Work Text:
It was almost night when you woke up from what was supposed to be a quick nap. the sun had already set, and the sky was no longer blue but deep red.
you rubbed your eyes to erase the remains of sleep that could’ve been lingering, stretching —and that’s when you noticed the pain creeping up your spine.
you didn’t know how much time had passed since you’d fallen asleep leaning against a tree, but it had been several hours.
the last time you’d seen the sun, it had been high in the center of the sky.
it took you a few minutes to remember the reason why you were there —a mission. Levi.
those words were enough for you to stand up so fast that you grew dizzy, already straightening your wrinkled cape and shaking the dust from your pants.
your footsteps on the grass were unsteady as you walked, still half-asleep, to the tent where Zeke was supposed to be —and where you suspected Levi probably was.
the warm light coming from a bonfire reflected off the trees around the camp. even though you couldn’t see clearly —thanks to the fog drifting through the forest— everything seemed to be in the same place as when you’d left.
you sighed, one hand pressed to your chest, relieved. everything was fine. no one had noticed you were gone.
or so you thought… until you looked around and your eyes landed on Levi sitting close to the fire with a cup of tea in his hand, glaring at you completely unamused.
“sleep well?” his voice wiped away whatever remnants of sleep were still clinging at you.
you didn’t understand how, after all these years, he still had that effect on you. you’d known him since you’d both joined the scouts —you’d even been in a relationship with him—there was no reason to still be afraid of him.
but you weren't involved that way anymore. he was still your superior, and he didn’t play favorites —even if hange insisted he still had a soft spot for you after your breakup.
you couldn’t afford to make a mistake and lose your place.
“not at all.” you answered, your voice was hoarse from sleep, as you sat down next to him
“next time, let me know when you’re in the mood to do something stupid like this.” he said sharply, without looking at you.
“i was tired.”
“we’re in the middle of a war.” he answered, still with no emotion in his voice. annoyance leaking through despite the lack of emotion.
“yeah, i know that. but unlike you, i wasn’t playing the bad cop with Zeke, i was patrolling-“ you hissed but he cut you off midway.
“i don’t care.”
and if you didn’t know him well, you might’ve believed him, but even though his voice sounded flat, you knew that he did.
“you should let me know if you're going to disappear for hours.”
you didn’t answer, swallowing the words you were about to say, letting the silence from the woods wrap around both of you. despite the nearing night the birds were still singing in the background, alongside the crickets.
you hugged your legs against your chest, resting your chin on your knees as you watched the fire dance in front of you.
you didn’t know if it was because the bonfire was close to you or something else, but the air felt thick, like you could cut it with a knife. too intimate.
you heard a heavy sigh beside you, then:
“you haven’t eaten anything since noon” he offered his mug, still without dedicating a single glance to you.
your fingers brushed when you reached for it, and finally his gaze fell on you. your lips curved into a small smile as you nodded, thanking him without words.
“i need you to stay close,” he murmured. something softened in his eyes. “i can’t afford to lose one of my best soldiers.”
you lowered your head, trying to hide your flushed cheeks from him, covering a small grin as you sipped from the mug.
“so…” you started, clearing your throat. “did Zeke say something important?”
Levi huffed, something close to a laugh. “i thought you didn’t want to know about my adventure being the bad cop” his voice filled with irony.
you lifted your head and your eyes fell on him. “kinda i want to.” you shrugged.
“that piece of shit spent the whole day reading.” he answered, tired and annoyed. “and pissing me off.”
you nodded as you took another sip of tea. warmth and faint sweetness spread across your tongue, and the ache of hunger in your stomach began to fade.
“you didn’t have as much fun as i thought, then.” you chuckled.
he glared at you, unamused. that’s when you noticed the dark circles under his eyes. he probably hadn’t slept in over twenty four hours.
“have you rested?” you asked.
he turned his head toward the fire again, hiding his face from you. he knew you were watching him.
“i want to shower first.” he said, almost in a whisper, as if saying out loud would alert god and take away the little free time he had left.
you sighed and a smile escaped from your lips. “i forgot you’re mister clean.”
he shifted slightly, your shoulders almost touching. you thought you had offended him until you saw a faint smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
“go. i can watch Zeke until you come back”. it didn’t sound like an offer, even though it was. your voice was firm, like you were ordering him.
he shook his head. “you patrolled enough.”
“i can do it for a few more hours.” you teased with a smile escaping your lips. your voice was calm, but with a hint of playfulness tinting it.
Levi lowered his head. his black hair fell over his forehead, swaying with the light breeze, cutting through the woods. his hand brushed against his chin as he considered what you’d offered.
he closed his eyes, then nodded almost imperceptibly. if you hadn’t been that close, you might’ve missed it.
“if you say so.” he murmured, his voice barely audible as he stood up from the ground.
his figure disappeared into the woods, probably heading toward the river near the camp, and your heart —which had been pounding against your ribs— slowly began to calm.
your eyes settled on the bonfire, his mug still burning in your hand. the silence mixed with the sound of crickets and the frogs, wrapped around you within seconds.
everything seemed to be at peace. the soldiers were sleeping, or eating near another fire, and Zeke was still reading —or so you assumed.
you decided to take a close look, just to be sure. you couldn’t take any risks, not when Levi was trying to enjoy his short free time. you stood up, shaking the dust from your pants with your free hand.
your footsteps left faint marks on the grass as you headed toward the tents and the soldiers were, in fact, sleeping —as well as Zeke.
you could tell they had a good night; empty wine bottles and leftover food were scattered around the ground.
the tension lingering on your shoulders lifted. you had nothing to worry about, but still, you decided to keep watching your surroundings, just to make sure the peace would last enough until Levi came back.
the sky was already dark. the moon hung high above, reflecting off the grass and trees as you paced around the camp, your hands shoved into your pockets.
you stopped midway when you noticed the river in the distance. Levi was probably there. and the thought of him —soaked, standing deep in the river, the moonlight hitting him just right— intoxicated you.
your heart picked up its pace, and your cheeks blushed without even wanting it. you shook your head to try to erase the thought from your mind, embarrassed.
you turned around, leaving the river behind you. the cold wind brushed against your face, a sharp contrast to your burning cheeks. you closed your eyes to enjoy it —until his figure slipped into your mind again.
how could he not be cold? you asked inside your mind.
the water had to be freezing. every time you bathed there, you’d ended up shivering and you couldn’t help but miss the survey corps showers —even when hange timed them.
they weren’t great, but you had hot water for ten precious minutes.
you smiled at the memory of those days, when you were young and knew nothing at all about wars or cities across the ocean. back then, life was only about daydreaming —until your training with Levi began.
it felt like yesterday when you met him and slowly realized he liked you.
you were about to lose yourself in memories when you stopped, shaking your head. you couldn’t allow yourself that. you couldn’t keep tearing your heart apart just for the sake of missing him.
you sighed.
somewhere along the way, you found yourself walking in circles near the river, head down, eyes fixed on the grass beneath your feet.
the urge to see him still lingered, strong enough to pull you back toward the original path. so you started making up excuses —you were going to there just to check if he was alright. to make sure there weren’t any Titans nearby.
not because you wanted to see him. not at all.
you reached the spot the forest kissed the river, the sound of rushing water filled your ears as your hair began to curl from the humidity carried by the breeze.
your eyes scanned the surface of the water, moving past rocks and half-submerged tree trunks —but there was no sign of Levi. you started walking along the riverbank, searching for him.
then he emerged in the middle of the river, the current crashing against his body and the rocks around him. his hair was plastered to his forehead and water trailing down his skin as if it were tracing every line of him.
he turned his head and spotted you, standing there, frozen, just looking at him. he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back out of his face.
“did something happen?” he asked, slightly out of breath from climbing out of the water. concern flashed across his face.
but you couldn’t answer him, your mouth went dry in an instant, your tongue tangling uselessly. you forgot he had that effect on you.
even though you’d seen him shirtless plenty of times —every time he’d gotten a wound that needed stitches, you were the one who took care of him— this time felt different. maybe it was the moonlight, making him look almost divine. or the river outlining his body with every wave that crashed against him.
your silence only worried him more, so he swam toward you without hesitation.
“don’t scare me, what happened?” his voice carried out urgency.
your cheeks warmed fast once again when he got close, resting his arms on the riverbank as his gray eyes met yours through the darkness. Levi shook the water from his hair and you felt the droplets splash against your legs.
“nothing, i…” you cut yourself off, taking a deep breath to recover. “i just wanted to check on you.”
“tch.” he said in disbelief, letting the air escape tightly between his teeth. “then just say that.”
“i was trying to, but you disappeared into the water again.” you lied, switching your eyes to wherever else but his —trying to stop the flutter in your stomach.
“i was trying to know why the hell you showed up here out of nowhere.” he muttered.
you caught your lower lip between your teeth, stopping yourself from snapping back at him and starting a fight —as always happened since the beginning of your complicated relationship.
it was normal for everyone in the survey to see you arguing over the most ridiculous things since your breakup. that was the main reason why they never paired you on missions —so you wouldn’t end up killing each other.
but most of the time, those fights weren’t really about the things everyone thought. they had been about your unresolved feelings for each other, but you were too stubborn to talk it through.
you never quite understood why you broke up.
it happened after the scouts reclaimed Wall María. after Erwin died.
Levi showed up at your room one night and told you, flatly, that he needed time alone to think.
you accepted it, told him you’d wait.
that’s when he snapped. he didn’t want you to wait for him. then it hit you, sharp and final: i’m leaving you.
what you didn’t know was that Levi wasn’t running from you, he was running from the idea of losing you. he’d already buried someone he loved once. he couldn’t survive doing it again.
you’d tried many times to change his mind, but he was an avoidant by nature. and even after the breakup you spent countless nights together but nothing was ever truly resolved.
if anything, you always ended up right where you started: ignoring each other for weeks, only to crawl back to one another.
you swallowed your words and turned around, heading back to the camp. there was nothing else to say, and for once, you wanted to preserve a little piece of pride with him.
but when you took a step forward, his hand closed around your ankle, stopping you.
you looked over your shoulder, meeting his gray eyes once again —and this time you noticed something in them you’d never seen before. for some reason, they seemed vulnerable. softer. scared.
“stay” he asked you, almost a plea.
you hesitated, fighting your own pride. your gaze drifted toward the camp, then returned to Levi, who was still holding your ankle as the current crashed against his body.
in the end, you turned around and walked back to where you’d been standing, breaking the last piece of pride that you’d left.
his hand loosened from your ankle, but his eyes never left yours. and something inside you told you he needed your company —at least for now— so you sat down at the edge of the riverbank.
you tucked your legs beneath you, still without saying a word, not because you were upset at him —you weren’t— but because it didn’t seem necessary. the silence mixed with the sound of the warm breeze swaying the leaves in the trees and the rushing water said enough.
Levi was still resting his arms over the grass, close to you but not too much, so when he murmured something at you, at first you didn’t hear.
your face frowned, confused. “what did you say?”
“wanna come in?” he asked once again, this time louder. a hint of annoyance tinted his voice.
“then who would watch Zeke?” it was a valid question, but you didn’t intend to sound that firm with him.
“he’s sleeping, i doubt he’ll wake up.” he replied, toneless. “besides, you need a shower.”
“excuse me?” your brows shot up in surprise.
he nodded with a faint trace of playfulness in his eyes. his hand reached for your ankle once more and his grip wasn’t soft anymore, instead it was strong enough to pull you toward his body.
your legs dangled off the riverbank, your boots almost touching the river under you.
“you gonna get my uniform wet, dumbass.” you said, trying to sound playfully.
you tried to climb back to where you’d been sitting, but his hands held your thighs to pull you closer to him.
and within seconds, the current crashed against your body.
your jaw tightened, anger simmering beneath the surface as you met his gaze. “now what am i going to wear?” you asked, clenching your fists.
you noticed the small grin tugged into the corner of his lips and that made you angrier.
“you think this is funny? what the hell is wrong with you?” your fists hit his chest.
you tried to walk away from the river, but the current shoved off your balance—his hand was quicker, catching your waist and pulling you back into him.
your eyes met his, your brows still knitted together. even though you were furious you felt the blood rushing to your cheeks in an instant.
you tried to keep up the angry façade, pushing him off to walk away, but his grip on your waist refused to let you go.
“take this off.” he murmured, grabbing your cape and pulling it over your head in one smooth motion to let it over the grass.
your hand grabbed his wrist midair, just when he was about to take off your jacket. his gray eyes looked, a flash of confusion crossed his features, and you shook your head.
“we’re not doing this tonight, Levi.” your voice came out in a broken whisper.
he didn’t answer. he stood still.
“...we’ve done this so many times,” your breath brushed against the skin of his collarbones.
“...i don’t know if i have the energy to lose you. not in the middle of a war.” you continued.
he looked at you in silence, his eyes were full of something you couldn’t quite name —regret maybe, bitterness too.
it felt like the sound of rushing water and the frogs intruded your intimacy for a moment. even the air had become colder than before, or maybe it was your mind. but everything felt so vulnerable, like you were walking on broken glass, trying to not get hurt.
“you’re not going to lose me.” he whispered.
“you say that everytime and i keep losing you.” your eyes filled with tears within seconds.
Levi’s serious expression broke in an instant. he couldn’t bear seeing you like that because of him, or anyone —but especially him. his hands moved to your face, cupping it as he rested his forehead on yours.
“this time will be different…” he started, his voice strained. “...if this shit ends well, we can be together.” he promised, but you shook your head.
“and what if you die?” you asked. “what if i die?”
the thought of losing you clearly terrified him, he shook his head quickly, over and over, frantic motions as if that could make it any less real.
“you can’t keep pushing me away…” your voice grew more desperate. “it’s not fair.”
once again, there was nothing but silence around you.
your tongue clicked against your palate, debating whether to keep talking. “i lost Erwin too, but i didn’t pushed you away for it.” you finally said.
his gaze sharpened and he pulled away from you, defensive.
“i did not.” he said through clenched teeth. “i’m not.” he corrected himself.
“then what is this?” your eyes searched for his, but he refused to look at you. “why do you keep pushing me away? and do not say the same shit as always.”
Levi stayed silent, neither looking at you nor touching you. if anything, he crossed his arms to put distance between you two.
“let me love you through this, Levi.” you pleaded.
he didn’t answer. he just began to walk toward the riverbank. you tried to follow him, but the current pulled at your legs, dragging you back.
“don’t leave me, coward.” your voice rose as you slapped the water beneath you, splashing it in frustration.
he didn’t turn back. he pulled himself out and walked toward where his clothes were, without looking back to see if you made it out.
you swallowed your tears as you clung to the riverbank, barely pulling yourself free. you sat down on the grass, trying to catch your breath.
when the cold wind from the night hit your soaked body, you felt the shivers crawling through your spine. you were freezing, so you hugged your legs against your chest, hoping to warm yourself a little.
Levi was nowhere to be seen near the river.
you rested your head on your knees and closed your eyes, hot tears rolling down your cheeks.
you didn’t sleep.
when dawn came, you were still by the riverbank. your uniform was almost dry enough to make you look like a decent soldier again, but you didn’t have the strength to carry yourself back to camp. or to walk at all. so you stayed with your eyes fixed on the slow current in front of you.
the warm breeze brushing your face made you sweat, but again, you couldn’t move.
you and Levi had these kinds of fights countless times since your breakup, but this time felt different —maybe the war made it feel like that.
it felt definitive and that thought drove you mad.
suddenly, a flock of birds flew fast over your head, and you stood up immediately. a bad omen settled in your chest and you grabbed your sword tightly. you didn’t know what happened, but something had.
and the loud noise that followed seconds later confirmed it. you breath caught in your throat when you heard clearly what it was: thudding steps.
you turned your head as quickly as possible, searching the trees for Titans —and that’s when you saw Zeke in the palm of a Titan, running at you with others around him.
the first thing that crossed your mind wasn’t defending yourself, it was:
where the hell is Levi?
you forced yourself to move, launching into the trees as you searched for him. below you, three other Titans following Zeke close behind.
from above, your eyes scanned the forest, still looking for him —even though he was humanity's strongest soldier, you couldn’t help but worry for him whenever a Titan attacked— still you didn’t find him.
one of the Titans remaining in the woods saw you jumping through the branches and it got close to you faster than lightning. you let out a tired sigh—you were already having your worst day ever and couldn’t catch a break.
you burst forward onto the Titan’s back and severed its nape within seconds. it collapsed dangerously close to the camp.
you kept going, making sure not only that area was empty, but that Levi wasn't there.
another Titan emerged right in front of you as you checked the surroundings. you propelled yourself toward its back, but you were too slow.
it caught you midair, its fingers closing around you, crushing the air from your lungs.
a strangled whine tore from your throat as you tried to twist and create some space to fight back. but it was impossible, its grip was too strong.
it squeezed you again, breaking some of your ribs, as it lifted you toward its mouth but you didn’t give up. you continued fighting, but it was useless.
the Titan’s grip loosened all of a sudden and you fell hard to the ground. you tried to crawl, dragging yourself across the ground. but most of your ribs felt shattered, making the pain felt like hell, so you couldn’t move properly.
but you had to. the Titan was collapsing right on top of you.
you were about to resign, when arms hooked around you, pulling you out of the way just in time.
it was Levi.
his black hair was a mess, stuck to his face. half of it was smeared with Titan’s blood: his face, his cape —but it was him.
“you okay?” he asked, his voice shaking with worry. he didn’t even try to hide it.
you nodded, and a relieved breath left his lips.
“...we need to catch Zeke…” you said, between shallow breaths, pain made every word a struggle.
Levi already began to follow him, using the trees as anchors for his ODM gear as he held you close in his arms. your head rested against his chest, one of his hands was steady beneath your legs.
his movements were efficient and fast as he cut down the remaining Titans in the area, yet there was something unmistakably angry in the way he moved. he knew he couldn’t stop —not until he reached Zeke or until he got you somewhere safe.
when he spotted a small cave near a tree, he left you there.
before propelling himself to a tree, he bent down and rested his forehead on yours, his nose brushing softly against yours.
“please, wait for me.” his voice came out small, pleading.
this time he asked but you didn’t know if time would allow it. the pain was almost asphyxiating.
you nodded —not for yourself, but for him. your chest rose and fell heavily, every breath a quiet fight for air.
he closed the distance between you, pressing his lips against yours. the kiss was desperate, but somehow perfect —enough to erase the fight you’d had earlier over whatever your relationship was.
when he pulled away, his eyes were filled with tears, screaming fear.
you caressed his cheek with your hand, feeling the pain sting through your body for moving too fast —but you didn’t care, you wanted to assure him that you’d be there when he came back.
before he went away, he dedicated one last look and something you thought you were never going to see: a small smile.