Chapter Text
Komari Chika looked at the summary made by the President of Literature Club, her friend who brought her out of extreme timidness and anxiety, Nukumizu Kazuhiko, and wondered if he had just hit his head somewhere in the shower's tiles. Because none of what he wrote in the 2000 words summary made any sense to her, unfit his previous behavior, or anything preludes this.
Even worse, his usual look of deadpan boredom, or anxious over some of his friends' antics, was replaced by confidence of sheer determination.
Nukumizu's in his serious mode, and he's likely an owner of a broken heart. God help them all. God help Tsuwabuki.
More and more she wished she was the one who took that bad brownie cake and not her little sister Hina, so she'd be sleeping in her sweet, warm bed for the whole day, and let Shiratama-chan and Lemon-chan handle this mess by themselves. Even the side effect of three hours suffering from intense diarrhea, as her poor sister had this morning, looked like a worth it price to avoid the incoming headaches. But alas, here she was, trying to make sure that the President- just recently convinced himself he wasn't a plain background character- to not make a reckless decision that'd jeopardize everything about and around him.
A-As if the 3000 word essay about the Prussian Empire that's due on Friday wasn't bad enough.
"S-so...what is this for again?"
Nukumizu sighed slightly. "It's my observation that I made about Yanami-san who couldn't make it today."
"And her possible blooming relationship with Sakurai Hiroto."
The three other members of the lit club blinked once, and then looked at the summary once, and then blinked again.
Each had different reactions. Yet similarly conveyed the sheer ridiculousness of his observation.
Komari wished she had Superman's heat vision to incinerate the damn thing. And his super precision too so she could give Nukumizu a soft lobotomy.
Yakishio wished she could turn it into the greatest paper plane in history so she could fly it to Nukkun's parents so they and Imouto-chan would control his jealousy. Because she knew she wouldn't want to touch it with a 50 foot pole. She had tasted the taste of very determined Nukkun twice, and she knew this time, where his intent for once was more impure than selfless, would result in massive trouble for everyone involved.
And Shiratama....
The girl had a grin. Slight, but exuding so much of her hidden malicious intent.
Even Nukumizu, in his more clueless moment, felt something unsettling going on in the room.
After a while, Yakishio decided to pull the band-aid off, and straight up asked. "So, um...here on the second page, you said 'I believe there's a chance this shouldn't stand for much longer'. My question is why?"
"Because there's something that made me believe they cannot make a good couple. And as a dear friend of both of them, I need to make sure if something's blooming with them, it should, and must be a smooth sailing," Nukumizu answered confidently.
"So...why again, senpai?" Shiratama pressed on.
Nukumizu decided to be frank with all of them. "I want their first experience of having a relationship in love to be enjoyable. And if my feeling that it shouldn't happen is not just a gut feeling, then we need to put a stop on it."
It was all logical to him: they were his friends, perhaps best ones. Well, Yanami's his first ever best friend, and Sakurai was his least troublesome friend, disregarding all the yaoi crap Tiara and Komari made from his platonic closeness with the gentle young man. So it would be in his interest, to make sure everything about them remained ideal. It made complete sense, and they'd better bought his explanation.
Unfortunately for the sole boy in the room, it was clear for him that none of them bought it.
As for Komari herself, unlike the usual shenanigans of his, nothing about it triggered her Yaoi radar. And it was an impressionable-err, strong radar, she knew it herself. The little redhead thought Hakemada was about to dominate poor Nukumizu just with his bad boy aura, then she and Basori-san nosebled together when they brought up the events of Sakurai and Nukumizu being closer than ever (really? Chocolate for guy friend?). And yet, nothing about it was titilating for her whatsoever. Her neverending thirst for the Yaoi content, for once, never surfaced at the thought.
The reason was clear:this was a textbook heterosexual jealousy, made by two insincere Tsunderes.
Silence took the club. Nukumizu was lost for words as he waited for a response, but none wanted to give him one.
As if she couldn't read the atmosphere, Shiratama-chan also played with the tea cups, making the silence even more awkward again.
To cut off the awkwardness before it consumed her, Komari spluttered, "M-Maybe we need to know the start. Of your suspicion on them. S-so we could see if there's something s-s-substantial."
"Very well," Kazuhiko started, "It was all started last Monday, when I went to our usual spot..."
Nukumizu walked to the favorite spot of the club: the usual staircase of the old building, where he'd enjoy his lunch with his friends. Usually Yanami, but that's just a small detail.
But the most important detail was, it likely would be the last month of them being able to visit the spot at all.
Rumor said it, with a fist fight broke in the old building that resulted in one of them nearly slipping off the stair, they'll close the access to multiple places in the schools, including the rooftop and the staircase. Short of emergency, none of them would be able to use it anymore if the school board decided to close off the access.
The boy sighed as he realized the likely chore of his friends decided to trespassing the places anyway. Ever since she came to his world, when he saw her about to harass the drinking straw of her childhood friend, his background character's world had been completely shattered, replaced with his role as caretaker of the crazy literature club and the almost dysfunctional student council (why it only had like four top members again?) Even after uplifted into a main supporting character, with his side-story romance that unfortunately ended in three dates, this didn't help him in making his matter easier at all. If anything, it was like Spider-Man crap: bigger power, even bigger responsibility.
And he knew who's to blame for his suffering.
His annoying, overbearing, gluttonous, and wonderful, loyal first ever friend. Yanami Anna, the most popular girl after Himemiya Karen, and sometimes, Yakishio Lemon.
Ever since he met her, she had been a ball of conflicts. Got dragged into her nonsense, blackmailed into posing as her boyfriend with knowledge of his crappy books, and worst of all, several times forced herself into the position of backer of his rivals, first against Yakishio-san, and then her support for Sakurai in his run for Presidency of their esteemed school council.
For some reasons, the last one stung more than anything else.
To make it even worse, he had picked some of her habits. Those soda floats would bloat him up at some points. And he's sure his coffee taste bud was completely ruined by her. When he couldn't decide whether his coffee's sweet enough without much sugar when she's around, or decided to use more sugar after watching her asked for extra sugar on so many of her drinks, he knew he had an issue.
Once again, they're balls of exhaustion.
And yet, thinking about it, he'd never trade it for anything else. Which made him believe that Tiara's observation of him as a sadist was likely wrong, and hence why their trial dates ended up in failure. To find about which side he's truly of, he should've pushed Yanami into the wall, demanded her surprised self to reject him and-
Err, he meant reject his authority. Yes. Completely. As the leader of their literature club, he had to show why he's in command, and not his band of troublemaker girls. And once she unable to reject him, he'd show why he's the boss and...and...
Gosh. This morning was so hot that he went off topic, wasn't it?
But when he's about to make a turn for the stair, he saw her.
And him.
Specifically, Sakurai Hiroto. Who he could consider as his counterpart in the council.
They were there. Together.
And what's interesting, he saw both of them entering the cooking club together.
And Yanami was...giggling? No, she's hiding her mouth with the palm of her hand, but what else could it be when she's shaking like that?
Somewhere, somehow, he decided that there was something going on between them.
And he had a hunch that it couldn't end well for both. Especially Yanami's.
Decided to turn around (and ignoring talks on how he looked indignant out of nowhere), Nukumizu decided to eat his food in cafeteria, alone from anyone else.
Somehow, despite being lonely for much of his life, his lunch that day tasted even more bitter than his blackest coffee last Saturday.
Damn awful cafeteria school drinks.
"And that's how I know, there's something building up between those two," said Nukumizu, hoping that the rest of the club would nod at his explanation.
And yet, he was only met by absolute silence.
Komari, not wanting to be absorbed by the silence anymore, looked at the summary again, and so wished she could make it combust in fire like magicians.
Meanwhile, Lemon had an epiphany on how the actual situation may start.
Hey if I'm not wrong, wasn't that Yana-chan had a coughing fit last Monday? Ah, so he's just jealous for nothing!
Yakishio smiled brightly, then said, "Well Nukkun, you don't have to worry about it since-"
"I guess those visits to the cooking club by both of them was likely something else, huh senpai? I haven't seen Sakurai-senpai acting suspicious personally, but I understand your presumption that there might be an affair between them!"
Shiratama wiggled her eyebrows discreetly at the other two girl members.
And that was when the rest of them realized what she's doing: she's goading him further into his delirium instead of calming down his degrading mental state.
Damn this crazy cute raccoon girl.
Nukumizu nodded at her. "I see you're start to see it my way, Shiratama-san."
The grin of this kouhai only got even wider, and the suffering of her senpais just started.
Komari decided to try questioning the boy's bizarre logic. "Y-You see, this is working on the a-assumption there's something g-going on between them. A-and it's completely the most feasible explanation."
"Which, at this point, almost inevitably the right assumption."
Yakishio snorted. "No freaking wa-"
"And hence why, if the worst has to come, and we find many incompatibilities between both, we're going to completely end this relationship."
"And when we're done, the names of Sakurai and Yanami, will be taboo to be mentioned to each of them."
This was completely logical to him. If the incompatibility was greater than even he suspected, they had no choice but to make each one of them couldn't stomach each others. To avoid massive broken hearts that'd ruin their future, something must be done. In the name of friendship, the nuclear option had to be explored.
His friends, however, did a very poor job at hiding their flabbergasted stage.
He didn't just want to break up their relationship. He wanted them to wish to never see each others again.
I-I-is this guy for real?
Oh goodness. He's so jealous.
"...Okay," Shiratama, for once, was speechless. Even the agent of chaos thought he wouldn't go that far. "That went from zero to one hundreds in a flash of a pan."
"That was...c-certainly nothing close to what I had in mind."
Yakishio tried to reign in her friend once more. "Nukkun, I don't think you want to go that far."
"So...that's a no?"
"N-no, Nukumizu," Komari stammered. The little redhead decided to be frank at the stupidity. "We're not going to stalk our own friends and destroy their relationship just because you find it not ideal."
"Girls," Nukumizu started. "Yanami just got dethroned from the third position of cutest girl in school. By Tiara-san. That could be devastating to her in she knows about it."
"And...so?"
Yakishio couldn't care less about those unofficial polls. Last time she checked, the only reason why she sometimes eclipsed Yana-chan was due to her skimpy track outfit. Had Yanami also ran the track, boys would keep voting her on the top due to her jiggling breasts and butt at every gait of hers. So once more, she wondered why Nukumizu took that poll so seriously.
"So...I don't want her to lose again by having a failed relationship. She lost in her life too often. First her and Hakemada-san. Then she backed you, Yakishio in your desire to get out of the track and and field club. Then she lost when backing Sakurai-san. And finally, she lost her popularity as the third most popular girl in school. Haven't she lost enough already?!"
The slight forcefulness of his voice was noticed by even him, and Nukumizu quickly retracted, "Sorry for that outburst, girls."
Silence took the club away once more, and this time, even Shiratama didn't do anything to make things even more awkward.
Finally, it was Yakishio who decided to break the reality to the young man. "Just a question Nukkun: if we truly need to break their fostering relationship, wouldn't you hurt their hearts too?"
Komari had to hold the urge to clap for her tanned friend. That was the armor-piercing question they so definitely need to get through that thick skull of Nukumizu's, the greatest enemy of women. As if his denseness was already infuriating, now he's on verge of dragging them to his own nonsense.
Somehow, the three of them thought about karma at that point, but they did not know why.
Much to the rest's chagrin, Nukumizu's resolve didn't falter, "...If we need to do the worst," Kazuhiko vowed with utmost confidence, "I shall be there for them, and comfort them at their failed relationship, especially when they realize they can't be close anymore."
"...So noble," Komari couldn't hold her snark at the young man.
"Oh, yeah. They're uh, gonna need lots of comforting, alright," even Yakishio, usually so cheery, couldn't hold her contempt.
"Especially Yanami-senpai, right?"
"Yes. Anything they need, we're going to give it to her-them after."
Ah, that slip. "See? You can be just frank to us and say you're more concerned for Yanami-senpai, Prez."
"Shiratama-chan," Nukumizu addressed his Kouhai, unknown to him tried to make him realize what's the true core of his issue to this budding bond between former runner to the head of student council and his backer, "There will be no discrimination between Yanami and Sakurai-kun, regardless of their membership or lacks of. We shall give them all comforts they need."
"And...what if both of them need something intimate, like cuddling?"
At that, resolve of Nukumizu, instantly shaken.
Yanami? Heh. She'd definitely complain about her failed second love, drag him to the nearest cafe, and ask him to cover up the cost when she inadvertently forgot her wallet at home. Really, he couldn't wait for the day when Japan finally allowed for e-wallet account for teens so she wouldn't keep doing it to her friends. Especially him, which was funny, since if he recalled correctly, there's only one incident where she borrowed something from her other friend. Why must it be him always, oh the gods above?
And yet, the idea wasn't...entirely unpleasant. In the end, she's still a girl. Top 5 most popular girl in the school purely on looks and ability to make friends on whim. His closest friend, who at several times sacrificed her time for him on whim. That time she cared for him when he passed out in exhaustion and despair wasn't just one time, after all.
As for Sakurai-kun himself...
Somehow the thought of cuddling Sakurai-kun...felt very wrong. Even with far less nagging and complaining from him, he couldn't fathom spending 15 minutes of him listening to a friend sobbing about his failed love life.
Must be to avoid the Yaoi fanclub who at this point have made over 100 awful stories and fan arts about them. Disturbing, almost explicit fan arts. Or knowing it was the second love after his crush on his Hiba-nee never prospered. Which meant he was helping a cousin-lover to not having a relapse. Not illegal in Japan, but still very rare and at least surprised people for a reason.
With that, Nukumizu gave a diplomatic answer, "...That will be discussed later."
Both Komari and Yakishio held back their urge to snark at the noncommittal answer.
Shiratama just grinned. "Well I guess that's alright, Senpai. But you will at least hug both of them, right?"
"...If it's absolutely necessary," at that almost choked out answer, he noticed the scoffs from the rest of the club. "What?"
"...That's the problem w-w-with you, Nukumizu."
That catchphrase of his friends would never die, didn't it?
Suddenly having no energy to answer anything else, Nukumizu decided to end the meeting. "I-I'll keep in touch with you three with what we need to do next. Hopefully nothing too drastic need to be done."
With that, Nukumizu left the library, leaving the rest of the club to discuss this matter by themselves.
"...S-S-Should we tell him that the ballot for most popular girl in school w-was stuffed by some fanboy of Basori-san?"
"No. Let our Jelly Prez cook first. It's not as if it will change his mind either."
"...Maybe we can accept his proposal. J-just so he wouldn't do something stupid on it."
Lemon, who knew how far the boy would go for a goal already, only shivered at Komari's words.
"I should've told Kaju-chan to buy dozens of 'average harem protagonist' books before this nonsense happened..."