Work Text:
It's a fine Monday afternoon and Louis is patiently waiting for his seven year old to trudge through the doors of his school and jump right into his arms, peppering his face with kisses and bringing Louis the warmth he has been wanting but is devoid of.
A shrill sound of the bell ringing brings Louis out of his thoughts, and he walks closer to the school gate, waiting for his son to walk out, rather leap out of the building.
"Papa!" ,a shrill cry of Joey came through the crowd of the children coming through and soon Louis crouched down on his knees, opening his arms wide open for his baby boy.
"Hello, baby. How was your day?" ,Louis asked his son while still on his knees, rubbing his palm against the small boy's back, soothing him.
"It was okay. Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment and I need to finish it by next week, Papa. It's written in my notebook. You've gotta help me. Can i ask Daddy for help too?" ,the innocent seven year old mumbled in his father's neck.
And Louis didn't exactly know what to answer his boy, he knew and saw how snappy Harry has become and he definitely didn't want any of Harry's mood swings to hurt his baby boy's feelings.
"Papa will help you, baby. You and Me, we'll finish the assignment. We won't need anyone else's help, okay? Lets get you home and we'll feed that cute little tummy of yours and i'll look into the assignment.", Louis lifted the seven year old by his hip and gently snuggled him closer to his chest.
The fifteen minute drive to the house went by within a spur of the moment. Louis parked his car, lifting his son up again from his car seat and leading his way inside the house.
Five years back, it was all so planned, everything seemed perfect, their marriage seemed perfect, although it was just the start. Five years later, the place doesn't feel like a home anymore, just a house, not a home. not anymore.
"Baby, how about you go upstairs and change your clothes? Clean yourself up and I'll make you something to eat in the meantime and then we can start on the assignment?", Louis smiled when his his son just nodded and hurried upstairs to his room.
Louis and Harry have been inseparable since their high school, probably since the very first day their eyes landed upon each other, if possible. They have grown in love, explored their wishes and dreams and when five years ago, Harry just went down on his knees and popped a question with a ring pinched between his forefinger and thumb, Louis couldn't say no. Well, how could he?
And two years into their marriage, they decided that it was ideal to start a family, while surrogacy was an option, Louis wanted to adopt a baby, saying there are so many unfortunate children who need to be taken care of, to be treated the way they deserved and Harry just kissed him right that instant, and Louis knew that it was Harry's way of saying yes.
So after six months of paper works and daily visits to the childcare centre, Louis and Harry walked home with Harry's arms full of stuffed toys and aeroplanes and cars and Louis' arm with their son, Joey William Styles.
Joey was 4 years old when they brought him, he is 7 now and still the same innocent little toddler who likes nuzzling his head in his father's neck while sucking on his thumb.
Everything is still the same, the exact same as it was, except the person Louis vowed to share his entire life with, Harry. Harry was not the same person Louis stayed with, grew up with, fell in love with. Louis had no doubt on Harry's love for him and their son, no, its just that Harry grew out of affection, but he didn't fall out of love.
A quiet thumping sound and a shrill cry made Louis focus back on the source of it, quickly
rushing to his son's room, Louis was taken aback when he saw his son on the floor, bawling his eyes out, while Harry stood there, doing nothing, nothing at all.
"Make him stop" ,Harry said before leaving the room not even caring to glance back at least once to check up on his son.
"What happened, baby?" , Louis quickly scooped up the tiny boy in his arms snuggling him close to him chest, humming a soothing tune into his ears.
"I-I d-didn't mean to U-upset Daddy, Papa. I just a-asked him if i c-could talk to h-him and He sud-denly turned and was looking at m-me angrily and I d-didn't know what to do, Papa. I got so scared, And I wanted to run back to y-You but then I fell down and it h-hurts, Papa." ,Joey said hiccuping in between his choked sobs.
Louis just held the boy in his arms and swayed him to calm him down, while singing him his favourite lullaby. Quite soon, the sobs died down, carefully Louis laid down the boy on his bed, tucking him in, asking if he wanted to eat something to which the boy weakly shook his head. He just kept running his hands through the soft, feathery hair of his son, while trying to get his son to sleep. Joey just kept shuffling across the bed, sniffling on occasions and Louis was fuming with anger because Harry was not allowed to treat their son like that, Harry was not supposed to act so cold to that delicate petal lying on the bed, who looked upon to his father as an idol. No. Harry was not supposed to do that and Louis was not going to let this pass so easily, not this time when his son got hurt in the process.
"Papa?" ,Joey whispered.
"Yes,baby" ,Louis replied.
"Why does Daddy hate me?" and Louis couldn't afford breaking down in front of his son, he had to be strong, he had to make his son believe that it was nothing wrong that he did, Louis just leaned down to kiss his son's forehead, lingering his lips there for quite a few moments before looking down at his son to see him finally dozing off to sleep.
And it was time for some questions to be answered, Harry was not going to get away with this so easily.
"What the fuck were you thinking? Are you bloody out of your fucking mind? He is so afraid." ,Louis didn't waste a moment after bursting through his and Harry's bedroom.
"I told him I was not in the mood to talk to him. I had a long day yesterday at work, I am fucking tired, Louis. But he kept going on and on about his school and the new assignment that Mrs. Jones have given them. Just, i wanted some peace. Cut me some slack." ,Harry shouts covered the entire room.
"Do you even listen to yourself while you talk? He doesn't see you around anymore. I stay up late at nights waiting for you to come back home, finally giving up when I know its going to be yet another night that you are working. I don't even know if i care anymore, Harry. Its not even me that I am worried about. Joey is seven for christ's sake and he looks up at you like you are the star twinkling right beside the moon. And then you go and shower him with all those harsh comments and cold stare", Louis kept rambling , thinking if Harry was even listening or not.
"I get it, okay? I fucking get it. I am a major fucked up arsehole but i am tired, Louis. I am tired of this life, all this back and forth. This was not what i pictured five years back. I just wanted to have a family but have some time to myself too. I wanted a life of my own too" , Harry hissed.
"Well, too late, innit? You should have fucking thought it when you knelt down on your knee and popped the question, don't you think?" ,Louis' voice was cold yet vulnerable.
"I wanted a family, and now after five years it feels like a burden, I feel tied down. Did you know the last time you let me touch you? The last it was just me and you, having a quiet night? Do you remember the last time I went out for drinks? No, you don't. Because I go out in the morning to earn money to pay off the bills and provide for you both, and i come back home to a whining kid and a complaining husband. Just give me some peace, just leave me alone. Fuck, I regret even getting down on my kne-" and Harry didn't have to complete the sentence because the moment he realised what he said and the moment his eyes found Louis', He knew its all gone. He knew he crossed the line.
"I am sorry i made you feel like this, Harry" Louis was laughing through his sobs, "I am sorry I make you feel trapped. But don't worry, yeah? I'll see what I can do to lessen your burden. I can't get a job so fast, just give me a few months and I'll be off from here before you even know it. I am sorry, Harry" and with that Louis slowly turned on his heels to exit the room before-
"Lou-" ,and Harry couldn't even complete his sentence and Louis just closed the door behind him.
And in the house, just two rooms right beside each other, Louis and Harry were both hunched down on the floor, teardrops cascading down their cheeks, while Louis couldn't even scream out in the pain he was bearing because his son was sleeping right beside him, Harry didn't stop the whimpering sounds escaping from his mouth, he was all alone.
***
Louis woke up late at night, only to find its 2 in the morning and his stomach was making inhuman noises indicating that he was hungry, well, he hasn't exactly ate anything proper the whole day. He shuffled on his side to find Joey poking his face out from the sheets, his face scrunched in confusion and something Louis couldn't decipher.
"Hungry, baby?" ,Louis asked his son to which Joey simply nodded his head.
Carefully lifting the boy up and placing him on his hips, Louis strode down the stairs and walked into the kitchen after setting Joey on the countertop. He fixed two bowls of cereal for both of them and took the bowls to where his son was seated handing him one.
After finishing the food, Louis wiped Joey's face clean, gave him some water to drink and took him back to his room.
"Baby, just stay here for a while. I am gonna be back in 10 mins and I'll tuck you to bed and we'll cuddle today. Is it okay if I stay with you tonight?", Louis pressed a kiss to his son's forehead and left the room.
Quickly fixing another bowl of cereal, Louis went back upstairs to his and Harry's bedroom, slowly cracking the door open, finding Harry curled upon himself on the floor by the side of their bed, shaking and shivering in cold.
Louis quickly walked up to his Husband, crouching down beside him, carefully lifting him up by holding Harry from his underarms and carefully laying him down on the bed, covering him with the sheets. Louis didn't have the heart to wake Harry up, after seeing him sleep so peacefully, so he placed the bowl of cereal and the milk by the bedside table after carefully tucking Harry to bed and kissing his forehead before exiting the room.
And the night rolled in.
******
The next time Louis woke up was when the sunlight peeked through the cracks of the window ,falling directly on his face. Scrunching his nose, Louis shuffled across the bed, and got up after running a gentle hand through Joey's hair and kissing him on the forehead.
Louis knew Harry won't be there in the house, like always. And yes, he was right. Harry wasn't there. He quietly walked up to his bedroom and stripped off his clothes, taking a quick shower and got out after brushing his teeth. Louis walked over to the bedside only to find the cereal and the milk left in the same position, untouched. Sighing, he picked them up and walked back downstairs.
After waking Joey up and feeding him and dropping him off to school, Louis drove around the locality for a few minutes before he suddenly stopped in front of a daycare, seeing the "looking for assistance" pamphlet. Turning off the engine, Louis quickly got off his car and walked through the doors of the daycare.
And just a mere 20 minutes later, he emerged through the doors, his eyes rimmed red, and tears escaping down through the corner of his eyes. "He wasn't eligible enough to land a job in the daycare"
Speeding through, Louis just got home and broke down, he didn't even care if anyone was listening, he just wanted to let everything off his chest, even if Harry was not there to hold him tight, even if He was hurting and could feel his marriage slipping by, even when he was breaking on every thought of how much of an ill fit he was for Harry, how Harry deserved so much better and yet was tied to someone like Louis. Drowning himself in self loathing and tears, Louis didn't even realise when his body went slack and he was fast asleep.
"Papa!" ,and the sudden shriek woke Louis up from his slumber only to realise that he slept through and forgot to pick his son up from school.
"I am so sorry, baby. I didn't realise how i fell asleep. Did you get scared, baby? I am so sorry for standing you up like that. I am so sorry i couldn't be anything you wanted" ,and Louis didn't even know if the last sentence was for his son or ..
"It's okay, Papa. Daddy picked me up. Mr. Springfield called Daddy when you didn't come and he picked me up. I just got worried if something happened to you" ,and that was enough words for the tears to rush back again, so Louis just held his son close and let the tears fall.
Louis didn't even realise Harry was standing right beside them until he heard Harry place the schoolbag on the couch and then again exiting the house just the way he came back in, silently.
******
Days passed along and soon it was yet another start to the week and Louis still felt like shit. He has been trying to apply for jobs in different places, only to be rejected from every place. The only place willing to take him in was either Tescos or McDonalds but he couldn't take up either of them, because he had a son to look after, a little boy who depended on him.
Louis and Harry have not even talked, since their last feud and Harry kept staying out most of the day, only coming back late at nights or during the afternoon, when He and Joey would spend some time together and then again by 8 at night, He was gone. The same routine, everyday and Louis knew he had lost the love of his life, lost his Harry but he couldn't cry anymore, nothing left to shed.
Monday has always been hectic for Louis, although everyday was the same but Monday felt so long,for reasons unknown.
Reaching Joey's school, Louis quickly unstrapped Joey from the car seat and fetched his school bag from the passenger seat.
"Papa, won't you wish me luck today?", Joey whispered while fiddling with his fingers.
"What for baby? Are you having an exam? Oh my god, did i forget something?" ,Louis blurted out, panicking.
"No, Papa! I have the assignment today, the speech I had to write. I told you last week" ,Joey looked sad that his father forgot.
"Oh shit! I am so sorry baby, i am so so sorry. I should have helped you. let me come inside with you, i'll talk to Mrs. Jones and tell her its my fault that you didn't finish it", Louis kept pleading.
"I wrote it, Papa", Joey exclaimed happily and Louis couldn't believe that his son was growing up so fast, becoming so mature and understanding.
"I'll show it to you once I am done with school, Papa. Bye bye. I love you" ,Joey said before exiting the car and running down towards his school building.
*******
"Ok so boys and girls, I hope you have finished the assignment I gave you lot last week. I am going to call you one by one and you'll just read out what you have written. Okay?" ,Mrs. Jones said while settling her glasses on the bridge of her nose.
And that's how student after student came up to the front of the class, sharing their thoughts and feelings.
"Next. Joey. Come on up, my boy. Share what you have written with the entire class" ,Mrs. Jones smiled looking up at Joey and he just nodded his head and strode to the front of the classroom.
"Hello." ,Joey started.
"Uh. so. Mrs. Jones gave us the assignment to talk about what is love. Well, I don't know what love is. I am just 7 years old. My Papa said he would help me with the assignment but he has been really stressed lately and really sad too, so I didn't want to bother him. But i asked Daddy, and he said that Love is something that can not be described through words. You feel that. Its something unexplainable. Love is not about grand gestures and expensive gifts, love is about the small intricate moments of happiness, even though they are silly and unnoticeable. Well, that was all he said and i kept thinking what he meant and I want you all to know exactly what i think about love. Love is when my Papa and Daddy fight but Papa always walks out in the middle of the night to check up if Daddy slept, if he is warm and tucked into the bed. Love is when Papa or I fall sick and Daddy always stays back home to feed us and take care of us, snuggling close together and singing us songs until we fall asleep. Love is when Papa reaches out to hold Daddy's free hand when Daddy is driving the car. During our movie nights, Daddy knows what me and Papa need to snack on and Papa knows what Daddy needs to drink, While watching the movie, Daddy sits on the farthest end of the couch, Papa's head resting on Daddy's shoulder and I sleep on Papa. That is what is love for me. My Papa and Daddy fight a lot, but Can't bear to stay away from each other. Love is when my Daddy wakes Papa up with tickle fights and peppering his face with kissys. Daddy said to be that We need to find and feel love in small things that we witness in life. These moments make me feel and see love. My Papa and Daddy are the definition of love for me" and the entire class roared in sounds or claps and cheers after Joey finished his speech and Joey definitely felt proud of himself.
******
Joey rushed out of the building once the school was over and jumped into his father's open arms,grinning widely.
******
"Good night, baby boy" ,Louis said after tucking his seven year old and kissing his temple.
"Papa" ,Joey called back stretching his hand out for Louis to take the paper from.
"Oh baby. I'll read it before I go to bed. Get some sleep now" , and Louis exited the room after turning the lights off.
Carefully getting situated on the couch, Louis started to read the speech that his son wrote.
"LOVE" ,the caption read.
Five minutes later and Louis didn't even realise he was crying until a tear escaped through the side of his eyes rolling down his cheek and a gentle touch of a thumb, padding the moisture away and soon replaced by a pair of lips against his skin alongside a gentle whisper of "i love you"
Turning his head up, Louis was met by a teary eyed Harry, and he didn't even think twice before scampering off the couch, jumping straight to Harry's arms, linking his legs around Harry's waist and his hands around Harry's neck, while Harry held him close by his hips, nuzzling his face in the crook of Louis' neck.
"I am so sorry, baby. I d-didn't mean anything that i said that day, not a single word, Louis. Please ,Louis, you've got to believe me. Please, baby. You and Joey are the best thing to have ever happened to me. I love you so much, so fucking much, it hurts. I don't regret anything, Louis. Not a single moment that i have spent with you and our son." ,Harry kept rambling while holding his husband so close to him after so many days.
"I love you too ,Harry. I love you and our son and Please don't leave me alone again, please baby, it hurts. It hurts so much." ,Louis kept repeating through his cracked voice.
"I won't, Baby! I promise." ,Harry kept kissing Louis' temples while gentle rubbing his back, soothing him.
And Harry just kept holding Louis, sitting down on the couch, settling Louis on top of him, his lips against Louis' temple while Louis kept drawing patterns over Harry's chest.
"Hey, Harry. What is love?" ,Louis asked looking up at Harry.
"Us as a family" ,Harry replied leaning down to capture Louis' lips with his.