Chapter Text
The Party ™
Paladin: Mike Wheeler
Cleric: Will Byers
Ranger: Lucas Sinclair
Bard: Dustin Henderson
Bard
Would you shoot your best friend in the leg or arm for ten million dollars
Paladin
You and Lucas? Yes
Will? No
Cleric
:)
Paladin
:)
Bard
Ok well rude
Ranger
You shoot me in the leg and then when my leg gets better we can buy our own personal arcade game machines
Bard
You can shoot me in the leg too and then we’ll have twenty million
Paladin
Fuck it shoot my arm
30mil
Cleric
Pls don’t shoot me
Paladin
Hey uhhh Lucas and Dustin
Ranger
Ye?
Bard
That’s my name don’t wear it out
Paladin
Is Max ok?
I think they’re limping
Ranger
They said they fell off their skateboard yesterday
Paladin
Do you believe them?
Bard
Not really no
Ranger
Will I’m at ur house
Why is there a raccoon at your front door staring at me
Cleric
Oh that’s Gary!
Just don’t make eye contact you should be fine
Ranger
…he’s holding a butter knife
Cleric
Huh
That’s new
The Bearnstein Bearringtons
Mama Bear: Steve Harrington
Baby Bear: Dustin Henderson
Baby Bear
Heyyyy mommmm
Mama Bear
…what’d you do
Baby Bear
I
Wh
HEY
WHY’D YOU AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME I DID SOMETHING???
Mama Bear
…
Baby Bear
…I got kicked out of Family Video
I need you to buy me an R-rated movie pleeeaaaseeeeee
The Party ™
Paladin: Mike Wheeler
Cleric: Will Byers
Ranger: Lucas Sinclair
Bard: Dustin Henderson
Cleric
It’s the inside that matters guys!! Not the outside!!
Bard
Proof?
Cleric
Fridge
Bard
Yep I’m sold
Ranger
Genius…
Paladin
I’m bored
Ranger
What else is new
Paladin
Nothing tbh
Bard added two users
Bard changed two names
Zoomer
Guys im in a cave
Bard
OH??
WHATS IN IT???
Zoomer
Some rocks
Bard
:0 OOOOO
Cleric
Did you find any critters??
Paladin
Yea did you?
Zoomer
Eh
Some crabs
They were small and green
Bard
So No cave bears
So No cave bears
Ranger
So No cave bears
Paladin
So No cave bears
So No cave bears
Ranger
So No cave bears
Jesus Christ Mike you type fast
Cleric
Maybe the next cave will have cave bears?
Bard
Fish head fish heads roly poly fish heads
Mage
??
Bard
Fish heads fish heads eat them up yum!!
Bard
Did the brain name itself
Cleric
Yes
Ranger
Yes
Paladin
Yes
Zoomer
Probably
Mage
Maybe
Zoomer
Volleyball is just hardcore hot potato
Ranger
God i love you
Cleric
IF III
I GET TO KNOW YOUR NAAAME
Bard
WELL I
COULD TRACE YOUR PRIVATE NUMBER BABYYY
Cleric
ALL I KNOW IS THAT TO ME
Paladin
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE LOTS OF FUN
Bard
OPEN UP YOUR LOVIN ARMS
Cleric
I WANT SOME
WANT SOME
Zoomer
IVE SET MY SIGHTS ON YOU
Ranger
AND NO ONE ELSE WILL DO
Bard
AND IIIII
I’VE GOT TO HAVE MY WAY NOW BABYYYYYYYYYY
Mage
Aren’t you in class?
Zoomer
Oh yeah
Bard
OH SHIT FUCK UR RIGHT
Ranger
ABORT ABORT ABORT
Cleric
Thanks for the reminder Ellie :D
Mage
:thumbsup:
Cleric
Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot…but the GRINCH, who lived just north of Whoville…did NOT
The Grinch HATED Christmas!! The WHOLE CHRISTMAS SEASON!!
(Now please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason)
Mage
Why
Oh
Cleric
It COULD be, perhaps, that his SHOES were TOO TIGHT!!
It COULD BE his HEAD wasn’t SCREWED ON JUST RIGHT!!
But I think that the MOST LIKELY REASON OF ALL
May have been that his HEART was TWO SIZES too SMALL
Mage
…what’s a Grinch?
Zoomer
He’s this fuzzy green introvert with sensitive hearing and a heart condition that doesn’t like Christmas
Mage
Huh
…what’s Christmas?
Cleric
WHAT
WHAT'S CHRISTMAS??
WHAT'S CHRISTMAS????
ITS THE BEST DAY OF THE MOTHERFUCKING YEAR THATS WHAT
Paladin
Will your story is about Christmas right?
Cleric
Yea?
Oh
OOHHHHH
YES!! GENIUS!!!
Where was I…AHEM
BUT WHATEVER THE REASON
HIS HEART OR HIS SHOES
He STOOD THERE ON CHRISTMAS EVE…HATING THE WHOS
Staring down from his cave with a SOUR, GRINCHY FROWN
At the warm lighted windows below in the town! For he knew, every WHO down in WHOVILLE BENEATH, was BUSY NOW…HANGING a MISTLETOE WREATH
(Dustin that’s ur cue!!)
Bard
Huh?
OH RIGHT
*AHEM*
AND THEY’RE HANGING THEIR STOCKINGS!!
Cleric
He SNARLED with a SNEER
Bard
TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS!! IT’S PRACTICALLY HERE!!!
Cleric
Then he GROWLED with his GRINCH FINGERS NERVOUSLY DRUMMING…
Bard
I MUST FIND SOME WAY TO KEEP CHRISTMAS FROM COMING!!
FOR TOMORROW, I KNOW, ALL THE WHO GIRLS AND BOYS, WILL WAKE (BRIGHT AND EARLY)
THEY’LL RUSH FOR THEIR TOYS!!
AND THEN OH THE NOISE!! OH THE NOISE, NOISE, NOISE, NOISE!!!
THERE’S ONE THING I HATE! OH THE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE!!!
AND THEY’LL SHRIEK SQUEAKS AND SQUEALS RACING ‘ROUND ON THEIR WHEELS
THEY’LL DANCE WITH JING TINGLERS TIED ONTO THEIR HEELS
Ranger
Hey guys merry Christmas Eve
Oh wait are Will and Dustin doing that weird thing they do every year
Paladin
Yes
Hush
Bard
AHEM
THEY’LL BLOW THEIR FLOOFLOOVERS
THEY’LL BANG THEIR TARTOOKAS
THEY’LL BLOW THEIR WHOHOOPERS
THEY’LL BANG THEIR GARDOOKAS
THEY’LL SPIN THEIR TRUMTOOKAS
THEY’LL SLAM THEIR SLOOSLUNKAS
THEY’LL BEAT THEIR BLUMBLOOPAS
THEY’LL WHAM THEIR WHOWONKAS
Zoomer
How long does this usually take—
Ranger
Wayyyyy too long
__-_-__-_-__-_-__
Cleric
Little Cindy Lou Who…who was NO MORE than TWO
She STARED at the GRINCH and said
Paladin
(Wait Lucas whose turn is it this year?)
Ranger
(Yours)
(I did it last year)
Paladin
(GAH fine)
sAnTy cLaUs, wHy??
wHy ArE yOu TaKiNg oUr ChRiStMaS tReE??
wHy???
__-_-__-_-__-_-__
Cleric
He brought EVERYTHING BACK!!
All the FOOD for the FEAST!!
And HE
HE HIMSELF
The GRINCH
CARVED the ROAST BEAST!!!
Ranger
Ahem
WELCOME CHRISTMAS
BRING YOUR CHEER
CHEER TO ALL WHOS, FAR AND NEAR
CHRISTMAS DAY IS IN OUR GRASP
AS LONG AS WE HAVE HANDS TO CLASP
CHRISTMAS DAY WILL ALWAYS BE
JUST AS LONG AS WE HAVE WE
WELCOME CHRISTMAS WHILE WE STAAAND
HEAAARRTT TO HHHEEEAAAARRTTTTT
AND HAAAAND IN HAAAAAAND
Cleric
WOOO YEAAAAAHHHHHH LETS GOOOOOO
Mage
I am
Still confused
Zoomer
Dw Ellie I’ll come over and explain
Bard
But it’s Christmas, shouldn’t you be at home?
With your family?
Zoomer
Ehhh
I’d rather not
Zoomer
Okay wait so do you guys have scripts for that or do you just have the whole thing memorized?
Paladin
Will has it memorized, we have scripts
Paladin
Heyyyy
Did anyone do the math homework
Bard
Yea :D
I mean it won’t help you at all since we’re in different math classes (HA LOSER) but y’know :>
Paladin
WE CANT ALL TAKE ALGEBRA A YEAR EARLY DUSTIN
Bard
Skill issue <3
Cleric
Hey Max what’s ur middle name
Zoomer
Guess
Cleric
Hmmmm
Sadie?
Zoomer
Nope
Cleric
…Elizabeth
Zoomer
Still no
Cleric
Uhhhhhh
Sadie AND Elizabeth?
Zoomer
No??
Cleric
DAMNIT
Noel?
Maeve?
...Mercury???
Zoomer
No, no, and no
Cleric
FUCK
Zoomer
I was today years old when I realized that Ellie has never ever before read Wonder Woman
Bard
LE GASP
THIS SHALL NOT STAND
Zoomer
I KNOW RIGHT???
COMIC PARTY AT DUSTIN’S HOUSE
Bard
I never agreed to that but sURE
IN THE NAME OF PUBLIC GOOD
Ranger
I’ve never read Wonder Woman before either :0 so I’ll come too!!!
Mage
It might have to be at Hop’s cabin
Sorry
Zoomer
It’s ok!!
We’ll just bring the comics to you :D
Bard
Yeah!! I’ll get Steve to drive, he has plenty of room in his car :D
Mage
:D
Zoomer
:D
Ranger
:D
Bard
:D
The Bearnstein Bearringtons
Mama Bear: Steve Harrington
Baby Bear: Dustin Henderson
Baby Bear
STEVE
DRIVE ME AND MAX AND LUCAS TO HOP’S CABIN
Mama Bear
Can’t you just ride your bikes?
Baby Bear
Nooooo
We have to bring our comic collectionssss
Mama Bear
Yeah yeah okay
I’ll be there in like 20 minutes
Baby Bear
:D
The Party ™
Paladin: Mike Wheeler
Cleric: Will Byers
Ranger: Lucas Sinclair
Bard: Dustin Henderson
Mage: Eleven Hopper
Zoomer: Max Mayfield
Paladin
HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY WILLIAM ARTHUR BYERS THE WISE
Cleric
Ty :D
Zoomer
Oh hey ur birthday is the day after mine lol
Ranger
YESTERDAY WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY???
Zoomer
Yea?
Bard
WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US?????
Zoomer
It didn’t feel like an important thing to tell :p
Cleric
We are definitely celebrating your birthday tomorrow!!!
Zoomer
That’s really not necessary
Cleric
Maxine Maddox Mercury Sadie Noel Elizabeth Maeve Mayfield I will celebrate the FUCK out of your goddamn birthday
Zoomer
…Sadie, Elizabeth, Noel, Mercury, and Maeve still aren’t part of my name
Cleric
Shut up yes they are
Paladin
How is it already April wtf
I swear it was Will’s birthday like two seconds ago
Cleric
Well now it’s YOUR birthday!!
Zoomer
Psssst Mike
Paladin
What
Zoomer
370HSSV
Paladin
???
Zoomer
Turn it upside down :)))
Paladin
??
OH FUCK YOU