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Moving in with the love of your life sounded like one of the best things that could ever happen to anyone. Waking up in each other's arms, sharing each little moment of their daily routines and doing everything together... A true utopian vision, both in Tsubaki's and Umemiya's eyes.
The first few weeks after settling down really were perfect - if you asked Umemiya, he was both the perfect boyfriend and housewife.
Not only was he an extremely entertaining person, a loyal podcast and a walking encyclopedia of plants, but also a great handyman, cook, and apparently, an amazing kisser.
He was everything Tsubaki deserved in a man, that's exactly what he thought. After all, he wanted to give her everything she deserves, and more.
"...You really can't sit still." The woman chuckled one evening, giving a grateful nod as she accepted the cup of tea from the other. She was currently painting her nails before her performance at Ougi - it was going to be one of those sleepless nights. Still, she was ready to sacrifice her beauty sleep for the thing she loves.
She pretty much lost thought of what her boyfriend has done today so far. He came back from his morning jog with some random saplings acquired from god-knows-where, spent 2 hours re-planting everything on their balcony only to abandon it for the sake of going shopping, where he bought 10 unnecessary things and forgot half of the things Tsubaki asked him for, then came back, got scolded for the mess on the balcony, went back there, forgot what he was going to do, went to cook dinner-
Just thinking about it exhausted the hell out of her.
And Umemiya just nodded proudly.
"Uh-huh!" He hummed with his usual goofy smile.
"But it's not a bad thing, is it? See, you even got tea out of it!"
A kiss landed on Tsubaki's cheek, but it wasn't going to stop her from what she was going to say next. She sighed softly, focusing back on her nails.
"Say, Ume... Did you take care of the dishes, too? I'd rather not have to do it with my nails freshly done."
It was just a calm, patient reminder, as if it wasn't the fifth time she reminded him today.
Sure, doing it herself would've taken 5 minutes. However, she was trying to keep the other at least slightly disciplined and help him learn to control his time management and chores.
But the lists they prepared together were buried somewhere under the pile of clothing on the armchair in their bedroom. The one Umemiya was "just about to clean up".
For three weeks now.
It's okay.
She was patient, and knew living with an ADHD partner would be a challenge.
She was patient.
She was understanding.
That's what the mantra in her head said.
"Dishes! On it, right now~"
It was the third time she's heard it today. This time, however, it looked like he was genuinely listening to her request.
.
.
.
And yet, she couldn't say she wasn't surprised when she caught the other leaning on the countertop and scrolling through his phone.
She just needed to use a slightly firmer tone. No big deal.
"...Hajime."
"Hm?"
He didn't even look up, but the silence suddenly snapped him alert. And then, he realised.
"Right, right! I was just trying to choose some background noise... I can't decide." He quickly exclaimed himself. The only way he could actually get hyperfocused on such a monotone and boring task was listening to some audiobook or podcast.
"You always end up going for the same one. Why not now?" She prompted, still trying to keep her cool.
"Well... It's not it today. I'll just... put on whatever and get those done. Promise. You can go and straighten your hair in peace." He sheepishly assured, unsure whether he could believe his own words. Nor could the other.
"I'll hold you to that. Good luck." Tsubaki gave him a small smile before leaving.
This entire ordeal was exhausting at times, but with how much she loved that dork, it felt like her patience would never run out.
Umemiya decided there was no harm in one last search.
...Too boring.
...Too political.
...He didn't feel like listening about plants today.
....Dogs... This one wasn't audio-only. He'd just get distracted by running to the screen to see the adorable four-legged creatures.
...Renovation advice...
Speaking of renovation, he was supposed to rearrange the books on the bookshelf in the living room. Dammit, they've been driving him insane for months.
He couldn't stand it any second longer.
Wasn't he gonna-
Just The Witcher series. That certain shelf is the biggest mess.
.
.
.
"Hmm, hmm~ Toss a coin to your Witcher,
oh, Valley of Plenty, oh, Valley of Plenty~"
He was so absorbed in his humming and the satisfaction of finally getting things right he couldn't notice the presence behind him.
"...Hajime."
Tsubaki's voice. And... She sounded a bit frustrated.
"Ah- You look gorgeous! Just getting finished, then-"
"Listen, I... I'm trying to be patient. I'm trying to be understanding, but it can't keep on ending up with me having to do everything for you." Tsubaki said, her expression a mix of exhaustion and seriousness. She really wanted to leave for a peaceful shift at the pub, knowing she's going to have a clean home to come back to, not one reeking of mold (and the plates in the sink were about to begin to grow some).
Umemiya winced at her words, his smile turning into a slightly sheepish one. He didn't mean to irritate her, in fact, he never did... So he needed to do his best to calm him down.
"I know, I'm sorry. But-"
She cut him off mid-sentence.
"No buts. You always say that, but nothing ever changes."
Then, she proceeded to list out his mistakes with a tired tone.
"...You promise to help out more, and then you get distracted by something else. It hasn't changed one bit."
She wasn't one to criticise him. In fact, the frustration targeted at her lover felt extremely strange and uneasy. Still, if they were trying to prioritise communication, Umemiya had to hear her side of the story, too.
"I swear I'm trying my best, it's just... out of my control." His smile faded by now, replaced with guilt. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration, trying to come up with anything he could use for defense. But it was hard to defend yourself when you didn't fully understand your wrongdoings.
"I know you're trying, but if the problem is still present, that means there's still more to do than just that. And you can't exactly tell me you've been trying when you gave up on each attempt to build a routine."
"Tsubaki, I swear I know that. But it's not easy for me." He looked her in the eyes, his voice coming out as a plea for her understanding.
As if she hasn't given him enough already.
"I get it, it's hard. But guess what? It's hard for me too. I don't want to blame you, but can't you see that I'm the one doing the entire housework? It's like you're not even trying to force yourself into these "boring" tasks sometimes!"
From Tsubaki's voice and expression, it was quite clear that despite her frustration, she couldn't bring herself to be mad at him. She was upset. Desperate for some sort of change, desperate to solve this problem.
"I never meant to make it hard for you, I just kinda didn't realise that..."
"You never realise" she cut him off, her voice completely fed up and drained.
"I'm trying to be patient, Ume. I really am. I just can't keep on going like this. I need help. And it feels like sometimes, I..."
She hated herself for having to say that, but it was the truth that could possibly snap him into realisation.
"...can't rely on you at all."
The other wasn't surprised, for some reason. He still felt hurt and frustrated, but was also starting to gain awareness he did it to himself.
He knew he had let her down again, despite promising to do better. Countless times.
"...I'll do better. I promise."
He said quietly, watching the other get ready to leave.
She was really upset at him. For the first time ever, she was seriously upset. And he was beginning to understand why - her next words were just the confirmation.
"You've made this promise countless times before. Say it again once you actually feel capable of keeping it."
Her tired voice was the last thing he heard before the door slammed.
Councidentally. Tsubaki didn't mean to actually slam it.
But it made the effect even worse.
Umemiya went back to the kitchen, the topic of the dishes still surprisingly lingering in his head.
He couldn't bring himself to focus on deciding what to listen to, not anymore. Not when the guilt and disappointment in Tsubaki's voice replayed in his mind.
He simply couldn't help but go over their arguement in his head. Because that's what it was, an arguement, right? Their first arguement.
Because he messed up. Unknowingly.
...He ended up choosing the same podcast he's listened to a thousand times now.
Then, he turned on the coffee machine. It was 10 PM, but he knew what he was doing.
This night, he's staying up and giving the apartment a deep clean if it's the last thing he does.
Because there was no greater fuel than the desire to keep Tsubaki happy by his side.
The next hours were a blur as his mind fell into a state of deep hyperfocus fueled by his self-deprecating thoughts.
He wasn't the type to drown in those. There were only three things that could possibly trigger them - failing as a brother figure, failing as a leader, and failing as a lover.
He forgot he even made the coffee in the first place, so he just downed the disgustingly cold drink in one go around 2 AM, having a sudden crisis that had him stare at a wall blankly for 5 minutes straight.
It was too late to vacuum, so he used a broom instead. Every speck of dust, he wiped it.
The bed was fixed, so were the pillows on the couch. Laundry? Waiting in the washing machine until the morning comes, and then, the automatic settings will do their thing.
Everything. Everything he could think of, even the most absurd things, he cleaned them, full of determination to prove his dearest that he cares and doesn't want to make her feel like he's unreliable.
Until now, he was sure he was doing a lot of things for her, and for them. It wasn't particularly a lie. Just, when he thought about how often he did the things Tsubaki asked him to, or did them the way she told him to...
That was probably where he went wrong, and thought it was fine as long as he made up for it with other things.
Around 5 AM, knowing that the pub was about to close (Tsubaki usually stayed a bit longer to help Kanji and the rest of the staff clean up a bit, just out of pure goodwill), he set off on his morning jog with one certain goal - to get to the flower shop a few streets away. It always opened early, and, well, if his efforts weren't enough, or maybe, he forgot to clean something up (highly possible), flowers will help cover it up. It took a short conversation with the florist to find exactly what he came for.
"A large bouquet with red flowers... I'd suggest this one. These camellias scream "I'm sorry" as loud as "I love you". Though, if you asked me... Each woman I know would forgive you in an instant if she was your girlfriend. Men don't even try these days, you know?"
"Well, can't help that I'm a desperate trier... This one, please."
A warm flutter crossed his heart at the sight of the camellias... The flowers Tsubaki's name symbolised. He knew just how weak she was for them, and felt like it was just the cherry on top.
.
.
.
Hiiragi wasn't wrong when he pointed out that Umemiya acts like a dog whenever Tsubaki is in the picture.
His eyes were half-open from the exhaustion, but shivers of adrenaline kept him awake as he waited by the door with the bouquet. He kept on glancing behind himself to make sure everything seemed clean AT LEAST at first glance. At least that.
God. Anxiety was weird. Hiiragi really experiences this crap daily?
He wished that old man would smack him now.
He's a fighter. He's a survivor. He will NOT crumble-
Oh god. The sound of the keys just made him tense up.
His head snapped towards the door as it opened, his heart racing.
And as Tsubaki entered the apartment, his eyes immediately landed on her face to gauge her reaction.
She looked tired, that's for sure. Hopefully from the night full of performing and serving customers, not the emotional turmoil he put her through.
Silence settled between them. For a moment, the only sound was their breathing.
Then, as Umemiya noticed she took the clean apartment in, as well as his disheveled, drained self, and eventually, the large, beautiful bouquet in his hands, he exhaled shakily.
"I'm sorry, Tsubaki. I really want to be a good boyfriend, then fiancé and eventually husband, and I want you to know that. I never realised just how exhausted you were because of me."
Silence.
But the look in her beautiful sapphire eyes softened in an instant as their gazes met. Still, the disbelief was clear.
"...Ume, you... What did you do?.."
She knew. It was just... hard to believe.
On the other hand, he was one stubborn bastard...
Umemiya let out a quiet, nervous chuckle.
"I cleaned the apartment. Properly. It was hell, and I got distracted a thousand of times, and..."
The dark circles under his eyes spoke for themselves.
"...And it really was hell. But even worse hell would be if I weren't worthy of becoming your husband in your eyes."
He couldn't help but fantasize about their future life, but he knew the other did, too.
Tsubaki's expression softened further - she could literally feel her heart melt, seeing this big, guilty puppy now so desperate for her affection.
She could see his exhaustion, and the effort he put in. It didn't matter if it was late - it was never too late. And despite knowing that all this time, he cared, she... really needed all that.
"You don't need to do all of these things to prove yourself" she said softly, her hands reaching out to cup the other's cheeks.
"I know you're doing your best, and it's all that matters. I... I was too harsh. I was exhausted, a bit fed up, and... HRT makes me quite unstable as you know, even if that's not much of an excuse..."
Now she was the one being devoured by guilt. She was so harsh on him, knowing he'd NEVER mean any harm... But he really needed a wake up call. And it seemed to have worked.
Unemiya leaned into her touch, feeling a wave of relief wash over him.
"...But you're not mad anymore?" He murmured, hope flickering in his eyes.
She shook her head, a small smile tugging at her lips.
"...No, I'm not mad." She chuckled quietly, her hand moving from his cheek to his hair.
"...How could I? You made me feel like a queen with that bouquet, and you even cleaned the apartment."
The other sighed quietly in relief, about to speak up when he was interrupted.
"You make mistakes, but one of the things I love about you is that whenever you realise them, you work so hard to make up for them. I should've been a bit more understanding, but I also need you to cooperate a bit more. Doesn't change the fact that I love you, okay? Nothing ever could."
The warmth in her eyes emphasised just how true these words were. Naturally, her boyfriend couldn't help but smile at that, too.
"...I love you too." He murmured, the bouquet almost forgotten. He carefully put the bouquet down on top of the shoe shelf, then pulled her into a tight embrace, burying his face in the crook of her neck.
"...I'm truly sorry..."
Tsubaki wrapped her arms around him, feeling a mixture of tenderness and affection.
"...Shh. It's okay." She hummed soothingly, her hand rubbing circles on his back.
"...I understand. It's not easy for either of us. But we're both still learning. We'll figure it out."
"...Yeah."
"...You're falling asleep on me." She chuckled softly, suddenly feeling a bit crushed by his weight.
"...Yeah."
"Come. We both have some sleep to catch up on." With a smile, Tsubaki took one of Umemiya's hands in hers, but the other didn't look like he was going to cooperate.
"...Just so you know, my muscles are sore as hell, too." She groaned with feigned annoyance, giving in and picking her "oversized samoyed" bridal style, only for him to suddenly regain his strength and tilt his head up for a kiss.
Of course he got it. It was pretty deserved, after all.
They savoured the softness of each others lips as they made their way to the bedroom together, and finally, Tsubaki set Umemiya down on the bed.
"...Did you fall asleep while kissing me?.." She muttered to herself with amusement, covering him with a blanket.
...He pretty much did.
What a man of many talents.