Daejeon.”

(“Aw, cheer up, Seoyeon,” her friends had said playfully. “We’ll bring you lots of souvenirs!”)

Taking a final glance at the crowded square and too-bright lights, Seoyeon decides she’s had enough of the outside and turns around to head back home.

Turning the corner, she’s almost at her house gates when she gazes up at the sky again. Come on, give me a Christmas miracle, she half-begs. You have two minutes to give me a snowflake before I go back into my house and forget it’s even Christmas at all. As if on cue, she spots something in the corner of her eye—a white fleck against the green trees that draws a noise of wonder from her. No way…

Her eyes follow the singular snowflake as it falls, then stops on something brown, still some ways away from reaching the ground. When her eyes refocus she realizes just what the snowflake fell on. A person.

Nien holds up a bag and grins. “I brought bungeoppang?”

Before Nien can say anything else Seoyeon marches up to her angrily, still in half-disbelief at what’s in front of her eyes. She stops just short of the girl and she can’t decide if she should hug her or slap her or what. She opts for grabbing her arm and starts dragging her away from the house.

“Woah, where are we going?” Nien asks and it’s all too much for Seoyeon, to finally hear the girl’s voice after ten long months and not have it be a figment of her imagination. She doesn’t answer her—her mind is running too fast for that—and continues to tug the girl along wordlessly, stopping only when they reach the playground.

When they get to a table she makes Nien sit in front of her, feeling slightly bad for how forcefully she almost pushes the taller girl down. Nien, on the other hand, doesn’t object to Seoyeon’s manhandling and seems to just accept it, like she deserved it, somehow.

“You…” Seoyeon starts, then stops because just what should she say to her? Why did you leave me? Why are you back? Do you hate me? It’s not after prolonged moments of noiselessly staring at Nien that she sees the girl’s face contort in worry and just why would she look worri— 

Oh. Seoyeon’s crying.

“Oh, Seoyeon,” is all Nien says before she stands up and Seoyeon is engulfed in the girl’s arms and Oh. She’s missed this. She’s missed Nien’s hugs so much she just starts sobbing, bringing her hands up to grip the girl’s shirt and pull her closer as if she could merge their two bodies. All the while Nien’s stroking her head, other hand on the small of her back as she whispers “It’s okay, I’m here,” into Seoyeon’s hair.

When Seoyeon finally calms down a bit—no longer sounding like she’s fighting to inhale large gasps of air—Nien draws back slightly and cups Seoyeon’s face, making her look into her large, larger-than-life eyes. “Let’s sit down, okay? I’ll explain everything.”

“You better,” she mutters when Nien sits her down on the bench, tugging the girl’s arm back when she’s about to move to sit across from her. “No. You sit next to me.”

“Okay, okay,” Nien relents with a chuckle, straddling the bench to face her. In return, Seoyeon turns and brings her legs up to sit criss-cross and doesn’t let go of the girl’s wrist as she stares at her (partially still in wonder), waiting for her to begin.

“So, at the end of last year,” Nien starts. “My dad got this offer at a new company—well, the Taiwanese branch of his company. They’re letting him try it out for a year, and originally I was only supposed to go until the end of the summer and then come back, like usual.

“But then, after we got into an argument on the last day of school”—Seoyeon winces at the memory—”I was…” Nien trails off, shame apparent in eyes that refuse to meet hers. “I was pretty high strung when I was packing everything that I forgot my fax machine.”

Seoyeon makes a noise at that, one that makes Nien chuckle. “And admittedly, I was kind of upset, too. I don’t think it was at you—I think I was more upset at myself—and I started thinking it might be better if we didn’t talk for a while.

“While I was there my parents enrolled me at the local high school to finish the semester and said I could try to make some friends. And, it was weird.” Nien laughs now, though it sounds more strained than joyful. “It was… weird because I wasn’t really into it. And it wasn’t even that I thought there was no point—that I wasn’t going to stay anyway—but more like… like it wasn’t fun. Because you weren’t there.”

Seoyeon bites back a gasp, swallowing her words when she sees the girl isn’t finished. “Like, I didn’t want to make friends with anyone because you weren’t there with me, if that makes sense? Which got me thinking…” When Nien meets her eyes she expects to see relief or joy or some positive emotion, but she’s met with pain-rimmed irises instead.

“It made me realize that it’s not fair to these people that I can’t be present in the friendship because I keep comparing them to you. And more than that, it’s not fair to you”—Nien looks even more pained as she says this—“because I’d be essentially forcing you to keep me around even when you’re trying to form other relationships. It’s out of my own selfishness, a greed to keep you for myself, that makes me something of a leech?

“So I guess what I’m trying to say is, I realized you deserve better than a codependent friendship. And when the end of the summer came, I asked my parents to not take me back, and told them that I wanted to stay in Taiwan.” Nien rubs her neck awkwardly. “I thought it’d be better if I just didn’t come back, so that you’d start getting used to not having me around. Which was working, kind of, until Christmas break rolled around and it started snowing in Taiwan.”

Nien shifts slightly, and Seoyeon notices that she doesn’t shake her hand out of her grasp. “I was alone when the first snow fell, and it made me remember that you love snow. It also made me remember that thing about the first snow, how the person you see it with is who you fall in love with, and one thing led to another and,” Nien holds up both palms sheepishly, “I was on a one-way flight to Korea. So, um, yeah. That’s how I got here.”

Seoyeon sits back, blinking as she tries to process what Nien just told her. “Let me get this straight,” she says. “You’re not permanently moving to Taiwan?”

“Uh, no, I’m not,” Nien replies. Then: “And, also, um… did it snow before today?” She clears her throat. “Did you… see the first snow? With anyone?”

“I saw it with you,” Seoyeon realizes with a whisper. Somehow, the girl’s eyes widen even further.

She shakes her head slightly. “Right, um. So, you decided to essentially ghost me for ten months because… you didn’t want to be a leech? And stop me from making my own friends?”

“Basically, yeah.”

She narrows her eyes. “You realize you could say the same thing about me, right? Doesn’t that make me a leech on your relationships?”

“No, that’s different,” Nien objects.

“Different how?”

“It’s different because I’m perfectly fine with only having you in my life, and actually I think I’d like that a lot. So it doesn’t make you a leech.”

“No, you don’t get it, dummy,” Seoyeon says exasperatedly—affectionately. “I’m also perfectly fine with only having you in my life.” She punctuates her words for effect. “Only. You.”

She waits as the girl finally, finally seems to get it. She can practically see the lightbulb flicker on in her head. Nien gapes at her, mouth dropping open. “Do you… like me, too?”

Seoyeon’s heart stutters at the words and her face flushes as she tries to roll her eyes. “Yes, I do. I like you, too.”

At that, Nien slides up the bench so that their knees are touching. Then, she leans forward, getting closer still. “Seoyeonie~” she teases. “I don’t think I heard you right. Could you repeat that?”

Seoyeon’s eyes dart around, trying to focus on something that isn’t Nien’s face right in front of hers. They’re so close that their breaths materialize and mingle in the cold air, something that Seoyeon tries—and fails—not to notice. “You heard me,” she mutters.

“No, I don’t think I did.” Nien bumps their noses gently. “Look at me, Seoyeon,” she whispers.

As if on command she does look at her, which is a mistake because her eyes immediately drop to Nien’s lips. Her very smooth-looking, soft-looking lips made red by the cold.

“Seoye—” Nien starts to say, but is cut off by Seoyeon suddenly leaning forward, closing the gap between them and finally bringing their lips together. After a moment Nien pulls away, about to say “Are you sure?” when Seoyeon nods fervently with a half-grunt, half-whine, and pulls on her collar to bring her in for another kiss.

Seoyeon thinks romance novels might be lying. Because none of them could have prepared her for what it’s like to finally kiss Nien, to have the girl’s pliant lips like a cloud on her own. She loops her arms around Nien’s neck, trying to get even closer, and decides to wrap her legs around the girl’s waist, too, so that she’s practically in her lap. When Seoyeon finally pulls away for air Nien just shifts the target of her lips’ affections to her face, peppering kisses on her cheeks and nose before finally pulling away as well.

“Seoyeon,” Nien whispers, arms wrapped around her waist and eyes overflowing with honey. “I like you a lot.”

“I know.”

“I know you know.” The girl squeezes her waist lightly. “Now, at least, I do. And I’m sorry for leaving you, and I never want to do it again,” she says before pausing. “Be my girlfriend?”

“You idiot,” Seoyeon says fondly. “Yes, I will be your girlfriend.”

Nien’s lips meet hers in a smile before the girl leans back—not before Seoyeon presses another kiss to her lips, just because she can—and finally loosens the arms around her waist. “Let’s have this ice cream before it melts?”

They’re walking back to her house, hand in hand, when Seoyeon suddenly stops. “Wait, does my mom know you’re here?”

Nien blinks, seemingly also realizing this. “Uh, unless my mom told her, I don’t think so?” She grins, tugging Seoyeon closer. “Why, you wanna keep me all for yourself?”

“Yes,” she says without hesitation, secretly relishing in the way it makes Nien’s face redden. “And she might not let you sleep in my room.”

“What?” Nien fake gasps. “Wow, Seoyeon, you’re moving really fast.”

She pushes the girl’s shoulder and starts walking again. “Shut up, you know what I mean.”

“I know, I know,” Nien relents. “Don’t worry, I’ll be on my best behavior. There won’t be any funny business!”

I won’t be, Seoyeon thinks unabashedly, and Nien seems to realize what’s going on in her head with a start.

“Yoon Seoyeon!” the girl says, eyes widening. “I should be careful—what if you pounce on me in my sleep?”

“Don’t say that so loud!” she hisses. “We’re already here, so be quiet.” Seoyeon takes a furtive glance around before quietly unlocking the front gate. “Come on.”

“Wow, I’ve never snuck around like this before,” Nien comments. “Makes me feel like I’m doing something dangerous, but fun!”

Seoyeon doesn’t answer, instead cracking the front door open to make sure there was no one in the living room. They make it up the stairs and she almost succeeds in getting Nien into her room when—

“Seoyeon, did you just get home?” Her mom suddenly comes out of the bathroom, wiping her hands with a paper towel. She finally looks up, taking in the scene in front of her.

“Oh, um. Hi Mrs. Yoon,” Nien greets her meekly, lifting a hand in a wave. “How have you been?”

Seoyeon, for some reason, is also kneeling on the ground next to Nien and in front of her mom, who sits on the couch as she looks at the two of them.

“Where’s dad?” Seoyeon tries, but her mom doesn’t even look at her. “He’s getting groceries.” She keeps her gaze on Nien, just silently taking the girl in. “How has your mom been, honey?”

“She’s been good,” Nien answers hesitantly, hands on her knees. “Um, my knees are starting to hurt.”

“Oh, you don’t have to kneel!” says her mom worriedly. “You can just sit normally, I just need you to stay in front of me where I can see you.”

“Oh, okay!” says Nien as she readjusts her legs to cross them, with Seoyeon following suit. Why did I just do whatever Nien was doing without asking…

“So Nien, I take it your dad’s new job didn’t work out?”

“They haven’t decided completely yet, but I think they want to return to Korea.” She shrugs. “At least, I want to.”

Seoyeon’s mom seems satisfied with her answer and gets up to walk around the coffee table with open arms. Nien, in response, bounds up happily, clearly towering over the woman.

“Well, I’m just happy to see you again,” her mom says, embracing Nien warmly. “And I know Seoyeon is, too. She just wouldn’t stop moping after you left; she even kept writing those letters you two wou—”

“Mom!” Seoyeon stands up as well, quickly pulling Nien out of her mom’s grasp. “I think Nien’s still tired from her flight—I should let her rest in my room.”

“Nice one, very smooth,” Nien whispers to her, still smiling at her mom. She slings an arm around Seoyeon’s shoulders and yawns exaggeratedly. “Mrs. Yoon, I think Seoyeon’s right. I am pretty beat…”

“Oh, of course, go rest!” The woman pushes the two of them toward the stairs. “I’ll start making dinner and call you when it’s ready, okay?”

“Okay!” Nien responds, her chipperness a far cry from the exhaustion she was claiming just moments prior. She detaches herself from Seoyeon to give her mom another hug, saying, “Thank you again for having me, Mrs. Yoon. I’ve missed it here.”

In response, her mom says, “Don’t thank me, this is your second home!” and reaches over to rope Seoyeon into their hug, too. “I love having my two favorite girls back together.”

Seoyeon watches as she disappears into the kitchen, waiting a couple beats to make sure she doesn’t come back out, before taking Nien’s hand and hauling her up the stairs.

“Dang, someone’s excited,” Nien jokes, but she follows close behind. When they reach her room Seoyeon pulls the door open, tugging Nien inside and shutting the door softly.

Then they just stand there and stare at each other.

After a few beats of silence Nien laughs first, and soon Seoyeon's laughing as well and they're just falling over themselves, setting off new rounds of giggles whenever they make eye contact.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Nien asks when she catches her breath.

“I don't know, it's weird,” Seoyeon laughs with a shake of her head. “You've been in here countless times but it feels different now.”

“Why~?” Nien asks playfully, getting in her face. “Do I make you nervous?”

“Yeah.” It comes out breathier than she intended, but she smiles anyway. “I like it, though.”

Now Nien's the blushing one, eyes widening as she leans back.

“You totally wanted to kiss me just now,” Seoyeon teases as she follows Nien to her desk.

Nien says something she can’t make out then coughs, clearing her throat once. “Your mom said you wrote letters for me?” The girl reaches for something on Seoyeon’s desk but quickly gets her hand batted away.

“You don’t need to worry about that,” she says hurriedly, tugging on Nien’s sleeve. “Come on, let’s change into comfortable clothes.”

“I didn’t miss that subject switch, Yoon Seoyeon!” Nien declares, but follows her to her closet regardless. Seoyeon pulls something out and hands it to the girl, who makes a noise of recognition.

“Oh my God, this is where it went!” Nien holds up the old hoodie, then suddenly brings it to her nose. “It smells like you, though?”

Seoyeon ignores the comment, grabbing her own clothes and quickly making her way to the door. “I think one of your sweatpants is in there, look for it while I go change.” She shuts her door quickly, leaning against it before heading to the bathroom. I still can’t get used to her.

Later, after they’ve both had dinner and washed up, Seoyeon’s sitting on her bed while Nien leans back on the wood floor.

“So…” the girl starts. “I guess I’ll sleep on the floor?”

“No, you won’t,” Seoyeon interjects, then stops. “You’ll— we’ll split the bed.”

Nien nods silently at that, getting up from her spot on the floor. At the same time, Seoyeon shifts to move against the wall, lifting her covers slightly. “Well? What are you waiting for? Get in.”

“Okay, pushy,” Nien jabs, but even she has an air of nervousness around her. She quickly shuts the light off before heading for the bed, hesitantly laying down. While her eyes adjust to the darkness, Seoyeon’s heart rate picks up speed when she feels the mattress dip as Nien adjusts herself. The girl turns onto her side to face Seoyeon. “You know, your bed’s smaller than I remember.”

“You say that like you’ve been on it often,” Seoyeon shoots back, falling back into their teasing rhythm.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’d like that,” Nien replies, a gleeful grin audible in her voice.

Seoyeon doesn’t say anything at first, then reaches out to grab Nien’s collar lightly. “Come closer, you’ll fall off the edge like that.”

“You could just say you want to cuddle~” is what she gets in reply as the girl scoots closer. Still, she doesn’t move any further.

“God, Nien.” Seoyeon lifts her head slightly. “Put your arm out, I want to lay on it.”

“And risk my arm falling asleep?” the girl jokes, but complies anyway. When Seoyeon lays her head back down the girl suddenly pulls her even closer, resting her other arm on her waist. “Better?”

Face warm, Seoyeon only nods into Nien’s neck. Unwittingly, a content sigh slips out of her lips. When Nien chuckles it sends slight vibrations into Seoyeon’s body and causes a warmth to bloom in her chest as well.

“I missed you a lot,” Nien whispers above her head. She makes a noise of acknowledgement and thinks the girl says something else as well, but it’s hard to make out when her world fades into darkness.

In the morning, when Seoyeon wakes up with legs tangled in Nien’s and the girl’s arms around her waist, she doesn’t say anything. Just takes a moment to stare at Nien’s face, really take in the fact that Wow. Nien’s back. And she’s mine.

An eye cracks open. “Like what you see?”

Seoyeon almost screams but opts for slapping Nien’s shoulder instead. “Good morning to you too, sleepyhead.”

Nien responds with a kiss to her nose, then shifts to start attacking her face with kisses that Seoyeon only half-heartedly fights off. “Hey, your breath stinks!”

“Mmhmm,” Nien hums, then leans back to collapse on the pillow. She looks at Seoyeon again. “I think I could wake up to this forever.”

She pushes her shoulder again. “Hey, that’s so cheesy.”

Nien only hugs her closer in response, wrapping as much of herself as she can around Seoyeon. It seems like the girl only gets more clingy and cuddly when she’s sleepy, which puts Seoyeon’s heart in danger of bursting. I could never get tired of this…

A stomach growl pierces the air. Nien pulls back to look at her, laughing slightly. “Woah, I didn’t know we had company.” She starts to detangle her limbs. “Come on, let’s eat breakfast.”

“Wait, not yet,” she says with a whine, pulling the girl back down. “Let’s stay like this for a little longer.”

Nien seems to consider putting up a fight, but drops it. The girl lays down, wrapping her arms back around Seoyeon. “Okay, a little bit longer. But then we’re actually going to get you something to eat.”

Seoyeon hums in agreement, nestling closer to the girl’s chest. I want to stay like this forever.

Seoyeon’s leaning against the wall as she waits in the hallway, tapping her foot slightly. I wonder what’s taking them so long… She shifts from one leg to the other, taking another peek through the window in the door.

“Seoyeon? Why are you just waiting here?” Xinyu suddenly appears in front of her.

“Huh? Oh, Xinyu, when did you get here?”

“I was heading for the restroom when I saw you… what are you doing here?” The girl looks slightly puzzled.

“Me? I’m just waiting for Nien to finish some paperwork in the office.”

At this the taller girl only looks more confused, bordering on concerned now. “Seoyeon, are you feeling oka—”

“I’m done!” announces Nien, who suddenly opens the office door. “Oh, Xinyu!” She holds up a hand. “I haven’t seen you in so long! High five!”

“You look like a fis—”

“WHAT THE FUCK!”

“And this is Sohyun; you guys have met before, I think.” Seoyeon finishes the last of the introductions and turns to watch Nien for her reaction. The girl smiles hesitantly.

“It’s nice to meet you guys!” she says, still cheerful. “You’re all, uh, kind of scary.”

Turning her head, Seoyeon finally sees the kinds of expressions that don her friends’ faces—varying from cautiously happy to downright apprehensive. “Why do you all look like that.”

Someone mutters something under their breath—something that sounds like “crying” and “left”—before Nakyoung finally speaks up.

“If you ever,” the girl starts, “hurt Seoyeon, Sohyun and I will make sure you regret it.” She leans across the table to stare into Nien’s eyes at the same time Sohyun says, “Not with, like, murder though.”

Nien squares her shoulders, also leaning across the table as well. “Shouldn’t I be saying that? Seoyeon and I have known each other for the longest out of anyone here.”

The two don’t break eye contact and Seoyeon’s about to jump in when Nakyoung suddenly laughs, dissipating the tension. “Damn, you’re intense!” She looks at Seoyeon. “She has my approval.”

“I don’t need your approval,” she starts to say, but Nien speaks first, chuckling with an abashed expression.

“No, but I get it,” the girl says. “I did leave pretty abruptly, so I understand why you guys must be feeling hesitant.” Nien suddenly raises her arms, ducking her head. “Please forgive me! And accept me into the squad.”

“This is so ridiculous,” Seoyeon tries again, but Mayu cuts her off this time, laughing. “Wait, the squad is such a boring name! We can think of something better.”

“How about this!” Dahyun pitches. “Nien, if you can think of a good squad name for us then we’ll let you into the group!”

“I like that!” Nien exclaims, with noises of agreement from the others. Even Seoyeon relents, already resigned to let them have their antics. “Hmm, how about—”

“The Cooligans?” Nakyoung suggests. “As in, cool hooligans!”

“Like from Mario?”

“That’s such a lame-ass name,” Xinyu complains. “And none of us are hooligans, least of all you, Nakyoung.”

“Isn’t Nien supposed to be choosing the name?” Yooyeon asks.

Said girl hums. “Well, Cooligans isn’t bad, but I was thinking of something a little bit more… creative?” She pauses. “Maybe something like… FIGHTINGZ (화이팅즈)?”

Her suggestion hangs in the air, met with deafening silence.

“FIGHTINGZ…?” Dahyun looks perplexed as she takes in the name. “As in, ‘good luck’?”

“Yeah!” Nien nods excitedly. “Well, hear me out first before you judge!”

“We’re listening,” Seoyeon reassures her.

“I’ve definitely gotta listen to this,” Nakyoung says, which gets a light slap from Dahyun.

“It’s because, in our names, we all have the ㅎ(H) or ㅇ(no sound), right?” Nien waits for hesitant nods. “So then that’s where the FIGH(화이/hwa-i) comes from, but it also sounds like the word ‘high’! And then the TING(팅) sounds like ‘teen,’ so then FIGHTING(화이팅) also sounds like ‘high teen.’ ‘Cause, y’know, we’re almost adults.”

“Ah.”

“Oh, and the Z makes it plural!”

“That was helpful, thank you,” says Yooyeon.

What the hell, sure. “Wait, that’s actually kind of smart,” Seoyeon laughs, almost disbelievingly. “I like it!”

“I think you’d like anything Nien sa—”

“No, I like it too,” Sohyun muses. “The wordplay is pretty clever.”

“It’s like we’re cheering for ourselves, because we’ll be young adults soon!” Mayu exclaims. She thrusts a hand to the center of the table. “FIGHTINGZ!”

Soon, the others put their hands in as well, with Nakyoung and Xinyu fighting to put their hands on top. Seoyeon feels someone guide her wrist, and she turns to see Nien looking at her with eyes that seem to hold the universe. “Come on, Seoyeon!”

Checking first before they make a ruckus, her friends all chant, “3, 2, 1, FIGHTINGZ!”

She smiles softly to herself.

Fighting, Yoon Seoyeon!