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“Why do you look so nervous?” Dallon laughed, clapping Brendon on the shoulder. “It’s our first day off in almost two weeks. That’s typically a good thing. Look alive. Or at least fake it.”
Brendon shrugged in response and shifted over on the bench to allow Dallon room to sit beside him. They were still between cities and venues, and couldn’t really derail from their set traveling path for an entire day, so the bus made a stop at a small side-of-the-road restaurant where the day’s guests would meet up with the bus. Kenny was sitting on the benches across from them with his wife, who had gotten then ten minutes prior, and Dallon was waiting for his family. He tapped his knees excitedly as they sat silently and watched cars pass by on the highway. They had been on tour for about a month and a half, and hadn’t had a spare moment to see anyone other than the crew and each other. This visit was well deserved and much anticipated. Everyone was jittery with excitement, but Brendon was numb with anxiety.
There were no secrets in the band, but the thought of having the band and the crew and Jake with his damn camera and people with answerless questions all being in one area at the same time was a worse scenario for Brendon now that they didn’t have a show to focus their time on. They all knew Ryan- how could they not- but days off were always a different dynamic of ‘this is my lovely, beautiful wife that I miss dearly- thank God you are here’ and sickening yet sweet PDA, and they had never met Ryan as Brendon’s ‘tour guest’. He was just Ryan, someone that just happened to always be at Brendon’s house and loved to hang out and talk music with the guys. But now this was his first appearance as only a husband of a band, and not an actual band member.
“I think that’s them.” Dallon stood, walking towards the car that was parking alongside the bus. “It is- Breezy!” His pace quickened as he saw his wife climb out of the car, his children waving through the windows impatiently. Dallon ran to her and practically picked his wife up as they embraced.
Brendon watched the reunion and waved to Breezy as she looked behind Dallon at the common area. He smiled at her warmly and pretended to not see a car- his car- pull into the parking lot and park on the other side of Breezy’s car. He pretended to be on his phone when he heard the door open and Dallon call out his location. He was so excited to look up and see Ryan, but unsure of what to do after that; Dallon was still hugging his wife and Kenny was holding Victoria’s hand on the tabletop, lost in their conversation- both of them completely rejoiced by the return of their wives. Could Ryan just slip into the adoring husband role with all these people and cameras around; Jake was currently catching a shot of Dallon picking up his kids and balancing each on either hip.
Brendon could hear Ryan walking up. Brendon was the only one alone in the park seating, obviously avoiding looking up at anyone that might be approaching him. Ryan’s steps were eager and fast- he was excited and Brendon could feel his chest tightening and his heart swelling as he realized just how long it had been since they had really had time to talk, other than over the phone inbetween the ending of a show and when Brendon eventually passed out from exhaustion. Ryan was halfway to Brendon when he looked up from his phone finally, finding Ryan immediately and breaking into an almost painful grin.
“Hey, stranger.” Ryan replicated the smile and Brendon stood up without hesitation, almost dropping his phone on the ground. “Glad you could pry yourself away from your fame long enough to allow me a visit.”
“Good to see you too.” Brendon rolled his eyes and held his arms out as Ryan reached him, slipping right into them. Ryan wrapped his arms under Brendon’s and gripped his shoulders tightly, rocking the two of them back and forth as Brendon let his hands rest on Ryan’s lower back. The hug was just as tame as Dallon’s; they were just like everyone else there. Not a big deal. Until Brendon spotted Jake crouching by the table, catching their embrace on film. He loosened his grip and Ryan stepped away from him- only to step back in to plant a kiss on his lips. It took Brendon by surprise and he had no time to react before Ryan was backing away and motioning for Brendon to sit back down so they could talk.
Brendon tried not to make eye contact with anyone other than the sidewalk as he sat down, noticing Jake standing and leaving just as he and Ryan sat down. It wasn’t a big deal. Not a big deal, Ryan was just like anyone else visiting. He knew the band, knew the crew, knew the life- it was the best combination.
Yeah, Brendon had a hard time believing that lie too.
“So how are things? Going well?” Ryan prompted, placing his elbows on the table and leaning forward toward Brendon. “We haven’t really gotten that detailed into any stories.”
“Nothing really to report.” Brendon shrugged and placed his arms on the table as well, his fingers brushing Ryan’s as he laced his own together. “Half of the band has children, so things don’t get that crazy.”
“I don’t care if they are boring, just tell me something. I want to hear about your life on the road.” Ryan insisted, reaching forward the extra inch and grabbing Brendon’s hands. Brendon let them remain still in Ryan’s grip, focusing on the distractions of his other bandmates before answering.
“Uh, I almost fell doing a back flip three shows ago.” Brendon scraped up a story, not really invested in starting the entire tour over in memory. “But, I was fine.”
“Wow. Riveting.” Ryan chuckled, rolling his eyes at Brendon’s distracted storytelling. “Such rockstars.” He fiddled with the gold band on Brendon’s finger as Brendon continued looked around them. Everyone was still with their wives and children, paying no attention to them. No big deal. It wasn’t a big deal. “Is that it?”
“Pretty much.” Brendon nodded, still looking over Ryan’s shoulder.
“What-What are you looking at?” Ryan turned to follow Brendon’s line of sight. “Are you just watching Dallon give his daughter a piggy-back ride when I am sitting right here?”
“No, I- sorry. I’m just a little distracted.” Brendon knew there wasn’t really any use trying to pull one over on Ryan; they had lived together for the past five years. Brendon’s lying tactics had been discovered and debunked multiple times over. “A little nervous.”
“About what?” Ryan stopped twisting Brendon’s ring and let his fingers splay over the top of his hand. Brendon noted Jake’s turned back before placing his hand on top of Ryan’s.
“It’s the first time that you’ve visited us- the guys, you know?” Brendon explained, the sentence making perfect sense to him. But apparently not to Ryan.
“We had the band over at the house before the tour started.” Ryan said, trying to refute Brendon’s statement with a fact.
“No. Not meet, visit. I didn’t have to invite you to the house- you live there.” Brendon shook his head, knowing the attempt to explain was futile, but having to continue anyway. Ryan preferred to make the judgments on his own, even if it meant Brendon going through hours of explanation.
“Yes. I do. Because we own it. Together. Because we have this little thing called a marriage which means that we are kind of a together thing and I don’t really have to be invited to places where you are.” Ryan continued to deny Brendon’s logic with a laughing tone of confusion. “That’s how that works.”
“I invited you here.”
“Yes, but that’s because you are no longer within walking distance of me around twelve hours a day.” Ryan nodded, agreeing with his fact, but for the wrong reason.
“Typically, you are just always around.” Brendon continued, but Ryan’s face fell at the remark. “Which is great- I love it. But, today, I had to invite you over with all the wives.”
“And that bothers you because I am, in fact, not a wife?” Ryan guessed, falling to the wrong conclusion.
“No- I just don’t want it to be weird. Make it seem like you aren’t one of the guys.”
“Right. Right. And you totally aren’t the one making it weird.” Ryan nodded, teasing Brendon. “Bren, I thought we agreed telling the band was the better idea. Less shit to walk around, no hiding.”
“We are sitting in a public rest stop, Jake is filming for a tour diary, and you haven’t stopped fiddling with my wedding ring since you sat down.” Brendon pointed out, looking down at the habit Ryan had accidentally continued. “Not really a subtle attempt on either of our parts.”
“Oh, they don’t care.” Ryan looked over at Kenny and Victoria, still absorbed in the other, and waved them off. “I don’t care if I’m the ex-guitarist or the band wife, I’m still going to come visit you. And live with you. And love you.” His smiled was infectious and Brendon found it impossible to not replicate, letting it mirror on his face.
“Love you too.”
“Good. You better. I drove three hours to be here.” Ryan rebutted, leaning over the table and kissing Brendon quickly on the lips.
“That’s really cute, guys.” Jake had a death wish and Brendon was sure Jake wanted him to deliver the fatal blow. “Can you tell us what’s happening? Why are we stopped?” He prompted.
“Just catching up with our families.” Brendon answered, pointing over to Dallon, giving his hand an excuse to leave Ryan’s. “Tour gets tough sometimes when you don’t get to see them.”
“Happy to see him, Bren?” Jake meant Ryan; he had to explicitly ask that question? Apparently his smile didn’t say enough.
“Of course. Going from seeing him every day to once every few days on a FaceTime call blows.” Brendon responded honestly, causing Ryan to laugh and lean his head down and rest his forehead on their clasped hands. “See? What’s not to miss?”
“I guess I missed you too.” Ryan looked up and tried to commit to a pursed expression, but quickly broke the minute Jake turned away, having collected all the footage he needed from them for that moment; Dallon was currently making the strangest noises as him and his children pretended to be monsters. “You know who misses you more than I do though?”
“Who?” Brendon had all of his closest friends in a bus with him every moment of his day. Who could be missing him- besides the only person in his life that wasn’t on tour with him and was sitting in their Los Angeles home by himself?
“The dogs.” Ryan laughed. “Dottie sits on your side of the bed and waits for you to come in the bedroom door every night.”
“And you don’t?” Brendon quirked an eyebrow, expressing faux shock.
“No. I’m too busy tending to my off-tour boyfriend.”
“Right.” Brendon nodded, remembering the singular rumor that while Ryan and Brendon had committed to each other, Ryan remained unfaithful; the dangers of keeping a private life private. It was a breeding ground for rumors that you couldn’t deny without dignifying them with correct information. “And how about your on-tour husband? You even care about him?”
“I think about him all the time.” Ryan replied, placing his fingers on Brendon’s ring again. “I check all over the place for a little clip of the show, see how he was- and every time I am wonderfully surprised… It does make me miss him more, though. So then I just think about him more. And the cycle continues, so on and so forth, ad nauseum.” Ryan was staring down at their hands as he confessed his habits while Brendon was out, his voice dropping in volume and losing its smug charm. “The house is lonely without you.”
“We only have a month and a half left.” Brendon promised. “And another day where we can have you stop in, I’m sure.”
“We do.” Jake was suddenly beside them again, filming the exchange. A death wish, Brendon knew it.
“Thank you.” Ryan answered, trying to give the impression that his assistance was no longer needed, but accidentally inviting him into their conversation.
“Do you have anything else to say to everyone back home?”
“My ‘back home’ is right here.” Brendon looked at Ryan with a suppressed smile before turning back to Jake. “Although if he watches this later when we’re not together, I guess I should say that I love you and that you should stop watching these fucking videos and just fucking call me.”
“You are by far the most romantic man I have ever met.” Ryan sighed, pretending to be overwhelmingly flattered by the sentiment. “Can’t believe I ever questioned my choices in marrying you.”
“Hey, we all did stupid shit that summer.” Brendon barely remembered that day in June- it was mostly just shouting and cheering and drinking and celebrating; he really only had one memory from it.
“Yeah, but my ‘stupid shit’ was asking you to marry me.” Ryan muttered, lifting Brendon’s hand and looking at the ring more closely. “Not exactly something I would call stupid.”
“Maybe the word I am looking for is ‘unexpected’.” Brendon muttered, tugging his eyes away from Ryan’s own ring to look around at his bandmates again.
He remembered telling them the news; it was split between confusion and disbelief. At the time, Kenny hadn’t quite realized that the reason Ryan was always at Brendon’s house was because he lived there too. And then there had been the small video clip posted, advertising the new album that showed the band and their friends and far too many bottles of champagne that set off the spark of what is Ryan doing there? There were thousands of questions, but only the two that ended with ‘I do’ mattered to Brendon. The only thing that mattered at all. Sure, now Ryan had to be invited to events and listed as Brendon’s ‘plus one’, but maybe that wasn’t going to change anything. They could still sit and laugh together, no set of eyes even looking twice at them.
It wasn’t a big deal. Nope, not at all.