Chapter Text
“You think they would let us go?"
Cacofonix and Fulliautomatix were making their way towards the chieftain's hut. The bard had saved his hard-earned money from his night services to take a holiday in Rome. He knew that the village might be fine to let him go himself, with probably Asterix and Obelix as escorts, but the issue was convincing Vitalstatistix to let Fulliautomatix join as well.
The village was aware of their apparent contrary relationship but remained completely ignorant of how the two seemingly adversaries were truly like. They truly did care for each other but because of their societal roles, they never could have the truth of their relationship become public because of fear of being ostracized. They even have a matrimonial ceremony in private to cement their devotion to each other but never could do anything together unless they left the village. They both hoped that the village would grant this holiday for them to celebrate together.
“We could probably say that I’m there to monitor your singing.”
“You think they would believe that?"
Fulliautomatix shrugged, "Wouldn't be surprised if it did.”
The couple made their way inside the chieftain’s hut. Vitalstatistix, their chief, sat in his chair with his shield bearers, Bolsterix and Girdix, on either side. Asterix and Obelix were in the corner bantering about something or other while Impedimenta sat near the window with her embroidery. As nervous as he was, Cacofonix tucked his hair behind his ears and composed himself as he approached the chief.
“Chief Vitalstatistix, I seek permission to leave the village for a holiday."
“A holiday? Where to?"
Feeling a bit more confident, Cacofonix turned up his nose.
“I want to go to Rome."
This proclamation caught the portly chief by surprise, nearly causing him to stumble out of his chair. His shield bearers even gasped in surprise.
"But Cacofonix, why on earth would you want to go to Rome? You're not betraying us are you?”
“Oh nononono, I’m not betraying the village! My brother, Lyrix, just told me that the baths in Rome were lovely, is all!” he threw his hands up in defense.
A collective sigh of relief was heard throughout the hut. Vitalstatistix wiped his brow in response along with his shield bearers visibly easing.
Impedimenta looked up from her embroidery, “Well I hope you have a lovely trip Cacofonix. Enjoy yourself at the baths and get lots of souvenirs!”
The chief glanced over to his wife as she gave him an astute nod.
“Well if that’s where you want to go, I won’t oppose it. I’ll have Asterix and Obelix escort you there to make sure you arrive safely."
The respective warriors nodded their heads in acknowledgement. Fulliautomatix nudged Cacofonix, absently swinging his hammer for emphasis.
“Oh chief! May I have one more escort just to ensure my safety? I have been kidnapped by the Romans before after all.”
Now everyone in the hut was confused. Cacofonix was about to reconsider ever suggesting it but managed to power through.
“Who else do you have in mind?”
The bard hesitated, taking a glance behind him for encouragement. The larger man motioned for him to continue. Regaining his second wind, Cacofonix faced the chief again.
“I choose Fulliautomatix.”
The room temperature felt like it dropped several degrees.
Impedimenta paused her embroidery. Vitalstatistix sat at the edge of his seat, mouth agape. His shield bearers even had their eyebrows up in surprise. Asterix had his eyebrows furrowed in thought as he glared between the two, deciphering what the underlying motive was between the two men. Obelix didn't seem too phased at the proclamation. Vitalstatistix broke the silence.
“Wait, don't you two hate each other? Why would you want him to come along?”
Now it was Fulliautomatix’s turn to be nervous. They both didn't anticipate any further pressure when asking the chief. Cacofonix started clamouring for an explanation before Asterix interjected.
“Chief, Cacofonix is correct. It wouldn't hurt to have one more person watching over him in case the Romans decide to swipe him from under our noses. Fulliautomatix out of all people has the strongest sixth sense for him, it would come in handy."
Fulliautomatix caught on and puffed his chest in pride. “Of course! I have to keep him silent long enough so he doesn't attract attention!"
Impedimenta had to insert her opinion as well, “And we do see the proof of that every day as well."
Vitalstatistix stroked his mustache seemingly in thought and came to his conclusion. "Very well, if it would make the travel easier, you can go as well Fulliautomatix.”
The blacksmith nodded triumphantly to the chief. Cacofonix mouthed a silent ‘thanks’ to Asterix who had made his way back to his companion. As the group made their way out of the hut to prepare for their journey, Obelix was bewildered about what all happened and why.
"But Asterix, why would Fulliautomatix want to travel with us? I thought he didn't like Cacofonix?”
Asterix himself hadn't a clue why, but he definitely knew something strange was afoot, and he was determined to find out what it was.
Commotion could be heard from above as Cacofonix had concluded his packing, seen carrying a cauldron and other lightweight luggage. Following not too far behind him was Fulliautomatix struggling to carry the heaviest of the luggage. As they made it to the base of the tree hut and settled the luggage they both made their way inside Fulliautomatix’s house, chatting away as if there was no animosity between them.
Asterix and Obelix tilted their heads in confusion. Normally these two would be bickering but seeing them act so cordial with each other was unnerving. It was almost like seeing completely different people, two people who haven’t been at each others’ throats for years. The creaking of Fulliautomatix’s door broke the escorts out of their trance as the clients exited with more luggage. Cacofonix seemed to struggle with the weight of some of it and without a second thought, Fulliautomatix had taken the burden off of the bard. The gears were still turning in the head of Asterix as he attempted to make heads or tails of what he just witnessed but the blank stare of his partner snapped him out of it.
“Come Obelix, we should pack too”
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Once the party was all packed and ready to go, the village gathered around for the grand departure. The reaction this time was mixed. Some had scrunched their faces in confusion about why Fulliautomatix had tagged along, while others seemed relieved that Cacofonix was leaving. Even further confusion was drawn when Ferra ran up to her husband to whisper in his ear before departure. His face going as red as his trousers as the wagon creaked away to the coast, starting the beginning of the eventful journey to Rome.
After the wagon made its way away from the village, Cacofonix was curious about what was making Fulliautomatix so red.
“What did she say?” The bard whispered to the blacksmith.
Still blushing, he leaned down and whispered.
“She told me to enjoy our honeymoon and not to hurt you too much during a rendezvous.”
Now it was Cacofonix’s turn to flush beet red, and giggling as he heard this,returned with a whisper of his own.
“Surely she jests, she knows I had a proclivity for pain.”
Both of them were snickering like schoolboys while their escorts sat bewildered at their behaviour.
“What’s so funny?” Obelix wasn’t as keen on the underlying meaning of their associates’ giddy nature.
The couple were snapped back to reality as they realized their guides were still nearby. It wasn’t often they could just let their guard down around others. They exchanged glances about what excuse to give and settled back in their facades. Fulliautomatix squared his shoulders, and Cacofonix tucked a curl behind his ear.
“It wasn’t anything important” Fulliautomatix appeared indignant while Cacofonix took sudden interest in the horizon.
Asterix wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t have anything concrete to call out their strange behaviour. Obelix turned to him and tapped his temple. The journey to the coast was wracked with an awkward silence until the travellers made their destination. Everyone gathered their luggage, tipped the wagoneer and boarded the ship. Thankfully this time, no one had to row other than the workers. The travellers sat below the deck for some rest amongst their luggage. After a few moments, Cacofonix was rifling through his cauldron and fetched a medium sized sack and handed it to Fulliautomatix.
“Here, I packed you some dates for you since you're always eating some at my house."
The blacksmith graciously took his treat and immediately began munching away, spitting the pits outside the window. The bard settled into him as a large arm slung over him, the two eating dates. The wings on Asterix’s helmet twitched erratically as he finally pieced things together. Obelix was more concerned about the food.
”Hey Cacofonix, do you have any other snacks? I forgot to bring some.”
Just the sound of another voice was enough to snap the couple out of their trance. As soon as they were interrupted and scrambling to put on their facades, Obelix spotted a familiar sight out of the window.
”Asterix, look! It’s our friends!”
The giant had dashed onto the main deck as his diminutive partner wasn’t too far behind. The couple below the deck released the breath they didn’t know they were holding. They glanced out the window to see that another ship was nearby and on board were their guides destroying every bit of the ship.
“We definitely need to be more careful. I think Asterix suspects something.”
Fulliautomatix sighed heavily as this was brought to his attention.
“You don't think he would tell anyone, would he?"
A flash of distress appeared on the bard's face at the realization. He knew how perceptive Asterix could be, but he doubted he would spill their secrets to the village out of malice.
"I don't know. I hope not. He is a shrewd little creature after all.”
As if on cue, the warriors returned to their ship after pummeling the daylights out of the members of the pirate ship. The couple plastered on their facades once again to avoid suspicion. Except this time it was met with an incredulous look from Asterix. He didn't press further, but he made it known that he was onto them.