Chapter Text
From: [email protected]
Subject: i broke living room TV
just kidding! i knew you would not open this if i had made subject 'pick paint color for guest room.' which is what email is about. i found two shades online, but can't decide between Silken Peacock or Manitou Blue?? let me know which one you like more.
[Attached: IMG_2481.jpeg]
[Attached: IMG_2482.jpeg]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: i broke living room TV
Is it too late for me to retract my contract with Ottawa.
From: [email protected]
To: All
cc: [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Monday Practice Outline
Team,
I’m sure you’ve already heard the news from your captain, but Shane will be joining practice first thing next week. I’ve given you the weekend off to relax after a great home game against the Sea Lions, but be on your A game come Monday.
Also, I have a form attached here (MANDATORY! Young and Holmberg, are you reading this?) that you are required to fill out and have emailed back to me regarding emergency contacts. This must be done before Monday, or I’m not letting you on the ice.
Go Cens,
Coach Weibe
[Attached: emergency_contact_form.pdf]
From: [email protected]
To: All
cc: [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Re: Monday Practice Outline
why does his email still bear name of our enemies. harris fix it
From: [email protected]
To: All
Subject: Re: Monday Practice Outline
Hello, all!
I’m very excited to be a part of this team, and looking forward to meeting everyone on Monday. Ilya, I’m still working with Mr. Drover on updating my email domain. Please be more professional.
Best,
Shane Hollander
From: [email protected]
Subject: Omg!!
Shane!! Please please please call me Harris!
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Omg!!
Hello,
Oh gosh, I’m so sorry about that, Harris. That’s so embarrassing. I’ll refer to you as such from now on.
Best,
Shane Hollander
From: [email protected]
To: All
Subject: Emergency Contact Form Inquiry
Team,
It’s Sunday night, 9PM. I’ve only gotten the form from Dykstra, Hayes, Bood, Chouinard, Haas, LaPointe, and Barrett. This is a last call, and I’m mandating extra drills for anyone who doesn’t get it in by midnight.
Go Cens,
Coach Weibe
[Attached: emergency_contact_form.pdf]
From: [email protected]
To: All
Subject: Re: Emergency Contact Form Inquiry
Hell yeah, married men always get it done right.
From: [email protected]
To: All
Subject: Re: Emergency Contact Form Inquiry
Married men + Luca.
From: [email protected]
To: All
Subject: Re: Emergency Contact Form Inquiry
+ jackson :P
From: [email protected]
To: All
Subject: Re: Emergency Contact Form Inquiry
+ Troy.
From: [email protected]
Subject: I love you
I saw that face you made when you saw my reply. Maybe I’ll join the married Centaurs list soon, who knows.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I love you
You are SUCH a sap I love you sooo much!! But stop emailing me and come to bed.
From: [email protected]
Subject: form
seems a little harsh coach but here’s mine
please spare me on monday,
alex
[Attached: bruh.pdf]
From: [email protected]
Subject: don't fire me
COACH IMSO SORR Y I DELETED MY MAIL APP FOR POKEMONGO
[Attached: emernfnecy.pdf]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Emergency Contact Form
Hi Coach, I hope this email finds you well.
Attached is my completed emergency contact form. I want to duly apologize for the delay on this form as I had completely skimmed over it in the initial email and was quite excited to introduce myself to the team. I can assure you this won’t happen again.
Best,
Shane Hollander
[Attached: emergency_contact_form(1).pdf]
From: [email protected]
Subject: boooo tomato tomato
coach, so mean! i thought i was only one who could command extra drills to my team. i want my power back
ilya
[Attached: emergency_contact_form(2).pdf]
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Stop making my life difficult
Guys,
You cannot list each other as emergency contacts. That’s not how this works. Please email me a new form by tonight.
Alex and Mitch, NO listing previous girlfriends.
Go Cens,
Coach Weibe
From: [email protected]
Subject: I will kill you
I hate you. Why do you think lying to me is funny. I KNEW we couldn’t have each other as emergency contacts.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I will kill you
you are so sexy when mad малыш. how long does shopping take? come home soon
[Attached: IMG_1221.jpeg]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I will kill you
oh my god
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: guys
guys should i put jenna as my emergency contact
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Re: guys
LMFAO DO IT
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Re: guys
bro ur text notif made me lose a shiny gyrados. also why tf would u put ur ex as ur contact dumbass she’d rather watch ur body go cold than call 911 for u
From: [email protected]
To: All
Subject: Friendly Reminder
Hi Team!!!
Just really REALLY wanna hammer in the fact that I don’t just take videos of you guys for our social media pages, I also help manage your emails. Which means I see everything. Including image attachments. Please use personal emails for anything not related to your job. Please, Ilya and rooks.
Go Cens!
Harris
From: [email protected]
To: All
Subject: Re: Friendly Reminder
not sure how i feel about being lumped in with cap and hollzy. not in the homophobic way, but in the way that me alex and jackson are not in that same category. no illicit pictures being shared here.
mitch
From: [email protected]
To: All
Subject: Re: Friendly Reminder
i, too, do not like being in same lump as rooks. also, why can i not love my husband in public? i thought this was excepting team
From: [email protected]
To: All
Subject: Re: Friendly Reminder
Hello,
Ilya, it’s accepting. Also, sorry on behalf of Ilya, Harris. Also, thanks for being respectful, Mitch.
Best,
Shane Hollander