Chapter Text
Two years ago, before the war started, you were standing at a party organized by your uncle Toji Zen’in. Getting closer to your eighteenth birthday, it was in your mother’s interest that you’d find a suitable suitor, although your mind rarely turned towards this kind of subject. At seventeen, you were still living in your own world, not giving much care about politics or whatever your parents and uncles would debate during these gatherings of higher society.
You just enjoyed the company of your older cousins. Maki and Mai, two beautiful twins and smart girls, both full of life and headstrong, sometimes a bit too much. They would bicker constantly, but they still adored each other, although they would never confess it.
Megumi was younger than you by three years, an only child, and a bit spoiled for that. However, he was a sweet boy, very quiet and a bit timid. You loved going on walks with him and his two guard dogs.
Naoya was the youngest of three brothers, the two older were already married and lived out of town. You didn’t really had contact with them, but you became closer to Naoya in the last few years. You wondered if he felt lonely being the only child living in his house now.
In that evening, your cousins seemed all occupied with something, so you had to stand back and stare at the lilac skirt of your dress, feeling out of place at the party, not sure how to act except for asking for one more glass of wine. Guests were arriving non stop, some big pictures you knew only by name: Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Ieiri Shoko, Kento Nanami. The three men were known for being great soldiers, almost on par with your uncle Toji, general of the southern troops, while Miss Shoko was known for her homemade remedies and teas she learned while traveling the country.
You’ve been hearing about the south going to war for its independence, but nothing ever looked like it would change. You didn’t think you’d live to see a real war. You were wrong about that, but for now, you only had to endure this dinner until one of your cousins was available to keep you company.
The house you were all in was legally uncle Toji’s property, a mansion with more than six rooms, centered in a leather farm. Outside stood hundreds of split leathers, hanging in the sun until properly tanned. Every summer your parents would let you go spend two months with your cousins there, a three hour trip on a wagon.
Servants rang bells, meaning more guests have arrived. You look instinctively to the front door. One by one, ten men entered the ballroom. Young, tall men, holding their heads high. They all looked somewhat different from each other, although most of them had dark brown hair and brown eyes. You recognize one among them, a teenage boy close to age with Megumi, with hair so blonde or red that it seemed pink in bright light.
Uncle Toji and aunt Naoko, called by everyone close to the family as Mamaguro, walked together to welcome the new guests.
“Welcome, Kamo brothers”.
The oldest, although not the tallest, bowed his head and silently thanked the welcome. Dark brown hair fallen to his shoulders, bored-looking eyes scanning the room, skin as pale as clouds; you’ve never seen anything like it.
“He looks like Count Dracula” Maki says, suddenly by your side.
You startle with her presence: “Jesus, Maki”.
Maki wears a light green dress, with long sleeves like yours, her dark hair tied in a low braid. You know she’s not too eager to attend these parties, always having excuses to disappear after an hour or so.
Mai joins you, curious about the Kamo family. Her dress is a light blue, short and puffy sleeves, her lustrous hair down, a bit messy upfront. Both sisters always tried their best to avoid the twin curse of dressing and looking the same. Their dresses were always different colors and shapes, their hair never the same length. Yet, their faces were almost identical.
“I’ve never seen the ten of the Kamo brothers together. Not bad”, says Mai.
The oldest Kamo looked directly at the three of you, as if he knew you were talking about him. You fixed your posture, holding his gaze for a moment. His eyes fixated on you, slowly taking your whole figure. You stood in place, hypnotized by his gaze.
“He’s different. But he’s beautiful”, you say more to yourself than to your cousins.
Maki and Mai smile, but stay silent, as another bell starts ringing. The Kamo brothers are forced to make way for the next guest.
“Yuta Okkotsu”, announces the servant.
The young man that comes through the doors is collected, black hair parted sideways and well combed. He looked and stood like a prince heir to the throne. Although his eyes looked a bit tired, he was strikingly beautiful. The kind of man you’d assume as arrogant, but his soft and shy smile made him more approachable.
By your right side, Mai smiles. “I wanted to meet him for so long! He’s got it all: family, heritage, education, influence. Exactly the type that Maki hates”.
You turn your head, waiting for Maki’s verdict. If she thinks anything much about him, you couldn’t tell, but she does observe him for a long moment, before saying:
“He looks weak”.
No more guests arrive, so you and the twin sisters go fetch appetisers that are being served throughout the hall. While you eat and gossip, you get a glance of Mr. Okkotsu, who walks around your little group not so unintentionally. Neither Mai or Maki seems to notice, so you just wait for things to develop. Finally, Yuta introduces himself to you and so do you and the twins. His voice is soft and reassuring, almost timid. He’s adorable.
“Miss Maki Zen’in”, Yuta bows, smiling gracefully at her. “Would it be an inconvenience if I asked for a dance?”
Maki’s face blushes as you’ve never seen before. Her lips formed a thin line of nervousness. For a second you were sure she was going to accept it.
“Excuse me”, she says, turning around and running from the scene. You and Mai share a confused look, though both you knew Maki never showed interest towards any man or boy and, if she ever did, she’d never confessed it to anyone.
Your heart hurts for Yuta, so you step in quickly. “I’ll dance with you, Mr. Okkotsu”.
Yuta Okkotsu takes your hand, politely, and walks by your side to the center of the hall, where a few couples danced to a joyful song three musicians played.
In the corner of the room, you see Choso Kamo once again. Every time you spin, you catch his gaze upon you. His lips parted, either relaxed or enchanted. Your heart skipped a beat when your eyes would meet his. Spinning like you were, his pale figure coming into view from time to time, you felt like seeing a ghost, some supernatural being, but not the type to scare you away. Something that lures you in.
The song ends, and Yuta lets you go with a bow, thanking you for the dance. Before you could leave the room, your cousin Naoya took your arm without leaving you a choice but to dance the next song with him. He’s tall, somewhat strong, hair short and has a beautiful face that is usually ruined with a bad mouth.
“Looking better than you usually do tonight”, he says and you giggle, used to his sarcastic jokes.
“No need to hold your head so high, uncle Toji is not looking”.
“Shut your mouth”.
You continue to dance, trying not to bicker at every second. This time, you can’t seem to find Mr. Kamo’s face in the crowd, which makes you realize you were holding your posture so tight your back was starting to hurt. You don’t know why you felt so nervous being watched by him. Maybe because no man has ever watched you like this.
The second song comes to an end, and you’re ready to leave the room for a while to get refreshments. When you leave Naoya and start walking, a shadow follows closely to your back. You startle, turning to whoever was following you.
Choso Kamo has the same enigmatic expression on his face. Somewhat neutral, somewhat too intense. He doesn’t say your name, doesn’t introduce himself. He just says, voice deep and low:
“May I?”, while offering you his hand for a dance.
You look at the palm of his hand before accepting it: it looks like silk. Apart from some callus close to his fingers, his skin is soft, well-taken care of.
You hold onto his shoulder, a strong shoulder, you notice, and he holds you with a hand on your lower back. Differently from Yuta, who kept a polite distance from you, his touch barely noticeable; you feel Choso’s fingers pressing through your dress, warming your body and pulling you closer. Your face came so close to his neck, a hint of his cologne invaded your senses, making you close your eyes for just a second to take it in. Men would usually smell like wood and musk, which you didn’t love, but Choso’s smell was different. It was a mixture of olive and lemons, with a hint of rosemary, if you weren’t mistaken. He smelled clean and fresh, yet very warm.
He guides you through the dance, never saying a word, but also never letting his eyes wander in another direction but your face. It makes you wonder if he’s even real, or just a figure created by your bored and romantic mind. Just some fantasy man; mysterious and handsome, that could shake your world for at least one night.
Your heart beats faster when he makes you spin and brings your back to his chest, a chest strong and firm like a rock, almost making you lose your breath with the sudden impact. You look up, his chin on your vision. Up this close, his skin looks even more like marble, green and purple veins visible throughout his neck.
You’ve never seen anyone like him. All men gathered that evening suddenly looked so mundane to you. He didn’t have to say a single word to get your attention, to have you wishing the song would never end.
But it does, and when it ends you linger in his arms for a little longer.
“Thank you, Mr. Kamo”. Your first words to him. He smiles softly hearing your voice, but offers no words in return.
Choso bows to you and leaves you be. Just like that, you’re once again alone in the giant room.
Later in the evening you’d find all your cousins occupied once again. Megumi wouldn’t leave Yuji’s side, as well as Mai with her friend Nobara. Maki was out of sight since the Okkotsu encounter, probably helping her mother with something or, most probably, had run away a long time ago. You walked to the balcony, where conversations would quiet down and the crescent moon shone in the sky, partly lightening up the night.
Behind you someone had followed, but you didn’t feel his presence until he was at your side. A pale hand came to stand next to yours on the balustrade.
Choso Kamo quietly called your name.
You turned surprised, bowing your head promptly. “Mr. Kamo”.
You never gave him your name, so you smile shyly, guessing he must have asked around to know who you were. Thinking about that alone made your heart race.
He took a second too much to say something, which communicated to you that he hadn’t prepared on what to say to you.
“Thank you for having me”.
“Oh, you’re welcome, but this is my uncle’s house”, you explain.
“I know”, he confesses, “I just meant to…Thank your family”. He averted his gaze to the sky. His neck starts turning a light pink shade, one that crawls up to his ears.
Oh, he’s not good with words, you guess, so his lack of words during your dance makes sense to you now. You don’t want him to feel embarrassed longer, so you quickly change the subject.
“I see you have a big family”.
To that he fastly responds, “Yes. I’m the oldest of ten brothers”.
“Wow”, you can’t help but gasp, “you must’ve had a handful to look after as the oldest”.
You observe his face, his eyes now shine seeing how you try to keep the conversation going. He’s got a beautiful, masculine yet delicate nose. You feel your face heating when he stares at you again, his brown eyes focused on the center of your face.
“It was my pleasure. They turned out to be great men”. He clears his throat, his deep voice cracking from not talking much. “I heard you’ve already met the youngest, Yuji”.
“He’s close to my cousin Megumi. He’s very endearing, a really good boy”. You use your hair to hide your face as you risk saying “If your brothers are great men, that should mean you’re the greatest of them”.
It’s your first time flirting with a man. And it’s also the first time that a man, a real man, not a boy, gives you this sort of attention. The alcohol from the wine starts flowing through your body, making you nervous as well as bold, an exciting combination that you’ve been craving for some time.
Choso’s face now burns red, and you find it sweet, not only because you thought someone his age would have more experience with this, but also because you felt the same way.
“I wish I had come with Yuji before, so to meet you sooner”.
You laugh, embarrassed, playing with your hair, too shy to look at him again. When you finally do, he stares at you with a soft smile, looking you up and down, to where your hands play with your long hair, to your eyes. Unconsciously, both your bodies are pulled towards each other, trying to get closer.
Inside the ballroom, a movement calls your attention and you see two of his brothers waving at him, commanding him to go back.
“Unfortunately, I can’t stay longer, but it was a pleasure meeting you, miss L/N”.
You feel disappointed. You expected to have more time to talk to him, to live something…romantic. You were not the desperate to get married type, but after reading so many novels, love stories…You’ve started wondering if something this pure could happen to you. To feel a spark, to feel nervous around someone. You felt all of that during these few hours.
“The pleasure was mine, Mr. Kamo”
You give him a bow. When your head goes up he’s right in front of you, offering you his hand. You’re quick to softly put your hand above his. Choso’s cold fingers delicately bring your hand closer to his lips. Although having cold fingers and that pale figure, his lips leave a hot print on your hand. Hot and soft, much softer than you’d expect by looking at him.
You can’t help but gaze at him, longingly, with the hopes he’d offer another word.
“May I write to you?”.
“Of course, Mr. Kamo”.
“Just Choso. Please”.
It felt wrong to call him by his first name, so you give a twist. His name rolled soft in your tongue “Alright, Mr. Choso”.
Choso stares at you for one more moment, before turning to enter the room and reunite with his brothers.
You turn to the balcony, heart beating fast, a content smile on your face. Bringing your hand to your chest, you think maybe that’s how a romance starts. With personal letters, deep conversations and love confessions.
Maybe Choso Kamo was your future.
***
Choso Kamo couldn’t be your future.
You’ve never read more boring letters, non-emotional writing in your whole life. The words brothers and duty repeated themselves over and over. Not that being close to your family could be a bad thing, but somehow he made it be.
The first letter that came to you made you ecstatic, so excited you barely made to the privacy of your room before tearing the envelope apart. You had a few expectations for the content, something in the lines of “I couldn’t stop thinking about our encounter”, or “your beautiful face follows my thoughts everywhere I go”.
Instead, you got “I hope your family is well” and “I’ve spent these days sticking to my duties” and even the glimpse of the word war. Not even “my dearest” at the beginning, or “always yours” at the end.
You didn’t give up at first. That was just the first letter, he could be testing the water before letting his sentiments run freely into beautiful words. You answered politely, but with a hint of flirting. You added “Keeping you on my daily prayers” at the end.
The second one was just as dry as the first one. And so was the third, the forth, the fifth until…You stopped answering it. There never were questions for you, with interest in you. And you could never get answers about him, about his personal thoughts.
So you just let it go. You were only eighteen. You were having too much fun with your youth. In a few weeks, you had forgotten about Choso Kamo.