Archive of Our Own

i. When he kisses Juyeon’s hand

Juyeon is comfortable doing skinship with his members, even enjoys it sometimes. That being said, he isn’t particularly enthused about getting kissed on the hand by them, nor is he disgusted. If anything, he’s amused by how they try to one-up each other and how they each seem determined to avoid the same spot the previous person kissed, as if even that fleeting secondhand contact is unthinkable.

What he doesn’t expect is his reaction when Jaehyun kisses his hand. Really, there’s nothing special about it. Jaehyun just takes Juyeon’s hand, dips his head and presses his lips lightly to it. Yet, Juyeon swears he feels zapped by the contact, like a jolt of static electricity, but not painful so much as…electrifying.

Juyeon can’t help himself from making a sound and jumping on the spot like a Deobi who just won a fansign. His members burst into laughter and Jaehyun gives a pleased little smile with a hint of a smirk. Of course, he wants to “win,” given how competitive he is and how much he likes teasing Juyeon.

“It’s because you have no lips so it probably felt different compared to the rest of us,” Sunwoo tells Jaehyun.

“What about Kevin then?” Jaehyun counters.

“He tried too hard,” Sunwoo says dismissively, “and plus, he probably tastes like maple syrup.”

“Do you want a taste, Sunwoo?” Kevin asks, exaggeratedly puckering his lips.

“He kissed Juyeon on the hand, not the mouth,” Chanhee points out. “Unless Juyeon has taste buds in his hands, I don’t think he could taste anything.”

“I don’t know, let me try,” Juyeon says, holding out his hands and reaching for Chanhee, who laughs and hides behind Younghoon.

“Imagine if you had taste buds in your hands,” Changmin says with wide eyes.

Chanhee wrinkles his nose. “That sounds terrible. What if you touched garbage?”

“Or poop?” Sunwoo adds.

Chanhee gapes at him, aghast. “Why would you touch poop?”

“We don’t know what Sunwoo likes to do in his spare time,” Kevin says, widening his eyes meaningfully.

“Yah, what are you saying?!” Sunwoo bellows in his ‘angry’ voice, and they all crack up. Jaehyun laughs so hard he falls against Juyeon, who instinctively takes his weight and steadies him.

They naturally split off into duos and trios, and Juyeon ends up with Jaehyun. Juyeon sits cross-legged on the ground as he scrolls through his phone, and Jaehyun sprawls bonelessly against him like he’s using Juyeon as a recliner.

Juyeon almost thinks Jaehyun’s fallen asleep until he speaks.

“Juyeon?” he asks idly.

“Yeah?”

Jaehyun seems to hesitate for a moment and then asks, “Did you taste anything?” in a teasing voice.

Juyeon blinks. “What?”

“When I—” Jaehyun takes his hand and plants a quick, light kiss on it before Juyeon can react. “—did this.”

This time, there’s no zap. It was probably just static electricity last time, Juyeon reasons.

“No,” he says slowly, his brow knitting. “Hyung, you do know that I don’t have magical hands that can taste, right?”

Jaehyun sits up and turns around so they’re facing each other. “Are you sure?” he asks with such a serious expression that Juyeon starts to question if it’s really a possibility.

“Yes?” It comes out like a question. “What, do you?” Before Jaehyun can answer, Juyeon takes Jaehyun’s hand and presses his lips to it, and then looks at Jaehyun expectantly.

Jaehyun freezes briefly before he frowns. “Did you eat kimchi for lunch?”

“No?” This comes out like a question too.

“Oh, I taste kimchi.”

“Really?” Juyeon sniffs his own hand, and then realizes the taste would’ve come from his mouth, so he touches his lips self-consciously. Did he eat kimchi? Maybe there was a hint of it on his hands and Jaehyun had picked it up earlier?

Jaehyun cracks up, guffawing and kicking his legs in the air. “You’re too cute, Juyeonnie.”

Juyeon should probably be mad, but if he got mad at Jaehyun for teasing or making fun of him, he would be mad every day. If anything, he enjoys seeing Jaehyun so mirthful, genuinely so and not just exaggerating it for the camera.

“Hyung.” Juyeon suddenly has a thought. “Do you think Kevin would taste like maple syrup?”

Jaehyun gives him a weird look. “You mean, if you kissed him?”

Juyeon wrinkles his nose. “Okay, I don’t want to think about that. Just…if people had a taste. Like, everyone has a particular voice and a particular smell. We would probably have a particular taste too, and not based on what we ate.”

Jaehyun’s eyebrows pull together in thought. “I don’t know. Would Kevin and Jacob both taste like maple syrup then?”

“Well, Jacob-hyung would definitely be something sweet,” Juyeon says, and Jaehyun nods in agreement. Juyeon is curious now. “What do you think I would taste like?”

Jaehyun stares at him like a computer program that just froze. Juyeon can almost see a rainbow pinwheel turn beside his head.

“Hyung?” Juyeon calls, a little worried.

“I-I don’t know, this is a weird hypothetical,” Jaehyun splutters, even though he was fine talking about Kevin and Jacob. His face even looks a little red. “Why are we even talking about this?”

“We don’t have to talk about it anymore,” Juyeon says, a little bewildered at his reaction.

Jaehyun takes a deep breath. “Look, I just… I don’t want to think about what other people would taste like. Especially not our members.”

“Okay, sure,” Juyeon says placatingly.

“I’m sure you would taste good though,” Jaehyun says quickly, like it slipped out.

Juyeon feels oddly pleased by that. “Thanks, hyung.” He grins. “I’m sure you would too!”

Jaehyun is definitely blushing. Juyeon is going to tease him mercilessly about it later.

ii. When he cries over his mom’s letter

When Jaehyun cries while reading his mom’s letter, Juyeon curses that he’s sitting too far away to comfort him. He can see how Jaehyun keeps trying to laugh it off, which makes a strange ache resonate in Juyeon’s chest. He wants to tell Jaehyun that he doesn’t have to excuse or hide his tears, that he’s allowed to be vulnerable, but he’s also aware that they’re filming a variety show and this is good for viewership. The best he can do is tell Jaehyun it’s okay and he should let it out.

“Hyung,” Juyeon says tentatively after, when they’re alone. “Are you—”

“That was so embarrassing, right?” Jaehyun says with an awkward laugh. “I don’t think I’ll ever live that down.”

“It’s okay, I think Sunwoo cried too hard himself to make fun of you.”

“He’s such a coconut.” Juyeon gives him a confused look. “Hard on the outside, soft on the inside,” Jaehyun clarifies.

It takes Juyeon a second to process it, and then he smiles. “That’s a good metaphor. What about me?”

“You?” Jaehyun tilts his head and looks intently at Juyeon as if trying to X-ray him. His tongue pokes out in the way it does when he’s thinking, but paired with his intense gaze, it creates an…effect that makes something squirm in Juyeon’s stomach.

“You’re a wolf on the outside and a puppy on the inside,” Jaehyun tells him with a grin. “Or maybe a kitten? Which do you prefer?”

Juyeon makes a face. “Why does it have to be a baby animal?”

“The pout doesn’t help your case,” Jaehyun tells him, eyes twinkling. “Come on, humour me.”

“A kitten,” Juyeon says. “I like cats better, so.” He nods decisively, like he’s made an important life choice, and then looks at Jaehyun, who is looking back at him with a soft, fond smile, like Juyeon is particularly endearing.

Juyeon doesn’t know how to respond to that expression, so he asks a question. “What about you, hyung?”

“Hm?”

Juyeon almost asks, Are you hard on the outside or the inside, but thankfully his brain works before his mouth for once. “I mean, if Sunwoo is a coconut and I’m a kitten, what are you?”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “You tell me.”

Juyeon frowns, like Jaehyun had asked him to solve a particularly difficult math equation. And then something comes to him. “I watched this documentary about rocks the other day.”

“Okay…?” Jaehyun says slowly.

“There’s this type of crystal that just looks like a pretty gem on the outside, but there are hidden layers inside that you won’t know until you crack it open. That’s like you, hyung.” Juyeon smiles at him. “You look clear and bright, but you don’t really know what’s going on underneath.”

Jaehyun stares at Juyeon for a long moment, his lashes casting shadows over his eyes, making them look darker, unreadable. And then he breaks into a smile. “Are you going to crack me open?”

Sometimes I want to, Juyeon thinks. He knows that Jaehyun is playful and teasing by nature, but he also knows that Jaehyun cranks it up when he doesn’t want to show what’s underneath the jokes and smiles. Juyeon questions whether he really knows what’s underneath, whether any of them do.

Jaehyun’s smile fades as Juyeon just stares at him. “Juyeon?” he says uncertainly.

“Being cracked open sounds painful,” Juyeon says lamely. I don’t want to hurt you; I just want to know you.

Jaehyun’s expression softens, something startlingly bright in his gaze. Juyeon blinks and almost has to look away.

“Hyung.” Juyeon steels himself. “I wanted to tell you something earlier. Don’t interrupt,” he adds quickly. Jaehyun opens his mouth reflexively, like he has to say something to challenge that, but then he pretends to zip his lips shut, eliciting a smile from Juyeon.

“I know that you…don’t like to cry. At least, not in front of us. But I hope that you know it’s okay. To cry, I mean.”

Jaehyun raises a hand and then points to his mouth, like he’s asking, permission to talk?

“Wait a second,” Juyeon says hurriedly, knowing that once Jaehyun gets his chance to speak, he’ll say something clever and witty and redirect the conversation. “I’m not saying this right,” he says, frustrated at himself. “You would be able to put it better, but then you wouldn’t talk about this.”

“It’s okay, Juyeonnie,” Jaehyun says gently. “Say what you want to say. I’m listening.”

His voice is so soft, his gaze so encouraging, that it emboldens Juyeon. “I just don’t want you to think that you can’t cry. Eric cries all the time and we don’t make fun of him for it.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow like he’s asking are you sure about that? and Juyeon re-evaluates that maybe using Eric as an example wasn’t the best idea.

“My point is,” Juyeon continues. “You don’t always have to be Hyunjae the Moodmaker or Hyunjae the Reliable Hyung.”

Jaehyun looks at him with a half-smile. “Then who should I be?”

“I…I don’t know.” Juyeon looks at him helplessly. “Be your own king,” he says randomly, and Jaehyun bursts out laughing so hard he’s actually left wheezing. Juyeon can’t help but grin because his laughter is so infectious.

“I mean it,” Juyeon insists. “Just be…Lee Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun looks at him for a long moment, his gaze pinning Juyeon in place like a butterfly being pressed under glass. “My mom signed that letter as ‘Hyunjae’s first fan,’” he suddenly says. “Of course I know she used Hyunjae because it’s what the fans know me as, but…I almost read it as ‘Jaehyun’s first fan.’”

“I’ll be your first fan, hyung,” Juyeon finds himself saying.

Jaehyun raises his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah?”

“Whether you’re Hyunjae or Jaehyun, I’ll be — I mean, I am your number one fan. I’ll ask Kevin to help me design a lightstick and everything.”

Jaehyun breaks into laughter again, but this time it’s softer, his eyes full of warmth and that startling brightness. “You’d do that for me, huh?”

“Yes,” Juyeon says without hesitation, and then, as Jaehyun just keeps gazing at him, he adds in a light voice, “If you want to cry, hyung, just let it out.”

Jaehyun snorts and gives him a playful push, but when Juyeon turns it into a hug, Jaehyun squeezes him tightly and Juyeon understands.

iii. When he dresses as a princess

Juyeon has some thoughts about his members dressed as princesses. Sunwoo was made to be Vanellope, really. Changmin makes a pretty Belle and he’s clearly enjoying having long hair to flip and potentially smack people with. Younghoon looks surprisingly great in his wig and dress, as giant of a Snow White he makes. Chanhee is stunning as a princess — he looks like Elsa personified — but that’s not exactly a surprise.

Jaehyun—really, Juyeon thinks that they did him dirty with that outfit. It’s barely a dress, really, and certainly not Ariel’s iconic outfit. Granted, Juyeon can see how a seashell bra and mermaid tail wouldn’t really be feasible. (He spends a second imagining that on Jaehyun and he can’t decide how he feels about it.)

“What?” Jaehyun says, when he sees Juyeon staring at him.

“They wasted you as Ariel,” Juyeon says without thinking.

Jaehyun sticks out his bottom lip. “Are you saying I look bad?”

“No!” Juyeon says immediately. Is it even possible for Jaehyun to look bad? “I just mean—they could have given you a better outfit.”

“I don’t know if I can dance in a mermaid tail,” Jaehyun says, laughing. A lock of his hair from his wig gets in his eyes, but before he can brush it away, Juyeon does it for him. Juyeon carefully tucks a few strands of hair behind his ears and then stares at him.

Jaehyun’s face is pretty — that’s not exactly a revelation — but there’s something about it framed by long, red hair. Juyeon thinks that it would look a lot better if it were his own hair, or at least a more realistic wig, but still, even with the fake wig and plain outfit, Jaehyun would put most princesses to shame. (Maybe not Elsa-Chanhee, but that’s just a different level.)

“What?” Jaehyun says again, his voice quieter.

“I’m just imagining you as a mermaid,” Juyeon says, which isn’t exactly a lie.

Jaehyun puffs out his cheeks and makes a face like he’s blowing bubbles. “Under the sea,” he sings, and then breaks off with a sheepish expression. “That’s the only part I know.”

Juyeon laughs. “I don’t even think Ariel is the one who sings that.”

“Okay then, you go, Jasmine,” Jaehyun says, gesturing to him. “Or should I say, Jusmine.” He impressively maintains a straight face for about three seconds before he cracks up. Thankfully, he’s laughing too hard to catch Juyeon staring at him again.

“A whole new world,” Juyeon starts, and then scrunches up his face as he tries to remember what comes next. “Can I ask Jacob-hyung for help?”

Jaehyun is staring at him now, eyes bright and lips curving up a little.

“Or Kevin,” Juyeon says.

Jaehyun grins. “Don’t you mean Mulan and Moana?”

“Mulan-unnie and Moana,” Juyeon amends.

“It’s okay, I think you did great,” Jaehyun says with a soft smile that makes Juyeon’s stomach twist in a funny way.

Jaehyun reaches out and pokes his bare stomach, and Juyeon squirms away. “You make a good Jasmine,” he says, voice raspy, and Juyeon almost shivers. “Where’s your flying carpet?”

“I…I left it at home,” Juyeon says, and Jaehyun laughs so hard he tosses his head back and his wig starts to slip off. He has to hurriedly clutch it to his head.

“Whoa, watch out there,” Eric says. “Did Juyeon-hyung snatch your wig?” he says in English, and then laughs his head off like he just told the funniest joke.

Juyeon and Jaehyun look at each other, mystified.

“You lost your slipper, Cinderella,” Jaehyun tells Eric, who is indeed missing a shoe.

“Sunwoo took it,” Eric says with a scowl. “He won’t give it back to me.”

Juyeon sees Sunwoo twirling in circles with Eric’s shoe on his head. “Look,” he tells Jaehyun, turning him around so he can see. “He looks like that scene in the movie where Cinderella’s outfit magically transforms for the ball.”

Jaehyun is clearly holding back laughter, his lips twitching. “Maybe that’s what he’s going for.”

“Well, it’s not going to work,” Eric says, pushing his gloves up like he’s prepared to go to war. “Yah, Kim Sunwoo!” he hollers, running — more like hobbling since he only has one shoe — towards him. “Get your own glass slippers!”

Sunwoo changes to holding the shoe like it’s a steering wheel and pretends to drive a car as he dashes away. “Ralph, here I come!”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “They’re such children,” he sighs, like he wasn’t just poking Juyeon’s stomach and asking him about his magic carpet.

“You would know,” Juyeon teases him.

Jaehyun apparently decides to go with it. “Here, let’s take a magic carpet ride together,” he says, putting Juyeon’s hands on his shoulders and then holding his own arms out airplane-style. Juyeon, laughing, grips Jaehyun’s shoulders, fighting the urge to let them drop around his waist.

Jaehyun sets off, swaying slightly, like they’re making a roller-coaster, and Juyeon follows him, holding tightly onto him and content to never let go.

iv. When he bulks up

“Hyung, you’re so big now.” As soon as Juyeon says it, he wants to slap himself.

Jaehyun gives him a funny look, opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something and then, mercifully, closes it again. “Thanks?” he says. He must be having an off day if he’s not making one of his usual comments.

“I mean, muscular!” Juyeon adds quickly. He makes a pose like a bodybuilder, curling his arms and putting his fists against his hips.

“If you want to get bigger, I can help you,” Jaehyun says, with a little smirk.

“Really?” Juyeon smiles. “Will you be my personal trainer? What do you charge?”

Once again, Jaehyun opens his mouth and then closes it quickly without saying anything. Maybe he was about to name an exorbitant price but then took pity on Juyeon. He coughs. “Is there something specific you want to work on?”

“Maybe arms?” Juyeon holds out his arm next to Jaehyun’s and notices how much thinner it is. Jaehyun looks too, something flashing in his eyes.

“Your shoulders are still broader though,” Jaehyun says, running a hand from one of Juyeon’s shoulders to the other. Juyeon fights back a shiver.

“I didn’t do anything for them though, it’s just my frame.”

Jaehyun pouts. “I work hard on my shoulders but I can’t get them as broad as yours.”

I’d give you my shoulders if you want them, Juyeon thinks.

“Hyung, you know you look great the way you are, right?” he blurts out.

Jaehyun stares at him with an unreadable expression for a moment and then tilts his head to the side, his mouth quirking up. “Are you saying bulking up doesn’t suit me?” he says, a little teasingly.

“No, no,” Juyeon says quickly. “I mean, you look great now too, but you shouldn’t feel pressure to bulk up.”

“Juyeonnie,” Jaehyun says softly.

Juyeon’s face is definitely warm, and he has to fight to maintain eye contact with Jaehyun.

“You look great the way you are too,” Jaehyun says, patting his arm. “Don’t feel pressured because your arms are half the size of mine.”

“They are not half the size,” Juyeon says indignantly.

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. “Do you want to arm wrestle?”

Juyeon wrinkles his nose. “No, you’d just beat me.”

Jaehyun laughs. “You’re too much of a good sport anyway.” He looks at Juyeon fondly. “It’s not as fun to crush you.”

Only Jaehyun can say something so insulting and make it sound affectionate.

“Hey,” Juyeon protests half-heartedly. “We said ‘beat,’ not ‘crush.’”

“Okay, let’s go,” Jaehyun says, holding out his arm in invitation. Juyeon looks at his bulging bicep and re-evaluates.

“Arm wrestling isn’t fair, hyung. You’ve worked on your arms too much.”

“What do you propose then?”

“How about legs?” Juyeon is more confident in his leg strength. “We’ll do the chair thing.”

Jaehyun stares at him blankly. “You mean, you want me to put my legs between yours and try to open them?”

Juyeon doesn’t understand why he seems so perplexed. “Or I could put mine between yours?”

“I…don’t think that would be a good idea,” Jaehyun says slowly.

“Why not? Are you afraid of losing?” Juyeon teases with a grin. He expects Jaehyun to immediately refute him, but Jaehyun just keeps staring at him unblinkingly. Juyeon wonders if he’s gearing up for a staring contest instead.

“I’ve skipped leg day too much,” Jaehyun says. “Meanwhile, weren’t you trying some stunt where you lift Changmin with only your legs?”

“We saw something on TikTok,” Juyeon says sheepishly. “It looked a bit too dangerous though. And besides, Changmin barely weighs a thing.”

“You sound very familiar with his weight,” Jaehyun says, sounding oddly unhappy.

“Come on, just look at him. We weren’t going to try it with him lifting me.”

Jaehyun’s mouth curls up. “That’s a funny image.” He gives Juyeon a considering look. “Why not try it with me?”

Juyeon’s eyes widen. “What?”

“We could try doing it,” Jaehyun says. “The lift.”

Juyeon frowns. “But that doesn’t make sense, hyung. It’s too dangerous for me to try to lift you — you definitely weigh more than Changmin — and I don’t think you could lift me. I’m a lot heavier than I look, you know.”

“You’re not,” Jaehyun says casually. “I’ve carried you before and if anything you’re lighter than you look.”

Juyeon has to fight not to blush, and then scrambles for something to say. “That’s not what you guys said when we did trust falls.”

“We were all weak and skinny back then,” Jaehyun says dismissively. “I’ve bulked up, at least.” He pats his chest, reminding Juyeon that not only does he have impressive arms, he also has very nice pecs.

“Also, you practically threw yourself at us, you were, like, flying,” Jaehyun teases. “Weren’t you scared of falling?”

“No,” Juyeon tells him earnestly. “I knew you’d catch me, hyung.”

“I’ll always catch you,” Jaehyun murmurs, and then, before Juyeon can flounder for a response, he adds, “But try not to fall if I’m eating, because I don’t want to have to make that choice.”

When Juyeon makes a face at him, Jaehyun’s laughter fills the room.

v. When he’s under Juyeon for a MV scene

Something awakens in Juyeon when he climbs over Jaehyun and cages him in with his limbs while filming a “fight” scene for their MV. He’s pinning Jaehyun to the ground, his body fully covering Jaehyun’s, and because they were just doing intense choreography they’re both panting and out of breath. Jaehyun has “blood” smeared on his cheek and he’s looking at Juyeon through his long lashes and his mouth looks red, inviting. It takes all of Juyeon’s restraint not to dip his face just a little closer and kiss him.

Oh, Juyeon realizes. He likes Jaehyun. It’s somehow both a complete epiphany and utterly unsurprising. Everything clicks into place.

Before Juyeon can dwell on it, Jaehyun rolls them over and gets on top of Juyeon, which is just as thrilling. Juyeon finds himself gazing up at Jaehyun with bated breath. Jaehyun is supposed to grab his shirt and pretend to hit him, but he suddenly rolls off of Juyeon and clutches his side, curling in on himself. “Sorry,” he gasps. “I need a break. I think I pulled something.”

The director yells, “Cut!”

“Hyung?” Juyeon says anxiously. “Are you okay?”

Jaehyun practically has his legs pulled up to his chest, his face pressed against his knees. “Yes,” he says in a muffled voice. “Just give me a minute.”

“What did you pull?” Juyeon is full of worry. Jaehyun has injured himself before and not reacted like this. “Is it your back or leg or something else? Can I help?”

“I'm fine,” Jaehyun says. He sits up a little gingerly, his legs crossed in an awkward position. “I don’t think I can finish filming the scene right now though.” He looks apologetically at Juyeon and the crew. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, we’re due for a break anyway. Let’s take ten and then continue.” The director takes it easy on them, probably due to Jaehyun’s obvious discomfort and apology. “Will you be all right, Hyunjae-ssi?”

Jaehyun gives a picture-perfect smile that Juyeon can tell is hiding something. “Yes, thank you. Sorry about the hold-up.”

The director and rest of the crew make their way out, leaving Juyeon and Jaehyun alone.

“Hyung, are you really okay?” Juyeon asks with concern.

“Yeah, I think it’s just a cramp. It feels better just sitting here.” Jaehyun pats the wall he’s leaning against. “I’m just going to stay here for a while.”

“Oh, okay.” Juyeon takes a seat against the wall next to Jaehyun, stretching his legs out in front of him.

“What are you doing?” Jaehyun asks.

“...Staying here?” Juyeon says uncertainly. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” Jaehyun says quickly, and then licks his lips. “But maybe you could…get me some water?”

“And a snack?” Juyeon adds knowingly.

“Well, I wouldn’t say no to one,” Jaehyun says with unconvincing indifference, and Juyeon chuckles.

“Sure.” He claps a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder. “Feel better, hyung.” He looks at Jaehyun with concern for another moment before forcing himself to leave. Even he can get the hint that Jaehyun wants to be alone, or at least away from him.

Jaehyun couldn’t have noticed Juyeon’s revelation, right? As much of a lightbulb moment it had been for him, there’s no way it could have been noticeable from the outside.

No, Juyeon decides. Jaehyun probably just wants a moment to pull himself together.

Maybe it should change everything, the revelation that he has feelings for Jaehyun, but it doesn’t, really. Juyeon has always thought of Jaehyun differently from how he thinks of others. He’s always fixated on how pretty Jaehyun is, from his doe eyes to his long lashes to the mole on his nose, always liked to listen to him sing and watch him dance and paid extra attention to his parts in a way he didn’t for any other member, always found his jokes extra funny to the point the other members have teased him that he would be entertained by Jaehyun reading a shampoo bottle. He never found it annoying or burdening that the company liked to push him and Jaehyun together; far from it, he enjoyed it.

In a way, it’s a relief to be able to put a word to his feelings. He likes Jaehyun. …What is he going to do about it? Should he do something about it? Is there a chance Jaehyun likes him back?

Juyeon is still mulling over it when he returns with Jaehyun’s water and snack: a box of Pepero.

“You’re the best, Juyeonnie,” Jaehyun exclaims, immediately grabbing the box. He shoves a stick into his mouth and then grins at Juyeon with it poking out between his teeth. “Want a bite?”

Juyeon thinks about leaning in and biting it until only a tiny tip remains, until he and Jaehyun’s lips practically touch. He knows he can’t do it. “I’m okay. You enjoy, hyung,” he says. “Is your cramp all better now?”

“Cramp?” Jaehyun asks, like he doesn’t know what Juyeon’s talking about. “Oh, right. That. Yeah, I’m fine now.” He crams two sticks into his mouth at the same time, chewing with obvious joy. Juyeon hopes that he can get a Pepero sponsorship one day.

“Have some water,” Juyeon says, nudging the bottle towards Jaehyun.

“In a minute,” Jaehyun says thickly through a mouthful of cookie, his cheeks bulging.

Juyeon finds himself just watching him and smiling.

“What?” Jaehyun asks, catching the way Juyeon’s staring at him. He swallows, his throat bobbing.

“Nothing. You’re cute, hyung,” Juyeon says impulsively, reaching out to ruffle Jaehyun’s hair but suddenly remembering how much gel is in it and stopping awkwardly just short of making contact.

“Not as cute as you,” Jaehyun tells him with surprising force.

“Me? I can’t do aegyo to save my life.” Not that Jaehyun is any better in that regard, really.

“You don’t need to do aegyo,” Jaehyun says. “You’re just cute.” He reaches out with a stick of Pepero and pokes Juyeon’s cheek. “Juyeonnie is cute,” he croons.

Juyeon is grateful that his face is slathered in makeup so there’s no way his blush can be seen. He’s also grateful that Jaehyun teasing him doesn’t make him feel uncomfortable, that he doesn’t feel awkward around Jaehyun now that he realizes he likes him. Things don’t have to change, he thinks with relief, as the thought of avoiding Jaehyun, or distancing himself from Jaehyun, is unbearable.

“Hold still,” Jaehyun suddenly commands. Juyeon does his best impression of a statue. Jaehyun carefully brushes a few locks of hair away from Juyeon’s face and then smiles, pleased, like he had put the final touches on a work of art. Juyeon finds himself gazing at Jaehyun with bated breath again, his eyes involuntarily going half-lidded. Jaehyun’s smile slips away but he doesn’t break eye contact, the intensity of his gaze almost overwhelming.

That’s how the director finds them upon returning, with the two of them staring at each other like they’re the last two people on earth. “I love it!” she cries, clapping her hands together. “That’s perfectly in character.”

Her voice cuts through the tension between them like a knife cleaving through butter. Juyeon blinks, as if surfacing from a daze. Jaehyun is quicker to react and gives that camera-ready smile again, clapping Juyeon on the shoulder. “Hear that, Juyeon? We’re such great actors.”

“Yeah,” Juyeon says with a weak laugh. “We are, aren’t we?”

vi. (i.) When he tells Juyeon about his feelings

Their last group activity for the day finishes with an interview where they answer a series of rapid-fire questions; it’s nothing ground-breaking. One of the questions is the first member they would go to if they were having a bad day. Juyeon is pretty sure they’ve been asked this question, or something very similar, before, and it’s hardly difficult to answer.

Juyeon is the first to be called to respond, and he doesn’t even need to think about it. “Hyunjae-hyung, because he can make me laugh and he also gives good advice,” he answers truthfully.

There isn’t too much of a reaction to his response; it’s not like anybody expected him to say someone different. Jaehyun gives him an exaggerated wink and finger gun, which he returns.

Sunwoo is next. “Jacob-hyung, because he’ll make me something to eat and he never loses his temper no matter how much I complain.”

“Jacob’s temper is getting shorter these days,” Jaehyun remarks.

“Only towards you,” Jacob says sweetly, and Jaehyun mimes being shot in the chest.

“Juyeon should reconsider his answer,” Changmin says. “Hyunjae-hyung would just make fun of him even more if he was having a bad day.”

Jaehyun claps a hand to his chest and mouths, “Me? Never” while profusely shaking his head. Juyeon wonders if first-time viewers would fall for it. He’s definitely not that, but he still ends up smiling at Jaehyun’s antics.

“Making fun of others is Hyunjae’s love language,” Younghoon says, staring solemnly into the camera in that way of his. “Especially towards Juyeon.”

“What’s Juyeon’s love language towards Hyunjae?” the interviewer calls. Juyeon wonders if they’re getting a little off-track.

Jaehyun turns his body towards Juyeon. “Psst, what is it?” he says in a mock-whisper, cupping his hand by his mouth, like this is a conversation just between them even though Juyeon has a microphone on him and everyone is watching them.

Juyeon knows he should just give a funny answer, but his mind blanks out on him. He just stares helplessly at Jaehyun, whose expression goes from bright-eyed curiosity to something more intense. Juyeon just…can’t talk and starts to worry about what that says.

Mercifully, Sunwoo comes to his rescue. He pretends to lose his patience and yells at Juyeon, “Yah, hurry up or I’m going to have a bad day!”

Everyone laughs, even Juyeon. He can practically feel the atmosphere become lighter and sends a silent thank you to Sunwoo.

“Juyeon-hyung isn’t always the best with words, so it’s definitely not ‘words of affirmation,’” Haknyeon jokes.

“Juyeon is just very loving in general,” Sangyeon says. “I think it’s too restrictive to make him choose one love language.”

Juyeon just nods with his signature “I’m not sure what’s going on but I’m rolling with it” smile and makes a heart at the camera.

The interviewer finally pivots and continues asking members the original question. Juyeon hopes that some of his part will be cut for time’s sake, but if anything, it’ll probably be used for the teaser.

“Eric-ssi, what about you?”

Eric takes a while to answer the question, probably thinking it over and not wanting to offend his hyungs. Normally, Juyeon would try to catch his eye and play up wanting to get chosen, but he doesn’t feel up to it, still thinking about Jaehyun.

“Juyeon-hyung,” Eric finally says. “He’s a really supportive hyung and he always takes care of me.”

Juyeon gives him a genuine smile at that, offering a fist bump that Eric meets and finishes with a little “explosion” that makes Juyeon laugh.

“Are we not supportive hyungs?” Kevin teases.

“Clearly not,” Sunwoo says and then pretends to pass it off as a cough.

“See, this is why nobody would choose him,” Eric says, pointing at Sunwoo.

“Hyung, hyung.” Sunwoo tugs at Changmin’s sleeve and gives him puppy dog eyes. “You would choose me, right?”

Changmin plucks his sleeve out of Sunwoo’s hand and makes a show out of dusting it off. “I would go to Chanhee,” he says, looking straight into the camera and pointedly ignoring Sunwoo, which makes the rest of them burst into laughter.

“Me too, I would choose Chanhee,” Younghoon says.

Changmin gives him a death glare. “I wasn’t done talking.”

Younghoon swallows and shrinks into his seat.

“Actually, yeah, don’t come to me if you’re having a bad day,” Sunwoo says to Changmin. “I don’t want to get bitten.”

Changmin grabs his arm and pretends to bite him, and Sunwoo cringes back with a squawk in what’s clearly genuine fear, sending them all into hysterics again.

The interview continues, with each member giving their answer. Jaehyun, of course, is saved for last.

“What about you, Hyunjae-ssi?”

Juyeon is quite certain that Jaehyun isn’t going to say him, first because it would be good to draw some attention away from them at this point, but also because he really doesn’t think he’s Jaehyun’s answer.

“Juyeon, because he’s cute and can cheer me up,” Jaehyun says.

Juyeon knows the camera is zooming in on him right now, so he quickly schools his startled expression into a smile. He makes a cat paw aegyo motion beside his face, eliciting a round of “aww”s and only belatedly remembering Jaehyun’s comment about him being a kitten.

“See?” Jaehyun says with his idol smile, Hyunjae’s smile, pointing to Juyeon but not looking at him. “Wouldn’t that cheer you up?”

“Cheer up, baby, cheer up, baby,” Eric sings with the signature cheerleading move.

“And…I think that’s a perfect place to end on!” the interviewer says. “If you could please just say your goodbye greeting?”

“Best we The Boyz! Thank you, this has been The Boyz!” It’s a good thing Juyeon could do this in his sleep, because he is not in a frame of mind to pull off the idol act now. It’s another stroke of luck that this is their last schedule of the day and they’re set to return to the dorm after this.

Juyeon makes sure to get in a different van from Jaehyun. He doesn’t want to say he’s avoiding Jaehyun, but for once, he’s not keen to be around him.

Of course, Jaehyun doesn’t let him have his way and drags him off (quite literally, those arms aren’t just for looks) to have a private conversation.

“Hyung, is there something you need?” Juyeon says, trying to affect nonchalance, but judging from Jaehyun’s narrowed eyes, it didn’t work.

“You seem a little quiet,” Jaehyun comments.

Juyeon just shrugs. “Maybe because you were just talking to Eric.”

Jaehyun, being Jaehyun, lands a bullseye. “Are you unhappy about the interview?”

Juyeon doesn’t even try to lie; Jaehyun will see right through him. “Maybe, a little.”

He expects Jaehyun to tease him, but Jaehyun surprises him. “Is this because they asked you about your love language towards me?”

“No, why would I be upset about that?” Juyeon says, confused.

“I thought you might’ve minded…being teased about it,” Jaehyun says carefully.

Juyeon wrinkles his nose. “You guys tease me all the time.”

“You never answered the question, you know,” Jaehyun says, but then adds, “Never mind” a second later before Juyeon has to think about how to answer. “So why are you upset?” he finally asks.

Juyeon bites his lip. “You said me for your answer.”

“Yes, and?” Jaehyun asks expectantly.

Juyeon shrugs again. “You asked me why I’m upset.”

Jaehyun gives him an incredulous look. “You’re upset because I said I would go to you if I’m having a bad day?”

Juyeon looks squarely back at him.

“Why?” Jaehyun sounds perplexed. “You were fine with it when Eric chose you!”

Juyeon frowns. “That’s not the same situation at all.”

“You even smiled at him,” Jaehyun says, in a strangely…accusing tone.

“I smiled after your answer too,” Juyeon says, unsure why Jaehyun seems to have an issue with Eric all of a sudden, especially when they were goofing off together just a few minutes ago.

“No, you didn’t, you smiled at the camera,” Jaehyun says quietly. “It wasn’t your real smile.”

It wasn’t yours either, Juyeon thinks, remembering Hyunjae’s — not Jaehyun’s — smile very clearly. “Because it wasn’t a real answer,” he returns in just as quiet a voice.

Jaehyun’s eyebrows draw together. “What do you mean?”

“What you said. It wasn’t a real answer.”

Jaehyun looks at him for a long moment without speaking, his expression inscrutable. “You think I was lying?”

“Maybe not lying,” Juyeon concedes, “but…” He trails off helplessly.

“But you don’t believe me,” Jaehyun says. It’s not a question.

Juyeon doesn’t say anything in reply, but his silence seems to be enough of an answer to Jaehyun.

“You don’t believe I think you’re cute and that you cheer me up?” Jaehyun’s voice is matter-of-fact, without excessive emotion, but something about the way he says it makes a knot lodge in Juyeon’s throat.

“Hyung,” he croaks. He regrets ever opening the floor for this conversation. He should have just acted like everything was fine, or at least tried.

“Would you have been happier if I said Jacob or Younghoon or someone else?”

Juyeon considers it. “I’m not sure,” he says honestly. “It at least would have felt more deserved.”

Jaehyun looks confused. “What do you mean?”

Juyeon opens his mouth, wanting to answer, but finds it empty of words. Haknyeon was right; he really isn’t the best with them.

“You can tell me, Juyeonnie,” Jaehyun says, his eyes entreating, his voice gentle. Even though it’s not as if Juyeon was consciously holding back what he wanted to say, somehow Jaehyun gets it out of him.

“It’s just… I always ask you for advice and I go to you when there’s something and you help me, and you do the same with the other members, but you never talk to us, except maybe Sangyeon-hyung.”

Jaehyun stays silent.

“Well, I shouldn’t say ‘us,’ at least you don’t come to me.” Juyeon bites his lip. “I’m not saying you have to, I know that I probably can’t even do anything—”

“No, that’s not true,” Jaehyun says immediately. “You do a lot for me. More than you realize.”

Juyeon thinks that Jaehyun is just saying that to placate him, but it still brings him a spark of happiness.

As if reading his mind, Jaehyun says, “I’m not just saying that. I mean it. You can make me feel better just by being there. And I know how much you care about me. I’ve always known.” He gives Juyeon a smile that is so tender Juyeon feels the warmth of it in his marrow.

Jaehyun licks his lips. “It’s not that I don’t want to let you in. I’m not…purposefully closing myself off to you. I guess I just…close naturally. Like a clam,” he adds, and then makes a face like he’s surprised at his own cringiness.

“More like an oyster,” Juyeon tells him. “You can find pearls inside.”

“Is this your extension of the crystal analogy?”

“Come on, that was a good analogy.”

“You know, you inspired me to look into that. It turns out there’s a type of rock that looks pretty and shiny on the outside but inside it’s just dark stone. Maybe that’s what I am.”

Juyeon narrows his eyes. “Are you fishing for compliments, hyung?”

Jaehyun genuinely looks startled. “What?”

“I could tell you all about how that’s absurd and you’re at least 500% wrong, but do I really need to?”

“At least 500% wrong, huh?” Jaehyun says with a wry twist of his lips. “I didn’t know that was mathematically possible.”

“It is now,” Juyeon tells him, and Jaehyun laughs so brightly it chases away all the shadows in his expression. “So do I need to tell you that?”

Jaehyun stares at him for a moment. “Look,” he says, his voice abruptly serious. “I don’t want to say that you put me on a pedestal, but…you see me in too good a light, Juyeon. You always have.”

“No, I don’t,” Juyeon protests.

“You do,” Jaehyun says, and he doesn’t sound argumentative, he sounds…sad. That, more than anything, makes Juyeon fall silent. “It’s just who you are. And I-I’m worried that I can’t live up to who you think I am.”

I just think you’re Jaehyun. Jaehyun, who is a little too in love with a mirror sometimes, who is more childish than the maknaes put together one second and the most reliable hyung (okay, maybe after Sangyeon) the next, who chews too loudly when he eats, which is all the time, who would rather tear a ligament than cry in front of them.

Jaehyun’s expression is solemn. “I wouldn’t be able to stand letting you down, Juyeon. Especially since I…”

“Since you what, hyung?” Juyeon breathes.

Jaehyun swallows. “Since I love you.”

Juyeon feels like the air has been knocked out of him. “W-what?”

Jaehyun covers his face with his hands in a gesture that’s so cute Juyeon melts internally even as he’s frozen on the outside. “Don’t make me say it again,” he groans. “Do you know how much it took me just to say it once?”

“Hyung.” Juyeon takes his hands and gently moves them away from his face. Jaehyun’s cheeks are pink, his eyes cast down, their expression hidden. Juyeon can’t help but chuckle. “You’re so cute when you’re shy.”

Jaehyun glares at him, but the look is through his lashes, which renders it far from intimidating. In fact, it just makes Juyeon want to kiss him.

“Is it that hard to say? I love you,” Juyeon tells Jaehyun without a trace of embarrassment. “Saranghae. Aishiteru. I love you.”

“Now you’re just making fun of me,” Jaehyun grumbles, his flush darkening.

“Isn’t that your love language?” Juyeon teases. “See, I’m making fun of you because I love you,” he says brightly, and Jaehyun’s face is actually red now. Juyeon didn’t even know that he could blush so hard. It’s adorable. And endearing. And makes resisting kissing him impossible, so Juyeon stops trying and kisses him.

Jaehyun is not shy at all when he kisses Juyeon back. And, of course, being Jaehyun, he’s good at everything and kissing is not an exception. Juyeon thinks back to all the times that Jaehyun made his skin tingle, his stomach twist, his heart twinge; the times his body responded to Jaehyun before his mind caught up. The kiss feels simultaneously like riding to the top of a rollercoaster and coming home after a long day, like his muscles are tightening in preparation for the fall, but instead of plummeting, he finds Jaehyun. Jaehyun caught him, like Juyeon knew he would.

“Juyeon,” Jaehyun breathes, sounding almost pained.

“Jaehyun-hyung,” Juyeon returns, brushing his hand slowly, tenderly down Jaehyun’s cheek. Jaehyun’s eyes flutter shut, his lashes sooty against his skin, which still has a tinge of pink across his cheekbones. He’s so pretty. Juyeon doesn’t realize he said it out loud until he feels Jaehyun’s face warm beneath his hand.

Oh. Jaehyun likes being praised. Juyeon supposes he knew that — they’ve joked about Jaehyun being an egomaniac — but this seems different.

“You see me in too good a light, Juyeon. You always have.”

“Hyung, you know I think you’re pretty and a great singer and dancer and witty and funny and—”

“Shut up,” Jaehyun mutters, blushing hard now.

“And you like looking in the mirror too much, and you can’t keep your tongue in your mouth if your life depended on it, and you make Sunwoo and Eric look mature sometimes, which is really saying something. And you’re way too obsessed with food.” Jaehyun opens his mouth as if to speak, and Juyeon adds, “And your jokes aren’t as funny as you think they are.”

“You just said I’m funny,” Jaehyun says with an injured expression.

“You are funny, but not as funny as you think.”

Jaehyun is practically pouting now. He’s so cute. Juyeon can’t resist poking his cheek. Jaehyun’s tongue flits out and flicks against the side of his finger.

“Ew, hyung!” Juyeon cries, jerking his hand away.

“What?” Jaehyun widens his eyes. “You said I can’t keep my tongue in my mouth if my life depended on it.”

“And you’re proving my maturity point too,” Juyeon mutters.

“Do you have any food with you? I’ll prove that point as well.”

“Hyung,” Juyeon says, somewhere between a sigh and a laugh.

“I know what you’re doing, you know,” Jaehyun says casually.

Juyeon widens his eyes. “What?”

“You’re trying to prove me wrong that you see me in too good of a light.” Juyeon doesn’t try to deny it. Of course Jaehyun saw right through him. Jaehyun sighs. “If anything, Juyeon, you’re just proving my point.”

“Whatever I’m proving or not proving, I’m just trying to say that… I see you as you are. I’m not like Deobis who just get the airbrushed Hyunjae. I see Lee Jaehyun. I always have.” Juyeon stares at Jaehyun like he can impart the message through eye contact. He tries to not blink at all, but something gets into his eye and he not only blinks multiple times but starts tearing up.

“Okay, okay, don’t cry over it,” Jaehyun says quickly, in a deliberately light-hearted tone, but Juyeon can hear that he’s shaken by Juyeon’s words.

“No, I got something in my eye,” Juyeon says, blinking rapidly and fighting the urge to rub at it.

“Here, I got it.” Jaehyun gently pulls his eyelid back and carefully blows across his eye. “Is it gone?”

Juyeon blinks a few times and finds the sensation normal. “Yeah. Thank you.”

“It was an eyelash,” Jaehyun tells him, holding out his index finger and showing him the tiny hair on it. “Make a wish.”

Juyeon knows it’s just a silly superstition, but he very seriously mentally says his wish and closes his eyes as he blows the eyelash away.

When he opens them, he finds Jaehyun staring intently at him. “What did you wish for?”

Juyeon wavers. “I can’t tell you, or it won’t come true.”

“It’s okay, I think I can guess anyway.” Jaehyun grins. “It’s to have taste buds on your hands, right?”

“Yeah, you got it, hyung,” Juyeon laughs. “You always know me.”

“I do,” Jaehyun murmurs, and Juyeon shivers. “I see Lee Juyeon and always have too.”

Juyeon painfully wants to kiss him, but he needs to say something first.

“Hyung,” he says seriously. “You wouldn’t let me down.”

“You don’t know that,” Jaehyun warns.

“Well, even if you do, you can just make it up to me.” Juyeon smiles.

Jaehyun stares at him for a moment, and then sighs and shakes his head. “You know, Juyeonnie, we’ve always worried that one day, you’re going to get taken advantage of by a bad person.”

Juyeon knows that — his members have told him as much — and he isn’t offended by it. In fact, he’s kind of touched.

Jaehyun cocks his head to the side and gives Juyeon a look that can only be called wolfish. “But it worked out for me,” he breathes before capturing Juyeon’s lips.