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Kim Dokja stared blankly at the wall in his room. He still couldn’t believe they made it through the apocalypse. He couldn’t believe that everyone was safe and happy and they moved on… everyone has moved on. They started their new lives with new friends, new jobs, new places and slowly but surely everyone regained the routine before the tragedy. Everyone found their place, their people, their lives back. Except Kim Dokja…
Kim Dokja
Demon King of Salvation
The Oldest Dream
Architect of Revelation
Watcher of Light and Darkness
Lone Messiah
Those were once all his titles. It was once, long ago, proof that he was someone important. Someone worth to live, someone who could do something not just stare at the celling all day starving himself to death until Han Sooyoung would barge in his room and ask for advice for one of her new works.
Everyone had talents, skills that could be used even when death wasn’t breathing over their shoulder, when there was no scenario to worry about.
Kim Dokja was just… Kim Dokja. He was an average human being, with no particular talent that could make him special. After waking up from his coma, a small part of him regretted he couldn’t fulfill his destiny- his eternity. Do not get him wrong, he was grateful in every way possible for his friends, but they simply did not get it. It was his destiny. He was finally worth something, he would have slept forever and everyone would remember him as someone important. It was his fate to do that and he knew it. Now he did not have a reason, a motif to keep going. He was stuck in mud while everyone was climbing trees.
Even before the scenarios, the only thing keeping him alive was a bunch of word on a paper that he read daily like a prayer.
Everyone praised him for being a strategist, for being a genius who could outplay the Star Stream. Bullshit. It was all bullshit. Dokja was never smart, never a strategist, he was just an average man who happened to be lucky once in his fucked up life. He simply applied the strategies he read about for 13 years. It was nothing exceptional, just survival and a deep wish to see the ending he wanted.
He saw it, he saw the ending he wished for, saw everyone he cared for happy. Now there wasn’t anything to see anymore, just a blank wall.
His stomach grumbled. How long has it been since he has last eaten? One day? Two days? Usually one of his friends would remind him to eat, but everyone was so busy lately and he completely understood them. Why should they worry about Dokja when they had their own happy lives to live?
The man dragged his feet to the kitchen. He stared at the fridge for 5 minutes before closing it and drinking a glass of water. Making food was too much of a hassle.
“Kim Dokja”
Ah he could recognize that voice anywhere. The real protagonist- the one who suffered for him for so many decades. After waking up from his coma, Dokja could barely face him. How could he after everything he has done to the poor man?
“Joonghyuk-ah” Dokja replied calmly, not turning to face him. He physically couldn’t look at the other man without feeling like throwing up whatever was left in his stomach. He didn’t even know when his beloved Yoo Joonghyuk got back from his championship. After the world regained some of it’s normality, the man has restarted his streaming career, forcing him to attend different competitions abroad. “When did you get back?” He was gone for well over a week, at least that’s how much Dokja thought it passed. He grew pretty bad at keeping track of the days after waking up.
“A few hours ago, thought maybe I shouldn’t have left at all seeing how awful you look” The man replied bluntly. Another thing that has changed. Yoo Joonghyuk was acting strange like this- giving Dokja a hard time to understand why.
“Haha, very funny. Do I look that bad?” Suddenly self consciousness surfaced in his gut and took roots in his brain. He knew he wasn’t the best looking man you could meet and the sleepless nights couldn’t help with that. Still that’s how he has always looked. Maybe Yoo Joonghyuk just wanted to make fun of him.
“Kim Dokja I was gone for a week, how can your waist get even smaller than it was last time in just 7 days? Your skin is awfully close to the color of snow and do not get me started on the eyebags.” Since when was this man so talkative. You would be lucky if you got a grunt out of him, but two sentences in a row? And a small tone of worry in his voice? Ah it was too different from the Yoo Joonghyuk Dokja knew. He knew that now, the protagonist was his own person, with his own thoughts and feelings that the older had trouble understanding nowdays without his skills. He suddenly felt even more useless then he felt 10 minutes ago.
“Wow thanks! You are so nice, dear” The man replied with the usual sarcasm used as a coping mechanism.
“Did you eat today?” The protagonist grew used to his bullshit long ago. He wasn’t even phased anymore.
The silence stretched for a good few minutes before finally Yoo Joonghyuk let out a long sight and made his way to the fridge. “How does pasta sound?” He asked, not even looking at the other “…Fine”
Dokja would be a full to not accept Joonghyuk’s cooking. Even if that meant throwing up later, he would still eat the whole pot and ask for more. The only thing he didn’t understand was why the younger cared so much. The apocalypse was over, Dokja was with no use now. He couldn’t help with anything so why..? Why would the incarnation of a God- a perfect human being, someone so beautiful, smart and astonishing as Yoo Joonghyuk worry for a mere mortal ugly man like Dokja. They were companions once, sure, but that was when the older could carry his own, not when he was a mess who constantly thought of taking his own life. The only reason he didn’t was because his friends went through so much trouble to bring him back, he might aswell live his miserable life along them instead of spending an eternity in a subway train.
He didn’t even notice when Yoo Joonghyuk moved until he saw that handsome face staring back at him. Now that he was back to reality, he felt a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. He really should stop zooning out so often- especially around this man.
“What is this for?” Dokja asked, trying his best to act like this wasn’t affecting him. “Missed you” He heard the smug reply from the protagonist. So bold… Yoo Joonghyuk was so open with his feelings now that he had no scenarios to worry about, especially for Dokja. And it wasn’t like Dokja didn’t know. He knew and he didn’t understand why this perfect man picked him out of everyone. The older hasn’t given a clear answer yet but he was sure Yoo Joonghyuk knew he also liked him back, it was just that he wasn’t in the best mental space for a relationship right now. When would he ever be?
They stayed like that for a while, Dokja melting in the embrace and Yoo Joonghyuk picking him up so he could still cook while still holding his lover. Dokja had his legs wrapped around the other’s waist and his head buried in his shoulder.
“Did you take your medication?” Yoo Joonghyuk asked even if he already knew the answer by the way Dokja looked.
“No, I forgot” He heard the answer muffled and just sighted.
The silence stretched even as the both of them ate. Dokja knew he should ask how the protagonist was doing, how his competition went but he found these conversations empty. He knew Yoo Joonghyuk won because he always did and not because he religiously watched his streams instead of sleeping.
When they were done, the younger man put a glass of water and a pill in front of Dokja. “If you don’t take them, I’ll tell Han Sooyoung to hide those new chapter until they are officially published” damn sunfish, knowing him so well.
Dokja took them, mumbling something about blackmailing. After that he felt a pair of strong arms wrap once again around him as they took him to bed.
“Why me?” was always the question that surfaced when Yoo Joonghyuk would take care of him so gently. He heard the answer a million times and still not get it.
Instead of the usual reply, Yoo Joonghyuk huffed and kissed his forehead. Kim Dokja turned around to hug him tightly and bury his head in the other man’s shoulder.
“I missed you too” He whispered. He wasn’t sure if Yoo Joonghyuk heard since his voice was muffled. Still he was glad he had someone who could ground him when his mind spiraled. Maybe one day, he could love Yoo Joonghyuk like he deserved to be loved. He has always loved him, it was the only human being who stayed through all the stages in his life. Yoo Joonghyuk was a father, a brother, a friend, an enemy, a lover, anything and everything Dokja ever wished for. He loved him back then, he loved him now. So why was he waiting?
“I love you too, Yoo Joonghyuk.”