Chapter Text
The black dahlias had bloomed long ago, way before the betrayal and sooner than Jude cared to admit. It didn’t matter. The disease meant nothing to him because for him, for him there was no cure.
Hanahaki disease.
The disease of unrequited love. Of a past love that never bloomed. The love disease that stemmed from one’s lungs and slowly grew until it killed you or the love was reciprocated.
Either you confess your feelings or die. And Jude had chosen death, he hadn’t admitted it, but he wouldn’t confess his feelings to Sharpness. After what he did? No, he trusted the wrong person and for that Jude would pay the consequences, even if that meant a painful death.
Jude had planned to go out quietly, to keep trapping as he did and one day his body would be found, black petals surrounding him. Maybe he’d be found at his base whilst planning a trap. The rest of the server would wonder who was the person he yearned for, but they would never know. That was his plan, until right this instant.
He was in a meeting with Tai, discussing how they could trap and kill Sharpness. Yes, an alliance between one of his biggest rivals, but his time was coming soon, so what did it matter if he teamed with the one that wanted him dead the most? Well besides Sharpness.
However as they were wrapping up their meeting he felt it. At the back of his throat, blocking his airways. He needed to vomit, to let out those black petals, but Tai was here and he noticed all too quickly that something was wrong with him.
“You good Jude?” He asked, a semblance of concern in his voice.
Jude nodded, but it was getting hard to breathe, it was suffocating, the feeling of petals at the back of his throat. Eventually he vomited, black petals covering the table, some falling to the floor, such beautiful petals meant to kill him.
The relief was momentarily, that all too familiar pain choking his chest. He couldn’t bear to look at Tai, he would for sure be smiling, happy that one of his enemies was suffering from hanahaki disease.
However, as Tai spoke his words were tendered, laced with concern. “It’s because of Sharp, right?”
Jude didn’t know Tai could possibly know that, not like it mattered. He wouldn’t admit it, especially to Tai. “It’s none of your business.”
Tai sighed, placing his hand on Jude’s back. “You have to tell him, or we both know what happens.”
Jude sighed, slightly facing Tai. “I can’t and I won’t.”
“Why not? It’s obvious that– listen Jude. You have to tell him, do you seriously rather die? Choke to death on your own love?”
“Yes.” Jude’s eyes meet Tai’s and Tai knew, he knew that he would rather die than confess to Sharpness.
Tai sighed, his hands hitting the table, “So that’s that? You are accepting your death because you won’t speak to Sharp?” Some of the black petals fell from the table, Tai couldn’t believe that out of all people Jude would be the one with hanahaki disease. No, that was the problem, he could believe it because it was Jude, stubborn and prideful, that wouldn’t admit his feelings. In a twisted way it made sense for him to contract the disease.
Jude didn’t reply for several seconds, petals wanting to rise again. “Listen, Tai, it's better this way. Better for the whole server, for you, and especially for me. So please, please just let me be.”
This time Tai was the one who didn’t speak, he hadn’t experienced hanahaki himself, but he’d heard how it felt. How slowly the flower took root in your lungs, the sprouting was slow, but once the veins traveled through your organs it was like constantly being suffocated. Yet here Jude was planning for Sharpness' death while he himself barely clinged to life.
“You have to tell him.” Tai said, voice low but full of quiet anger.
“No, I will not.” Jude had already made his decision, it didn’t matter that Tai had found out, he would not tell Sharpness. Admitting his feelings for the swordmaster would mean to admit that after everything, that after the betrayal, he still forgave him. That no matter what Sharpness did, he still had the key to Jude’s heart. He’d rather die than give Sharpness that type of power over him.
Tai clenched his jaw, because even if Jude didn’t see it, he knew that Jude and Sharpness were meant for each other. He’d seen how they looked at each other, the love and affection in their eyes. Sure Sharpness had betrayed the trapper, but he knew that a part of Sharpness loved Jude. He could save Jude from his own love, but because of what he did there was no way that would happen. Jude would die without knowing that Sharpness always loved him. It was now Tai’s mission to prevent that.
“Fine,” Tai turned to look at the trapper. “Continue pretending everything is fine, that you are not suffering from the inside, but remember this, love transforms us, makes us different people. Goodbye, JudeLow.” Tai stormed out of Jude’s base, leaving the rabbit-hybrid alone in his pain.
Jude couldn’t wrap his head around why Tai cared so much, he fully expected for him to laugh or criticize him for falling so low. But he did none of that. He was concerned, worried for him even. Which is why he didn’t understand his words, was that meant to be advice?
Love transforms us, makes us different people.
The words did have some truth to them, but Jude didn’t know how they applied to him in this situation. Was Tai expecting him to confess just based on that? No, that wasn’t it. Maybe it was meant to convince him to seek help, have surgery or something like that? It didn’t matter what he actually meant, because death was the only thing that awaited him. Nothing that Tai said could change his mind on the subject.
That’s how Jude spent his next days, pretending that everything was fine when in reality his death inched closer. He felt it, how the petals became full blown dahlias, pieces of vines crawling their way through his throat. There were times when he felt fine and others when he knew that he didn’t have much time left.
Seeing the petals at his feet, adorning the whole room was a painful reminder of the love he’d lost. Or rather said a love that never was unlike the flowers in his lungs that love never bloomed. They were beautiful, Jude had to admit, black dahlias, unlike the name suggested the flowers weren’t actually black; it was more a burgundy or reddish hue. It reminded him so much of Sharpness.
He hadn’t seen the swordmaster since his betrayal, hadn’t even heard what he was up to, if anything only rumors surrounding his disappearance. That he was off planning to kill the whole server or that was bidding his time to get revenge on Jude. There were other rumors around like he was training or that he had grown tired of the server as a whole. However Jude knew that Sharpness had to be planning against him, out of all the rumors that was the one that had to be the truth. It was the one that made sense.
However even if he was, it didn’t matter, not anymore, it was already too late for him. He had maybe a day left at most, he could feel the vines growing into his throat, the flowers blocking his airways. He could barely move, barely fucking breathe, the time had come for him.
Instead of mourning his own life Jude decided to be productive, at least as much as he could be with constantly vomiting flowers. He had left trapping plans for Parker, left all his resources in an easy to find chest, and left a note. Two actually, one for Tai and one for Sharpness. Only death could he ever admit to his feelings, he was pathetic. The other note was for Tai because during the last couple days he’d visited him, made soup for him and swept the petals that had fallen to the ground. The trapper didn’t know why, maybe that was his way of showing that he cared, and Jude expected to hear him say something about confessing or going out and finding Sharpness, but surprisingly he never mentioned it again.
“Fuck.” Jude choked on another flower, the black dahlia made its way from his throat until it bloomed on his mouth. It was like vomiting, the feeling was almost the same, but there were no vile or weird smells instead it was beautiful and disturbing at the same time.
The vomiting did not stop, it continued and continued until finally Jude laid down and he could somewhat breathe. His breathing came out ragged like he had just worked out or fought someone. “Fuck, fuck.” The thorns were growing into his chest and lungs, he could feel as he moved how they pricked him leaving him bleeding from the inside. Maybe he’d died from internal bleeding. It didn’t matter, he was a walking dead man.
“Jude, Jude, Judeeeeee.” That annoying voice sounded through his base. Jude grunted, the only noise he could muster. “You look like shit.” Tai said once he found him and he wasn’t wrong. He was laying on his couch, flowers surrounding him, his hair was all over the place and his once groomed ears had several hairs standing up.
“No shit.” Jude sat up, another coughing fit taking over him.
“Don’t force it, take it slow.” Tai immediately sat next to him trying his best to help the trapper stabilize.
“What are you doing here? I don’t have much time left so make it quick.” Tai knew he meant those words, he’d seen the flowers go from petals to that intricate design of the black dahlias. He knew that today might be his last day, unless he could stop.
“Fine, I’ll make it quick.” Tai took out a piece of paper from his hoodie. “I was looking for Sharpness and I found him, these are his cords.” Tai said with a lisp, handing the paper to Jude. Jude had to see what he saw, he had to see Sharpness, because once he did he would understand his situation.
Jude didn’t take the paper, instead he stared at the paper. “Tai I already told you that–”
“I know. I know, you want to wallow in your own death, but just take it. At least I’ll feel less guilty when you leave.”
Jude sighed, Tai had helped him all this time so the least he could was relieve him of that burden. He took the paper, immediately stuffing it into his pocket. Tai could only look at him, he couldn’t force him to go see Sharpness, but he could give him a reason to.
Tai stood up, flowers crunching underneath his feet. “Did you know that creeping bell flowers are an invasive species?”
The change of topic was sudden, they were surrounded by dahlias not by bell flowers or whatever. “How does that–.”
Tai took crumbled purple petals, throwing them on the table, “Such a beautiful flower only to be considered unwanted. Maybe if you had hanahaki disease they’d be a nuisance, all flowers can become deadly in that case.”
“What the fuck are you yapping about?” Jude asked, feeling the flowers at the back of his throat.
“Jude, did you know that hanahaki can affect two people even if they both have feelings for each other? It's a devastating thing really, two souls who love each other but can’t confess their feelings, such a sad thing.” Tai held a bell flower in his hands, crushing it and letting the petals fall to the floor.
“Tai, are you okay? You’ve–.” That’s when it clicked, but no. No. No. No. No. No. No. That couldn’t be the case, there was no way that Tai was implying that. “No.” Jude refused to believe it, Sharpness couldn’t also–. He didn’t want to think about it, it couldn’t be. Because after everything that would mean that the betrayal and all this time would have been for nothing. But no. It couldn’t.
“We both know there’s only one way to know.” Tai fixed his crown, beginning to walk out of the base. “And you have his coords, but I’d hurry, both of you don’t have much time.” His voice grew further as he walked away, but his words were clear.
The trapper clenched the paper in his hoodie, if Sharpness and him were in the same situation, then maybe just maybe he had a shot. Of course first he had to make it there, actually talk to him, but after the betrayal? Could he really trust Sharpness with his heart? That was the gamble he’d have to take if he wanted to keep living and be with the love of his life. In a way it was like walking into a trap and Jude at least knew how to deal with those, that was his only comfort as he made his way to the coords.