Work Text:
Joe and Nicky were taking a shortcut through an alleyway when they encountered two men who were clearly out to rob them.
Nicky: "Joe?"
Joe looked at Nicky.
Joe: "Yes, Babe?"
Nicky: "I have one request: please don't insult the idiot who is about to rob you."
Joe: "Oh, I am not planning on insulting him. I was thinking of using a page from your book on how to deal with idiots with silly weapons."
Nicky: "What page are you talking about?"
Joe: "The page where you state the obvious. Is that okay with you?"
Nicky: "I don't have a problem with that. Just remember, we have a dinner reservation in less than one hour, and I would really prefer if we aren't covered in blood and other stuff while eating."
Joe: "I promise."
Joe kissed Nicky on his cheek, which made the robbers look confused at each other. The robbers had expected their victims to be scared, but instead, they were very calm.
Joe: "Which one should I deal with first?"
Joe pointed his finger back and forth at the robbers.
Joe: "I think it should be you."
Joe pointed at the robber to his right.
Joe: "Do you know why wearing knuckledusters will cause you a lot of pain in a moment?"
Joe did not get an answer.
Joe: "Oh, you don't know that answer. Okay, let me educate you."
Nicky: "The clock is ticking."
Joe looked at Nicky.
Joe: "And that is why it will be a short lesson. I promise, because I got big plans tonight."
Joe winked, and it made Nicky smile. While Joe gave his lesson, Nicky leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed.
Joe: "Because you decided to wear the knuckledusters, you have made it so much easier for me to break every single bone you have in your hand. Let me demonstrate."
In one swift move, Joe grabbed the robber's hand and used the knuckledusters to press down on the bones, making the robber scream in pain as he felt the bones in his hand break.
Nicky: "Hi, idiot."
The other robber looked at Nicky.
Nicky: "It is now you take your friend and run as fast as you both can."
Joe let go of the robber's hand, and his partner in crime ran over to him.
Joe: "Hope you enjoyed your lesson."
Both robbers ran away as fast as they could, and Joe picked up the knuckledusters.
Nicky: "You are not bringing that awful thing with you to the restaurant."
Joe: "I agree with you."
Nicky: "Good, but you can't leave it here either."
Joe: "I saw a junkyard nearby. I will leave it there. It is on the way."
Joe reached out his hand, and Nicky took it. After throwing the knuckledusters over the fence at the junkyard, Joe and Nicky resumed their romantic evening.