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The gentle rays of the morning light poured through the small cracks in the curtains, signifying that morning had come. As the sunlight permeated the room, lapping up the dark night with its bright intensity, merging with the variety of colourful posters plastered on the wall, creating a beautiful array of hues against the ceiling, the young couple began to stir.
Ninomiya Youhei, a light sleeper, rubbed his eyes as he forced himself upright, sitting beside his still sleeping lover in the bed that they had shared. He let out a low chuckle as he watched Matthias snore peacefully, envying the boy's ability to sleep through anything. The sunlight continued to pervade through the room, immersing the two of them in golden rays, and as Youhei continued to admire Matthias, it almost seemed like the sun's rays had fully absorbed his body, creating a makeshift halo around his head.
This comparison was far from inaccurate. Matthias lay sleeping, like an angel, only further emphasised by the light that seemed to be radiating from him. Even on days when the room was engulfed in pitch black, or the two of them were not having the most comfortable morning, Matthias continued to be a ray of sunshine in such a dark, bleak world.
Youhei began to softly run his fingers through the sleeping boy's hair. It was slightly tangled, yet that was nothing he could not fix. Brushing strands of loose hair away from the boy's face, he took in the sight of it. Eyes closed, unmoving. Lips slightly parted, peaceful sounds escaping them every so often. Chest slowly falling and rising, signalling his satisfaction. He looked absolutely gorgeous.
He loved playing with Matthias' long tresses of hair, and Matthias adored it too. He always seemed to melt into Youhei's touch whenever the violinist touched or brushed his hair. Matthias begun to stir lightly in his sleep, appearing happier despite being unconscious. Perhaps he could sense the other boy's presence.
Youhei adored admiring Matthias, all the time. The dressage rider would often tease him if he caught Youhei staring at him — so he made a note to himself that he should stare at the boy more often when he isn't able to make fun of him. Matthias was the amalgamation of love and contentment. He was so, so incredibly sweet: infectiously so.
He'd made Youhei finally believe in love. As childish as it sounded, love was always a difficult concept for the violinist to grasp. Having grown up with such a skewed view of love, when your only experiences were notably stained with toxicity, it is incredibly difficult to break that cycle. To embrace the purest, truest form of love.
It was hard for Youhei to understand and accept his own feelings. It was excruciatingly difficult for him to outright say the words, "I love you" to anyone. Saying it only made it more real, it was the concretisation of his true feelings. It marked the start of his commitment to his relationship.
It was terrifying to experience a love so tender after being mistreated so heinously in the past. A part of him often wondered, if Matthias saw the boy's flaws, would he grow scared? Would he leave, and would the one real thing Youhei had ever known dissipate into thin air just like that?
But it was clear that Matthias did not wish to leave. The other boy had been upfront about his flaws — fearless, able to talk to Youhei about his heartbreaking past. He was brave enough to cut himself open in front of Youhei and let every inch of who he is, or who he used to be, spill out of his intestines and display his fragmented heart. He was fearless enough to cry into the other boy's arms, unafraid of showing vulnerability. And Youhei did not try to ignore his flaws. He embraced them, just as he embraced his sorrowful lover each time the day was a little more difficult than usual.
This, in turn, inspired Youhei to become a better person. To become unafraid of showing his weaknesses. To prove himself as more than just a coward.
He was so, so, endlessly proud of Matthias. He had overcome so many hardships in his life, and made it out alive, his strength noticeable in his cheerful countenance he often carried.
Caressing the sleeping boy's face, he stared out of the window once more. The everlasting light was growing brighter, and harsher — surely Matthias would have to awaken soon.
Youhei reminisced about the start of his and Matthias' relationship. It was strange to think, that if the two of them were not handcuffed together during the first week of the killing game, none of this would have ever happened. They would have never hooked up casually, only for their relationship to spiral into so much more. It had always been more than casual.
He thought back to their first interaction. Matthias excitedly exclaiming, awestruck over Youhei's colourful hair; he always carried such a cheerful physiognomy, at the start.
It was uncanny to think that this interaction led to many more. That they were destined to be together. Tied together by fate, invisible string — or in their case, literally tied together by the chain of their handcuffs — and they were now fated soulmates.
Their relationship had its bumpy parts. In the killing game, so much had transpired between them: conflicts, casual encounters, romantic gestures, near-death experiences, but now they could just bathe in the tranquility of their lives. Now, all that was left was the two of them, in this room filled with radiant sunlight, as if they were the only two people on earth.
Looking down at the sleeping boy's frame once more, Youhei mused about how glad he was that Matthias was safe now. That he was able to live an exultant life after having years of it harshly ripped from him at such a young age.
The process of rebuilding his life was long, and tough. But they got through it together. They always did.
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Six months ago; the end of the killing game.
After Youhei had escaped the killing game, the first thing he did was cry.
That was all he felt he could do, in his position. After waking up in his apartment, so casually, like waking up hungover after a long night out, everything felt so surreal. It was as if nothing had ever changed, and time had been reset, taking him right back to where he'd started from.
He was back in the place that only held a stained, dusty haze of memories. Like an old film reel — they were just slightly out of reach, but clear enough for him to recall.
After all he'd gone through in that death game, being placed back in his bed was eerily unsettling.
When he woke up, and adjusted to his surroundings, everything came back to him at once. The game. Matthias. Everything that had transpired.
And all he could do was cry into his hands, like a helpless, terrified child, something that felt all too familiar.
After allowing himself to drown in his sorrows for a few moments, he remembered Matthias. Specifically, his situation.
When it was revealed to the students that they had survived five trials, and they were allowed to go home, he'd instantly given Matthias his phone number. The boy already had his email, but Youhei doubted that Matthias would have access to a computer, due to his circumstances. He'd just hoped and prayed that Matthias would find a way to reach out to him, and soon.
As if on cue, his phone rang. His heart practically jumped out of his chest, viciously knocking at his ribcage, slamming against the walls of his chest, threatening to break out.
Youhei scrambled to pick up the phone, answering the call from an unknown number.
"Hello?" He spoke, breathlessly, his voice raspy from crying and the anxieties that coursed throughout his body.
"Youhei...!" The voice from the other line sobbed, and he instantly recognised that it was Matthias.
"Oh my God— shit, where are you? Are you hurt? Are you okay?" Youhei frantically asked Matthias a variety of questions, desperately wanting to know if his lover was alright. He prayed that since, the boy was able to phone him, he wasn't being held captive anymore.
"I'm- I'm in a phone box. I don't know where I am, I just... I just woke up on the streets. I'm scared- I... I think I'm in Kobe?" Matthias' voice came out incredibly disorganised, fractured as he cried into the phone. Youhei's chest began to tighten upon hearing the boy's laments, as if he were feeling his shared pain.
"Do you see any street signs...? I'm- I'm coming to get you. Please just hold on." He tried his best to alleviate Matthias' affliction, as his fragmented voice began to tell Youhei of his surroundings, helping the violinist to get a better grasp of where exactly he was.
Youhei painstakingly listened to the boy's words, becoming certain that he'd figured out where Matthias was, now. All Matthias had to do was hold on. Stay in the same area for a few more hours as Youhei travelled to pick him up.
"I'm coming. You just gotta hold on for me, okay? Try to hide out somewhere. You're going to be safe, I promise you." Youhei stated, reassuring Matthias who seemed to still be brokenly weeping through the phone.
"I'm scared..." Matthias whimpered, and it broke Youhei's heart to know that he would have to be alone for even longer. He'd have to spend hours waiting, without Youhei there to console him over the phone, to heal all of his anxieties.
"I know. You're going to be alright, I promise you. I'll be as fast as I can." He murmured, feeling tears prick in the corner of his eyes once more, pausing before speaking his next words.
"...I love you, okay?" Youhei swallowed, his chest aching with violent throbs, a rigid dichotomy to his gentle voice, sustaining a softer tone than ever before. His subdued speech was wholly compassionate, as if it were the first time he'd ever confessed his true feelings. Saying those words, owning up to those emotions and looking them in the eye, was an action that frightened him. Despite this, Youhei let this sentiment of love roll off his tongue so simply, casually, as it was truly the one real thing he'd ever known.
He spoke again, voice trembling from the pressurised weight of this stifling moment. "I gotta hang up now, but I'll see you soon. I promise you, everything is going to be fine." His voice began to break, tears stinging his eyes once more. He just wanted Matthias to be safe, more than anything.
"I... love you too. Please hurry." Matthias managed to speak between tears. Youhei hung up the phone, and instantly got inside his piece of shit car. He didn't care about his horrific driving abilities; all that mattered to him was getting Matthias home, safe and sound.
The drive was long and agonising, feeling as if it took a thousand years. Youhei drove as rapidly as he possibly could without getting pulled over, tears streaming down his cheeks as his brain began to overthink, coming up with the worst possible scenarios.
Please be okay. He silently begged. Please, please, let Matthias be okay.
After what seemed like an eternity, he parked his car near the street sign Matthias had read out to him. He desperately prayed that this was the correct area.
Surveying the street, Youhei noticed the sordid state of this area. Garbage cans adorned the sidewalks, yet trash seemed to be littered all over the floor. The pavements were incredibly messy, unclean — years of footprints and memories staining the entire space. An incredibly poor part of the city, he thought. Matthias surely would not be safe here for much longer.
Youhei scrambled around, trying to find Matthias' figure. There was barely anybody around, so he thought it safe enough to scream the boy's name.
His voice was growing raw and raspy from the yelling, but he needed to locate Matthias.
He heard footsteps approaching from behind him, running, sprinting, growing louder.
"Youhei!" A voice cried out, shaken but hopeful. Youhei spun around on instinct, and all of his fears dissolved.
Matthias was sprinting towards him, his long, dark hair falling messily past his shoulders, blowing in the wind, with the boy still wearing the same clothes he was given in the killing game. Youhei began to run towards Matthias, adrenaline coursing through his veins. God, he was so fucking ecstatic to see him again. He was safe. He was unharmed.
As the two met, Youhei was instantly engulfed in a bone-crushing hug from Matthias. He grabbed onto Youhei, arms clinging around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder as he tried to speak, his tone scattered and trembling.
"You- you came for me... you're really here..." He cried, his loud sobs muffled by Youhei's shoulder.
Youhei's confident demeanour had been demolished, as he held Matthias tight, but carefully, like he was cradling water in his hands. Shaking from the weight of everything that had occurred these past few hours, Youhei let it all dissolve and roll off his back in the form of tears.
"I could never leave you. I'm so fucking glad you're okay." He spoke, rubbing gentle circles on Matthias' back, as the two wept in each other's arms, letting everything crash down upon them.
Matthias continued to incoherently ramble, with fragmented "I love yous" escaping his lips as the boy struggled to breathe, letting these despairful emotions that resided in his brain all come undone, eventually causing Youhei to finally pull away.
Now, he could take in the sight of his lover, fully. He still looked ethereal, despite the tears staining his cheeks, his doe eyes big and wet, his lip trembling as more tears continued to fall. His eyelashes were clumped together, his face red and raw from sobbing. Youhei softly raised his hand to Matthias' cheek, rubbing soothing circles to comfort the boy, while his other hand moved across Matthias' shoulder.
"Breathe. You're okay now. We're okay." Youhei spoke, his voice so gentle, despite the evident cracks in his tone. He was so, so thankful that the both of them were okay, and they could continue to be content, together.
Youhei led Matthias back to his car, and eventually inside his apartment after the long journey. The journey was mostly silent, but comfortably so — as the two of them sat with the abysmal weight of everything that had occurred between them this past month. Matthias had fallen asleep pretty much five minutes into the car journey, tired out from crying, his head gently resting against the car window as his chest moved up and down, peacefully.
When the two made it back to Youhei's apartment, they both collapsed on his couch, falling asleep incredibly fast. There were not many words spoken back and forth between them — instead, they simply melted into each other's embrace as they lay undisturbed on the couch, every inch of pain and grief that resided within their hearts washing away as the feelings of adoration, newfound joy and relief lapped over them like a tidal wave.
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Some days were harder than others. Sometimes there was bad, darkness engulfing their bodies, but mostly there was radiant sunlight, which shone and reinforced the euphoria the two of them felt in their rebuilt life, together.
The two of them had grown accustomed to being in each other's company, having spent around six months together after the game's ending.
Youhei decided to take a brief hiatus from creating music; he'd of course, contacted his band mates and reunited with them. However, his mind only grew numb and agonised due to not being able to inform them of where he'd disappeared to for such a long period. They'd assumed he'd gotten involved in something sinister; a failed drug deal, a kidnapping by one of his former roommates, but this could not be further from the truth.
He stayed in contact with these friends, regardless of the anxieties riddled in his bones regarding his situation, and his inability to communicate to them about where he'd been. However, Youhei still remained a prisoner of his own mind, and instantly forcing himself into a reconnection with his friends, along with his curation of music, was even more detrimental for his ever-dwindling mental health.
So, he'd taken a break. He spent his days residing with Matthias, simply revelling in his company.
Matthias too, was a prisoner to unfortunate circumstances. He desperately wanted to return home, back to Belgium, with his parents, but he knew that he needed a few months to readjust. To take in his new life, his freedom, his wings.
It was for the better that the two of them locked away the world for the time being, and allowed themselves a period of rest before facing their former lives once more.
Often, the torturous memories from the game would manifest themselves into the most distressing of feelings. There were nights spent with one of the two sobbing into the other's arms, whether that he from reminders of past memories from before the game, or during it.
They'd both lost an awful amount. Their grievances came in waves, the past prickling and burning in their skin.
But despite this, there was positivity etched inside their interlaced souls.
If Youhei's mind was shrouded with pitch black, desolate darkness overflowing inside his brain, causing his thoughts to become perturbing, throbbing and lacerating his heart, Matthias would be there — the very antithesis of this wretchedness. He was the sunlight personified, he would offer Youhei a smile, a warm helping hand, and sometimes, that was enough.
As if on cue, the sleeping boy's eyelids began to flutter, before opening to reveal a set of glittering eyes. The essence of sleep remained around the corners of Matthias' eyes, but the boy began to position himself to lay on his side, facing Youhei, his arm propping him upright.
"Mm... good morning." Matthias mumbled, his morning voice deeper than usual, yet still conveying a euphonious tone.
"Morning, sleepyhead." Youhei let out a low chuckle, before pressing a tender kiss to Matthias' temple. He shifted his body, slightly, to press himself closer to Matthias, wrapping his arm around the boy's waist.
Matthias began to trace his fingers along Youhei's left arm, soothingly brushing his healed scars, a corporeal representation of his past, but a reinforcement of how he'd undergone metamorphosis — changing, healing and growing, all for the better.
Youhei resumed his gaze to the idyllic face of his lover, allowing himself to caress the boy's hair once more, as Matthias melted into his touch.
The mornings shared together were often silent, when the two first awoke, spent in exuberant bliss as they quietly appreciated the company of the other. They'd eventually get up, make breakfast and go about their days, perhaps Matthias would write a romantic poem; a newfound passion of his, or Youhei would play the violin for him.
But for now, even for an ephemeral moment, they were granted the luxury of felicitous freedom and peacefulness, as they lay inside their bed together.
Every inch of their bodies, minds and hearts was marked with the very basis of love. The concept of romance dared them to care for each other, shaping their hearts into a bed for the other to rest, allowing the presence of tranquility to enter their lives and permanently reside there. Two shattered humans, who had been through the most tragic of trials and tribulations in their lives, and clawed their way out of their graves, could now revel in the peaceful embrace of the other.
It was a connection like nothing ever before; the string of fate intertwining and interlocking their bodies together, creating a perfect mould for every moment they spent together. Forever sewn together, unadulterated and pure, perfect soulmates.
They were alive, lucky to be alive, and that would always be enough.