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I longed for him. He was seen as arrogant. Aggressive. Unscrupulous.
I was seen as gentle. Wise. Mystic.
His polar opposite.
And yet, I yearned for him.
I absolutely cannot explain what it was that drew me to Teller Ede, but I know that I want him. Maybe it's his dominating and powerful personality. Maybe it's his intimidating appearance. Maybe it's nothing.
Maybe I don't need to explain it.
I love him, no matter the reason.
My heart aches to be embraced by his strong and unrelenting arms.
My small, delicate frame seemed so frail compared to him. But that is okay. He would make me feel safe in these strange times.
I want to tell him how I feel about him. Even if he rejects me. Cuts me out of his life forever, as he is not unknown to do, I had to do it. I cannot keep going on without letting him know.
I look around for him, but I cannot find Ede anywhere. I go through all of the laboratories and other areas all around Los Alamos, yet Ede is nowhere to be seen.
I walk around for a bit longer, before I'm stopped by Ernest Lawrence.
Ernest looks at me with his kind dark eyes and messy blonde-ish hair. "Mr Fermi, are you alright? You seem sad."
"I'm quite alright, Ernest. I'm looking for Teller, have you seen him?"
Lawrence contemplated my words for a brief moment.
He cracks his knuckles, before bending down a bit to meet me at eye level. "Don't mark my words for it, but I believe he's visiting Oppie at Bathtub Row."
He tilts his head. "Why do you want to know? Is there something wrong with an experiment? Did he try and do something reckless with an H-bomb?" Lawrence is frantic now.
My face turns hot.
"Oh." His panicked expression turns into one of mild amusement.
I feel embarrassed and want to leave as soon as possible. "Thank you so much, Ernest!"
---
When I get to Oppenheimer's house in Bathtub Row, I feel a scourge in my stomach of burning jealousy. Why was Ede spending so much time with him? I wish I could be Oppie right now.
Wait, I'm being absurd. I don't even know if Teller is even with Oppie.
I knock on the door. I wait for a few minutes, tapping my foot. I hear steps as someone comes to the door. It swings open, and sure enough, Ede emerges. His eyes light up when he sees me, his thick eyebrows showing so much delightful expression.
I feel embarrassed again. He's so pretty.
"Enrico! How are you?"
"I'm doing f-" I'm cut off as he pulls me inside.
"Teller? Who is that?" I hear Oppenheimer's voice from another room.
He smiles. "It's Fermi."
Oppenheimer says something I couldn't make out in acknowledgement.
I was too focused on Teller's face. His eyes. His expressions were so encaptivating.
"So, what are you doing here?"
Oh. How do I answer that? I admittedly had not thought that through.
I move my leg back and forth awkwardly as I try and figure out what to formulate as my response.
I realise I was staring at him for quite a long time. My bad. I hope I didn't make him uncomfortable.
Thankfully, he was staring at me too.
I do not know why.
"Well..." I trail off. I really do not know what to say. How do I put it in a way that makes sense and doesn't make him want to kick me out.
"Go on?" Ede leans against the wall.
"I wanted to tell you something." He moves forward in interest. I may be hallucinating, but his face almost appears to be flushed.
"What... what do you want to tell me?"
"I... you know what... forget it." I can't put it into words.
Ede looks dejected. Hurt, almost.
Oppenheimer yells from across the building to stop messing around and "just get it out". Not sure what that meant.
"Oh..." he turns away.
I grab his arm. His face is clearly red now.
"It's not that I don't want to tell you, I just don't think words are right for it."
Ede opens his mouth, but says nothing.
I stand on the tip of my toes and hug him. His eyes widen in shock and mild awe. He puts his arms around me, and I kiss him.
I panicked momentarily. What if he hated it? What if he wanted me to leave? He kisses me back.
"I've been wanting this for a long time, Ede..."
Ede runs his fingers down my head. I shudder at the sensation.
I love him quite a lot.
And it seems that he loves me, too.