Work Text:
Tick
Tock
The ticking of the clock reading 3 AM echoes around the silent room, 2 cups of tea sit atop the kotatsu, one laying untouched as the steam curls in the air. Jyushimatsu sits beside Ichimatsu, his legs tucked against his chest, arms resting on his knees and half his face buried behind his sleeves. It was a surreal sight to be sure.
Ichimatsu was at a loss, unsure of how to approach his clearly distressed younger brother. His silence speaks volumes, a stark contrast to the fifth borns usual chaotic energy. Ichimatsu recalls what happened yesterday, Jyushimatsu coming home in shambles smelling of sea salt and bile.
He wasn't sure what he was expecting upon seeing the tired face of his younger brother, a frown replacing his usual smile that sent alarm bells ringing in his head. He definitely didn't expect his brother to throw himself into Ichimatsus arms, sobbing and wailing into his shoulder.
He should've known something was wrong when Jyushimatsu went quiet during Osomatsus and Choromatsus argument. He did know something was wrong. He was just too much of a coward to approach his younger brother and confront what may be wrong. But that didn't matter at the time, what mattered was ensuring Jyushimatsu was alright.
He quickly brought Jyushimatsu and his beloved bat inside so the yellow sextuplet could change into fresh clothes. He spotted his nosy, eavesdropping brothers by the stairs who immediately approached them intending to ask questions. Ichimatsu was quick to flash his teeth, to snarl at and snap at them. Can't they see Jyushimatsu wasn't in any mood to explain anything?!
Thankfully, he was able to scare them away, deter them from prying further than they already have. Though, he did share a silent glance with Todomatsu who arguably was even more worried for Jyushimatsu than he was. He'll fill the youngest in later, though with a few details omitted to give him peace of mind and respect Jyushimatsus privacy.
And now here he is, trying to decipher whats going on in Jyushimatsus head. He has his suspicions of what may be wrong, what may be lurking behind that mask he just loves to hide behind. He always hated whenever Jyushimatsu paraded around with it on, always hated that Jyushimatsu would lie to him, say that he's just fine when they both know that's not true.
But now the mask has cracked and he can see what's underneath, see the swarming haze of darkness swirling underneath. It was… Terrifying to have his worst fears confirmed, to have to confront what he'd been suspecting so long from the bits and pieces he picked up from Jyushimatsu, from his mask crumbling bit and bit for the past few months.
His brother avoids his gaze, guilt rolling off him in waves, no doubt ashamed that he's keeping Ichimatsu up for so long and for worrying him so much. Ichimatsu sighs, no matter how long he tries to think of an angle to approach this, he can't think of anything that won't be deflected by Jyushimatsu. That won't be met with a lie. He might as well just… start.
"Jyushi," He calls out softly, hesitantly. He doesn't miss the way Jyushimatsu tenses up and he absolutely hates it.
"You… You don't have to… You know I'm…" He closes his eyes, exhaling through his nose as frustration begins to bubble from within. Sweet Akatsuka, why is this so difficult?! He takes a deep breath to quell the embers beginning to form within him and tries again.
"You know I… I have your back, right?" Ichimatsu glances towards Jyushimatsu from the corner of his eye. Jyushimatsu furrows his brows and slowly nods. That gives Ichimatsu a small bit of relief.
"Good… You don't have to… to do this alone," Jyushimatsu narrows his eyes, clearly not liking the direction this conversation is going. Ichimatsu clicks his tongue, he doesn't like it either but one way or another, they're having this conversation.
"I… I know you prefer to keep things to yourself… To act like everything's fine… But you don't have to do that. You don't… You don't have to shoulder all of it by yourself," Ichimatsu pauses upon seeing Jyushimatsu shrink in on himself, his tired eyes dulling just a bit more.
"You want the others to rely on you, right?" A spark ignites in Jyushimatsus eyes as he perks up before nodding frantically, he can see the ghost of a frown from the quick movements.
"Then… Then rely on me. Trust me. I don't… I don't want you hiding when you can reach out, when you can ask for help," Ichimatsu grits his teeth, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.
"Especially when things get too much… I… I'll rely on you, if you rely on me… We'll… We'll rely on each other," Jyushimatsu hesitates, his brows creasing. He… Isn't sure he can do that for a number of reasons. But the biggest one he can think of would be that it would fundamentally change the role he's been playing for so long. He just can't picture a sun needing assistance… Ichimatsu picks up on Jyushimatsus hesitance.
"You don't have to tell me everything at once… Even a little is better than keeping it to yourself," Ichimatsu subconsciously rubs his wrist, thumb dipping beneath the sleeve.
"It's… hard to break something you've been doing for so long," Ichimatsu mutters and Jyushimatsu glances at Ichimatsus sleeves, immediately understanding what he's referring to. He's seen them, he's patched Ichimatsu up a few times… He adjusts his position to lean into Ichimatsus side, he responds in kind by resting his head on Jyushimatsus.
That's how the others find them when they wake up the next day, the duo curled up against one another and tea cups completely forgotten. Choromatsu drapes a blanket over them, collecting the now cold tea to dispose of and shooing the others away wanting to see, though not before Todomatsu sneaks a photo of them, one that he'll save to his personal album. It's rare to see the duo so peaceful.
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Jyushimatsu walks the path to his home with a pep in his step, having spent a majority of the afternoon at the park. His bat rests against his shoulder, cleats occasionally scraping against the sidewalk as the setting sun slowly descends behind him.
He's been taking it easy on himself as it was somewhat implied from his one sided conversation with Ichimatsu. He's taken a step back, focusing more on himself instead of intervening situations between his brothers. Though he really, really wanted to step in and be the mediator, the situations worked themselves out without his input which was a relief.
He hasn't felt this light in… Well, years. He wonders if, maybe, he can change his role, even just a little, to no longer be just the lone jester, the lone sun taking on all the weight of his family on his shoulders. Maybe, a few clouds can help, can give him some reprieve, give the sun some company and an ear to lend. To stop shining so brightly almost every day, to ask his brothers for help.
He always feels a little better when he tells Ichimatsu what's bothering him, even if it's vague and watered down for his own sake and his brothers. Ichimatsu is always so willing to make time for him, spend time with him, offer a helping hand and keeping an eye on him when he didn't know he needed it. He'd have to properly thank his brother in some way.
A jolt suddenly shoots down his spine, shattering his peace and causing him to come to a complete stop. A sense of deja vu lingers heavily over his back, an inexplicable feeling permeating the air and souring his good mood. He knows this feeling all to well. One of his brothers died. Again.
His shoulders fall and his smile dims with a crease of his brows. He hates when this happens… It isn't an often occurrence but it isn't rare either. They usually die by comedic means but sometimes they die by rather… unfortunate means. Just the thought sends shivers crawling across his skin…
But every time, they come back as if nothing happened because, technically, it didn't happen. Like erasing a line and replacing it on a white board. Sure, they may have a sense of deja vu/familiarity surrounding how they died, the people there or even the environment where they died, but they never really, truly, remember. Even with the most absurd deaths that they'd no doubt make fun of each other for.
Only Jyushimatsu knows. Only he remembers. Only he is aware. He doesn't like that he has this knowledge, this awareness that he possess, able to see what surrounds his family and allows him to break the very fabric of reality. Despite this, he has a duty to know what's going on so he can prevent it from happening again. He takes a deep breath and focuses on the soft tugging that pulls at him, leading him off the path towards home.
With every step, something begins to manifest in the back of his mind, nagging at him, urging him forward as he approaches the mouth of an alley. He stops before the entrance as the evening street lamps flicker on, barely illuminating the menacing alley. Cracks spider web along the walls, grime covering the concrete floor and trash scattered about.
He swallows thickly, the nagging sensation turning into a sinking dread that weighs heavily on his back, sinking its claws into his skin and threatening to overwhelm him as he takes a step forward, lowering his bat from his shoulder and hitting the palm of his hand in case there was anyone in here looking for a fight, he half expected one
The tugging grows stronger, a heavy wrongness that shifts and squirms in the air, far more unnerving than the anticipation of being attacked. Nausea climbs his throat, his heart thundering in his chest as he enters the alley. It doesn't take him long to find what the tugging was leading him to, and he almost wished it was an attack from someone or something.
He's seen his brothers die more times than he can recall. It used to hurt. A lot. It still does just… dampened. More like a sting than a stab wound. He's seen Osomatsu washed up on the river bank wearing his suit, eyes white and skin pale.
He's seen Karamatsus unmoving, broken body on the side of the road after being hit by a truck. He's seen Choromatsu sitting motionless, head buried in the bowl of a toilet. He's seen Todomatsu explode unexpectedly…
He's felt his lungs struggle for air that wasn't there. He's felt the sharp, sudden sensation of electricity running through his body. He's felt himself succumb to heatstroke. He's felt his bones splinter and fragment, his flesh torn from his very body. He's seen so much, experienced so much.
But nothing compares to the pain of seeing Ichimatsus slumped corpse against the cracked wall, an empty pill bottle held loosely in his brothers pale hand. His mind roars with static as he stares, the world falling away. All sounds and colors become meaningless, leaving only him and Ichimatsu in a void of darkness. His heart beat pounds in his ears as a single, gut wrenching thought enters his mind.
He failed.
Something inside him snaps, realization hitting him like a fucking truck. The world suddenly comes back as his body tenses, throat tightening as a choked sob tears through him. His hand loosens, a metallic clatter echoing the alley as he falls to his knees. The baseball bat rolls to rest against his legs as tears well in his eyes and silently cascade down his cheeks.
His breathing turns ragged, trying desperately to inhale enough air for his lungs that constrict within him, his body begins to shake as a whimper slips from his lips. He shakily reaches out to grab Ichimatsus hand, inhaling sharply upon feeling how cold he is. He wants nothing more than to scoop Ichimatsu into his arms and never let go, to feel his brothers warmth and hear Ichimatsu reassure him that everything is okay…
It's hard to think, to breathe. His heart broken, shattered beyond any revival can fix. His chest is heavy as a wail rips straight from his torn heart. He doesn't know how long he sits there, crying, holding his brothers dead hand. When he does finally pull himself together, he's absolutely drained, feeling numb.
He doesn't remember much after that, time slipping away from him and becoming meaningless. All he remembers is flashing lights, a sensation of moving and then he clicks back into reality when he's back home. His ears are full of cotton as he barely hears his families strained voices, fragile questions and heart wrenching sobs. He doesn't have the energy to answer them…
He scans the expressions of his brothers. Todomatsu is in tears and trying desperately to wipe them away without success. Choromatsu wraps an arm around Todomatsus shoulder with a pinched expression, trying and failing to keep it together as tears threaten to trail down his cheeks. Osomatsus expressions is blank, eyes distant, looking into a place he can't. Jyushimatsu doesn't blame him.
No, he blames himself. Feeling utterly revolted and guilty towards himself, making his stomach twist into knots.
Jyushimatsu jumps when he feels what's supposed to be a warm, comforting hand rest against his upper back. He looks over his shoulder to Karamatsu giving him a worried, heart broken look, tear tracts staining his cheeks and fresh ones threatening to follow their path. He feels cold, empty. He doesn't deserve the expression Karamatsu is giving him. He wants to shrug away Karamatsus hand but doesn't.
He couldn't do anything… What happened to relying on one another? Why didn't he notice anything?! He's supposed to be the observant one, he's supposed to be the one picking up the subtle details, the things his brothers try to hide.
Except he wasn't… He wasn't on guard, he wasn't on high alert. He allowed himself to rest for once, to not over extend himself. And he ended up overlooking his big brothers suffering. He had one fucking job, to look out for his brothers, to ensure they're okay. That they're smiling. And he failed. He should've noticed, he should've been the one to die, it's what he deserves for such a fucking blunder.
He looks to his brothers once more, taking in their pain, their sorrow, their tears. No… He can't. At least, not right now. If he can't come back, if his brothers find him… Then his title will be meaningless. It's too early for the sun to go out. Maybe in a few years. If he'll stay dead that is…
Instead, he'll hold onto the hurt expressions of faces that match his own, shouldering this pain, this agony as his punishment for being such an utter failure. He hears the rattling of chains adding themselves to the already heavy load he carries, shackling his wrists, ankles and neck with invisible chains. It's what he deserves.
He numbly follows his brothers to their room, having exhausted themselves with their mourning. When he slips into the futon, it feels just a little colder than usual. Jyushimatsu curls in on himself, facing away from the rest of his brothers and feeling the sting of tears threatening to fall once more.
He's hoping, praying that Ichimatsu revives. He's never had doubts about their revival before. And it scares the shit out of him. This was new, this was an entirely different death than what they're normally subjected to. And if Ichimatsu doesn't come back…
The thought alone tears a whimper straight from his chest, fresh tears dripping down his cheeks. He inhales sharply when he feels Choromatsu rubbing his back in a comforting manner which only makes him curl up further, a sour taste manifesting in the back of his throat while his stomach twists into knots.
He forces his eyes shut despite his racing thoughts and heart, tormenting him and keeping him on the precipice of sleep for hours. When he feels his mind finally start to slow, his body relaxing, a single thought flickers through his mind before sleep takes him.
That they're still one of six when morning comes.
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The lull of barely hushed conversation is what wakes Jyushimatsu, responding to the unwelcome noise with a soft groan. Sleep still pulled at his mind and body as he slowly wakes up, registering the voices of his brothers who sound… Okay. Like one of them hadn't died the day prior.
Then he hears Ichimatsus voice, quiet, but unmistakeably him. He can't describe the relief that floods through him, finally pulling him from his sleepy haze as he cracks his eyes open to see Osomatsu and Choromatsu arguing about manga, Karamatsu checking his reflection and Todomatsu on his phone engaging a conversation with Ichimatsu who sported dark circles and seemed to hunch more than usual.
Ichimatsu perks up when Jyushimatsu sits up, putting his conversation with Todomatsu on pause, much to the younger brothers annoyance and shuffles over with a subtle crease of his brows.
"You uh- You alright?" Ichimatsus asks quietly, his concern is understandable as Jyushimatsu doesn't typically sleep in, usually waking up when Choromatsu or Todomatsu do as they're the early risers. Jyushimatsu nods, slipping out of the futon and quick to wrap his arms around Ichimatsu, an immediate calm washing over him. Ichimatsu inhales sharply, clearly not expecting the sudden hug but awkwardly returns it with a pinched expression, confusion swirling in his eyes.
"I am now," He mutters, only strengthening Ichimatsus confusion. Jyushimatsu ignores Osomatsu cooing about how cute his baby brothers are much to Ichimatsus embarrassment.
The metaphorical smiling mask slips itself onto Jyushimatsus face, it's cracks growing just a bit bigger. He holds his revived brother a little tighter, his eyes burning with determination. He needs to be more vigilant. He needs to be brighter regardless if his mask is crumbling slowly but surely. Only he can combat the darkness haunting his brothers. Only he can shine a light on the problems the others avoid. He can't afford to rest. He can't afford to let this happen again.
Never again.