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"What if I were a god?" Bam asked Khun.
Khun pinched his forehead and sighed once more. "You don't need to be a god. Why do want to be one again?"
Bam tried supporting his case by fighting back with, "Well, if I were god...I could make everyone happy-"
"In theory! Listen, humans-Just people in general will never be satisfied. And if you grant someone something, there will always be someone who wishes the worst on them. Then whose side will you be on?" Khun raised a brow, crossing his arms.
"But, what if I could make their hatred go away-"
Khun grew impatient. "See, Bam, some people will just never be happy. You grant them something, and then they'll get bored and tired of it and want something greater. That's just how people are!"
Bam had tears in his eyes. "But, Hwaryun and Jinsung call me their god-"
"Because they believe in you that you could grant their wish! You don't have to be a god. You don't have to make everyone happy." Khun grabbed Bam by the shoulders. "I don't know why you feel the need to make everyone happy. You can just make us happy. We'll love you no matter what you do."
Bam walked away from Khun.
Wish I was a stone, so I couldn't feel
Bam stood in front of Jahad. All of his enemies. He stared at them with a straight face.
You'd yell in my face, it'd be no big deal
He found himself in front of Khun. They were having the conversation again. Again, Bam didn't respond, nor did he react despite the hurtful words Khun was telling him.
But I'd miss the way we make up and smile
Bam remembered that despite how good it sounds, they would always forgive each other and make out a bit before continuing their day.
Don't want to be stone, I changed my mind
Bam walked towards Khun, until he paused to think again.
I wish I had eyes in the back of my head
Bam would walk, seeing everywhere he passed.
Then I could see the places I've been
Bam could see everywhere he went, all the people he'd met.
But then I would know that you're talkin' shit
He remembered Rachel. That traitor. That bitch.
I don't wanna know what my friends think
Then he started to second guess his friends. Are they thinking bad of me? I don't even want to know anymore. It's better to not be hurt...
Wish I were my dog out on the lawn
Bam remembered Rak. How when Bam returned every time, Rak would pretend not to be glad. He'd yell "Black Turtle!"
I'd be so glad when I hear you come home
Bam would run up to Khun, happy. But I guess if he were Rak, he wouldn't be so glad.
But if I were my dog, I wouldn't live long
Bam remembered that everyone dies. You can't die of age in the Tower, but what if Rak dies because of him.
I'm sure gonna miss her when she's gone
Bam looked down. Everything's his fault...
I wish I could act in a show on TV
Bam played pretend on a stage. Acting, they called it.
Cause then I could practice not bein' me
If he weren't himself, no one would come after him and his friends. He could be who he wanted. He could be a god. He wouldn't be the serial killer he once was all those years ago.
I'll practice my cry, put it into my reel
If Bam were able to pretend to cry, he could get away with things. No one would think of the Slayer Candidate as a cry baby.
But you won't believe me when I cry for real
But if he needed help...Would anyone believe him? Would they ignore him?
I wish that my brain would triple in size
Bam wished to be as smart as Khun. Khun could finally take a break. He wouldn't need to come up with strategies for Bam.
I'd nail every joke, I'd win every fight
Bam imagined getting along with people more and winning against people he disagreed with. If he were smart, he wouldn't need to make an effort in anything.
But I'd get too deep with that kind of mind
But Bam would be more complex. He'd question everything. Maybe even suicide. If you have a big brain, do you think more?
I don't wanna know the point of life
Bam was brought to a memory where he laid on his back, looking up at the stars. What am I doing? Why am I here?
In some other life I would be rich
Bam could have all the money in the world. He would please all of his friends.
I'd travel in style, I'd cover the bill
He'd travel freely, up and down the tower, just like Urek! And he could pay for his friends! That would make them happier, right?
But couldn't complain 'bout anything small
But if Bam wanted to complain, he couldn't.
Nobody'd feel bad for me at all
He'd be called a narcissist. They would look down on him, forgetting he is also human.
If I was cocaine or a bottle of Jack
Bam had always wondered what drugs were. He wondered what kind of euphoria it gave people.
I'd get invited to every frat
Bam could socialize. Make new friends. He'd have no enemies.
But when you get old and your good days have passed
But what if they get older? Would things still be the same? Would they still want him?
You'll only want me when you're sad
No. They'd need him. To get rid of their problems temporarily.
Wish I was a song, your favorite one
Bam would be on the radio as Khun listened to him, having the time of his life.
You'd follow the dance to me at your prom
As Bam played, Khun'd dance. He'd know every step, every lyric, and every second of the melody.
I would be there when your baby is born
If Khun were to find someone else and have a child with them, Bam could be playing. Surely Khun's favorite song would be his partner's favorite, right?
For two or three minutes, then I'm gone
But he'd be there shortly. He wouldn't be able to see the baby. So what's the point?
I wish I was big, as big as my house
If he were big, he wouldn't have to fight anyone. If he were giant, no one could fight him. No one would fight him.
I'd sleep on the trees, I'd skip every crowd
He'd sleep on the branches, hopefully they'd hold him up. Or if he had to get somewhere, he could easily take a couple steps.
But I wouldn't fit on my therapist's couch
He wouldn't fit on Shibisu's couch. He wouldn't be able to talk to him.
God, I could really use him now
Bam really needed him right now. Shibisu. He needed to talk. Right now would be a very good time.
I wish I was God, I'd never trip up
Back to the original thought. If he were god, he couldn't mess up on anything.
And if I did, well, so fuckin' what?
If he made a mistake, who would care? It's not like anyone would be able to fight him.
I could be cruel and break all your stuff
If he were pissed, he could cause destruction. He could grant you a terrible day, week, month, or year.
Yeah, I'd be loved no matter what
But even if he did that, everyone would love him. No matter what. What about Khun?
But if I was God, it'd get kinda weird
Bam thought about Khun. If he was his boyfriend and best friend already, then what would he be like if Bam were god?
'Cause you would only say what I wanna hear
Khun would probably tell him what he needs to hear. What he wants to hear.
And then you would die, you'd love me to death
But god is immortal. People aren't. Khun'd die at some point...
I never know who the hell I am
Bam ran back to Khun and hugged him as hard as he could, almost breaking Khuns back.
"I wish I was me, whoever that is. I could just be and not give a shit."
Bam pulled away, and grabbed Khun by the shoulders. Bam looked at him with hope and tears in his eyes.
"Hey, I'll be whatever makes you a fan."
Bam cupped Khun's cheek with a hand. "Cause I don't know who the hell I am."
Bam kissed Khun, apologizing for being so difficult and stubborn.