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“You can come in here Max, this isn’t real, none of it will ever be real.”
Days. Months. The words looked so conceptless recently. To know them by definition, to know the science, and yet not be able to count them. How many days had she spent wandering through memories, through emotions that were not hers and yet burdened on the same heart. The fear of finding home followed by fear of Vecna followed by fear of his memories. Fear, fear, fear. Was there a 6th stage to grief? Max just yearned for absurd things of living, to walk on grass and feel the wetness, to feel ridiculous at the coldness, to feel, feel through herself, not as a vessel. Call her the biggest empath of the world, put a medal around her, let her feel the weight of a string around her neck. School, friends, plans, upside down, they were so distant, so disconnected from her these days. As if she hadn’t fought them, as if her physical form was still not recovering in another dimension.
The power of knowing Vecna’s mind was a spectrum in itself. It has been thrilling, keeping her hungry, she could know him more, predict him more, find material to defeat him more. And then there was endless infinite longing. When will this knowledge be allowed to be put to use? When will this maze be over? When will she be allowed her humanity again? Would she one day grow tired and just give up? What future was held in past memories. Cycles of frustration and anger. There had to be a way out, there was always a way out. But was she capable of finding it before becoming just a part of his memories?
The anxiety of the first time was nice, the good thing about endless space and time was, you faced fear and found ample time to reflect back on it, grow out of it. The first memory, the lab in its power and cruelty. The home to wonders of the world, the home to scientific breakthroughs of the world. The home to villains would come later. So many promises were made within those walls, so many hopes veiled by greed, greater than power of any scared child. Max wanted to never let go of El, and then cry because when would she be able to get first hold of her. The word felt of great significance to her and the participants of the memory. She found him in the corner, looking at the corner. WCould you have a heart attack if technically you were not completely alive? Was she completely alive? Was her brain completely alive? Was there scientific reason for her to be ever reunited with her body back at Hawkins? Was this her afterlife? Was this her soul? Why was she asking so many questions, who would answer them? Henry?
Henry. It felt better to associate him with an old human name than of a monster with weird nails and decaying branches. He was once a human and humans are always defeatable. Henry can be looked upon, intimidated, and be a companion into the abyss. Vecna and Henry had to be separated for Max’s survival.
By the second time, she discovered he was just a part of memory. By third, she knew he knew nothing of her. By the fourth, she knew she could punch him and be hit by a wave of cold air. By fifth she smashed his head on a baseball hat. By a time, she had no idea of, because counting was also a foreign concept to her, she accepted. Henry had a friend. Even if he didn’t want it.
“You have never talked before.”
“Because those were memories. I wasn’t there really. Well I was there once, not with you. This is an illusion.”
“Oh so you want to impress me through party tricks?”
“Would you like to be impressed by murders? Of innocent children perhaps?”
“Whatever sick plan you are making, forget it. You will never win. I’ll be right there to fuck with you.”
“Glad to have company. You started the jab sweetheart. I was just inviting a friend over.”
“What is this?”
“Illusion. They taught you spelling. Don’t pretend to be dumb with me. One of the many powers. I can turn my dreams into an illusion, if I focus hard enough.”
“Where am I ? Why am I here? Do laws of time apply here? What has happened to me?”
“Look at me and think if I will answer them. You are a smart girl, don’t prove me wrong. I hate being wrong.”
“Were you always there? Can you read my mind here?”
“That’s actual smart questions that I will answer. Good girl. You know I wasn’t always there, you escaped to the cave. Think of it as a dream, a world created simply by the power of my creativity. I didn’t want you to pull it, but when have I ever controlled the mind of others?”
“At least humour is a concept in upside down or whatever this place goes by. Do you still have your powers?”
“Alas no. Just the power of charm I believe. This is just a stupid unruly branch to the main timeline, the one created by boredom and pleasure. I am just a pitiful human creating crushes and problems for myself in an imaginary world. Oh my god, I am a toddler.”
Sandra was the first person. Then her mom. Then her Dad. Once even Billy told her. She had a good instinct, a higher sharpness, she could always sense it, almost put a prophecy. Max always thought of it as more responsibility, you are good, look out more, you are good, you should have sensed it before. Instincts haven’t failed her yet. Yet it was a strong word by definition. The world changed here, why wouldn’t she ? Trust. Trust was a strong and dangerous word. Who was she about to trust a psychopath, a serial killer, a mind manipulator, a monster? Was he really the man separated from his evil? Lying was a very strong and easy verb. Why would Henry not take the most astonishing and unpredictable way to kill her? Rush. Her head was in so much rush. She felt like she was back to square one. Back to a mission. Find more about Henry. Gather more intel. Be useful. Max loved missions.
“What is happening in this dream?”
“I am sitting at my apartment. Waiting for my parents, we are meeting for dinner.”
“Why?”
“Why wouldn’t I? I am a dutiful son. I take care of my parents well. We are a , forgot the word, loving family.”
“You killed your family.”
“You know me so well. And I know nothing about you. That’s unfair.”
“You invaded my mind.”
“I didn’t like what I found, your family tree is horrible.”
“Stop playing games with me.”
“Don’t take away the fun from this. I haven’t killed my family here, this is a completely new storyline.”
“Why are you waiting then?”
“Because they are worried about me. I haven’t been eating properly and not calling them back frequently. Why am I not calling them back? Maybe I am still a mind reader Max, I will always be able to read you. Don’t get angry darling, I am kidding, ofcourse. They are worried about me, like parents are when their child is not a beam of sunshine and throwing up rainbows everywhere. They want me to move on.”
“Tell me about the parents.”
“Dad is a person who works in a bank, earns enough to keep cold beer on the table, has a problem with cholesterol and would eat steak every Sunday. Hates confrontations, he evaporates at the thought of raising a hand at his son, and had the biggest trouble discipling him as a kid. Just let him be. The mother is an elementary school teacher, and doesn't make enough for her troubles. The marriage is in trouble, the dad doesn’t contribute much to raising the child or to anything basically, a money maker machine. The divorce would have happened without the son. But they are stuck together now. No affairs. But one very close encounter on Dad's side. Mom knows about it but will never acknowledge it in front of anyone, just accept the gifts around the day. They are unhappy together and happy in other forms. The son becomes the centre of attention to avoid actual conversations.”
“Why not ideal people who love each other? Truly?”
“Because neither I know the definition nor this is a fucking play. Don’t interupt , just fucking listen.”
“Without your powers, you are nothing but a guy I can punch in the face. Don’t forget that.”
“Don’t forget I am still the creator and power source of everything. You can do nothing to me in this, I however can do a lot to you, outside this.”
“Why is the son, aka, you upset?”
“I am not upset. I am contentful with the life I lead. The parents won’t understand it.”
“What will they not understand?”
“Max, sometimes I think my entire life would be spent answering those questions. Learn spontaneity. Fine, the son is depressed. He won’t marry anyone, and his parents are concerned. They have a terrible marriage and want their only son to suffer through the same tale.”
“Are you gay, in this? Are you coming out?”
“What the fuck? Go back to being scared of me. I don’t want to marry anyone, that’s it. Simple family recital, you know the script from back home.”
Back home. Back home to a mom who couldn’t handle being alone. Back home to a father who raised a daughter who took his son’s life. Back home to wine glasses and I don’t know how to process this grief. Back home I wish I never married you and don’t say that please, you know I cannot live without you. Back home to Max, why are you trying to kill me? I cannot live without him, stop making my life miserable. Back home to why do you need someone else Mom, I am right here, look at me, just once look at me. Home. Today she didn’t even know how far away her home was.
“Why do you not want to marry anyone?”
“None of your damn business."
“Do you know they offer therapy, can you do all of it? I don’t want to make this my business with the same intensity. Guess whose wishes are coming true today?”
“He is not over his last girlfriend.”
“You are not over your last girlfriend. I- just give me a minute. No, give me an hour. We could have defeated you all along by just showing cringy valentine’s cards. A dollar store was your doomed grave.”
“Got a drawer full of them? What was that resolution? Burn them? Why weren’t they ever burnt, Max?”
“STOP EXPLOITING MY MIND ASSHOLE.”
“Never ever. You know, it was the easiest thing in the world to spell for me, I could do it probably as a normal human. You and I are too alike, too alike. Moved by minimal doses of love, one card and you would give up your life to save the person. Alas, cards were really expensive in my days.”
“You and I are not to be used in a sentence together, ever.”
“I see the other part remains uncontradicted.”
“Fuck off. I am your death, and that is not an illusion.”
“That you will be. Can you try to be civil now, not get offended at every truth of life?”
“Who’s the girl?”
“You.”
“What the fuck? No, what the actual fuck? What kind of sick game is this? I shouldn’t have trusted you, I should have ran, instincts, always trust the instincts-”
“Whenever that monologue ends. I am not in complete control here, so fucking sit down and relax, it is not the end of the world. It would be the very soon end of a dream. You are the only woman available here, this is just borrowed inspiration. So fuck off, I am not enjoying it anymore than you.”
“Why haven’t you moved on?
Answer me. You cannot just escape questions.”
“I was doing it fine before. I don’t know, I never liked humans, I wouldn’t change that anywhere. I just didn’t have the energy to do it all again.”
“Again?”
“Again.”
“Please?”
“I hate you so much, sometimes I don’t even know how I began to love you in the first place. I cannot let someone become a weakness again. Weaknesses are exploited, weaknesses stop you from becoming the most powerful man on the earth. They don’t know your potential, they don’t know the power incubated in your veins. Have you ever prayed to God, Henry? You are one. God sacrifices. You won’t?”
“Who killed me?”
“How does that matter, you are killed, no longer a thorn, no longer stopping Henry from fucking changing the world.”
“Why didn’t you save me?”
“He likes me. I know, he does. I swear, he was not going to harm you. He would never harm someone I liked. He understands me. He loved you, it is not him that killed you. I cannot abandon him, I am not that brave.”
“Again.”
“Again?”
“I think I would have done it all again too.”
“I can’t.”
“No, you can. And you are fighting again. Just don’t be a loser this time, I cannot be in the hallways with one.”
“I fucking hate you. So much. With Everything I have got. Always.”
“I am not going to remember any of this, will I ?”
“No. Neither will I.”
“Your loss.”
“Indeed my loss.”
Gone. Vecna is gone. The moment should have felt bigger, their victory should have brought tears. Of relief. Max cried for exhaustion. The fight is finally over. They can breathe freely, even if they have forgotten to. Who knew freedom was this invaluable. It feels wrong, to have been on the run so long and finally reach the end. When she had given up on hopes of ever finding an end. Somewhere, in hushed voices and heavy eyes, it had been accepted, a forever bond. This will be the purpose of Max’s life until there will be life, fight fight fight.
In what terms had they even won? Who knew which side shed more blood? Who knew which side deserved to win? Who knew if all of this was correct? Even if she was back home, she wasn’t welcomed back to her home. Everything had changed, not out of force but necessity. The worst kind of change. Lucas' arms still felt safe, but what assurance was safety in Hawkins? Back in her own body and yet not in her mind. She felt him so precisely and clearly, she could go right back in, say the dialogues word to word. Vecna’s death felt like leaving behind a hand, someone she had known as intimately and deeply as herself, someone whose secrets were as bare as hers. There was no remorse for the actions, what had to be done, was done. But there was a huge loss attached to Max, a loss that she was neither ready to process nor define. Eleven might have known Vecna the most, but Max was an extension of Henry, the human all before. She has always been a little emotional for humans.
“Dork.”
“I did the sweetest possible thing for you and this is the response. You know what? Give it back.”
“NO NO NO. Okay, I am sorry, I just really like making life hell for you. Sorry, I love it, I genuinely do.”
“I also got the stamp.”
“No way, all the way to Ontario? How the fuck did you even manage that? Oh my god, this is the best card I have ever gotten. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
“Reel back. You are going to marry a very poor man now.”
“Huh? Funny, can you predict the future? Do you have superpowers?”
“Stop. I will not be married to a hysteric."
“You would die to marry me. I am the only one with options here.”
“That’s true.”
“I don’t want them. Options, Their existence is as important as their absence. I got everything I needed.”
“Dork.”
“Shut up. Ontario. Such a cute name, I got it. The puppy we adopt, we will name him Ontario.”
“There was no ‘we’ involved in that decision. And hold on, when did we decide to get a puppy?”
“Shut up again. Karen taught me the word, whipped. You are W-H-I-P-P-E-D. Oh to be the most powerful person in this world.”
“Maybe world abomination is not that bad.”
“You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You know that right?”
“And you know what this is right?”
Dreams. Illusions. Possibilities. Realities that were false. Decisions that were never taken. It wasn’t real, none of it will be ever real. Stop dreaming, Max.