Chapter Text
The back of his tongue still tasted like soot from the air. Legs ached down to the bone with each step taken through the refined stone path of the courtyard garden and off the engawa. Icy sweat clung to pale skin in thin layers. The atmosphere was deathly quiet even as his blood pulsed a rushing noise through his brain after hours of extraordinary effort.
A majority of his body wanted to remain on that hardened and cool wood floor, but his mind kept him moving, pulling him upward. Where he found himself outside as a slight wind whipped at reddened and bruised cheeks. Duo colored eyes looked out beyond the thick concrete walls that surrounded what he should be calling home.
His father was gone, a guilty part of him felt relieved at the thought. Back on a regular schedule of afternoon patrol around the city in pursuit of glory and conquest. The boy imagined— wondered if the man took as much authority over the exterior world as he did in here.
Or if it was different.
His siblings were upstairs. Being schooled in ways that differed from his own lessons, even if the understanding of why had not set in yet. It was like they existed on a periphery, a world where the details are the same, but the results are varied. Their presence at the borders of his planned life left no feeling of camaraderie, no closeness. Only a deep, funny ache that he didn’t quite yet have the vocabulary to put a name to.
Was it… emptiness? A hole? Maybe, something like that.
He barely knew them and they lived in the same house.
Sometimes he’d get the opportunity to watch the two as they played together. A soft laughter would ring out that felt several kilometers away, even when he was just next door.
He wondered what that felt like. Was it better? Was it worse? They hardly ever smiled either.
Not when he was around. When a sharp edged, all consuming, flame moved about the halls.
The warm of the sun beat along his back as it sprinkled across the many smaller structures and plants throughout the area. The silence of the garden pressed on as he moved. With only a small bit of time to be on his own, the boy would usually take to doing a routine route along the preset path. The one laid by hard and finite rocks and bridges. One where he could easily be found, and be taken back to obligation and constant speculation.
But something was telling him to make a change for once. A light gait crunched the gravel below. Off the beaten bath.
Maybe the light shined a particular way that day, or maybe the breeze pushed his body in a certain direction out into the more remote parts of the compound.
But there in the shadows, amongst the rustling of foliage, among the trees and bushes.
He heard it.
“Yoohoo~” A voice.
“Hey! Is anybody over there?” Shoulders tensed. Every part of him screamed with caution at the soft cadance. His instincts told him to step back, retreat, and avoid all contact. He wasn’t supposed to be here.
But the voice was so warm. Complete. So full of something he hadn’t experienced in such a long time.
“Yes.” So, despite it all, he answered. Voice steady.
“Oh! Hello! Do you live here?” The boy’s eyes narrowed, scanning the area for where that voice could possibly be coming from. Sensitive ears tracked the noise with child-like precision and wonder. He moved further into the roughage, pushing branches around as he went.
Was he imagining it? No. It sounded so real. And even with a wariness in his small chest, the boy still decided to respond.
“… I do…” Tentative, like it was the world’s hardest test yet.
With trembling fingers from overuse, the child touched the foreboding stone wall that surrounded the complex. A small, almost unbelievably subtle beam of light rained against the leafs of a the nearby shrubbery. Out of place, surrounded by the cool blues of the barrier’s usual totalitarian umbra.
Curiosity peaked as movements sounded more clear from the other side.
Behind an overgrown brush, was a crack. Maybe only a couple centimeters of a gap. Too irregular to be manmade. Worn, softened by time and weathered, like something that had been there longer than it probably had actually been. Maybe from an earthquake? Maybe from the cold? Like the concrete had chipped away in a small area and no one bothered to come and fix it.
“Ah cool! I found it like this. I like to come over here and play when it’s too loud at home. Always wondered what was on the other side! ” The soft voice, deeply foreign to his ears, sounded joyful.
“My name is Yu! What’s your name?” It said.
“… Shouto…” The boy kneeled down to be closer, eyes sensitive to the high tonal contrast created by the rift between his world and this Yu’s.
“Hey, Shouto! Can I see you? This hole is very small, but if I step back, I can see more!” Short stubby fingers poked through with zero hesitation, zero fear of any sort of consequence that lurked on the other side.
Shouto knelt down into the grass bed below him to see a little girl on the other side in a bright colored sun dress and hat. A grin took over half of her face, a few teeth were missing.
“Wow, it’s like you’re split in half! That’s so cool! I wish I looked that cool!” Lacking any sort of tact like most children do, the small child cut straight to the chase upon first impression.
“I am a full person.” He wasn’t split in half, that would imply that he was in two separate pieces. She was talking weird. “But, thank you.”
“Do you want some candy?” Yu pushed a small wrapped treat through the wall between a few of her fingers and shook it around. The young boy was hesitant, as he knew that he shouldn’t take food from strangers. Not that he'd met many.
He eyed the offering.
“I’m not allowed to have this.” The training, the lessons, the diet all tied together a picture of his own father’s making. He wasn’t allowed to do anything that the old man deemed a waste of space. “Empty calorie abominations”, the man would call them.
“You got an allergy on somethin’?” Like that was the only possible alternative to turning down a treat from someone that he didn’t know.
“No, Just never had it.” The treat glowed under the light in it’s clear plastic packaging. An over the top, poppy label brandished on top. Bright pink in it’s glossiness, like the ones he used to see in ads on the television while kids laughed and played. Almost like those catchphrases on the commercials, the girl tried to sell it to him: “I promise, it’s really yummy!”
He took it between his own fingers like it was a forbidden fruit.
“Well, try it. I love strawberry! It’s my favorite! I love to share food with my friends.” Cheery and undeterred by his explanation, more plastic crinkled through the hole as the girl most likely opened her own. The boy held the offering closer to his chest.
Friends? Shouto had never had one of those before.
“Is it good?”
“Oh, I haven’t eaten it yet.” Eyes traveled down to the gift, staring at it as if trying to permanently etch the artificially vibrant color into his brain.
“You’re so patient! As soon as my mom gives me these, I can’t help but want to eat them right away.” The girl laughed on her own words. “Lucky for you, she gave me two this time!”
With careful fingers, Shouto opened the little sachet. Taking the tiny piece between his two fingers and popping it in his mouth in one go. Quietly, efficiently, like someone could come from behind and take it away. The confection barely had time to hit his taste buds for fear of leaving too much evidence.
The faint traces were saccharine, and not only because of it’s delicacy. He decided that he didn’t really care for that part.
In a mirrored move, Shouto passed the torn wrapper back through the wall, where the girl took it wordlessly. Can’t let the evidence linger.
“Shouto! Where are you? I’m back early. Come here for training!” A booming voice sounded from the main house.
“Whose that?” The girl asked curiously. Unlike in his own body, there was no tenseness in her posture. Her countenance lax, like the command meant nothing of significance.
“Nobody.” Voice monotone, Shouto looked back at where the source of the powerful expression originated.
“He doesn’t sound like a nobody. He’s very loud.” Very, very loud. Shouto didn't respond to her comment.
“I have to go.” His hand brushed the roughed divide between them, memorizing it like he did with everything he felt that he wasn’t allowed to keep.
There was a pause, no words were spoken as the boy stood up to his full height. Ready to leave this interaction behind for the minimized world that hardly waited for him back indoors.
“Okay, I understand. If you want to keep talking, come back tomorrow!” Yu said, pep in her voice everlasting.
Come back tomorrow? Would that be… okay?
No. No, of course it wasn’t. But the boy couldn’t find it in himself to care.
“I’ll wait here at the same time! I can bring you another treat! You didn’t say whether you liked that one.”
“It was too sweet.” The opinion was straightforward. He wasn’t use to it. Or maybe he just didn’t like sugar that much. He didn’t have enough information to know the real answer.
“Then we can try a new one! You’ll come back, right? I’ll be here.” The last sentence was certain, steady. Like the most natural thing was for her to wait right here at some inconsequential spot.
Shouto opened his mouth to answer, but stopped. He couldn’t guarantee it. He couldn’t say that for sure.
Still, the boy answered her anyway. “Okay.”
More thumping was heard from the house, an oppressive stride, a percussive stop watch.
He really had to go.
“See ya tomorrow, Shouto!”
With body fully turned back towards his place of residence, he ran back onto the well used and intentionally placed path. Not looking back. The aches in his body felt a little lighter.
His father waited in an entryway. Smoke still wafted off from his hulking body, the smell of char radiated from his skin. The wooden walls and ceilings felt closer with his mere presence inside of the room.
“Where have you been?’ The intimidating shadow stood above, similar to the wall around the complex. Only, there was no crack, no break. This one was as fortified as it gets.
“Outside.” Short and concise. Eyes met a second pair, both eerily similar and eerily painful.
“For how long?” His siblings were still doing their schooling, and the attendants were all inside as well.
“I don’t know” It was the truth. He didn’t know how long he’d been outside until he’d stumbled upon what he found.
There was a pause as his father sighed through his wide nose, like the conversation was a nuisance onto itself.
“Shouto.”
“Yes, Father?”
“Did you do your drills like I asked you to? You were slacking at training this morning.” Slacking? Likely. The man before him had forced his son to work until he was sick just the night before.
“Yes. Father.”
“Good. Focus on your training. I won’t have my child being weak and wasting time. ” An echo of footsteps began towards the dojo. The man didn’t turn around to see if his son followed. He expected it completely. Demanded it.
With no hesitation, Shouto obeyed the wordless command. Pace matched, the boy did exactly what he was told.
Still, a subtle, yet vivid, tang lingered at the start of his throat.
—-
Shouto came back the next day.
The wall loomed above him, grey and mundane, where a jagged split waited, just wide enough for two children to sit on opposite sides and pretend there was no boundary at all.
reddened knees settled down into the dirt amongst the plants that concealed it. He poked his cerulean eye through, only to see long leagues of untouched grass.
She wasn’t there. Maybe she’d forgotten? Maybe he made her up.
The thought arrived heavier in his chest than he thought it would.
Still, he waited.
One minute went by. Then another. How long should he wait? How long was too long? Would people start looking for him soon? Time didn’t feel like it usually did when he was over here. It felt shorter, yet less volatile.
The boy swallowed a lump in his throat. Maybe he should go back?
He stood up, brushing any possible residue off his knees. Might as well go start doing those drills. Maybe it wasn’t his time to see what was on the other side of the wall yet.
One foot pushed off the ground to start the trek back-
“Shouto? You there?” He froze.
The voice came from the other side of the concrete, breathless like the person had been running. A moment later, a few fingers made their way into the opening as if to wave hello. They pulled back.
“Ah! I see you! You’re here!” When he crouched down again, he was anointed with the view of messy hair and bright eyes filled with relief. Something lifted at the sight. Something strange.
The tight feeling in his throat all but dissipated. He didn’t even know why it was there in the first place.
It confused him. A pout formed on thin lips.
“You’re late.” It came out with more bite than he intended. Her sheepish laugh made music with the sound of gathered skirts.
“Sorry Shouto! My grandpa came to visit again and I had to wait for him to leave this time.” Still catching her breath as she sat down.
Shouto blinked. “Oh.”
“I came as soon as I could! He was asking me all these hard questions. Like what I want to be when I grow up. I told him, and then they started being all loud again.” Yu was huffy, like the whole thing was an annoyance, arms crossed over her chest. Then, in a shift, she turned to him with a curious eye. “Now that I’m thinking about it. What do you wanna be, Shouto?”
“A hero.” Such a resolute answer for someone so young. Yet, the boy had zero doubts or resignations about what he wanted to achieve.
He will be a hero. And one nothing, absolutely nothing, like his father.
“Ah Cool!” A loud burst of excitement. “That means you have a quirk, right?”
He nodded his head. “Fire on one side, ice on the other. I control it.” Or at least he tries to.
“That’s so awesome!” Then her voice gets mopey. “I’m not sure that I even have a quirk.”
“You don’t know?” Most kids, if they had them, knew by now. At least that’s what his father told him.
“Nope. My parents do. They told me that it took them a longer time to figure out what it was though. Maybe I can make things grow like my dad! My family seems to really like that power! My dad said that they like it too much.” Her words for innocent as she reported back information on people much older than she was.
“I told them that I want to be a doctor! Even if I don’t have a quirk! So I can help people feel all better!” Yu’s soft voice turned strong and determined.
“You will.” Shouto made a single nod of agreement. Something about her tone made him believe her. She smiled at his encouragement, a warm feeling in her cheeks.
“Here.” Her fingers stuck through the hole once again. “Let’s do a high five! For our dreams!”
“A- what?” Never seen that.
“You know, when you want to connect, you do a high five with people you like!” Quick on the explanation, like his befuddlement didn’t bother her one bit. She pulled back to let him see through the crack as she demonstrated. Afterwards, once again eliciting the shown action by partially passing through the barrier.
So that was a high five? Shouto watched the fingers as they wiggled back and forth. “This looks more like a low three.”
“A low three then! Lets do that!” The eagerness for connection in her voice was palpable.
Hesitantly, fingers, way more calloused than a normal child’s would usually be, lightly pressed against the ones sticking out of the wall.
It was fleeting and childish, but he felt something subtle, a pulse of energy. The tension in his muscles from training felt like they melted away. Fatigue faded, as his breathing felt easier.
Hm? Was this the power of a “high five”?
—-
It goes on like that for a few weeks. They kept meeting. They would talk about their dreams and aspirations. Yu would share snacks. Yu would say that her house was too loud, so she’d stay outside for longer and longer amounts of time.
They didn’t see each other every day. Sometimes Shouto had training, sometimes the weather was too powerful, but it was often enough that in the space between visits, that empty feeling began to shrink in the boy’s chest.
He started to look forward to it. Look forward to her. Look forward to her unrestrained laughter at things that he said. Things that he never really understood why they would elicited such a reaction. Quiet conversations, where secrets didn’t feel like secrets. Yu talked much more than he did. Sometimes she’d ask him what he does when they aren’t together, and he doesn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to think about it. So, he would just hit her with one word answers like “sleep” and “eat”. She always groaned at that.
She taught him things. Outside of high fives, she taught him children’s songs, dances, and jokes. Yu even taught him about “fist bumps” even though when she tried it with him, it looked more like a 2 finger bump.
Shouto realized that these interactions made him feel… steadier? The knot that he held in his throat when he wandered around the empty halls of the estate loosened. The walls didn’t feel as oppressive anymore.
Until one day.
One day, the boy wandered up to the wall and something felt off, misaligned. He couldn’t put his finger on it until he took a look through the only thing that connected him to the exterior world.
Yu was there before he was, which wasn’t odd. But her shoulders were shaking. Every few seconds her breathing hitched as if-
as if she was crying.
“Sho…” A shortened version of his given name, one she’d give him within a few days of knowing him. It sounded so distinctly different from the ways that he was normally addressed.
Shouto watched for a few seconds. He didn’t know what do say. For as many tears as he’d seen over the years, he had never learned a single method on how to stop them.
Bruised knees hit the dirt quicker than he expected them to. She looked up, acknowledging his wordless entrance.
‘What’s wrong?’ Was what he wanted to ask, but the words wouldn’t come to him. Luckily, she seemed to understand his silence anyway. ‘
“I’m moving away.” She sniffed between phrased, wiping at puffy eyes. “I won’t live near here anymore and I can’t come back.”
The words, when they registered, made him feel hot and cold at the same time.
Why?! He wanted to ask, but like many other times, through learned experience, he’d resigned himself to accepting things how they are. He sat there on the other side of the wall that suddenly felt much taller than it did five seconds ago.
Shouto watched as the girl cried, unable to do anything about it like many times before. Like in the house he shared with people that he barely even knew. The girl looked up at him, expecting something, anything, but the space wouldn’t be filled. Like they both realized the gap that they’d occupied had been temporary all this time, without any proper way to cherish it.
The crack in the wall felt less like a bridge, and more like a reminder of how his life was not his own to control. And neither was hers, she had to follow her parents.
“I wanted to make sure I said goodbye. We have to leave right away, my parents didn’t tell me when. I’m sorry. I didn’t even have time to bring you anything to remember me by.” Not like he could keep anything physical, his father would find it. He didn’t tell her that though.
The boy clenched his fist. This place was the only version of outside, he’d ever truly known.
‘I’ll find you one day!’ He wanted to say. ‘No matter what, I’ll see you again. When I’m a hero!’ He thought. They couldn’t come out. He had no way to promise it.
“I’ll try to come back tomorrow if I can!” Even as distress filled her being, she remained the more optimistic of both of them. “If I can, I want to see you one more time.”
Silent, Shouto nodded. She told him that she had to go back and help pack. Her parents seemed to have been in a haste. The boy watched her go, for once, seeing the little girl walk back through the grassy field, leaving only the quiet wall behind.
Despite the feeling in his chest, he waited the next day. Watching the grass on the other side weave with the wind. Using the space to pass the time otherwise used to remain in line.
She never came.
He came the next day. And again. Sitting in whatever was left of their moments as they faded and blurred. Each time, he couldn’t beat down that little bit of hope in his chest, but no fingers poked though. No candy plopped into his hand with packaging slightly dusted with sediment.
Then, he’d just check. Knowing it was over, but wanting to see it anyway for reasons he had no words for yet, too inexperienced to describe the feeling. To see the only evidence of a place where he had something for himself, one more time.
It was filled.
Gone.
One morning, he snuck off when the home fell far too quiet. Over to see that the fracture, the only earthbound proof of his past connection— it had been filled. Patched over with smooth, unbroken concrete.
Like it was never there in the first place.