Work Text:
zach woke up to the sound of an alarm he did not set ringing out throughout his and his sisters joint bedroom. he hated sharing a room with his older sister maxine because she always woke him up whilst he was trying to sleeping with her alarms for her job.
he sat up and rubbed his forehead, moving his fringe slightly whilst doing so. he looked towards his own alarm clock and tried to read the time without his contacts, whilst squinting his eyes he could make out the time was 06:30.
zach didn’t need to be up till a few hours later since it was the weekend and he didn’t have school. he decided since he was up anyway that he was gonna head to the kitchen and grab a snack since he didn’t eat dinner the night beforehand.
(unsurprisingly, maxine missed her alarm. he was definitely going to have to wake her up himself which never ended well.)
when he finally reached the kitchen, he opened the fridge to reveal… absolutely nothing. he lived with his sister in a one bedroom flat in downtown london, she wanted him to move with her to london so he could have better opportunities after he was finished secondary school which never happened since he decided to stay back from university. (and because she wanted them both to get away from their abusive parents in birmingham.)
he sat down on the floor, leaning against the counter. his sister maxine worked two jobs; one for entertainment and one for the money. but to be completely honest, both of them didn’t make too much money. he promised himself as soon as he turned 17 the following month he would get a job to help out.
eventually he heard movement in the flat so he assumed maxine actually got up by herself.
“morning zachary.” he heard his sister mumble as she opened the fridge… to also reveal nothing. she grunted to herself and headed to the sink to pour herself a glass of water.
“morning maxine.” he managed to mutter back, leaning his forehead against his knees against the counter. it was pretty cold in the house due to it being peak winter in january.
“i think i’ll go shopping after my first shift today, write down some things you fancy, okay?” maxine replied as she looked down on him, already in her first work uniform.
from 8am to 4pm she worked in some unrecognised music shop, then from 8pm to 12am she worked as a cleaner for a fancy hotel downtown. for her first job she didn’t really have a uniform so she could wear whatever she liked, as long as there were clothes on her body.
“thanks max.” zach said whilst putting a thumbs up in his sisters direction.
zach woke up to the sound of the front door opening and the sound of plastic bags crinkling. he opened his eyes to reveal that he accidentally crashed on the kitchen floor and his sister was already back from her first job.
“if you’re still in the flat zachary, i am home now.” he heard his sister yell out to the flat. he quickly stood up and stumbled, catching himself on the kitchen counter. damn you, low iron!
“oh, someone had a nice nap i see.” maxine laughed as she put the two plastic tesco bags down on the kitchen counter next to him.
zach rolled his eyes to himself and faced his sister. “why did you not wake me up before you left for work, i really do not feel good after crashing on the floor.” he muttered as he stretched his spine.
“you looked like you needed that extra rest.” she shrugged as she walked down the hallway into her room.
whatever that meant.
he peered over into one of the bags and saw frozen pizza which instantly woke him up, to say he was starving was an understatement. he turned on the oven and put in a cheese pizza, turning the fan oven to 180°. zach finally decided to be helpful and unpack the shopping, putting everything where they were meant to be.
“have you seen my ipod?” he turned his head to face his sister, who was now wearing a different outfit with her hair flat ironed and styled into a side part. zach thought it was cool that he had a sister who dressed like him, unlike some of his friends who face judgement from their family just for being themselves. him and his sister collectively thought that it was stupid for people to be judged just for being themselves.
“i think you left it on charge in my room, i’ll grab it in a second. where are you even going?” he ran his fingers through his hair, replying to his sister casually.
“thanks- i’m going to see a friend.” max shrugged AGAIN, heading back down the hallway to zach’s bedroom.
“oi! i said i would grab it.” he muttered, turning back to the oven to remember what he was doing previously.
a few minutes later he heard his sister mumbling to herself coming back down the hallway, she was fidgeting with her ipod whilst furrowing her brows. “i think this thing is getting a little wonky… i bought an album off of itunes with my macbook and it didn’t transfer.” she muttered, mostly to herself probably.
“when will you be back?” zach asked as he sat on the couch, people watching out the huge window in their mediocre living room.
“i’ll definitely be back before my next shift but i definitely won’t be able to cook tonight since time will be tight, sorry dude.” she replied whilst plugging her wired earphones into the jack on her ipod.
“that’s okay with me, have fun max.” he replied whilst continuing to look out the window. he was aware that she would be out of the house most of the day due to her mentioning it the night before, it was good for him since his boyfriend ronnie had invited him to a gig later in the evening. him and ronnie had been together for around 6 months now, he loved him and he was sure ronnie loved him back. they both met through mutual friends outside of school, most of his friends (and his sister) didn’t approve of their relationship since ronnie was 19. zach thought they were overreacting, it was only 3 years.
“see you later zachary!” he heard max call out before shutting the front door. he assumed the ‘friend’ she was going to see was the boy she was coworkers with since she continuously spoke of him.
once the pizza in the oven was done cooking. he took it out and put it on a plate, he wasn’t too bothered about cutting it so he just nibbled on it whole. he brought his plate to the living room and set it on the couch next to him.
he finished most of the pizza and walked to the kitchen to set down the dirty dish next to the sink, feeling too unmotivated to wash it. it was only around half five in the evening and he had lots of time to burn until 9pm when ronnie would pick him up to take him to the gig.
he headed towards his sisters bedroom and went to her desk to borrow her macbook since he left his at his boyfriends parents house. another red flag that his friends disliked was that ronnie still lived with his parents, zach thought that was unfair people were so quick to judge his situation. zach thought that ronnie was trying his best and just needed extra support to get his band ‘falling in reverse’ on their feet since he got kicked out his last one, nothing wrong with that?
he logged onto the macbook and went onto facebook, logging out of his sisters account to log into his.
he logged onto his facebook and scrolled through his feed, liking selfies from his friends and funny memes that were 100% reuploaded from tumblr. he went onto his messages and saw he had unopened messages from both ronnie and his best friend patrick.
he went onto his messages with patrick first, obviously.
2:03am, 13th january, 2013
patty stump 👻:
zach
2:07am, 13th january, 2013
patty stump 👻:
zach come on this is hella important
2:11am, 13th january, 2013
patty stump 👻:
2 attachments
zach furrowed his brows in confusion, clicking the link of the attachments his best friend had sent him. it must’ve been important if he had messaged him so late, zach knew that patrick never stayed up often.
the attachments loaded up and it was two very pixelated images, he could make out two figures in a bar.
he went off the pictures and went back to the chat with patrick, continuing to read the other messages he had sent.
2:11am, 13th january, 2013
patty stump 👻:
that is ronnie and a girl
2:12am, 13th january, 2013
patty stump 👻:
pete said that the girl was somebody from his university called taylor
2:12am, 13th january, 2013
patty stump 👻:
and he said he caught him n her kissing
2:13am, 13th january, 2013
patty stump 👻:
ur sister probably knows who she is because she is also doing the advanced english course
zach couldn’t continue reading the rest of the messages. his vision was already blurred with tears.
ronnie, cheating?
surely not.
zach was loyal after all,
what would make ronnie want to cheat on him?
maybe his friends were right, they always were. maybe he was stupid not to realise that earlier, maybe he was too much of an idiot to see the truth beyond his rose coloured glasses.
he wished it didn’t hurt him as much as it did, but it stung deep. in response he did what he knew how to best, making the sting cut deeper.
he slammed the laptop shut and shoved it on his sisters bedroom floor, not caring if it broke or not. he stumbled off of her bed and made his way to his bedroom, yanking the drawer in his bedside table open. he waded through the random junk in the drawer until he found a matchbox. he smiled to himself as he made his way to the flat bathroom.
he slid open the matchbox and pulled out his previously used blade. he ran the tip of his finger over the sharp edge, wincing as it sliced the skin on the fingertip. the feeling wasn’t unusual to him anymore.
as he ran the blade through his thigh marking line after line he began running the blade through already cut skin, making the cut deeper and deeper. the sting wasn’t enough for him. he needed more.
the blood running down his thigh wasn’t enough.
the sting from the salt of his tears slipping into the bloody mess wasn’t enough.
the blood all over his hands and the floor wasn’t enough.
the sting didn’t situate him anymore. he was too used to the feeling. he felt angry.
he let out a sob and threw the bloody blade into the bathtub, feeling useless. he felt everything and nothing simultaneously, he didn’t know if he wanted to feel it all or feel none of it.
he passed out and collapsed to the floor, blood spilling out everywhere. he was probably in critical condition, he didn’t care. he could’ve died, but he didn’t care.
hours later when he regained consciousness he felt a bright light shining against him, he tried to open his eyes but the light was so… bright.
he tried to sit up but he couldn’t. he finally managed to open his eyes and face the ceiling with the bright light. memories came flashing back to him in an instant and he remembered the complete mess he made.
once he was able to sit up, he looked around to realise he was thankfully still in his bathroom. looking out the small window he was able to see that it got dark, meaning max probably already came in and out to dress for her shift at the hotel.
he looked down to the floor and saw all the dried blood.
he looked down to his legs and saw the thigh with all the fresh cuts embedded into his skin.
he couldn’t bring himself to cry, he couldn’t bring himself to feel. but he needed to get up and clean the mess he made before his sister returned, she didn’t deserve to have to deal with it. he decided that he wouldn’t tell her about the relapse. she already had problems of her own.
he eventually stood up, grabbing some toilet roll and holding it under the sink for a moment before pulling back and bending down. he wiped at the floor with the toilet paper till the blood was off the tiles, afterwards he chucked it into the toilet and flushed.
he flipped off the bathroom lights and unlocked the bathroom door to step out into the hallway. the entire flat was dark so he felt the walls as he walked down until he reached his bedroom.
he turned on the lights in his bedroom and looked for his phone, he really needed to check what the time was. once he found it he quickly turned it on and read the time, surprisingly it was only 8:30 at night which meant his sister was probably in the place only an hour ago. he looked at his notifications to see a message from his sister and the messages he had already seen from patrick both through facebook. he pressed on the message from his sister, opening facebook yet again. it was the first time that day where he used his phone.
7:34pm, 13th january, 2013
stupid max 👽:
sup bitch, just letting you know that i won’t be coming home before my shift @ the hotel because my buddy andy offered me a lift. :P
well, zach already assumed that she was hanging with her coworker but to actually know that his sister was hanging out with another guy after the last one… it was surprising. he had never even met the guy before and she was already close to him.
8:42pm, 13th january, 2013
zach <3s FIR:
acknowledged. andy u say? 0.0
zach decided he actually had to face his best friend and reply to what he said about ronnie, although he very much didn’t want to. he opened the messages again and shut his eyes, remembering everything from beforehand again. he wished that he didn’t do it. he wishes he didn’t do many things. like hand over his virginity to ronnie for one, or even waste any time on ronnie.
but as life goes, we can never turn back. the things that have happened will forever have been.
8:44pm, 13th january, 2013
zach <3s FIR:
thanks patty for it all ive just been processing n stuff idk lol
surprisingly he got a response pretty quick.
8:44pm, 13th january, 2013
patty stump 👻:
me and pete and max are here for u <33
zach just reacted to that message with a heart. he knew he had good people surrounding him and he knew they would always be there to support him, but this was something that couldn’t be supported. he felt used, betrayed, and destroyed. this was something he had to rebuild himself, and he knew he could and fully would someday, it would just take time.
whilst thinking about everything, a wave of shock washed down his face. zach had remembered that he agreed to go to a local gig with ronnie that day at 9pm, he was unsure if he even had it in him to face ronnie. he checked the clock on his phone and saw that it was 8:47, meaning ronnie would come in close to 15 minutes.
he sat down on the sofa in the living room, waiting for ronnie to knock on his door. 15 minutes beforehand, zach had quickly made the decision that he was gonna go to the gig. he made an effort for the concert, spending extra time on his hair and outfit than usual. he decided this night was gonna be about him and that he was gonna dump ronnie in the venue.
when he finally heard loud knocking on the front door, he jumped. zachary couldn’t back out now. it was showtime, after all.
he opened the door to face ronnie smoking a joint in the hallway, offering zach a hit as soon as he opened the door. he refused as calmly as he could and accepted the kiss ronnie gave him, even though he felt disgusting afterwards. he and ronnie headed down the stairs to the exit of the flats and went to his car.
once in the car, zach put his seatbelt on and leaned against the window. it was gonna be one long night. he inhaled and instantly regretted it, his boyfriends car stunk like weed. zach personally didn’t smoke or anything, but ronnie did. no matter how many times zach would refuse his offerings of cigarettes and weed, ronnie didn’t listen. zach had told him why he refused to begin smoking multiple times and he wasn’t even sure ronnie listened during any of those occasions.
“so how was your day, baby?” zach tensed up when he heard ronnie speak, which his boyfriend acknowledged with a confused glare.
“i-it was good. babe.” zach managed to croak out. he needed to stay chill and act like he didn’t have a clue, which he found extremely difficult.
“nice.” ronnie muttered in response, turning his eyes back to the road. zach tried to break the tension by turning on the radio, which resulted in an even more awkward tension once ‘before he cheats’ by carrie underwood began to blast through the shitty speakers in the beaten car, which ronnie hastily switched the channel onto another station which was playing some overplayed pop song. zach noticed that, obviously.
once they arrived at the small venue, ronnie quickly got out of the car and headed towards the venue. zach stumbled out and tried to match his speed, walking up beside him towards the line of people waiting to enter.
“did you bring your fake?” ronnie spoke as he typed on his phone.
“yeah.” zach replied.
“cool.” ronnie muttered.
once they got into the venue, zach quickly slid away from ronnie and pushed through the crowd to try reach the front. he was unsure who was playing, and he honestly didn’t care. he just wanted to find a cute guy to snog in the back where the bar was.
once he reached the front, the lights were already dimmed. it was time for the band to begin. the members came out onto the stage one by one, with the singer coming on last. the crowd screamed enthusiastically for every member.
“we are my chemical romance, thank you for spending your night with us!” one of the guitarists spoke out into the microphone, before playing the beginning of a track.
the entire time he had focused on the singer, surprisingly he and the singer held eye contact multiple times throughout the gig. zach felt bad that he couldn’t scream the lyrics like the rest of the crowd since he didn’t really know the band, but he was having fun either way. he had the urge to scream “i love you!” just because!
near the end of the gig, he decided to push through the crowd to head to the back where the bar was. he went up to the bar and ordered a vodka, which wasn’t the manliest drink in the world, but who cares. he finished that drink and ordered another, then another. zach had a surprisingly high alcohol tolerance so he wasn’t completely wiped out, but definitely more drunk than tipsy.
once the gig ended and the crowd started to fade out, he stayed seated at the bar. zach was having too much fun where he forgot to dump ronnie, which sucked. he doubted that ronnie would’ve waited for him, so he had no ride back to maxine’s place.
“hey.” zach heard a voice coming from behind him, and he jumped of course. he turned around to face the singer from earlier.
“hey.” zach managed to speak out. he was surprised that the guy was speaking to him, but he was obviously happy nonetheless.
“did you enjoy the show? i saw you in the crowd.” the singer spoke as he sat on the barstool next to him.
“it was amazing. you and your friends are really talented.” zach exclaimed happily. he would rather be speaking to this guy than ronnie.
“that means more than you think to me and my band, especially since we are relatively new. but its great that we have already formed some kind of a fanbase.” the singer seemed to enjoy rambling about his project.
“of course. i hope you guys make it bigger.” zach nodded along.
“im gerard by the way. i sing. of course.” gerard held his hand out awkwardly, it was cute.
“im zachary, but everyone calls me zach.” zach smiled back, shaking hands with the (now named) singer.
“can we exchange numbers?” the singer asked, his tone was laced with nervousness.
“of course!” zach fumbled his hands around, trying to find his phone.
“here-” his search was cut off as he felt someone grip his wrist, he looked up to see gerard writing on zach’s wrist with a pen. “there’s my number. call me, or text, please.” gerard smiled as he put the pen back into his hoodie pocket.
“of course i will.” zach replied, holding back the biggest grin ever. this guy seemed so sweet and nobody had ever came to zach first. it was like going to that concert was good fate.
“thank you …by the way you looked great tonight.” gerard mumbled out as he stood up from the barstool. gerard was a very awkward guy.
once gerard had went away, zach felt another pair of eyes on him. he turned to face yet another guy, except this one was much taller than gerard.
“are you friends with gerard way?” the taller guy asked as he strode towards the bar table.
“and you are?” zach looked up and gave the guy a weird look.
“ever so sweet. do you need a ride?” the taller guy replied, completely ignoring the question.
“…and you are?” zach tried to ask again.
the venue was relatively empty now, with the instruments now being off the stage and the bartender starting the process of cleaning up.
“back off, biersack.” zach recognised the voice from behind him. it was ronnie.
the taller guy rolled his eyes, and slapped zach on the shoulder, signalling for him to get up. “come on, zachary.” ronnie spoke out at the same time.
“do you know this guy?” zach asked the taller guy, nodding his head towards ronnie.
“who doesn’t, he’s an asshole.” the taller guy muttered, saying the last part a bit quieter.
how rude. but zach didn’t care, he’d rather take the chance of being molested than have to sit out another car ride with ronnie. zach stood up, stumbling forwards slightly due to the fact that he was just a bit drunk. the taller guy quickly grabbed his wrist, helping him stay stable.
“easy now.” he heard the guy speak as he helped zach towards the exit. once they got outside the cold air instantly washed over zach, it was freezing cold. the taller guy led him to a car which was a bit nicer than his boyfriends. the taller guy helped zach get into the back, help that zach did not need. did he think zachary was an infant?
the taller guy started the car and drove out the parking lot. the drive was silent until zach realised that he never gave an address to the taller guy. “where are you taking me?” he exclaimed, trying to not sound scared although he was pretty sure he was about to be molested. or killed. or both.
“home.” the taller guy simply shrugged, like this was just another day.
“i would preferably not go to your house.” zach replied, sounding a bit confused.
“why would i take you to MY place?” the taller guy laughed. zach thought the guy was rude.
“so where is home?” he asked with an annoyed tone.
“do you really want me to list off your address? because i will.” the taller guy replied, finally beginning to sound a bit annoyed.
“who are you and why do you know where i live?” zach asked, suddenly having a burst of energy.
“can you just be grateful i’m taking you back to max? would you rather be sitting with ronnie radke of all people right now? how do you even know him?” the taller guy replied with the same amount of energy, beginning to be tired of the questions.
“how do you know max?” zach asked angrily. did he molest her too? is she dead?
“oh my fucking god. do you ever stop asking questions, like ever?” the taller guy finally snapped, but he never yelled at zach.
he took the hint and stayed quiet, watching out the window until they pulled into the familiar car park of the flats he and max stayed in. the taller guy parked his car near the front and looked to the back to face zach. “i’m gonna walk you up to her flat, can you give me her flat number?” he asked.
zach was unsure if he should’ve complied, but he did anyway. the taller guy got out of the car first and opened the car door for zach, again unnecessarily helping him out of the car. “i can walk on my own, thanks.” zach casually said, lightly pushing the taller guy off him.
“fine by me.” the taller guy shrugged, heading into the building. they both headed to the stairs, zach trying not to look like he was struggling on the way up. eventually they made it to the fourth floor and they headed towards the flat. once they reached the door, the taller guy faced zach with his palm out. zach gave him a confused look and the guy rolled his eyes. “keys?” the taller guy finally asked. he could’ve just said. zach fumbled to find the keys and threw them over to the taller guy, which he actually catched. he unlocked the door and held the door for zach.
once inside he and the taller guy found max passed out on the couch. the taller guy walked over to the couch and shook his sister awake, whispering something into her ear. whatever he said woke her up because she instantly sat up and looked around to face zach, once her eyes spotted him she instantly looked more calm. she stood up and headed towards zach, holding her arms wide open.
once she trapped him into a hug, she muttered something whilst nuzzled in his hair. “i was so worried about you, you idiot!”
“also, you reek of weed.” she added, sounding a little more tense.
the taller guy stood and watched them both, having an unreadable expression on his face. maxine finally let go of her brother and faced the taller guy. “thank you so much, andy.” she said whilst going over to hug him too. “it must’ve been fate that you were at that same gig. i’m surprised you even recognised my brother since you’ve never even met him.” she muttered into his neck. maxine was a tall girl and even he was taller than her.
“of course. anything for you” he casually replied, rocking her back and forth.
zach honestly felt like he was interrupting something so he decided to head to his room. he crashed onto his bed and looked back down at his wrist, looking at the still intact number with ‘- g way :)’ written next to it. he looked around his pockets until he found his phone and immediately added gerard to his contacts, zach decided to message him since he could excuse them to the fact he was a bit drunk.
once he sent a few texts to gerard, he decided he would just break up with ronnie over messages. he opened facebook and went to his chats with ronnie, where he lazily typed out the break up message.
1:14am, 14th january, 2013
zach <3s MCR:
im breaking up w/ u, cheating skeezzzz
as soon as he sent it, he blocked ronnie on everything he could. it felt good.
throughout the following months, zach and gerard had gotten much much closer. zach had attended multiple concerts of gerard’s band, and gerard had met max and andy. (and as a bonus, andy and gerard got along whilst bonding over comics.) zach enjoyed having a kind and supportive boyfriend, who was actually his age!
maxine and andy also got closer and closer, zach had found out that andy was also in a band in the same scene as gerard’s, and his sister had taken him to multiple of andy’s concerts after their first encounter.
zach didn’t hear from ronnie after that, with the support of his boyfriend and friends, he didn’t care about ronnie anymore. he didn’t need to.
and in the end, andy and max were able to know that zach was with ronnie at one point. andy was obviously mad at ronnie, and max was obviously mad at ronnie also. but andy and max never brought it up with zach, because they knew they didn’t need to.
zach was already healed, and happier than ever.