Work Text:
The crowd erupted. Jaekyung’s hand was raised up high by the referee; he winced as the pain on his left shoulder finally caught up to him after the adrenaline during the fight had worn off. His opponent stayed bloodied and barely conscious on the padded floor nearby, his own team rushed to his aid.
Jaekyung won his rematch with Baek Junmin.
But despite the arena echoing with chants of his name, all he heard was silence. His eyes fixed on Kim Dan outside the octagon, who jumped in joy in a makeshift circle with Yoon-gu and the other members of Team Black.
He had ultimately lost.
Tomorrow onwards, Kim Dan will no longer be tied to him. Not by obligation nor by debt. Let alone affection.
There was no joy in winning anymore when you let the person you love most slip from your hands.
The team retreated to the waiting room for the after-match briefing, continuing the celebration that Jaekyung joined half-heartedly. The team brushed off his indifference to his usual temper, still jumping and shouting in elation for their hard work as a team that was well paid.
Kim Dan stood quietly at the side, enjoying the heightened spirit of his teammates, his smile anchoring the team. It was his hard work too, making sure the athlete was in his top condition. Sensing the eyes on him, he looked at Jaekyung, who instantly looked away, as if looking at someone was crime and he was caught, guilty.
No matter how many times he saw Jaekyung, he never ceased to be amazed by his skill, his strict regimen, and the fire in his eyes. He was indebted to Jaekyung, not just monetarily, as he had protected him when Baek Junmin's team tried to use him as pawn for their dirty tricks again this time around.
Jaekyung knew that the other team would come up with another way to sabotage him, so he had prepared Dan both physically and mentally for any incoming danger, that now he was confident that he could fend for himself without anybody’s help.
Although, the new strength he gained felt bittersweet.
Dan liked the way he could always lean on Jaekyung. The way that his commanding voice alone would fend away unwanted attention. And at times how his body would instinctually envelop him entirely, giving him protection and comfort. Jaekyung always felt warm. He will sorely miss his warmth when they part, as his contract had officially ended today.
Dan sighed, not wanting to think much about the upcoming goodbye.
The team decided to rest for the day and have the celebratory dinner tomorrow. A joint dinner for today’s win and Dan’s birthday. And secretly, his farewell too.
Back home, the pair took their showers and immediately retired to bed. The match was brief, but the preparation took them the whole day - weeks, counting the endless training - and it drained all the energy from them. Especially Dan.
As Dan slipped into slumber, Jaekyung quietly walked to his side of the bed, placed a small package on his nightstand and crouched next to Dan, watching the love of his life sleeping in peace.
The soft hair on Dan’s forehead fell and covered his eyes, his chest raise and fall in calming rhythm as his shoulders occasionally twitched - probably from all the stress leaving his body.
“Thank you… I couldn’t do this without you.”
Jaekyung whispered, not wanting to wake Dan. He stroked his soft cheeks with his finger, slightly bruised from the earlier fight. Dan’s nose briefly twitched but soon found himself back into the calming rhythm of his sleep. Jaekyung smiled, his heart warmed seeing him able to sleep peacefully.
Memories of Dan sleepwalking into the ocean visited him, reminding him of how close he was to losing his very reason to live and fight. Remembering his heavy eye bags, his slurred speech, and how light he was after losing so much weight was painful. And it pained him even more, knowing that he caused it.
He rested his head on the mattress right next to his pillow, his face centimeters away from Dan’s, trying to map every curve and every line on his face. He sighed, as his fingers traveled to his forehead, brushing away the strands of hair covering his eyes. His thumb softly caressing his under-eyes, now void of darkened skin.
“I hate that we have to part ways when you just started smiling around me, but I know I don’t deserve your affection no matter how much I crave it. You deserve better than my sorry existence. I couldn’t be the person who keeps you happy, but I’ll be cheering for you. I just want to see you happy even from afar… I hope you’ll still remember me.”
Jaekyung slowly took Dan’s hand into his, careful not to rouse him from his sleep, softly kissing it and not wanting to let go. He tried to etch the very feeling of softness and warmth from Dan’s skin in his mind, knowing that this would be the last time he held those hands —his newfound jinx.
“I’ll remember this feeling whenever I’ll have a match in the future,” Jaekyung kissed his hand again. “But any match that comes after this, even if I do win, I am indefinitely lost. I failed to make the person that matters most stay. But I promise, I’ll make you proud even only through the screen...”
The clock on the nightstand struck twelve at midnight. It’s now 26th December.
“My last wish was to be the first person to wish you happy birthday. So, happy birthday, Kim Dan.”
Jaekyung leaned into Dan and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. He sighed again, fighting the tears that started to pool in his eyes. He needed to quickly come to terms with letting him go - the person who changed him for the better and who was always there for him. He felt stupid for realising it too late, and it was a regret he needed to live with for the rest of his life.
“Am I too greedy if I say I want you to stay with me forever? I’m sorry…I’m sorry for all I did. Don’t abandon me too…” Jaekyung’s voice trembled as he choked on his words. He buried his face in the mattress, as the pang in his heart were becoming too overwhelming; it washed over him like waves making it harder to breathe.
“I like you, Kim Dan…
I love…you…”
As the fatigue finally caught up to him, Jaekyung fell asleep kneeling at the side of the bed next to Dan. The tears finally fell on his cheeks as he closed his eyes — still holding Dan's hand.
“…Mr. Joo?”
—
Jaekyung woke up to a pillow on his side and a warm blanket over him. But Dan was not on the bed anymore. He looked at the clock – at was thirty minutes past nine, the longest he had slept, skipping his usual morning stretching and jogging routine.
But it also meant that Dan probably had left.
He immediately ran outside the bedroom, frantically searching for Dan, and was greeted by the familiar scent of grilled fish and kimchi from the kitchen.
“Good morning, Mr. Joo,” said Dan, while his hands were busy plating the food.
“Good morning…” said Jaekyung, his voice was mounted with relief. “…And happy birthday.”
“Thank you. You’re the first person to wish me today,” Dan smiled.
“I am?” Jaekyung blushed from happiness and also surprised that no one else had reached out to Dan, even though it was a late morning. “That’s good to know. But why are you making breakfast?”
“I’m sorry…it was just out of habit.”
“No, I… I love the breakfast you make. It’s just, it’s your birthday. I should be making you breakfast instead,” Jaekyung walked closer to Dan and leaned on the kitchen counter.
He was taking in all the sight of Dan, how he made his empty and sterile house felt warm. He was going to miss this the most. It was obvious that both men were avoiding talking about the contract ending and the upcoming farewell, trying to stay in each other’s presence as long as they could.
“Since it’s your birthday, do you have anything you want?” asked Jaekyung.
“I saw the present you left me by the nightstand. I haven’t opened it but thank you. It would be too much if I asked for more,” Dan replied.
“That was a present that I chose for you. What do you want?” Jaekyung asked again. With little time left, he wanted to grant all his wishes, even if it meant he had to pawn away his whole life.
“Well…a birthday kiss sounds nice,” said Dan after some time. He did not look at Jaekyung, but was smiling softly, still calmly plating the food for him.
Jaekyung, on the other hand, almost lost his footings in his own kitchen from shock. Did he hear him correctly? His face and ears became warm and red, his heart was beating so fast, it almost made him dizzy.
“Ah, lately you like acting like a hyung, teasing me. Stop playing, Kim Dan,” Jaekyung trying hard to hide his excitement at the playful suggestion.
“I want to enjoy the kiss while I am properly awake, you know.” Dan finally looked up at Jaekyung. The taller man looked back at him in horror and embarrassment instead.
Dan laid down the chopsticks and quickly wiped his hands before closing into Jaekyung’s space. He stood on his toes, cupping the taller man’s face with his hands, and placed a warm soft kiss on his lips.
“I love you too.”