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In Shoto’s dreams, he’s drowning.
There are no fish swimming with him, but there are vague colors and shapes that flicker in the water, giving the illusion of life.
He sees only aquamarine and shifting light.
He feels light, fuzzy, and a little disoriented.
The nightmare always ends the same way.
Suddenly, his body burns, and the water isn’t water anymore – it’s fire. Blue fire. It scorches through his eyelids first, then down his throat, across his skin, spreading into his veins and muscles.
He drops to the ground and tries to roll, but the flames aren’t on him, they’re in him. There is no escape. There is only burning.
He wakes up screaming.
This is the third time this week he’s dreamed about Touya – about what Touya went through – and it's just as disorienting as it was every other time.
A storm of blue fire was the reason Touya had all those burn scars. The same fire that Shoto takes for granted, that his father expects him to hone, that he never asked for.
Shoto slings his feet over the bed and slips on his house slippers, rubbing at his tired eyes. He shivers in the morning air as he pads into the kitchen to get a glass of water.
He fills his cup with shaky hands and drinks, letting the cold water refresh his dry throat, ushering away the residual sensation of fire creeping up through it. He sighs and puts the glass down, closing his eyes to calm his fretting mind.
“Shoto, are you okay?”
Oh.
Shoto forgot Fuyumi has a habit of waking up so early. She probably heard him screaming. “I’m fine.”
She makes a face, but doesn’t argue. She gestures to the pantry, instead. “Want some breakfast?”
They've all been a little on edge lately.
“No, thanks,” Shoto says. “Well, maybe in a little bit. I’m tired.”
Fuyumi nods. “It’ll be here whenever you’re ready. Take your time.”
“Alright.”
He finishes getting ready for the morning, washing his face and taking his sweet time to get dressed. Only then does he finally feel ready to eat some food.
He heats up some leftovers and eats them slowly. The rest of his family members make their way into the kitchen for their own breakfasts, greeting Shoto as they come.
“Shoto! I didn’t know you’d be here today,” Natsuo says. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”
“It’s spring break,” Shoto explains, stoically.
“Oh, cool. Me too.”
“Okay.”
Shoto still doesn’t know how to interact with any of them. He’s never been particularly close with his family. Until recently, he wasn't allowed to be. Now that he finally can, he doesn’t know how.
Shoto always wanted to hang out with them growing up, but it isn't as fulfilling as he’d hyped it up to be in his head. Maybe it's because Touya isn't here.
Two weeks ago, Eri rewound Touya, but he still hasn’t woken up yet. He looks normal. The doctor says that by all means, he should be up and healthy by now, but he's comatose.
At least he isn’t on life support. He’s breathing with his own lungs, his heart beating all on its own. He just isn’t moving, beyond small twitches every once in a while.
He's back in the body he had when he was sixteen, when he first woke up from his initial coma after burning up when he was twelve.
He has scars, but they’re in stitches rather than staples. Eri didn’t have the strength to wind him back all the way until he was twelve, and anything in between was too risky. So, he’s sixteen, but when he wakes up, he’ll still have the mind of a twenty-four year old.
Shoto wonders if maybe they went too far back. Maybe the hate really was the only thing that kept Touya alive, and now that that hate is gone, he’s just… in purgatory. Should they have just rewound him to eighteen? Nineteen? How far back is enough? How much is too much?
Sometimes, the electrodes on his brain light up with activity, meaning that he’s dreaming. Shoto likes to think that when Touya dreams, he shares the dreams Shoto has, but only the nice parts, where he’s floating in peaceful seawater. Deep down, though, he knows that Touya’s are probably closer to his own nightmare than he’d like – bathed in flames and excruciating pain.
The rest of the family doesn't really know what to do about Touya's condition. It hangs around as a heavy underpinning of every encounter between them. It's inescapable.
They all hover at the house, wanting to be there whenever Touya finally does wake up. None of them like to imagine it goes any other way. They refuse to say ‘if he wakes up.’
It makes everything awkward. They’re all holding their breath for Touya to either wake up or finally kick the bucket.
It’s the kind of worry that eats at Shoto’s soul and makes him feel all hollowed out. He needs to get out of his head, so he texts the group chat with Midoriya and Bakugou:
Todoroni: Are you guys free today?
Kachow: depends on what you want
Greenbean: I'm wide open :3
Shoto smiles to himself. He loves his friends. He really does.
Todoroni: Do you want to go to the gym and train together?
Kachow: ew on our day off?
Todoroni: Yeah.
Greenbean: I’m down for that :D
Kachow: fine. i’ll pick u up. loser >:[
Shoto puts his phone away and puts on his shoes and jacket while he waits for Bakugou to come pick him up. When he does, Shoto gets into the passenger seat. Midoriya is sitting in the backseat because Bakugou refuses to let him ride shotgun. Shoto's never bothered to ask why.
“Hey, Todoroki!” Midoriya grins. “How are you?”
“I’m alright, thanks,” Shoto says. “And you?”
“Oh, uh, you know,” Midoriya fidgets with his hands, eyes downcast. “Tired. Kinda worn down after the war and all, but… the break is nice. I’m enjoying the time to rest. I just think somewhere along the line I forgot how.”
Shoto nods to show his understanding and turns to Bakugou. “Are you holding up okay?”
“I’m fine,” Bakugou scowls. “Just get your damn seatbelt on.”
Shoto does as he’s told without further comment and looks out the window in silence until they arrive at the gym.
He gets out of the car after Bakugou parks and turns his brain off throughout his whole workout.
He lets everything but his pulsing heart and heavy breathing fade away. He focuses only on counting reps and spotting his friends. The burn of sore muscles is almost enough to ease the remaining tension from his dream last night. Almost.
When they’re done, they go back into the locker room. Shoto picks up his phone and immediately drops it when he sees the first text, heart rate skyrocketing.
Touya’s awake.
The phone clatters to the floor, thankfully not breaking. Shoto tries to breathe, but the tension he’s been holding is crashing down on him, and each breath is forced through more resistance than the last.
Touya’s awake.
“Todoroki? Hey–” Midoriya tries to step forward, but Bakugou puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him from running up to him.
“Don’t, Deku. Give him space,” he says, leaning against Shoto’s locker, instead.
He’s close enough for Shoto to feel his support, but not close enough to feel crowded.
Shoto is grateful for it. He finally manages to look up and tell them what got him so spooked, “My brother. He woke up.”
“Todoroki, that’s awesome!” Midoriya smiles at him. “I’m so relieved. Are you… how are you feeling about it?”
Shoto blinks his wide eyes, having failed to come up with an answer to that question himself. “I… I’ve been waiting for it, but now that he’s awake, I don’t… I don’t know what to say to him. How do I talk to him? What should I say?”
Bakugou shrugs. “Start with hello?”
Shoto crouches down to recover his phone, and types out a message to the family group chat with bated breath: Be there soon.
~~~~
When Shoto arrives, Touya is staring into space while Natsuo tries to fill him in on everything he’s missed.
Being back in the body of a sixteen year old probably sucks after finally making it to adulthood. It's weird that he and Shoto are now sort of the same age.
Beforehand, Touya and Shoto were the same height, but now that Touya’s been rewound, he’s only at about Bakugou’s level. It feels… unsettling.
His sapphire eyes turn to Shoto when he walks in, an unreadable expression on his face as he interrupts Natsuo’s info dump. “Shoto.”
“Hello, Touya,” Shoto says, tearing up. “You’re awake.”
He walks forward and delicately pulls Touya into a hug. Touya allows himself to be embraced, but makes no move to return it. When Shoto pulls away, though, Touya is crying.
“How are you?” Shoto asks, and Touya makes a face.
Natsuo answers for him. “He doesn’t want to use his voice because he’s embarrassed about how it sounds.”
“I’m not embarrassed!” Touya squeaks, sounding hilariously sixteen. It's similar to how Bakugou's voice sounded when Shoto first met him – pitchy, breathy, and undeniably pubescent.
Shoto fails to suppress a chuckle at it.
“Don’t make fun of me!” Touya pouts. “I liked you more when you were scared for your life around me.”
Shoto laughs again at that and sits down, sighing fondly. “You didn't answer me. How are you feeling, Touya?”
“Annoyed. Sleepy.”
“Even after sleeping for several weeks?”
“Yeah.”
Enji’s voice comes through the hallway, presumably talking to Hawks. “No, you can’t come in.”
“But I want to see him.”
“Hawks, we’ve talked about this. This is family business, and as much as you want to weasel your way in, you're not really part of the family.”
“Pretty please?”
“You nosy rat. A little FOMO won’t kill you, boy. Oh, don’t give me that sour face. You’re just as bad as Touya. Speaking of which, I'm going to go see him, so…”
The door opens, and Endeavor stands in the doorway for a moment before entering the room. Shoto can see Hawks on his tip-toes, trying to peer in, but Endeavor blocks his view and promptly closes the door on his face.
Shoto can hear the scoff Hawks lets out, but doesn’t comment on it. Hawks can see Touya later. Shoto isn’t even sure why Hawks wants to see him so badly. It isn’t like they got along. Touya burnt him to a crisp, for God's sake.
“Sorry I’m late,” Endeavor excuses himself. “I was… busy.”
“With your little leech?” Natsuo teases. “Mr. Daddy Issues personified?”
“Hey!” Touya objects. “That title belongs to me, and me alone. Fuck off.”
Endeavor grunts in agreement, and his eyes fall on Touya. His expression is a perfect blend of shock, relief, amazement, and nervousness. He’s practically buzzing with anxious energy as he steps forward. “Touya.”
“Endeavor – Enji – Dad?” Touya makes a face. “What the fuck do I even call you now?”
“Language, Touya,” Rei reprimands him, gently.
“Oh, fuck off, Mom,” Touya rolls his eyes. “I look like I’m a teenager, but I guarantee you I am still a fully grown ass man who can swear as much as he likes. You should be glad I’m just acting out by saying fuck instead of killing everyone.”
“Hey, stop that,” Natsuo frowns.
Endeavor is unfazed, still watching Touya with disbelieving eyes. “I missed you… Son. Can I call you that?”
Touya hesitates, his eyes wide and fearful for a moment before he gulps and nods. His voice is hoarse and emotional when he says, “okay.”
Endeavor moves closer to him, giving him time and space to reject physical contact if he wants to. When Touya doesn't, Endeavor pulls him into a hug, sobbing quietly into his son’s shoulder.
Touya’s eyes fill with unshed tears and his bottom lip wobbles before he buries his head against Endeavor’s chest and hugs back. “I’m sorry… Dad.”
“It’s okay. You’re okay. Son.”
He pulls away, and everyone in the room looks at each other, wondering what’s next. All of them are teary-eyed to varying degrees. The emotion in the room is thick and palpable.
No one says anything for a moment. The silence is too heavy to break.
Then, Fuyumi lets out a shaky breath and finally says, “are you ready to go home?”
Touya’s lip wobbles again, but he nods. He stands up slowly, wrapping his arms around himself anxiously as they walk to the hospital’s check out station.
All these years wanting everyone’s attention on him, only for Touya to finally get it have no idea what to do with it.
He just keeps fidgeting and hunching over to make himself look smaller, self-conscious and jittery.
Shoto doesn’t know what to think. He’s happy. He’s sad. He’s relieved. He’s worried. More than anything, he feels whole.
~~~~
The Todoroki family takes things slow. First, they ease back into a new normal, with family dinners and getting Touya’s new bedroom set up. Then, Rei takes him to the store to get him new clothes that actually fit his new body. Shoto offered some of his old ones, but no one thought it was very appropriate to give him hand-me-downs.
Slowly but surely, they make their way up to talking about the elephant in the room – the ten years they'd spent apart.
They fill Touya in with stories about the past few years, and after a few days, Touya starts to do the same.
He starts to tell them little bits about the nursery and the League, obviously omitting the bulk of the details, but not outright lying about anything.
He starts to come out of his shell, and the others finally stop acting like they’re seeing a ghost whenever he comes into the room. All around, Shoto is pleased with the progress they've been making.
When Endeavor can’t hold off Hawks any longer, he comes to see Touya. He seems sure of himself up until the exact moment he lays eyes on Touya Touya. Then, he falters and blinks, as if not knowing what to do now that Touya is actually in front of him.
He opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again, and clears his throat. “Hi, Dabi. Or… do you go by just Touya now?”
Touya waves it off. “Just Touya. Do you go by just Keigo now?”
Hawks considers it, humming softly as he thinks it over. “Either? Both? I don’t know. Whatever you want. I'm not picky… Wait a minute! Come here.”
Touya hesitates and raises an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Just do it,” Hawks orders, and surprisingly, Touya does as he’s told.
Hawks sizes him up and turns to Endeavor.
“You said he was short now. Asshole. He's the same height as me!”
Endeavor snickers. “He is short. You just happen to also be short.”
Hawks makes a sour face. “When I get my twenty-four-year-old growth spurt, you’ll eat your words, Old Man.”
“I’m not your old man.”
“Well, you’re an old man, right?” Hawks rolls his eyes. “I get it, ‘I’m not your dad,’ and all that. Yeah, yeah, whatever. You’re still old enough for it, though, so…”
Endeavor just smiles smugly, not allowing Hawks’s sass to bring down his happy mood.
Hawks invites himself to family dinner, eating off Shoto’s and Endeavor’s plates. They don’t really mind. Rei and Fuyumi made more than enough for everyone, anyway.
After dinner, Hawks and Touya go off to talk. When they come back, Hawks excuses himself and goes home, and Touya returns to his siblings to play some Mahjong.
~~~~
Shoto arrives home after visiting Sero and comes in to find that the house is empty. He looks around, but the only sign of life he can find is Endeavor, who is sitting in the living room reading a newspaper.
“Go play with Touya and the others,” he says, when he sees that Shoto is trying to find everyone.
Shoto blinks. They're playing?
“Touya finally got the green light to return to moderate activity. That means that he can play with you all again. I know you're a little old to play, but… they're outside, if you want to join.”
Shoto’s head is spinning.
He's never been able to play with them before. He looks down at his hands, feeling the world shift a little.
He isn't a kid anymore, but he has the excitement of one as he rushed outside to see his siblings with the familiar yellow ball that used to fill Shoto with so much dread.
Now, he sees it, and it feels tangible. Touchable. Within his reach. Real.
He's imagined this scene so many times. He’s been playing it in his head in silence for so long that now that it's real, he feels like he's buzzing with excited youthful energy.
He smiles and waves his arms, “can I join you guys?!”
“Yeah, go ahead!” Natsuo shouts back, and Shoto runs over. They play for hours, until the sun starts to go down and their breathing is ragged.
For once in Shoto’s life, everything feels right.
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