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”ENOUGH! I'd rather go out there and die than be stuck here with you for another day."
Heavy banging on the supposed "supply closet" door made everyone in the restaurant go silent, Paulina’s voice roaring like thunder through the hallway. The voice behind the door returned the attitude to the young man.
What came next made the girl freeze. J’s expression wasn't the usual wild and mindless anger. It was a face she hasn't seen her brother make since their parents died. It was fear. Panicked, she could only think of running out of the diner, leaving the young man frozen in place. His vision started getting blurry, a loud ringing sound began echoing through his head and then a familiar voice intervened-
"Hellooo~ come on, babe. Was my story that boring that you zoned out?"
J came back to reality. Preparations for Christmas were in full swing, everyone helped to decorate the suitcase's lobby with colorful and shiny strings of light, with a sturdy tree decorated fully standing firm in the middle of the room. J and Atlas had already been dating since and before the 9th “Storm”, this Christmas wasn't any different from others. But it reminded J all too well about his life.
"Oh- Sorry Atlas, didn't mean to. It’s just that days like these make me remember some… hard times."
Atlas let out a sigh, pausing a bit as if he was thinking of what to say, "Wanna talk about it or you wanna hug it out?" He stretched his hands and gestured for his partner to lean in. J's body immediately collapsed into Atlas' arms. Stress from working in an active war zone took a noticeable toll on the young knight.
Atlas sighed and held his boyfriend's weight up, a mix of worries and frustration filled his tone, "I know that you don't like talking about your feelings during the holidays to not spoil the mood and all that, but I can't bear to see you sulking like this anymore. Are you sure you don't want to talk about this?"
“Babe, I’m fine.” Was the only words J could put out, clearly a lie. But he didn't want others to worry about his own life’s problems.
“Well to me, clearly you aren't. You’ve been spacing out a lot today man, clearly something's bothering you.” A pause, Atlas looked straight into J’s eyes with a stern look.
“Im literally your boyfriend, J. You can tell me.”
J still couldn't get any words out. Even if he wanted to, it felt like something was making him hold back, choking on his own words. Just before the air got awkward, a familiar voice came out from J’s side.
"I don't even have to ask if everything's alright, it's written all over your face”, Matilda apparently noticed the pair at the far edge of the main lobby, she caught on pretty quick at what J was trying to do.
Mesmer Jr. tagged along with Matilda, “You two need a room, talking in a private space would be best. Matilda wont stop worrying about you two eith-"
J cut off her with his obnoxiously fake smug voice. "Aww, is French Fry worried about me? That's so cute…"
"Aww, is Mr. Emotionally constipated going to cover how he really feels with his fu-"
Mesmer's remark was swiftly interrupted by Matilda.
“Please don’t change the subject J.”
All J could do was cast his eyes to the flooring, staying dead quiet. It was nothing like him. Atlas’s arm tugged on J’s sleeve, an attempt to make J face him.
“I know it's hard man, but...”
The vibe wasn’t pleasant, which attracted a certain spiritual arcanist.
“I knew I sensed something.”
“What? Man, now you’re on this..?”
"Look J, I know that you aren't really the type to talk about how you feel on the inside, but we are all worried for you. Whether you want it or not WE want to help you process this." His vision started getting blurry, catching a glimpse of Mercuria’s hand with something flask shaped. His legs felt weak and started getting lightheaded, collapsing into Atlas' arms.
“??? What the HELL Mercuria, fuck did you do??” Atlas blurted out barely catching the other man, nearly falling down trying to catch J’s weight, again.
“Don’t worry he's not hurt, just asleep. This has been happening for a while now, no? I'm doing you a favour here, either deal with this now or watch him suffer.”
Atlas froze in surprise, he didn't know she’d go this far to help him but he was not complaining, she was right. They both wanted to deal with this as soon as possible. From as far as Atlas remembers, he felt like J was hiding something from him since they both joined the foundation.
“Well. Any ideas?”
Matilda chimed in with her usual proud expression
“No need for that, I can ask for a favour from Vertin. Just let the Great Matilda handle this!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After what felt like eternity he woke up, head laying on Atlas' lap. His mind adjusted to the surroundings… it definitely wasn't the suitcase’s lobby.
"She drugged me didn't she?" "Yep"
J let out a deep and long sigh, seeing the inevitability of the situation. "I guess I have no other choice, don't I?"
"Ya, you know Mercuria. Can't believe Boss agreed to this either."
He stood up to look around. They were surrounded by deep water and an all too familiar sky. An island in the Suitcase’s wilderness, Vertin must have placed it down. Something was swimming around the coast of the island, making sure he wouldn't try to swim to the mainland.
"Boss... I'll remember this" The young man turned back to his partner. Atlas was sitting on a blanket. A basket full of J's favorite snacks was next to him along with a tent and campfire were all conveniently placed on this tiny piece of land, Atlas and Mercuria really took time to make this place comfy for him.
"Is it just me or does this feel more like a date than a therapy session?" J chuckled.
"It can be whatever you want it to be. We won't leave this island until you tell me everything that's bothering you." Atlas' response was straightforward, far from his usual tone, he knew what he wanted. "Uh, I guess I have no choice when such a cute guy asks me so nicely~" J smirked, but Atlas' expression remained the same,
“I won't judge, J. Promise. It's not like I wanted to do this in the middle of nowhere, I paid for these snacks too.” J couldn't help but feel worried about being this vulnerable about his past. After J said nothing, Atlas continued,
“Look, I know it's hard for you. I get it. But I need to know what's bothering you, I wanna help. I’ve been trying to talk to that Mesmer girl about you for weeks after Marcus told me about her. It just… hurts seeing you hurt like this, so… please..?”
Seeing how genuinely desperate and genuine Atlas’s tone was, J finally broke. "Fine. The last time I saw my little sis was on Christmas eve." J muttered and paused, carefully recalling a memory he wishes never happened.
"It’s just… both of us had a huge fight and then she told me she'd rather die than be near me. After that night I couldn't bring myself to come and visit her at her new work place. But when I finally mustered up the courage with Pioneer’s support… turns out, I no longer had a little sister. Now she was some stranger, some older woman I have never met in my life. And worst of all I found out that she got engaged without telling me. I'm her only family. We promised each other to never leave one another alone. And then my closest friend died the day after I found out.”
J paused for a moment, hesitant to speak another word. Mustering up the courage to portray his painful recollections.
“…and then I joined the very place I despised. I felt like I had to prove that I could protect someone in my life and then- and then..." Tears were starting to stream down his face. His partner's arms circled his body in a tight hug like a reflex,
“I’m here for you J. I’m here…”
Atlas gave a pat on the back and embraced the other man. The two interlocked with each other, one holding on tighter than the other.
All Atlas could do was hold on and support him, and wait for him to process whatever he wanted to say.
"And then you found me. Again. And so far you've done a great job at protecting me and all the people you've saved during your dispatch in 1920. Paulina and Hollick are now gone. But I'm sure they would wish for you- us, to move on and live your life full of happiness and other people that loved you as much as they loved you, as much as you loved them…” He leaned in, only their foreheads touching
“as much as I love you-"
As J finished, he fully leaned onto Atlas's mouth. As he adjusted his position, he felt a warmth he never felt in a while as Atlas kissed back.. And for a second, the weight of everything didn't feel so crushing anymore. Everytime he had a moment like this with Atlas he felt selfish, but he couldn’t help himself to how good Atlas tasted like. He felt so comfortable and loved, he couldn’t care less about how anyone else thought.
Ripples from the water from the “sea monster” started to bubble up, something was rising while the men were having their moment—
“Ah, This is so beautiful.” The water "monster" guarding them turned out to be Vila, the men shuffled away from each other once they heard her, “I'm sorry to interrupt you, but Vertin asked me to call you for the Christmas dinner"
J and Atlas looked at each other, then at the basket full of food. A grin appeared on Atlas' face, "Tell the boss, we won't be joining them~!"
She understood and nodded back, "Alright, have fun you two!” swimming back to the main island, once again leaving the two to themselves.
"Sooo, where did we stop again?" Atlas asked with his usual cocky voice. J grinned at the implication, it's too good to stop now.
"You know what, fuck it."
Fireworks and stars lit up the wilderness' artificial sky as they unwrapped each other. They could worry about the other celebration later, and Christmas didn't feel so bad anymore.