Work Text:
"I have so many theories on the creation of Platypuses," Madaya started the meeting with.
Apricity only just joined the table but then she immediately turned to leave.
"APRICITY WAIT!"
"You said this was a required work meeting," she drawled out each word.
"I don't know about you guys but this is the most important event of my life," Ayyur insisted, joining them at the table.
"More than your child being born?" Madaya asked.
"Personally I've never given birth but if I did then the answer to that question would be yes," Ayyur clarified. "Anyway I was going to talk about something with you guys but now I'm intrigued about the platypus thing."
Before Madaya could draw her diagrams on the whiteboard, Apricity waved her hand to cast a spell, causing the marker to fall out of the surgeon's grasp.
"Ayyur, everything you say is worthless but I literally want to have any other conversation besides this."
"I'll allow it because this is the nicest she's ever been to you," Madaya said.
Ayyur gave them a sarcastic smile. "I'm glad I have friends who are unconditionally interested in what I have to say."
"Just spit it out," Apricity sighed, already wanting to go home and her shift only just started.
"I need your help hiding a body," Ayyur began with.
"Ok."
"Ok."
"This morning I tried to talk to someone who wants to remain anonymous-"
"Mirren."
"Mirren."
"-and then I tripped over my shoelaces and ran away."
"..."
"..."
Apricity groaned into her hands while Madaya burst into laughter.
"Why did you run away????" Apricity complained, wanting to slam her head on the table.
"You think I could show my face after that?"
"Why were you wearing laces?!" Madaya asked through her laughter.
"I knew I was going to trip eventually so I wore laces to blame it on them but them I tripped on the laces."
"..."
"I'm embarrassed to be breathing the same air as you," Apricity muttered, then straightened her posture. "So you... want us to hide Mirren's body?"
"NO! I'm the body that you need to hide. I can never show my face to this world ever again."
"Ok I'll get the shovel," Apricity decided.
"I'll get the flowers," Madaya offered.
"I will also get the flowers,” a voice said.
The three jumped and saw Mirren at the front door, holding a frilly umbrella and looking as serious as he also did. Ayyur stood up and made his way to the nearest window, prepared to jump out of it.
"Mirren! How long have you been standing there?" Madaya asked with an awkward smile.
"From the moment the platypus was mentioned. I did not want to interrupt, and I wanted to wait until you talked about the platypus again because I was very interested. And Ayyur please do not bury yourself."
"I'm not burying myself, my friends are burying me."
"Oh, I see."
"Should I continue the platypus thing?"
"Day Day I will smack you," Apricity said, tiredly.
Mirren walked towards the table, then tripped in an unusual manner.
"...Mirren?!" Madaya made way over to him, checking if he got hurt.
"I needed to ease Ayyur's embarrassment,” he muffled.
Ayyur froze, then sighed. "Mirren! Don't just hurt yourself like that!"
"I am not hurt your floors are weak."
"That's the worst thing you've ever said to me."
"I'm on his side," Apricity added, and gave an ice pack to Mirren.
“You're the only person who would argue to me about my floors," Ayyur said to Apricity.
“Mirren just argued with you!”
“That wasn’t an argument that was complaint.”
“Why are weak floors a bad thing?” Madaya asked, trying to keep up with the conversation while also helping Mirren back to his feet.
“You’ll fall to the void,” Ayyur explained.
“There’s not a void under the floor!” Apricity argued.
“He knows, he just wanted to argue with you,” Madaya explained.
“She knows I know, she just wanted to argue back,” Ayyur said.
While Ayyur and Apricity had an Ace Attorney styled debate, Mirren turned his attention back to Madaya.
“What was your platypus theory?”
“Ok first I need to preface this with a different animal: the giraffe.”
“I am listening,” Mirren sat down opposite to her, having a very serious face.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN CARPET IS STRONGER THAN FLOOR BOARDS?!” Apricity yelled.
Ayyur turned to his other friends and clarified, “I don’t really think that, I’m just seeing how far this can go before domestic violence is involved.”
“What do you mean domestic we’re not dating.”
“THAT’S NOT WHAT DOMESTIC MEANS.”
“Can you guys finish one argument before starting the other?” Madaya said, while holding up three pictures of a labelled platypus.
“That would require knowing how to have a healthy relationship, which Ayyur does not know.”
“Mirren?!”
“For now, at least,” Mirren added.
The room fell silent.
“…Is he flirting with me?” Ayyur asked Apricity.
Apricity turned to Madaya. “Is he flirting with him?”
Madaya turned to Mirren. “Are you flirting with him?”
“Yes.”
Madaya turned back to Apricity. “He said yes.”
Apricity turned to Ayyur. “He told you he hates you and wants you dead.”
“I can’t believe Mirren would say such a thing,” Ayyur murmured. “I guess I’ll really have to get buried.”
“You mean that wasn’t a permanent idea?” Apricity asked, disappointed.
“Please do not get buried, Ayyur,” Mirren requested.
“Take your complaints to shovel woman over here.” Ayyur pointed at his beloved friend Apricity.
“What the fuck did you just call me.”
“I called you the most special, important person ever.”
“That’s somehow way worse than what you originally said.”
“Ayyur I can’t believe you just cat called her,” Madaya gasped and Mirren covered his mouth as he chuckled.
Ayyur bowed his head in shame. “You’re right I’ll do better next time. All I’ve done today is embarrass myself.”
Apricity wanted to say “you do that everyday” but she decided to do something else. She held her hand up and announced, “Listen everyone-“
“Why.” Ayyur interrupted.
“Because I’m the most special, important person in the room.”
“Oh ok.”
“Ayyur, stand over there,” she pointed to the corner of the room.
Ayyur squinted his eyes and titled his head, trying to figure out what she meant.
“Oh sorry, stand by your weird drawer.”
“He’s not weird he’s special,” Ayyur murmured but did as told.
“And Mirren, stand opposite to him.”
“Oh I see what’s happening,” Madaya grinned.
“Ayyur. Fall forwards,” Apricity directed.
“Don’t do this to me.”
“Trust me.”
“What do you mean?! You’re halfway across the room! How is this a trust fall?”
“FALL!”
“It’s winter actually.”
“Should I push him?” Madaya jokingly offered.
Apricity shook her head. “No no it needs to be done naturally.”
“YOU TELLING ME TO FALL ON COMMAND IS NOT NATURAL!”
Mirren fell forwards without warning. Ayyur panicked and rushed forward to hold him before he planted to the ground.
“Mirren! I told you to stop doing that!” Ayyur exclaimed, worried.
He held him tightly and Mirren grabbed onto him for balance.
“There, now you’re even,” Apricity announced.
“Weren’t they even when Mirren fell earlier?” Madaya asked through her laughter.
“That didn’t happen.”
“Oh ok.”
Mirren, finally standing up, continued to hug Ayyur, whose face was completely red.
“Woah they’re making out,” Madaya whispered to Apricity.
“They are objectively not making out.”
“This is their version of making out!”
“Tell me about the platypus thing, those two disgust me.”
“Are you romance repulsed?” Madaya asked while getting up to get her diagrams from the table.
“No, I’m Ayyur repulsed.”
“I heard that!”
“I WANTED YOU TO HEAR IT!”
Madaya sat back down next to Apricity. “Is me telling you about platypus our way of making out?”
“Madaya, can we make out?” Ayyur asked, joining them at the table again.
“So are we just gonna call group meetings “making out” now?” Apricity sighed.
“Yes.” Madaya and Ayyur said at the same time.
“I would like to join,” Mirren stated and sat next to Apricity.
“In making out?”
“Yes,” Mirren said in a monotone voice that made Madaya laugh.
“Ok!” Madaya put her diagrams on the table.
“Why are these actually so detailed…” Apricity murmured, both surprised and impressed.
“Mirren forget everything I told you earlier, we’re gonna start with the dinosaurs.”
“I love chickens,” Ayyur mentioned.
“Those aren’t dinosaurs,” Apricity argued.
“Yes they are-“
“WE’LL MAKE OUT OVER THAT ANOTHER TIME!” Madaya interrupted, then went back to explaining her theory.
The group fell silent and listened to her. She explained it in a way that was similar to performing a very serious lecture that made everyone either argue or joke around with each other.
“Any questions?” Madaya finished off with.
“I like my friends,” Mirren said out of nowhere.
“Mirren you’re so blunt, you need to mysterious and closed off,” Apricity critiqued.
“Is that your way of agreeing with him?”
“Obviously.”
“I like my friends too,” Madaya added.
“I like 3/4 of my friends,” Ayyur stated.
“Oh, who’s the one you don’t like?” Apricity asked dryly.
“There’s 4 of us, and I like 3 of us, I left myself out,” Ayyur explained.
“You don’t count in the statistic! It’s about your friends, not the friend group,” Apricity argued.
“So if a person is taking a survey they leave themselves out?” Ayyur debated.
“Yes?!”
They continued to argue as Madaya and Mirren watched in amusement.
