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"I can't do this," Mingyu says, panicked expression on his face. Sweat is pearling on his hairline and by his nostrils, and Jihoon is not sure if that's from stress or the overall heat - because one, the air conditioning in this toilet seems to be broken, and two, they're currently cramped in a very small stall; so small, that Mingyu is sitting down on the closed lid of the toilet, and Jihoon is standing between his legs, leaning his back on the door.
"It's gonna be fine, Mingyu," he tries to calm him down. "It's normal to be nervous on your wedding day. You're gonna walk out of here, we will get you looking handsome again, and you're going to marry the love of your life."
"But what if," he starts and immediately pauses. The, he starts much more quiet. "He's not?"
Jihoon frowns.
"What do you mean?"
Mingyu is quiet for a while, busying himself with picking on the skins by his nails.
"I've been thinking about it for some time, actually," he admits quietly. "But we've already been engaged by that point. And everyone was so excited about planning the wedding… I just hoped that it will pass. But every single day closer to today, the feeling of making a mistake was getting bigger and bigger. And I was too scared to do anything about it. And now we're here."
Jihoon leans his head back on the door and fixes his eyes on a moldy spot where the wall connects to the ceiling. For such an elegant wedding venue, their toilets are definitely below the standard.
The truth is, he did notice Mingyu behaving differently those last few weeks, but he brushed it off as regular stress. After all, Mingyu has been happy with his fiance – and his fiance was nothing but good to him. (Yes, Jihoon made sure multiple times. After threathening the man as soon as he started dating Mingyu that if anything happens to him, he'll have to deal with Jihoon.) But if Mingyu is hiding in the toilet, biting his nails and looking like he might pass away the moment he stands up, it is serious.
"Okay," Jihoon says, looking back down to Mingyu. "Do you want to call off the wedding?"
Mingyu looks actually frightened when he suggests it.
"No! I mean… Well, yes, I do not want to get married, but… I can't face them, and it's such a waste… What about the money…"
He looks genuinely miserable, and it makes Jihoon's heart clench. He can't look at him like this. He changes the question.
"Do you want to run away?"
"What?"
In that moment, someone else enters the toilet and they both close their mouths and hold their breaths, waiting until the man relieves his need and goes back out.
"You cannot call off the wedding without consequences, Mingyu," Jihoon says when the door closes. "But what if we delay them?"
Mingyu scoffs.
"Yeah, as if it's going to work out."
Jihoon shrugs.
"You can just sit here until everyone's looking for you and you have to explain yourself on the spot, or we can go somewhere else, and you'll get more time to gather your thoughts and prepare for what's coming. So?"
For the first time since this morning, a genuine smile creeps up on Mingyu's face.
"Okay," he finally says. "Let's do this."
Jihoon squeezes himself out of the stall to check their options and make a plan, leaving Mingyu alone with his sweaty palms and own thoughts. He can faintly hear the voices outside, probably the guests that finally started coming in. He imagines his aunts and uncles, baby cousins, older family members and feels nauseous at the thought of disappointing all of them.
Disapppointment. That's the thing – he hates to disappoint. That's why, when realizing he might not want to spend his life with this person, it was so difficult to say anything. To at least delay the wedding, not to mention breaking up. But he didn't want to disappoint his parents, who engaged into preparing the wedding, his sister who was excited about helping them choose the outfits, his friend Seungkwan who always wanted to MC a ceremony and Mingyu happily offered him this chance. But the doubts gathered and gathered, and he is here, about to disappoint even more people, all at once. To become a SuperDisappointment3000.
He jumps and holds his breath when someone walks into the toilet and knocks on the door to his stall, but relief washes over him when he hears Jihoon's voice.
"Let me in."
He does, and yet again they squeeze together in the small space. But at least Jihoon's presence is reassuring.
"There is a back door by the kitchen, but there's like three meters of the corridor we have to walk through before that, so we'll have to be very careful. I'll watch for the people, but that shouldn't be a problem."
"How so?"
Jihoon smiles wryly. "Seungkwan is doing us a favor."
Mingyu feels cold sweat on his back.
"Did you tell–"
Jihoon shakes his head.
"No. He didn't ask either. But we'll have a hell of a debt to pay," he sighs. Mingyu nods.
"And how about– Is he looking for–"
"No." Any traces of a smile disappear from Jihoon's face. "He's having the time of his life with the solo photoshoot."
That sounds like his fiance.
"So when we are going?"
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" A loud voice booms through the speakers, making them both jump."CAN I ASK YOU ALL FOR ATTENTION?"
Jihoon nods. "Now."
Creating diversion wasn't that hard to be honest. Jihoon just had to ask Seungwan to busy the incoming guests and voila - all done. When everyone curiously gathered in the main hall, Jihoon poked his head out of the restroom, waited for the venue staff to pass, and gestured to Mingyu to follow him.
By a strike of luck, they make it to the back door without meeting anyone from staff, and since the door has been unlocked, they quickly make it out of the building, now standing in a stinky back alley, with trashbags as the source of smell.
"That was easy," Mingyu sighs, but he still nervously looks around, as if one of the guests would show up and notice them anytime. "So what now?"
"Subway station?" Jihoon suggests. He hasn't thought about their destination yet, but he remembered there was one nearby. Well, the bus stop was closer, but he couldn't risk the incoming guests to pass by them waiting at the bench.
Mingyu pats his pockets.
"I don't have my wallet."
Shit. He didn't think about that. He pats his own pockets - and fortunately there is his card holder.
Just as he opens his mouth to speak, the door they came through start opening. Without thinking, Jihoon grabs Mingyu's hand and tugs him.
"Run!"
Fortunately, Mingyu doesn't have to be told twice, and follows Jihoon. They make it to the main street, and then he leads them away from the venue main doors; they'll have to make a circle round the block, but that's a small price to pay.
They leave behind all the guests, the flower wreaths, the decorations made with the pictures from pre-wedding photoshoot. Now it's just the two of them, making a weird sight to the people - two men in suits running through the city.
Jihoon's lungs start burning just as they run down the stairs to the subway station, and they finally stop by the ticket machines, Mingyu stumbling a little and bumping into Jihoon. He doesn't back away, but instead leans on him, breathing heavily from the exertion.
"Remind me to do more cardio next time we're at the gym," Mingyu heaves.
"Sure," Jihoon nods, fishing his card wallet from his pants pocket. He tells himself his heart is racing also because of lack of cardio in his routine and not from Mingyu's proximity, but he's a bad liar and can't even convince himself that's true. "I have two cards," he says and gives one to Mingyu. "Let's go."
"Which direction?"
Jihoon looks around. He doesn't even know which lines go through here. He shrugs. Mingyu chuckles.
"Okay."
They go down to the platform, and manage to catch a train that just arrived. Only then Jihoon looks up to the boards with detailed route.
"Oh."
"Hm?" Mingyu leans down to him.
"What do you say about picnic at Han river?"
Mingyu barks out a laugh, and other pasengers shoot them disapproving glances, with one elderly man clearing his throat loudly.
"Sounds nice," he says quietly, his breath warm against Jihoon's ear.
Since it's already past noon, the heat is even more insufferable than it was before they ran away. Fortunately, that also means there's not a lot of people at the park, so they manage to find a spot in the shade under a tree. Mingyu takes off his suit jacket and spreads it on the ground to sit on it, Jihoon following his action. He can see the sweat soaking his shirt on the back and under armpits, and he knows that he looks the same.
Two guys, in suits, in thirty-something degree heat, just chilling in the Han river park, because they ran away from a wedding. Classic afternoon in July.
Mingyu has to laugh.
"Hm?" Jihoon asks him, and he shakes his head.
"Nothing. It's just hitting me how ridiculous this is."
"Maybe." Jihoon leans back on his hands, legs outstretched in front. He closes his eyes when slight breeze hits them, and Mingyu feels this uncomfortable knot in his stomach that sometimes appears when Jihoon is involved. He hugs his knees to his chest, hoping it will alleviate that unfcomfortable feeling.
"I loved him," he says after a few minutes pass. Jihoon opens his eyes and looks at him. "I really did. But I guess it just started fading away at some point."
Jihoon nods.
"Not every relationship is made to last and that's okay."
Mingyu sighs.
"But if I realized sooner, or if I wasn't such a pussy about it, it wouldn't come to this. We would break up like normal people."
"You can look at it from the bright side; if you married him anyway and then decided you don't want to be with him anymore, you'd have to divorce him. Imagine how annoying that would be."
"Oh god," Mingyu groans. "Kim Mingyu, a 28-year-old divorcee."
Jihoon makes a weird puff-like sound, and when Mingyu looks at him, he notices how he's trying to stifle out a laugh. His expression is so funny, that Mingyu laughs too, and then Jihoon stops keeping it in.
It's somehow freeing, to laugh at this prospect, but also at the ridiculousness of this whole situation. Mingyu lets himself fall back, all his limbs detangling and falling free to the grass. His right hand falls on Jihoon's thigh, but he doesn't move it away.
"Kim Mingyu, the 28-year-old wedding runaway," he sighs as their laughs die out. He's looking at the clear blue sky. "I wonder if they already started looking for us."
"Probably, yeah," Jihoon says. "But does it matter?"
Mingyu shrugs and puts his hands behind his head. The ground with sun-dried grass is not the most comfortable.
"I didn't take my phone with me." He realized this only as they got to the subway station – he left everything as it was.
"Me neither. They would probably be blowing up right now."
Mingyu hums, as he imagines what's going on at the venue. Panicked families, his fiance… Guests wondering why the ceremony isn't starting… Annoyed employees, their confused friends… Mingyu feels bad about letting Seungkwan down. His fiancee's friend had a whole speech prepared, and Jihoon…
He raises himself on his elbows.
"Hyung," he says to grab Jihoon's attention. "What song did you prepare for the wedding? You said you wanted it to be a surprise."
"Oh." Jihoon blinks. He wasn't expecting that question. Mingyu isn't sure, but he thinks Jihoon's ears suddenly turned a little pinkish. "Well, the wedding is no longer happening, so I don't think it's relevant anymore."
"Oh come on," Mingyu whines and sits up. "The wedding is not happening so you can tell me."
"Fine," he sighs. "It's a song I wrote back at uni for one of my assingments, but never turned it in. I found it on my drive and it seemed fitting, so I just polished it a bit."
Mingyu's jaw almost hits the floor.
"You– your own song?"
"What, you wanted me to sing Taeyang's Eyes, nose, lips or something?"
"Noo, it's not that!" Mingyu moves closer. "But you can't just say that and not sing it!"
"I will not be singing here," Jihoon says, looking around. There aren't many people close to them, but his ears are definitely red right now. "But I can play– no, I can't play the recording, I don't have my phone."
"Please, hyung…" Mingyu tries to make his best puppy impression. Jihoon rolls his eyes, but then starts singing quietly.
If a second life that's different from now is to come to me
Will I be by your side?
Will you be by my side?
Mingyu closes his eyes and imagines how it would look like at the wedding. He knew that Jihoon was going to play the piano simultaneously - that was one of the criteria for the venue, actually, that Mingyu insisted upon, to have a piano that actually sounds good and not a cheap electric keyboard - so he pictures him like that: sitting at the piano, fingers on the keys, his voice louder than now.
I imagine things like this
Even if they're words I mentioned as a joke
Will you believe me?
Even if it's a funny imagination
It is a funny imagination, Mingyu thinks, because despite picturing the venue and guests accurately in his mind – Seokmin would be crying, he's sure – he cannot picture his fiance beside him.
On a sudden day when I'm left alone
I'll take my steps towards you again
When I see my face in your two eyes
As if the world has stopped, I will hug you
Maybe, in another life, this relationship would work out. Maybe the circumstances would be different.
If I am given a second life
I may live and breathe differently compared to now
Among the streets, we'll walk past each other without knowing
I hope we remember each other
Even in our next life
Even at that time, I'll go to you
But the song talks about something else. It's more about loving someone so much, that you want to be with them in the next life too. And Mingyu… he's not sure if that's was what he would want. Even before the feelings started fading. That love was more… practical. But Jihoon couldn't know that. He just chose a romantic song that suits the occasion. Because if you marry someone, it means you love them a lot, right? Enough to want to be with them in multiple lifetimes?
We're already beautiful
I like it because it's us
No words are necessary
The gaze, the touch
His chest tightens uncomfortably, because suddenly, it's Jihoon who he thinks about.
Even if a second life that's different from now comes to me
The one thing I can say is
That I'm going to be by your side
And actually, it's Jihoon who he would like to remember in his next life. Because what would be life without his best friend?
After that line, Jihoon stops singing. He clears his throat and Mingyu opens his eyes, just to see him turning his head away, but it cannot hide how rthe redness from his ears started spreading onto his cheeks.
Mingyu almost physically feels the gears in his head turning. He doesn't want to jump to conclusions. He wants to ask, is itching to do it, but the moment feels so fragile that none of the wording he thinks of seems appropriate.
A second life. Second chance. Very hypothetical.
"Hyung…" Mingyu starts finally, but his throat feels hoarse. Will he ruin everything if he asks? And what if his assumptions are wrong?
Jihoon turns to look at him and smiles at him softly.
"It was meant for you both," he says, as if reading his mind, knowing that he would ask. "As I said, I wrote it years ago. This is just a standard love song, all people in love would probably want to still be with their partners if they were given a second chance." He shrugs, then looks away, at the calm river. "But I also wanted it to be a sort of… goodbye. To my, um. Feelings."
He lowers his head and focuses on his hands, picking on a callous on his left palm. Mingyu's blood pounds loud in his ears.
Jihoon has feelings for him. His friend of a decade has feelings for him and he did not notice.
"…since when?" He manages to ask. Jihoon just shrugs.
"I have no idea. But I realized a little bit after you got engaged."
That would be only a year. Already when Mingyu started doubting in his relationship. And knowing how Jihoon generally is a bad liar, he probably didn't even hide it that well – Mingyu was just preoccupied so much with trying not to fall out of love with his fiance, that he didn't notice anything.
"I'm sorry."
Jihoon looks at him with furrowed brows.
"Why are you apologizing to me?"
"For not noticing. And maybe if I decided for a breakup earlier, before the engagement, things could happen a little bit different." Mingyu surprises himself with that sentence.
"They still can," Jihoon says, seemingly before he can stop himself, because when he realizes what he said, there's a sudden panic on his face. "No, sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I know you still love him, this was… God, so inappropriate and selfish." He scrambles up, dead grass clinging to his pants. "Let's forget about it and move on. Do you want to eat ramen? Or ice cream? Or both?"
Jihoon starts walking in the direction of a convenience store, but Mingyu manages to catch his sleeve and stop him. He pulls him back down, now both facing each other.
"I do love him," Mingyu starts. "But it's not… like at the beginning. I was considering a breakup already. And this… Is essentially a breakup, isn't it?" He looks at Jihoon expectantly until he nods. "And I will need some time to process it. I'm sure it will dawn on me soon. But you're my best friend, Jihoon. I love you. And I think…" He takes a deep breath and finally lets out what he's been keeping even from himself. "I think there is more to that."
Jihoon just looks at him. Deeply. As if he was searching something in his face, or in his soul even. But his panicked expression has softened, and eventually, he simply nods. That's enough for Mingyu to crack a hopeful smile.
"I was serious about the food though. I don't think they're going to leave us any dinner," Jihoon finally says and Mingyu groans.
"Way to ruin the moment," he complains, which gets a chuckle out of Jihoon. But then, Jihoon is also right, because the last time he's eaten was yesterday – he skipped breakfast today, too stressed to stomach anything.
They eventually both get up, brushing off the dry grass from the clothes, and Mingyu points to a coffe shop a little bit father away.
"Can we go there? I think I'm craving some bread. But, like, you're paying, so…"
"Sure," Jihoon simply says.
"Assa, first date secured," Mingyu exclaims and Jihoon looks at him like he's crazy, but there's a fondness underneath that look, and a pretty shade of pink on his cheeks.
They get iced tea and when Mingyu cannot decide on which breads or pastries Mingyu wants, Jihoon just gets all of the ones Mingyu was considering. Upon his protests, he just says they'll share whatever remains to take it home.
They sit in the corner and Jihoon makes sure they talk about anything unrelated to the wedding, steering the conversation away from any topics that may hit too close - and Mingyu seems thankful for that. In the course of their talk, the mountain of baked goods disappears, and the sun outside starts setting, drowning the cafe in an orange glow.
"I think I'm ready to face the consequences," Mingyu says finally. He has a determined expression on his face.
"Okay," Jihoon agrees.
His hand itches when he walks beside Mingyu, so he puts it in the pants pocket. The situation would be a hundred times worse if they pulled back to the venue holding hands - even considering how people might be thinking that this was the reason for running away all along.
He reminds himself that he might be able to do this later, and it puts a smile on his face - also not something appropriate for coming back from running away with the groom. But he lets himself have this moment. Because instead of an end, he miraculously goit a potential beginning. And he won't stop himself from being a little happy about it.