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The Marauders had many sworn enemies.
Snivellus, Mulciber, Avery, nearly Sirius’s entire family line. It was safe to say, they had no shortage of them.
But if you were to ask the four at that particular moment who they hated most, they’d answer without missing a beat— the bloody blithering good for nothing staircases!!
It was 6:30 in the morning, one of those times when most were asleep. And the few that were awake preferred to stay within their dorm.
It was also the morning after a particularly bad moon. Moony had been extra aggressive. The werewolf was just playing, of course— but that often led to a lot of tackling and rolling around.
And, unfortunately, Remus didn’t fare well with the injuries Moony’s “playfulness” left behind.
Remus was far too stubborn to stay behind with Ms.Pomphrey for the rest of the morning, though. He insisted that since he now had the help of the other Marauders, he shouldn’t bother the already over-worked nurse.
And so the four walked through the empty corridors together, making their way towards the Gryffindor Common Room slowly.
“Merlin Moony, you can barely walk on your own!” James whisper-shouted.
Remus grumbled a quick— I’m fine, which did not have the intended effect because both Sirius and James were at his side within seconds. James put his arm around Remus’s shoulder while Sirius slid his around his waist.
Remus protested half-heartedly but leaned on his two friends heavily.
“Peter?” Remus asked, still tired and hurting all over.
“He’s making sure the coast is clear.” James answered, looking around to see if Peter was nearby.
Sirius’s eyes didn’t leave Remus’s tired face.
The three of them walked as one in silence, far too tired to try and fill it in and completely content with just one another’s presence.
They turned the corner to see Peter back in his human form, glaring at something straight ahead.
Upon hearing their footsteps, he turned around and the moment the three of them saw the grimace on the smaller boy’s face— they understood immediately.
All four of them moved in tandem to look at the shifting staircases and, sure enough, not a single one was yet to connect with their platform.
“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” James said exasperatedly.
“Afraid not.” Peter replied. Remus simply groaned, too tired to form proper words and Sirius continued to glare at the staircase, only glaring harder upon hearing Remus’s groan.
They stood there for a solid minute and twenty three seconds before a staircase finally appeared in front of them.
They started moving at once, completely aware of how fast the staircases could ditch them if they wanted to.
Luck, though, was not on their side as they were only able to travel from the first floor to the second.
“Since when do these staircases only go up one floor?!
I swear they’re always skipping two or three when we try and get to class!” Peter said frustratedly.
Sirius glared at the staircase they had just gotten off of, “What’s your issue?!”
James turned towards the staircase as well, “Yeah! Can’t you cooperate with us for once?!”
Remus shut his eyes tightly, “Godric. It isn’t gonna reply, you gits.”
They slowly journeyed up to the fourth floor— Sirius and James nearly starting a screaming match with every single stairway that “dared ignore Moony’s pain.”
They waited for another staircase to take them to the fifth.
“You guys, look!” Peter screamed, pointing to a stairway that went up an entire two floors.
James gasped before all four of them narrowed their eyes— locking their gazes on the target.
“RUN!” James shouted and the four of them set off, running (and limping) to get there. And just as they were about to reach the end of their platform, the staircase detached and turned a complete 360 degrees.
“No!” Peter shouted, lunging for the end of the staircase.
“Oi! Pete!” James quickly grabbed Peter and bodily pulled him back, causing the both of them to land on their arses, “Are you barking mad?! What were you trying to do, huh— dangle in the air?!”
Peter huffed in reply, slowly standing up. The four of them panted heavily, trying to catch their breath.
“If I had energy, I’d laugh at you Pete.” Sirius said finally, his hand coming around Remus’s waist again while James laid on the floor.
Peter rolled his eyes, “I got desperate okay?”
They waited a while longer before they finally made it to the sixth floor.
“Okay. Just one more floor to go.” Peter said encouragingly, though it fell flat.
And so the four boys waited and waited but not a single staircase attached to their platform.
“Fuck!” Sirius shouted, throwing his arms in the air out of frustration. A loud thud followed.
“OH SHIT MOONY!” Sirius quickly bent down to check on Remus, who he had been supporting before he promptly forgot.
James was guffawing behind them, the git.
“Are you alright?” James asked, as he and Peter approached with matching amused expressions.
Remus groaned, which immediately sobered the other two of their amusedness.
“We don’t understand groan-lish, Moony.” Sirius said softly, his hands hovering over the boy who had just face planted on the floor.
With his face still down, Remus managed to shoot them a thumbs up which only made Sirius feel worse. James smacked him over the head, murmuring klutz under his breath.
After tackling that obstacle, a stairway finally made its way to their platform.
“C’mon, lets go la—” James cut himself off, blinking at the stairway.
Sirius glared too, “What. The fuck.”
Peter just let out a defeated noise and fell to the floor, covering his head with his arms, “Fuck it all, I’m sleeping here.”
James kicked him until he stood again as they continued to observe the staircase— which had no angle of elevation.
“A flat stairway. You’re joking.That’s literally just a bridge!” Sirius mumbled to himself.
“Let’s just go. We might have better luck on the other side.” Peter said defeatedly, and go they did.
The moment they stepped on the moving ‘bridge’ it fell to form an angle of depression. The boys quickly grabbed the railing so as to not lose balance.
They watched with their mouths agape as the, now stairway, moved to attach itself to the fifth floor.
“No. Nuhuh. Not today.” Peter said angrily.
James actually punched the staircase before reeling his hand back and grimacing, shaking his hand to try and lessen the sting.
Remus could tell Sirius was about to explode too so he quickly pat the smaller boy’s head— effectively calming him down.
“It isn’t fair though Moony, can’t they tell you’re hurt?” He whispered to him. Remus simply sighed and smiled a tired thing.
They descended the staircase in silence, not trusting it to change its angle to something even lower.
One step, though, was slightly uneven, which caused Remus to trip over it and stumble with Sirius right beside him.
“Woah, Moony—” Sirius said hurriedly, balancing the taller boy, “You alright?”
Remus nodded his head and turned around to look at the uneven step. Sirius raised a brow and followed Remus’s gaze, his expression morphing into one of rage upon seeing it.
“WHAT THE FUCK?!”
Peter and Remus hushed him while James looked just as scandalised by the step, “Don’t hush him!! He’s right, what the actual—”
Remus hit James over the head.
“OW!”
“Shut your trap. We’re on the fifth floor, okay? Some people actually sleep here.” Remus said rolling his eyes.
“But it made you trip.” Sirius and James protested under their breaths— speaking uncannily in sync.
Peter sighed in exasperation as Remus softened, “A single staircase won’t kill me, you numptys.”
And with that they reached the still ground of the fifth floor.
“Will we ever make it backkkkk, I miss my bedddd.” Peter whined, to which James simply patted him on the back.
As they stood there and waited, Remus made the mistake of letting out a little groan. The pain was still killing him and the impromptu running session they’d just had did not help his case.
Sirius, James and Peter whipped their head around to look at him immediately— eyes shining with worry and fear.
“Shit does it hurt a lot?”
“Where does it hurt, Moony?”
“Do you need a piggy back ride?” Sirius suggested gently, knowing fully well Remus hated taking help from others.
Remus didn’t get a chance to reply though, because James was already bent at his knees, offering his back to the taller boy, “C’mon Moony, hop on!”
Remus flushed in embarrassment, “I don’t need a ride up two floors Prongs, don’t be ridiculous!”
Peter rolled his eyes, muttering a quick— stubborn grandpa, just loud enough for him to hear. L
Remus turned to glare at him.
“Moony please just get on.” Sirius spoke this time. Remus shifted to look at him, completely prepared to say no and floored when he realised that Sirius had whipped out The Puppy Dog Eyes™.
“I— no.” He said, though his voice sounded strained. James and Peter snickered.
“Moony.”
“Pads.”
“Remus.”
Remus swallowed, “No, Sirius.”
Then Sirius had the audacity to pout, as if Remus were asking the impossible of him!
“Moony please.”
Remus blinked, sighed in defeat and got onto James’s back. He could feel it vibrating as James laughed alongside an amused Peter and a satisfied looking Sirius.
“You lot are the worst.”
“We love you too, Moony.” They all replied in sync. Remus grumbled.
Ironically, the moment Remus got on James’s back a new stairway attached to the platform— seemingly joining straight to the seventh.
The four of them took off, Remus still flushed with embarrassment, but just as they were about to reach the stair case— it turned away, leaving the four of them gaping at it.
“Merlin’s Beard. Today has to be cursed.” Peter said.
Sirius let out a roar of rage, making the other three Marauders jump.
The ravenette whipped out his wand and threw a stinging hex at the stairway. The other three looked on in shock as he threw a few more.
“H-he does know that the stairways can’t exactly feel stinging hexes?” Peter whispered to the piggy backer and the piggy backed.
James tried to suppress a smile while Remus sighed exasperatedly— not allowing any of the fondness he felt trickle into the action. He failed.
Sirius, it seemed, wasn't done, “Fiendfy—”
Peter practically flew to the other boy and covered his mouth. They definitely didn’t need a wild magical fire running in the school.
“Pads. That’s enough.” Remus said, still slughtly panicked about the fire curse that had almost been unleashed.
“Yeah Pads, you really gave it to these objects that can totally feel hexes!” James added, already laughing and completely unbothered.
Sirius turned around, having processed what he’d just done. He only looked slightly embarrassed though, his pale complexion having pinked just a tad bit.
But he was smiling too, “They had it coming. No one makes Moony suffer.”
“Amen to that.” Peter said as James whooped and Remus turned even redder.
They did get back eventually, James also cracking under the anger and hexing three staircases (much to Remus and Peter’s amusement). But through it all, Remus realised he had forgotten his pain for a little while.
And that meant quite a lot.