Chapter Text
Seungmin hadn’t meant to wait so long before telling Chan they were soulmates. Honestly, in an ideal world, he wouldn’t need to. Most of the time, finding your soulmate was a very mutual understanding, followed by joy and varying amounts of kissing. Not everyone had Chan as a soulmate, though. In that regard, he supposed not everyone had him as a soulmate. Others probably would have slapped Chan on the back of the head the first time it had become obvious he didn’t know. And, boy, was Chan making it obvious he didn’t know.
Which led Seungmin here. Years down the road, and still hovering as ‘just friends’ with his literal soulmate. It was times like this that it would be helpful if soulmates manifested themselves as red strings, like in the legends. He would kill to have slightly more solid proof than that warm feeling that engulfs them - especially since Chan had seemingly missed when the bond was established.
They’d always had a weird bond, though. Even Seungmin himself had taken about three months to notice. From what he could tell, most idols take a bit longer to notice than your average person. It’s hard not to. Trainees are exhausted beyond belief, there’s constant pressure to be improving every little thing, and when there’s so much focus on the details to improve, then new information is a bit dulled on the uptake. Like: the comfort of finally finding the person who feels like home. If anything, that was why it had taken Seungmin longer to notice as well; Chan had always given him that feeling of warmth because he held the chance of making their dreams come true.
Even before he had strictly met Chan, he had heard all of the stories about the terrifying trainee who had been at the company for like a decade. Exaggerated, as most things were; however, when Seungmin had been preparing for his open audition and had seen the trainees all eating together, he had still been able to pick out which one Chan was. That was based purely on these rumors about how intimidating he was. So he had said hello, wished him well, and went on his way. After all, he had been trying to join the company that seemed to live a bit in awe of Chan. Chan with his soft cheeks and fluffy hair. A furrow between his eyebrows even back then. It was funny, really. Chan had been cute to him even before he really knew. Now he was something a little closer to enticing or even irresistible.
Back to his current issue. Chan still didn’t know they were soulmates. Now, Seungmin didn’t blame him - not exactly. He was pretty sympathetic to the pressure he had been under in order to make their dream happen. Chan had also been working on making that dream a reality for years longer than Seungmin had. And really, hadn’t he done the same? Pushed away his feelings in order to prioritize his dream of becoming a singer? If he had been paying more attention, he might have realized it was Chan when he had greeted him initially. Or maybe even when he got second in the open audition, and it was Chan who’d come over to congratulate him. Honestly, it was well into the survival show before he’d actually realized it for certain. By that time, he was pretty committed to being a silently helpful soulmate.
Isn’t that the root of soulmates' love? Regardless of what kind of bond they had? If it was helpful for Chan not to worry about Seungmin, then sure, Seungmin will give him nothing to worry about. Did it maybe still sting how well that had worked? Yeah. He supposed there were still some nights he thought about it.
Most nights.
Every night.
He had made a point to give Chan nothing to stress about, but upon reflection, he guessed that it also gave Chan nothing to pay attention to either. While the other Stray Kids were getting scolded, Seungmin had sat at his little island of loneliness, as Chan never scolded him, no, but he never gave him much attention either. To this day, he wonders if maybe Chan hadn’t been expecting him to last. Maybe it was his own way of protecting himself from losing another friend. To some level, he knows that maybe he’s just impressing his own feelings onto Chan. But it’s hard not to see that there might be a ring of truth in there. Why had Chan never given him much feedback? He kind of tossed parts at him and left as quickly as possible.
When Seungmin had gotten tired of rolling over every time and started needling Chan back, that had almost been worse. Chan just did not understand him. After that, he had been content to just focus on his dream. Now, they were far enough into their career that they had renewed their contracts, and he still hadn’t told Chan that they were soulmates.
Felix liked to remind him that it was really uncharacteristic of him to have avoided this so much. Felix loved to annoy Seungmin about telling Chan, but Felix did not have all the facts in his opinion.
Seungmin knew he was pretty direct about most things, but what Felix failed to consider was that this was about telling someone you’re their soulmate. It’s not like asking for a scoop at the start of a belt in their new track. There’s a fine line in the things he’s willing to fight about. Something about having his soulmate reject him was a little too serious to chance. Well. It had been too serious to chance.
He was telling Chan today. At least, he was once he stopped his pity reflection about how he’d gotten to this point. He had on good, freckled authority that Chan had been beating off offers with a stick after both their contract renewal and some fairly viral videos of his back had made their rounds on the internet.
Now, Seungmin had been pretty selfless in the past. He made sure he was an easy member to work with. He was diligent in his craft. He ignored his typhoon of feelings towards their leader for the sake of making sure they were in each other’s lives for a long time. He, however, was not quite selfless enough to let someone else have Chan. If that meant he was selfish, then sure, he was selfish.
And that’s how he found himself lying on the floor of a practice room, waiting to go tell Chan, “Yah! Chan-hyung! We’re soulmates! Sorry, I never told you, but you never noticed either! Call it even?” Or something a little more refined than that. He wasn’t quite sure how big a person he was trying to be yet. Maybe minuscule. Ah, well. Enough ruminating. If he waited too long, then someone would be along in need of Chan. It was rare that he could go longer than half an hour without someone needing his attention in some form or fashion. Be it text or loud knocking, Chan was a commodity everyone seemed to need. He was a commodity Seungmin seemed to need.
For anyone who believes time is strictly linear, Seungmin would like to invite them into his head to experience those last few seconds. Two knocks, no more than two seconds of waiting, and yet, it had seemed like hours between the knocking and Chan opening the door while his blood had thundered in his ears. At times like this, he could scarcely breathe as his chest grew cold and his face grew hot, and he couldn’t hear anything beyond his own heart. Even with all this, he could still see. And something about seeing Chan’s soft eyes and rumpled hair struck him right in the chest, and he could feel himself calming down.
“Seungmin-ah!” He wished Chan were slightly less charming so this would be easier. His dimples were out, and his eyes had curved, and somehow, over the years, his feelings had never dulled. This would be much easier if they had dulled.
“Ah, Chan-hyung. I was-” Seungmin cut himself off, because what exactly was he doing? Did he ask him to talk? Did he tell him he had a question about recording?
He glanced up at Chan. How long had he been silent now? Hopefully not longer than a heartbeat, but with how Chan had settled his deliciously broad shoulders, it had surely been longer. Especially as Chan gently took his wrist and tugged him into the studio. Chan still hadn’t let go of Seungmin’s wrist as he closed the door behind them, but he had started lightly rubbing circles along the tendons in his inner wrist. Shit, this was not helping.
“Hyung, I-”
“Seungminnie, come sit down. You’re flushed so much you might be paler than me.”
Chan had giggled at that even as he pulled Seungmin to sit on the small couch. That relaxed him a bit. Maybe this would go well? Or maybe it would crash and burn, and he’d never even have his friendship with Chan to look back on.
Seungmin settled on the couch a bit. This didn’t feel quite right. He moved a bit over and angled himself at Chan. Should he look at him? Or would that make him chicken out? No, he could do this.
“Chan-hyung, I need to talk to you. Well, I need to talk at you for a minute.” Seungmin glanced up nervously, and Chan merely gave him an encouraging nod attached to a gentle smile. Chan still had his fingers wrapped around Seungmin’s wrist, and he let that ground him to continue.
“Chan-hyung,” he swallowed probably more harshly than he needed to, “I know it’s been too long to justify waiting to tell you this, but I need you to know that it’s just been really hard for me to figure out how to say this.”
The glance up at Chan showed panic building in his hyung’s eyes, but he was in this far, so he would have to keep going. Seungmin blew out a shaky breath. He could see Chan’s fingers twitch out of the corner of his eyes. He wondered if he was itching to pull away, but he dared to hope it was more of an itch to pull him close. Chan always did have a tendency to comfort others. He was good like that.
“I think we’re soulmates.”
The words hung in the air between them for a moment before he kept going. Only a drop allowed the next words to come out in a flood as he gasped out, “I said that with some uncertainty, but I know we are. And I want you to know that things can continue as they are if that’s what is easier for you. I mean, I don’t want to be some sort of burden on you when you already have so much. And we all know you have so much.” Maybe that was too much of a flood all at once.
He didn’t really think he could stop now that they were just getting started anyway.
He was quickly disproven when the hand that had curled so gently around his wrist let go. Oh, God. He had fucked this all up. For just a moment, Seungmin wondered if he was popular enough to start a solo career if he was dropped from Stray Kids.
What he hadn’t been expecting was that same hand to come up to gently curve at his cheek. A thumb caressed his cheekbone.
For a moment, he allowed himself to hope. Chan wasn’t this cruel. And these were very intimate motions.
His eyes flicked up to where Chan was looking at him with impossible softness. Seungmin could have sworn he saw Chan’s eye flick up as well from where they might have been looking at his lips. Was that too much to wish for? All his other dreams had come true, surely there was no way this one would as well.
“Seungminnie.”
The shaky breath he let out was no one’s concern but his.
“I know.” Chan had breathed that out with such a casual air that there was no way he understood exactly what Seungmin had just told him.
As he opened his mouth to tell Chan exactly that, he felt Chan move a breath closer. Chan’s other hand came up to cup his cheek while the one already on his cheek settled into his hair. When he felt Chan’s lips brush his own, he had imagined it so often that he felt his own lips respond despite the shock permeating his entire body.
Chan was kissing him.
Scratch that, Chan was kissing him quite well.
Seungmin let himself fall into it for a moment. He could wait until later to figure out exactly what was going on. Right now, he could enjoy a sweet kiss with his soulmate. His soulmate!
Seungmin brought his hands up to curve behind Chan’s back and pull him closer by the shoulders. It would have to be Chan who ended this kiss because he was not letting this slip through his fingers.
As he moved to deepen things, he felt a delicate shudder go through Chan as if he had been holding back just as long as Seungmin had. And in the same moment, he felt Chan’s hand card through his hair as his tongue slipped into Seungmin’s mouth.
Seungmin slid his tongue along Chan’s. Chan somehow tasted only of softness, but the way he was controlling the kiss between them was anything but. Seungmin separated them for a small breath before swinging one of the thighs over Chan’s lap and connecting their lips again. This time, he found his hands framing Chan’s face as he tilted Chan’s face up so he could access more of him. Yes, he was not letting go of Chan anytime soon.
He felt Chan’s hands run down his back, where one rested on his hip and the other seemed to dance across his back, never stopping long enough to land in one place or another. Maybe Chan was just as antsy as he was. That hope only made him pull Chan closer to himself. Any warmth Seungmin had felt in his face earlier paled in comparison to the warmth flaring in his entire body from kissing his soulmate.
As Seungmin had promised himself, it was Chan who pulled away first. Chan, whose already full lips looked even puffier. It was only because he wanted to respect Chan’s wishes that he didn’t immediately connect them again.
He saw Chan’s eyes shifting between Seungmin’s own, and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Only now did Seungmin realize Chan said he had known. He had nearly kissed him stupid.
Chan smiled brightly, deepening his dimples, and asked, “When did you realize?”
When did he realize? Seungmin was about to break right there. What did Chan mean when did he realize? When did Chan realize?
“Chan-hyung. You knew we were soulmates?”
Chan flushed and rubbed the hand not on Seungmin’s hip across the nape of his neck, smiling sheepishly.
“Ah, well. I kind of have always known.”
This is not what Seungmin had been expecting.