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Can’t breathe when you talk to me
“There is something I need to tell you.” Will couldn’t stop thinking about the things Vecna had shown him. Everything that would result from his own cowardice. The loneliness. Because he wasn’t able to admit even to himself that he wasn’t like his friends. That he was … different.
But not anymore. He would be honest for once. At least towards his mother. If Robin could tell Steve Harrington out of all her options then he could tell his own mother. He could be brave for once.
Her hand on his own pulled him out of all those thoughts that were spiraling inside his head. The smile on her face felt encouraging—and comforting.
“You can talk to me, honey, you know that, right? About everything,” his mother tried to reassure him, to open up to her about his worries.
“Yeah. Yeah, I know, Mom.” Will buried his face in his hands anyway. He couldn’t look at her while he was trying to find the right words. He couldn’t just blurt it out, could he? But how was he supposed to build up to it? Maybe just saying the words would be easier? Though when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. Not a single word. Nothing.
“Breathe, Will.” His mother took his hand into her own, squeezing it. “I would never judge you. For anything.”
“It’s just. Vecna, he— when he used me to spy on Max, I, I fought him. I tried to keep him out. Thinking of all the good memories to counter him. But—but he showed me all those dreadful things that would happen. Because of me. Because I cannot even be myself around the people I l-love.” The words were finally spilling out of his mouth, desperately, without a filter whatsoever.
“He just tried to scare you,” his mom made another attempt to calm him down.
“Well, he succeeded in that regard,” Will huffed out a breath that almost sounded like laughter. “The thing is, I don’t want to hide myself any longer. I want you to know me, the real me.”
He rubbed his face once more before he rolled his head back, taking in the ceiling of the radio station. Only after he took another deep breath did he lower his head to face his mother again.
“The thing is, Mom, I’m, I’m not like the other boys, I—I’ll never bring a girl home for you to meet because … what I’m trying to tell you is, actually, I’m—I’m gay, Mom.”
For just a second, Will felt relieved. Relieved that he finally told someone what had been bothering him for years now to be honest. The reassuring smile was still present on his mother’s face and he knew, he just knew she was alright with who he was. For just a second, everything was fine.
Until the clank of metal against linoleum rang through the wide, open room way too loudly, drawing Will’s attention behind him. Towards the open kitchen space and the can of coke now rolling around the floor right next to Mike’s feet.
Their eyes met over the short distance between them, Mike’s being wide with what Will assumed was disgust. He had ruined everything with just a few words. A few words Mike of all people had overheard. A few words had ruined everything that meant so much to Will. A few words made his best friend look at him as if he’d never seen him before. As if he was an abomination. Something unwanted.
Will couldn’t tell if it was seconds or minutes until he finally found his voice again. Slowly, oh so slowly, he got up from the chair he’d been sitting on, taking just one step towards his best friend. Towards the boy who made him realize that he didn’t like girls. Not in that way at least. The boy who turned out to be the fucking love of his life if the rapid beating of his heart was any indication.
“Mike, I—”
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to, well, interrupt or … whatever. I, uh, I gotta go.” Mike started speaking at the same time, stumbling over some of the words, before he turned around and literally fled from the building, from the whole situation.
Staring after him, Will just stood there, rooted to the ground by invisible restraints. Shit, maybe it had not been his best idea to come out to his mother at a place where they could be interrupted at any given moment. He made a fool of himself. He was such an idiot. Why would such a confession help in their fight against Vecna anyway?
“What are you waiting for?” His mother’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, saving him from another mental spiraling. “He already knows now anyway. You should talk about it, explain yourself.”
Will just nodded and left to look for Mike, to amend what might still be fixable—only to run into Robin on his way out of the building.
“Have you seen Mike?” Will immediately asked while Robin still tried to keep her balance.
“I think I saw him climbing onto the roof. Why? Is something wrong?” Robin looked at him, seeming genuinely concerned.
“Yeah, no, I’m not sure honestly. Mike … he knows, Robin.” Will tried to explain what had just happened.
“Oh,” was all Robin said at first—then she placed a reassuring hand on Will’s arm. “He should be up there. He’s probably just a bit overwhelmed. He’ll come around. I know it.”
“How?” Will wished he could be as optimistic as Robin in that situation. “How can you be so sure?”
“I just know,” she winked at him before she shoved him towards the door. “Now get up there. I’ll keep the rest of the gaggle occupied so no one will interrupt you.”
“Thank you.” Will turned back to her before leaving the building. “For everything.”
“Go!” Robin just grinned at him before she vanished around a corner, leaving Will on his own again to face this conversation with Mike.
Slowly Will climbed the ladder up onto the roof where Mike was sitting on the concrete, arms wrapped around his knees and staring into the cloudy sky. Hesitating for another second, Will finally took the last few steps so he could sit down next to his best friend, close enough to feel the heat of his body but far enough away so they weren’t touching each other. He wasn’t saying a word for now. Didn’t even know where to start.
When he couldn’t stand the silence any longer though, Will heaved a deep breath before he finally spoke up softly, “Mike, I’m—I’m sorry you had to hear it that way. That’s … that’s not how I wanted to tell you.”
Mike’s lips pursed for a moment, that typical movement Will had observed so many times over the last twelve years whenever his best friend was contemplating things. That little tell-tale sign he knew like the back of his hand because he had always been so observant when it came to his best friend.
“Were you though?” Mike finally asked, his voice so low that Will had to strain his ears to hear him. “Going to tell me, I mean.”
“Of course I would’ve told you.” It wasn’t even really a question. Not after he opened up to his mom just now. “If you had shown up just a bit earlier I had asked you to stay. To tell the both of you. Maybe that would’ve made it easier.”
“Soooo,” Mike dragged out the vocal sound, his gaze still facing the sky though Will thought he saw Mike’s eyes flicking towards him for a second. “Is there … someone you … like?”
Will tried really hard not to blush but he could feel his blood rushing towards his head anyway, the heat spreading over his cheeks felt rather obvious. How was he supposed to answer that question? Of course there was someone. Someone sitting right next to him in this very moment. Someone who was in love with one of their friends, who was in a relationship with said friend. It wouldn’t be fair to tell him who exactly made him realize at the age of fourteen that he really didn’t like girls that way. Something he had probably known for a lot longer but didn’t want to admit to himself until it just hurt too much to even look at Mike and El together.
“Well, yeah,” he finally admitted in a whisper. “There is someone but … it, it wouldn’t work out.”
That would not be too much of a giveaway, would it? The majority of guys were straight so that wasn’t like a clue to guess who that guy was in particular.
“Why not?” Mike turned his head to fully look at Will at last. “Was he an idiot when you told him? Who is it? I’m gonna have a word with him. He should be glad you are even interested in him. How could someone not like you?”
Hearing Mike’s rambling on his behalf almost brought Will to tears, though he just pulled his lips between his teeth to keep himself from blurting out something disastrous like “It’s you, Mike, don’t you see? It’s always been you!”. Instead, he shook his head before he turned his face to gaze at the horizon, trying to find the best words to explain himself without giving too much away. No, Mike was definitely not an idiot right now. At least not about the whole coming out situation. By now, Will even was glad that Mike went up here. This way, they were able to talk about it without having to be afraid to be overheard—again.
“It’s not about liking me though, is it, Mike? I’m actually pretty sure that he likes me—he just doesn’t love me.” Will wasn’t able to hold back the sigh that left his lips after the last part.
“But you didn’t tell him that you li—love him.” It wasn’t a question this time, just a statement.
“No, I didn’t,” Will agreed slowly.
“Then how do you know he just likes you?” The determination with which Mike tried to convince Will it was worth a shot to tell that ominous guy what he felt for him actually made him chuckle.
“I don’t know, Mike. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s got a girlfriend.”
“Okay, alright, you might have a point there.”
They both chuckled for a few more seconds before they just stared ahead. A comfortable silence settled between them and Will was just so relieved that Mike actually accepted him for who he was. Though he still was kind of curious why Mike had run away at first. Could he risk to ask him about it? Would it make things awkward between them?
“Why have you left so quickly back there?” The question slipped from his mouth against his better judgment.
Mike didn’t answer right away, probably mulling over his answer so he wouldn’t hurt Will with his words. It would be a typical Mike thing to do. At least most of the time.
“It, it felt like I was intruding on something that wasn’t meant for me to hear, and I guess I didn’t want to make you feel like you have to explain yourself to me right at the time.”
A small laugh bubbled out of Will’s throat upon hearing that explanation, causing Mike to raise an eyebrow in question at him, “What’s so funny about that?”
“Nothing,” Will actually giggled. “It’s just—you’re my best friend, Mike. I would’ve told you anyway. It, it was eating me alive to be honest, the urge to tell you. Maybe I just hoped you would just know it without me having to say it out loud.”
“I’m glad I know it,” Mike admitted. “And I’m sorry, for storming off like that.”
“Yeah.” Will placed his head upon the arm that was resting on his pulled up knees, looking at Mike with a small smile playing around his lips. “I’m glad that you know it, too.”
A similar smile appeared on Mike’s face though it slipped off his lips after a moment. His eyes were fixed onto Will’s own before a sigh left Mike’s throat and he looked up into the sky again, “Since we are laying down our innermost secrets right now … El and I, we broke up. Months ago actually.”
Will sat upright with a jolt, “Wait, what?”
“It’s actually astounding how no one has noticed it until now. Like, you would think your friends would notice you’re no longer dating, that you are just friends now. After a month of being just friends, we talked about it one last time, realizing that apart from the kissing nothing had changed really. And that was the moment when we both admitted that we probably should have taken that step a lot earlier than we actually did.” Mike started rambling again.
“But … why?” That last word was weighing heavily on Will’s tongue, feeling like a lead block pressing down on his chest. He felt as if he couldn’t breathe anymore. Why did he not notice any of it?
Mike just stared at him, probably contemplating his answer some more. It looked as if finding the right words was as hard for Mike as it had been for Will when he’d come out to his mother just minutes before … wait, could it be? No, that was just wishful thinking. Mike wasn’t—right? He wasn’t.
“Well, to be honest,” Mike finally started to speak again, his eyes straying away from Will until they settled back onto his face but not quite his eyes.
Is he staring at my lips? The thought leapt to the forefront of Will’s mind out of the blue. What was happening right now?
“Mike?” Will whispered under his breath.
Hearing his name seemed to get Mike back on track. He averted his eyes once more, trying to run a hand through his hair only to be stopped by the beanie on his head. “Right, yes. Well, she, uh, basically, El told me I’m dumb. And blind. And then she asked why I still avoided saying ‘I love you’. And I couldn’t even give her an answer. Because, well, it was never about being afraid of losing her. Not really anyway.”
“Mike,” Will repeated his name, interrupting him softly. “You can tell me everything. You know that, right?”
“I know,” Mike heaved a sigh, looking back towards Will afterwards.
“I know,” he added then and the intensity of his stare already told Will that this second affirmation was not just a repetition. Will wanted to ask what Mike was talking about but the words got stuck in his throat, making it hard for him to swallow around them.
“I mean—the painting, I know that El didn’t commission you to paint it in her name,” Mike clarified after a few more seconds that really felt more like hours.
Balling his hands into fists, Will sat up straight again though he couldn’t hold Mike’s gaze for long. His eyes flickered around his face, never really focusing. Fuck, it really had been a dumb lie. Of course they would talk about it at some point, revealing the truth about it all. He was screwed, completely screwed over, and now he would lose Mike’s friendship on top of it.
“El, we—we were talking in my room, where I put your painting on the wall, you know,” Mike just continued to explain. “And well, she, uh, just pointed at it during our talk and she just blatantly asked me why we were still a couple if I already had it spelled out in front of me. And I was just so dumbstruck, because I still didn’t get her point. I actually asked her what she meant.”
A dry laugh escaped Will’s lips. He could feel the tears pricking behind his eyes but he told himself that he wouldn’t cry. He just wouldn’t.
“You are so oblivious sometimes, Mike,” he said instead, shaking his head slightly.
“I know,” Mike said again with a similar laugh. “Or more like, I realized that recently.”
“Recently, huh?” Will just shook his head while he could feel the fond smile spreading over his face.
“Shut up, Will.” Mike shoved his arm lightly and the not so serious atmosphere helped him to relax. Maybe their friendship could still be saved after all. “I’m trying to commit to my feelings here.”
“And we both know how bad you are with doing that.” Will bit onto his bottom lip to stop himself from grinning.
“You make me reconsider my decision to tell you right now,” Mike shot back with a dramatic roll of his eyes.
“Sorry.” Will leaned back a little bit, supporting his weight with his hands behind his back. “I would really like to hear it.”
Maybe his eyes along with his voice were a bit too hopeful right now, though it might be all the encouragement Mike needed to finish his confession. At least that was what Will hoped for himself.
“What I was trying to say,” Mike started anew. “After El admitted that the painting wasn’t her idea, I realized that all the things you said were probably not about El as well. I just needed that extra push today to come to terms with the whole thing, once and for all. I finally understood why it didn’t really bother me that the painting wasn’t from El. Why I was actually glad that it came from you. It’s another reason why I fled the room after I heard you tell your mother. I had to think it through for a bit—before we could talk. And I know that, just because we are both … different, that it doesn’t have to mean anything or change anything between us, but … I just wanted you to know that, that I …”
Will could see the struggle Mike was having with the words that just wouldn’t come out—and by now, Will was quite sure what it was that Mike tried to tell him. So he swallowed the lump in his throat and made the first move.
“I’ve been kinda in love with you my whole life,” he confessed under his breath, drawing Mike’s attention back to his face. “It was probably the summer of ‘85 when it really hit me though. When I realized that I wasn’t really angry because you and Lucas wanted to be with El and Max instead of playing DnD. That I was actually just jealous. Jealous that all your attention was solely focused on El while I was just an extra for you guys. That you only dragged me around because Dustin had been at that summer camp. And there was no doubt left when I had to move to California. I missed you so damn much.”
The tears were now threatening to fall but no matter what Mike’s reaction would be, Will felt a weight lifted off his chest after his declaration. Even more so than after coming out to his mother.
“Will,” Mike tried to pull his attention back towards him but Will refused to look his way. Only when he heard movements next to him did he look back—and right into Mike’s chocolate brown eyes just inches apart from his own face. He could feel his blood rushing into his head, tinting his cheeks with a deep blush.
And before he could say anything more, Will felt Mike cup his jaw gently, before he leaned even further into his personal space, reducing the remaining distance between them and pressing his lips against Will’s mouth in a first, almost shy kiss.
Will’s brain needed a few seconds to catch up on what was happening. When he finally understood that Mike Wheeler was actually kissing him, Mike was already pulling back—probably because of Will’s lack of reaction. So before Mike could panic and start to apologize or something like that, Will placed his hand on Mike’s neck and pulled him closer, pushing his mouth back against those luscious lips.
He had absolutely no idea what he was doing here, considering that this was his first kiss ever. He definitely never had the urge to kiss a girl and then he could only think about Mike … he certainly didn’t expect his first kiss to happen right before they had to save the whole damn world.
But here they were, kissing like their lives depended on it. And maybe they did. They were about to head into the final battle after all—and Will was glad that he could face it without regretting any of his choices lately.
After what felt like forever, they finally pulled apart and Will could feel the heat of another blush lingering on his cheeks. His head felt almost dizzy and he realized only now, while taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down a bit, that he totally forgot to breathe as soon as his lips had connected with Mike’s. Was that how it worked? Or was he supposed to breathe while kissing? He would be able to breathe through his nose after all. He’d never talked to anyone about this, he was absolutely clueless how this was supposed to work. He just hoped that he didn’t do too badly.
“I’m also kinda in love with you, Will.” Mike’s soft words distracted Will from his newly spiraling thoughts. “What were you thinking so hard about just now?”
“I—” His cheeks were heating up even more now. He just couldn’t lie to Mike, he’d never been able to lie to Mike, which made the last two to three years so hard for Will, keeping that secret from Mike. But there really was no reason to keep things from each other now. “Was I any good at this? Please be honest with me. If I suck at kissing, I need to know it. So I can get better.”
“Will.” Mike’s hand settled on Will’s cheek, shutting him up more efficiently than his name on Mike’s lips did. “That was a great kiss.”
“Really?” The word left Will’s mouth before he could hold it back.
“Yes, really,” Mike grinned. He held his gaze for a few more seconds, his grin turning into a soft smile. They just kept staring at each other for a long while and Will started to contemplate kissing Mike once more—until he heard the front door of the radio station opening.
“Hey, you two still up there?” Robin’s voice carried up to them a few seconds before her head appeared over the edge of the roof.
Will could feel her eyes roaming over them, taking in all the details—from their knees touching, over the still present blush on their cheeks to Mike’s hand still cupping Will’s jaw. A grin pulled slightly on Robin’s lips. And that’s when Mike finally pulled his hand back, the blush on the light skin of his face getting even darker.
“I see the avalanche has hit the valley now,” Robin started talking again, her grin getting obvious, and she nodded her head back down. “We are gathering to brainstorm some ideas on how to save the world and we’ll probably need your two nerd brains for that as well.”
“We’ll be down in a second,” Will assured her and Robin vanished down the ladder again with another little wink. Then he turned back towards Mike, who looked as if he was having an aneurysm or something like that.
“It’s okay,” he tried to calm down his best friend—or was it boyfriend now? Will really hoped he’d get to call him that. At least in his head. Or when they were alone. “Robin’s like us. She won’t tell anyone.”
“How do you know that?” Mike finally found his voice again.
“I, uh, kinda stumbled upon her and Vickie at the hospital. Kissing. And, uh, I kinda asked her for advice afterwards. Like, how she knew that Vickie was interested in her like that.” Will shrugged his shoulders. “We became friends over the last few days. Real friends.”
“I wish I had someone to talk about all this beforehand,” Mike chuckled before he got back onto his feet. “Would’ve made it a lot easier I guess.”
“I was still terrified to tell you though,” Will admitted before he also stood up again. “I was constantly worried that I was just reading it all wrong and that the things I noticed were just coincidence. Or wishful thinking.”
“I’m glad you found the courage to say it.” Mike smiled at him, his fingers tangling with Will’s for a few seconds. “Because it helped me find my own.”
A small laugh left Will’s throat in response. “Mike the brave needing to find his courage. I would’ve never guessed that this day might come.”
“Oh, shut up.” Mike shoved his shoulder with a grin. “Didn’t you just tell me you felt like misreading all my signals? Doesn’t sound very wise now, does it, Will?”
Will’s laugh got louder hearing that and he felt free and lighter than he did in a long, long time. “Touché … C’mon now, we better get back inside before someone else comes looking for us.”
“Wait!” Mike pulled him back by his hand, cupped his jaw once more, and pressed another kiss onto Will’s lips. “I just wanted to do that one more time before we have to pretend to be just best friends again.”
Another blush spread over Will’s face again, he could feel his blood heating up his cheeks. “So,” he slowly started, squeezing Mike’s hand with his own. “We are more than just friends now?”
“Of course we are more than that, Will.” Mike’s smile turned into a grin. “We are best friends.”
Will could hear the mischief in Mike’s voice, he could see it in that teasing grin, but he shoved him back with a shake of his head anyway. “You’re an asshole, Michael.”
“Sorry,” Mike still grinned at him, pulling him closer once again. “Yes, we are more than friends, Will. At least, if you want us to be more as well.”
“I thought that was obvious with me telling you that I’m in love with you.” Will rolled his eyes before he grabbed the front of Mike’s shirt and pressed his lips against Mike’s for another kiss. “Now shut up before I change my mind about how deeply I care for you.”
“Whatever you want, Will.” Mike smiled against his lips before he stepped back and towards the ladder. “Let’s find a way to save the world, so we can get back to our lives.”
And while he was watching Mike climbing down the ladder towards the ground Will felt like they could actually do this. Win this final battle against Vecna. Because now they could be themselves. Free and with each other. No matter what might happen next.