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Look what you've done

Summary:

There was once a time in my life when I was able to see blue and yellow things without stopping to think of someone in particular. I would see blue butterflies and only think about how beautiful they were; I would look at yellow flowers and find them perfect for the time of year. I would see handsome blonde men and only think of them as just that: handsome men. Now, all I can think about is how they are nothing compared to that man. I really shouldn't think of him this way, I really shouldn't.

​They are improper, terrible, cruel thoughts, worthy of jail. All of them directed at a single man; the only man I cannot have. I never thought I could end up in this situation, in love with the man I shouldn't see as anything more than a professor. Nanami Kento, look at what you've done.

Notes:

Hi everyone! I've been thinking about this scenario and decided to write a little about it; I thought sharing it would be nice too. This is my first fanfic and my native language is not English, so you will find mistakes, but please be kind. :)

Comments and kudos are always welcome, I want to know your opinions!! I don't know how many chapters we'll have, so I'll be adding tags and topics as time goes on. Well, enjoy reading!

Work Text:

Winter has always been my favorite time of year. Winter and autumn, but preferably the former. It was the only season where I could walk peacefully through the streets and watch the snow accumulating here and there, as if it also wanted to be part of people's daily lives. Besides, I could also dress up all warm and cozy. Yes, I prefer wearing seven layers of clothes and still feeling my hands freeze when I need to use my phone than feeling a single degree of heat. I've had terrible arguments with Yuji, my best friend, who insists that summer is the bright time of the year. I love him, but I have to admit that boy is missing a few screws.

That same boy is flooding me with messages right now. Probably using horrible words to offend me after I was late for our first class at university. How is it my fault that I missed all six alarms? The cold makes me sleepy; he should know that. Now I’m running — instead of walking as I always do — across campus, intending to avoid being more late than what is acceptable to enter the classroom.

We passed the entrance exam for the University of Tokyo together, something we’ve dreamed of since we were rascals entering elementary school. That dream has finally come true and I can't ruin everything just because I overslept. No, that is unacceptable. This thought makes me run even harder toward the classroom, even as my lungs protest with every step I take. When I finally reach my room, I know I'm a mess. My hair must be pointing in every direction, even though I tried to style it in cute curls before leaving the house. I'm huffing like a cow and probably as red as a tomato. And it's with this face that I open the door to face a crowded class and a teacher clearly annoyed by the interruption.

Serious eyes turn in my direction and immediately take my breath away. The excuses that were stuck on the tip of my tongue evaporate before that cold and direct gaze. Unlike me, this man is the epitome of perfection. Neatly styled blonde hair, an impeccable blue shirt, glasses perfectly placed on a face that looked carved in stone by the gods themselves. Just looking at him made me feel embarrassed by my mere existence. Only then did I realize that I was still staring at the professor without saying a single word.

— Sorry... I... — There was no real excuse for my lateness. Instead of prolonging my torture, I lowered my eyes and closed the door, heading toward the first empty chair I found. — Sorry.
— Next time it takes you twenty minutes to remember you have a class, it won't be necessary to waste your time just to show up here.

Ouch. If I could feel physical pain from a comment, my head would be exploding right now. I winced as I tried to be as silent as possible while settling into one of the chairs in the middle of the large room. The students fell silent during the few seconds of humiliation, but most were exchanging glances between me and the professor, Mr. Kento, who had already lost interest in the irresponsible student and turned his eyes back to the board where he was writing formulas and example graphs.
My phone vibrated with another message and I peeked at the screen under the desk to find a shocked emoji and a question.

"Wtf was that?????????"
"Idk!!! I didn't think I'd be so late. I even got scolded in front of everyone, man. :(("

I put the device away before Mr. Kento could see me with his icy eyes and decide to kick me out of the room for disrespect. For the next two hours, I focused on every word he said, absorbing everything completely eager for the subject. Nanami — let him not hear me calling him by his first name — is an economics specialist much sought after by private companies. It's a miracle he found time to give weekly lectures at a university. I spent the entire pre-enrollment period anxious to have classes with him and our first meeting was a disaster. I couldn't hate myself more.

As soon as he dismissed us with a reading suggestion and the promise to release the slides, most of the room began to leave with the usual sound of notebooks closing and chairs dragging. It took me a few minutes to decide to talk to Mr. Kento and apologize properly. Yuji must have understood my intentions since he gave me a thumbs-up as soon as I stood up and looked at him, trying to calm myself down.

I took a deep breath and tried to fix my hair as I walked to the desk. Mr. Kento was packing his own materials, unshaken by the hullabaloo around him, occasionally murmuring a goodbye to the students passing by. It really should be a crime for someone to be as handsome as he is. It wasn't even noon and yet he looked like some kind of model, but without the fake makeup or camera tricks. Just impossibly and incredibly beautiful.

I cleared my throat as soon as I stopped in front of his desk, catching his attention and making him straighten up from his hunched position over the table. He is tall. Very tall. I am not a small girl; I live flaunting my 1.70m height in heels whenever possible, and yet there were several inches of distance between us. Realizing this made me wobble and perhaps lose my breath a bit. The incisive way he stared at me was enough to bring my attention back to the real problem.

— I want to apologize again for what happened earlier — I began, forcing myself to look him in the eyes, even if that intensity intimidated me a little — I won't make up excuses and say I ended up missing my alarms and that sort of thing, it won't make a difference. But I really want to apologize for it, I'm sorry.

I bowed to him, feeling like a child who messes up on the playground and gets a scolding from the supervisors. He straightened his glasses with his middle and ring fingers as soon as I stood up, closing his eyes and sighing softly. I wrung my hands in a mix of shame and anxiety, but kept my face impassive.

— It's alright, I understand that these things happen to anyone. But be careful to avoid it happening again; lateness like that doesn't leave a good impression. — His eyes softened a little, probably noticing how much of a nervous wreck I was. Even his voice wasn't as dry as when I entered the room.

Smiling widely, I bowed again, happy not to have been a complete disappointment right off the bat. Mr. Kento was a big name in the field and having his favor meant making good contacts in the future; it was important to have, at least, his respect.

— Thank you very much for your understanding, professor. It won't happen again. See you next class!

I practically ran out, intending to avoid any further embarrassment, but not before seeing that he had a small half-smile as he watched me leave. Great, now my professor thinks I'm a joke. My smile of relief died when I reached the hallway and started thinking about it. Fortunately, an arm was thrown over my shoulders and soon Yuji was prattling in my ear about how I had embarrassed myself and how he was afraid I'd be expelled on the very first day. We had three more classes after that and, as hard as I tried, I still had those eyes watching me in the back of my mind.