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The words are drilled into his brain. Countless times by his parents.
Don’t let anyone know.
They play on a loop, circling inside his head on an hourly basis. Everything he does he reminds himself. After everything his parent’s have done for him, it’s the least he can do. But sometimes he can’t always help it. Sometimes his concentration lacks, his mind goes elsewhere and the unexplainable happens.
It’s never normally noticed though. A pen rolling off his desk accidentally holds none of his classmates interest. Nor does the way he gazes out the window and a book falls off the shelf.
The little accidents no one notices. He’s okay with that. As long as he can carry on, day to day, completing his work and getting good grades without anyone catching on, then there isn’t anything to worry about. If he can keep himself in check, then his family don’t have to worry about it either.
There’s a difference though. Sometimes it’s like a magnetic pull. There is an ache in his chest and his abilities course through his veins. It’s oddly calming, reassuring. That it’s still there. That it’s a part of him. That he can do things that no one else does.
So when he’s alone, he sometimes lets it loose. Dan knows he isn’t supposed to. But sometimes he can’t help it. Sometimes the urge is there and so strong that all rational thought goes out the window.
When he was a kid, he used to flip a coin in mid-air.
He’d watch it spin and twist in a way he knew no one else could do. There was something magical about it. How if it was done in just the right light, it looked like the whole coin was shining.
It filled him with a sense of euphoria, a level of complete happiness.
His parents didn’t understand. They tried, but sometimes it ended in tears and yelling and sometimes Dan just gave in and accepted it. Control was important. He understood that. But there was always this thought in the back of his brain. His ability is part of him. Indescribable and permanent. Something that no one else understood.
“What if someone else out there found out?” His mother asked one day. “What would we do then?
He gets it, he really does. He doesn’t want to lose his parents and they don’t want to lose him. But there are thoughts that roll through his mind. The ones that come through when his abilities are twirling inside him, or when he is about to fall asleep at night.
Sometimes he even wishes that someone else knew.
Because at least maybe they would understand.
-
Dan tries not to think anything of the way those pair of green eyes stare. It’s hard, though. Once he notices he can’t stop. The gaze lingers on his side, he can feel it. He notices it happens more than just once, too.
This hasn’t been the first time.
It becomes an itch he can’t scratch. It won’t leave his mind, because why is that kid staring?
He subtly looks at the boy across the courtyard. Except it’s actually not as subtle as he would like. The boy chooses that moment to look back at him and he smiles. A mop of brown hair on top of his head, a smile wide and genuine; one more inviting than any that has been directed towards Dan in a long time.
For a moment Dan thinks he might even invite him over.
“Peej!”
Peej, who Dan assumes is the guy’s odd name, looks over. His smile changes, different to the one he had been giving Dan. The corners of his mouth dim down but oddly enough, Dan feels like it means something different, something stronger, something that he’s done a thousand times.
The voice is oddly familiar and it suddenly clicks as soon as he sees the other set of brown hair that it belongs to Chris Kendall.
Dan can hear Chris’s voice clearly as he continues. “Tell me you brought a big lunch today.”
He watches Peej raise his eyebrow, shaking his head like he already knows where this is leading. “Which excuse was it today? You ran out of time to grab it or you forgot to pack it completely.”
Chris gives him a sheepish look, sitting down next to him on the bench. “Uh, the first one?”
Instead of replying, he watches Peej pull a second sandwich from the backpack next to him. He hands it over, Chris not even glancing at it before he’s taken a hefty bite. He plonks next to Peej in the same instance.
“Since when did you start packing an extra sandwich?” Chris questions.
“Since you started forgetting your lunch every second day.” Peej responds. Chris just grins, taking another bite into his sandwich and nodding.
Dan pulls his vision away from the pair. He doesn’t know Chris Kendall that much, they’ve been in the same year, but never actually in the same class except for two subjects this year.
Besides, it’s probably nothing to actually worry about.
-
It’s not until Chris Kendall sits next to him during class the next day that he starts to actually question things.
He slides into the seat beside him with a strange easiness that makes it appear as he has done so many more times before. He flops his bag on the ground beside him, a singular exercise book and pen set placed on the table in front of him.
Unsure what to do, Dan stares. Eyes looking at the side of Chris’s face because he isn’t sure what the actual fuck is happening right now.
“Did you happen to do the homework set for today?” Chris asks suddenly. He looks at Dan, sheepish smile on his face that instantly reminds him of the scene the other day when he had been around Peej. He flicks a piece of brown hair from his slightly overgrown fringe and smiles; one of those “please help me out” kind of grins.
“Yeah, I did.” Dan replies after a moment.
“Great!” Chris exclaims, flipping open to a page in his book. “What did you get for question 2,3,4 and 5?”
Dan looks at him for a moment. Expecting some sort of laughing to follow, because if he did his work correctly-and he’s willing to bet he did- there were only 5 questions actually assigned. Chris just looks at him though, awaiting the answers with the same look he had moments ago. “Uh, here?”
If Chris hears the lack of sureness in Dan’s tone, he doesn’t mind. He lets out a quick thanks, scribbling down the answers as fast as he can. His handwriting though, is somewhat impressive for something taken down so quickly and it occurs to Dan that maybe this isn’t the first time Chris has complied notes off of someone.
“Thanks,” Chris comments, sliding the book back to Dan’s side of the desk. “I sort of ran out of time last night.”
Dan just nods, opening to a blank page in preparation for the next class. He half expects Chris to pack up his things and go find another seat. His classmate doesn’t. He just pulls out his phone and replies to what Dan assumes is a message. He gets a glimpse at the background, an anime Dan has seen before.
“Fullmetal Alchemist,” Chris states, noticing Dan’s look. “Have you seen it?”
It’s somewhat surprising, because he never expected the two of them to actually have something in common, let alone an anime. He’s actually somewhat surprised that Chris is continuing with any sort of conversation.
“Uh, yeah. Brotherhood was better.” Dan replies and Chris let’s out a smile, which resembles that of the Cheshire Cat.
“Isn’t it, though? What were they even thinking the first time. It’s like they purposely tried to ruin something great. I’m glad they rebooted it, sticking to the manga is always better than whatever weird rubbish tangent that they end up with.”
Nodding, Dan goes to say something about how they should have done that with Fruits Basket instead of screwing up the entire plot line, but he doesn’t because their teacher decides that now is the perfect time to call for their homework to be handed up and the small bit of confidence Dan had goes out the window as quickly as it came.
He feels the small bit of anxiety in his chest somewhat lessen as Chris gathers them both up and hand them over as she comes around, slipping a “you’re welcome” to Dan somewhat jokingly. Or at least that’s what Dan assumes.
It’s still there though, and there is the nagging voice of his parents inside his head that he needs to be careful. And he knows. But oddly, so oddly, he finds himself feeling weirdly comfortable.
The problem is, he knows he needs to be careful. He’s careful every day, knowing how dangerous things can be if anyone suspects anything. He remembers that moment when he was a kid, when he lost control and hurt that little girl.
There is a large part of his brain that wants to say fuck it - that was so long ago, it shouldn’t even matter now.
Except as soon as the class is out, he says a quick goodbye and leaves Chris behind.
-
His mother’s generic question rings his his head as he stares at the ceiling. Back pressed against his mattress, all his can think about is the answer to the everyday question.
Did he have a good day?
Of course he had told his mother yes, like he always did. But the real question was surrounding the actual answer.
We watches the pencils twirl in front of him. Moving systematically and effortlessly through the air. It’s usually something that takes his mind away. Where he can just let his abilities course through him and manifest themselves perfectly.
His parents had called it his zen zone. The moments he could take to be himself without having to worry. The moments where he would just let himself zone out and move whatever his mind felt like moving and there would be nothing else that mattered except that moment and the feeling that comes with it.
Except it’s not exactly working like that tonight. His brown eyes close, blackness invading his vision. He can still feel the objects moving above him. Practically see them floating through the air as if they are a physical part of him.
He kind of knows the answer already. He did have a good day. And not the generic good day that just comes with him attending school and being home with an evening full of video games in mind. The kind of good that was scary and different.
Different, because for the first time in ages he actually seemed to get along with someone; even if it was for a relatively brief, anxiety fueled moment. But scary, because he knows the rules he’s placed on himself. He knows that he has to be careful and that he has created distance between himself and everyone else for a reason.
A part of him is questioning it all, like that it’s suddenly too good to be true. That he gets some sort of weird vibe about this whole situation. Nothing that he can put his finger on. Just something is different.
He watches the clock tick, his phone illuminating the room as it begins to get dark. He watches as the moon glows into his room, radiating beautifully.
He decides that he isn’t actually going to decide on anything- if only just for now.
Except that he has decided: today was actually pretty great.
-
It might actually be that the universe is laughing at him whilst simultaneously screwing him over, but the bright morning that was once promising has turned into a rainstorm with a heavy amount of thunder. The occasional frightened scream could be heard from a handful of Dan’s classmates.
This also means that he can’t sit at his favourite lunch spot, because as much as he enjoys its level of seclusion, he isn’t willing to turn into a drowned rat.
It also somehow, miraculously happens to mean that he gets shoved into the same open classroom as Chris does, along with his friend. He wants to turn around and go into the next room, suddenly panicking because even after his mind going haywire last night, he can’t seem to decide what the fuck to actually do, but his voice is suddenly called out from across the room. Loud, northern and unmistakable.
Dan freezes mid-turn and instantly regrets it because Chris definitely saw that.
“Come join our party of two.” Chris comments. “We’ve got a block of chocolate and some semi-stale doughnuts to share.”
Dan turns to them, watching as the brunette next to Chris shakes his head. “What kind of incentive is ‘semi-stale doughnuts?’”
“I’d eat doughnuts that had been left on the bench for a week. They are God’s gift to man.”
Peej lets out a laugh that sounds like a mixture between finding something hilarious and unbelievable.
“Of course you would.”
“What do ya think Dan?” Chris shoves the doughnut box in his direction, raising his eyebrows. “I know it’s tempting you.”
Resigning quietly to the situation before him, Dan shakes his head as he steps forward. Shoving the doughnuts back towards Chris as he takes a seat opposite them. “You- uh, you can keep those all to yourself.”
Shrugging, Chris picks up one covered in sprinkles and hastily shoves it in his mouth. Dan is pretty sure he says something along the lines of, “well that’s your loss” but it comes out as more of a muffled long noise as he attempts to talk around his mouthful of doughnut. The other male rolls his eyes, but there is that smile back on his face, and this time Dan definitely knows it is some sort of fondness.
The brunette looks back at Dan.“My names PJ, by the way. I might as well introduce myself seeing as how Chris is having a moment with his food.”
As if on cue Chris lets out a small moaning noise and it only briefly interrupts Dan’s thought process about how PJ makes a lot more sense then Peej does.
“It’s genuinely concerning how often this happens.” PJ voices, unwrapping his own wrap from the lunch box in front of him.
“That’s a regular occurrence?” Dan asks as Chris finally gulps down his food.
“Way too regular.”
Taking a sip from the juice box in front of PJ, Chris grins. “Honestly though, those doughnuts are delicious. You’re missing out. There was only like, one hard bit, actually there was two. But I gotta sell it somehow.”
The look of horror on Dans face is mirrored by PJ. Dan’s pretty sure he can feel his stomach clenching in disgust.
It lasts all of two seconds before Chris bursts out laughing, so loudly that several of the students situated inside the room look over to see what’s so hilarious. He doesn’t stop there, he cackles so loudly that there are tears rolling out of his eyes, hands wrapping around his stomach as he jolts.
“Kidding,” Chris says as he wipes away another tear. “Did you even- see look at your faces. Perfect. Brilliant. As if there were actually any hard bits.”
It’s contagious though. Chris just has that laugh were it causes others to laugh, and before Dan knows it he is laughing alongside Chris, closely followed by PJ.
It dies down, and it might be the way that PJ says it, but he whispers “still don’t actually touch those doughnuts” and Dan finds himself in the weirdest fit of hysterics again that follows him throughout the remainder of lunch.
-
Dan doesn’t actually need to make a conscious decision, because before he knows it Chris starts joining him in their shared classes and inviting him round for lunch. It’s so weird, that the three of them just kind of click. He can’t explain it, but he feels relaxed and confident when the three of them are together.
It’s nice, to not be on guard all the time.
To say “fuck you” to that promise he made himself so long ago
And it’s weird too, because the moment Chris calls him a friend, he can feels his powers course through his veins in glee.
He swears that PJ smiles, directly at him, with a look that he’s never seen before.
-
“Why does PJ’s name have a heart next to it?” Dan asks one time. It’s been a few weeks, and he has seen the messages appear constantly during class time. It’s like they are inseparable. He kind of has a hint towards what the answer is, because he’s noticed the less than subtle glances between the both of them for a while now.
He can see a small blush appear on Chris’s cheeks and he knows that his hunch is correct.
“Uh it’s sort of a joke.” Chris comments. And as if the gods are in on it, PJ sends him a message at the exact time, his name popping up on the screen with the pink heart next to it.
“Uh huh,” replies Dan, not taking a bar of it. It’s kind of obvious how they must feel about each other. Sure he has only known them for small period of time, but the google eyes they send to each other is a new level of sickening. And cute. There’s also that.
Continuing with his shit-eating lie, Chris remarks. “Like an in-house one.”
“So it’s got absolutely nothing to do with the reason you spend all your time texting him? Or the goofy looking smiles you send each other’s way? Or how you spent like, every fourth sentence telling me something he said? And especially nothing to do with the way your cheeks are looking like a beacon?”
Chris’ voice is a solid octave higher than usual. “Nope?”
“That sounded a lot like a question.” Dan murmurs and his only response is a nervous chuckle from Chris.
Running a hand through his tuft of brown hair, Chris sighs. He lets out a breath, in a rather uncharacteristic level that Dan’s never seen. “It’s not really that simple.”
And yeah, maybe Dan shouldn’t question him, because he sounds like he’s cutting the conversation off. But at the same time he feels as though his heart sinks a little. And it shouldn’t. Because he has only known Chris for a few weeks now. But he knows little things that make him care and trust him. Like that his hands run oddly warm and his jokes are obscenely perverse. He knows more about Chris Kendall then he has ever known about anyone.
And despite his prior judgement, he is the first person Dan would actually call his friend.
“How come?”
Chris hesitates again, like he’s thinking seriously about what he’s about to say. “It’s just, PJ probably already knows, and I mean, that must means that he’s not interested. So there isn’t really much of a point.”
Dan frowns. “Probably knows? So you told him, or…not?”
“It’s a bit more complicated than that.” Shrugging, Chris looks at him, the regular smile back in place. But it’s a bit off, it’s forced. “Besides, romance is a fucking struggle. You’ve gotta make time for that shit. I barely have enough time to do my homework.”
Dan laughs, but it’s purely for Chris’s benefit. Besides, the only reason Chris doesn’t have time to do his homework is because he’s spending it with PJ.
-
He decides that today’s the day. The speech is planned, all in his mind. It’s nothing that should actually require a plan. That’s not exactly what normal teenagers do when inviting the people they consider friends round to their house after school. But Dan hasn’t exactly got the most experience in this field. In-fact, he has practically zero knowledge in anything to do with friendship and the code that goes with it.
Is there even a code?
He wipes that thought from his mind. Now is definitely not the time to be freaking out over useless shit. His plan is to just watch a few TV shows, play a few games together and maybe convince his parents to order pizza. Simple
He makes his way over to their meeting spot. He stands there, bag draped over his shoulder, phone in hand, obviously talking to PJ, because there never really is anyone else. It does bring a grin to Dan’s face, because at least -in his opinion- there is hope.
He pauses for a moment, grin crossing his face as he realises the Chris hasn’t actually seen him yet. And there is potential for pay back after the numerous times that the other male has hidden behind objects just to startle him. In all honesty, Chris is probably an awful influence on him.
He get’s right behind, finger’s armed and ready.
“I don’t know, PJ. What are we supposed to say? Oh, by the way, we know you’ve got some kind of ability and want you to show us? We actually befriended you for that sole purpose. Yeah, that’s going to go down fucking swimmingly.”
Dan freezes, breath catching in his throat as he hears the words fall of Chris’s lips. His mind goes blank, every inch of him caught.
“We don’t want to freak him out, besides, you don’t even know what he can do, all you see is some gold colour. Like, what does that even mean. Dan’s not going to -Dan?”
Chris pauses mid-sentence, turning. He freezes, mirroring his friend. Brown eyes lock onto brown, and a look of pure terror falls onto Chris’s face. He opens his mouth, words failing to come out.
Chris steps forward, eye’s wide with worry. The phone is dropped from his ear, loosely held by his side. As soon as he does Dan feels his abilities surge in a way they never have before, panic reaching a whole new level. Without thinking, his abilities take hold. He feels a rush through him, and suddenly Chris is knocked off his feet, back hitting against the tree behind him.
There is a flash of concern that crosses Dan, before he remembers that Chris is a fucking traitor in the first place. He can feel the ground shaking beneath him, dirt rustling around as it reacts to his surge of anger and fear.
“I, Jesus - Dan, look, it isn’t how it sounds, honestly!” His voice comes off a bit out of breath, like he’s winded. He pushes himself up and Dan’s abilities continue to swirl, a branch snapping in half and dropping to the ground directly in front of him.
“How long have you known?”
Dan’s voice is raised, uncharacteristically. His entire instinct is telling him to run. But he feels angry, betrayed. He considered Chris and PJ a friend, and to know that, that they knew this form the start somehow? That they manipulated him into believing that they were friends so they could exploit him?
The nausea in his stomach worsens, his fists tightening up as he tries to pointedly control his abilities.
“I – we haven’t, at least not exactly. PJ just suspected, he could see something different, it intrigued him. Listen, we’ve got-”
“You liar.” There is venom in his voice, words gritting through his teeth. He knows he has to calm down, that this is going to cause attention. He’s never lost this level of control before. His powers so strongly reacting to his emotions that they are reacting on their own. “I trusted you.”
The words come out broken, and he can feel tears threatening to fall.
Chris looks as though he has been punched in the face, words hitting him harder than the telekinesis did earlier. He doesn’t speak, but there is suddenly a flash of amber, a swirl of flames filling the air in between the two of them. It comes directly from Chris’s palms, lighting up the air in front of him with a glow Dan never knew existed.
“I can control fire.”
Dan’s world spins upside down for the second time. He feels his feet give out from under him and before he knows it, he is on the ground in a similar position to Chris.
“You – what?”
The flames disappear as quickly as they appeared, and Chris pushes himself up, crawling towards Dan. He pauses again, looking at his friend, with worry still evident on his face.
A numb feeling washes over Dan. The moment he has waited for has happened. Someone else with abilities. Someone else that knows what it’s like. Who can do things that no one can explain.
“How did you, how did you know?” Dan questions. “That I had an ability?”
Chris nods his head to the right, and it’s then he realises that PJ has appeared.
“I could see it, actually.” PJ replies, he takes a step forward and takes a seat on the ground until they are forming a similar circle to how they usually sit at lunch. “I guess it’s more accurate to say I could see the mark it left, in your aura. I noticed it one day at lunch.”
“Then you both have abilities.”
It’s more of a statement than a question. A level of disbelief.
PJ smiles as he says it. “Pyrokinesis and empathy.”
“So like, PJ’s ability sounds stupid, but it’s actually cool. He can see auras and sense people emotions. Sometimes also control them. You should have heard his stories as a kid. And I thought I was bad when I lit the curtains on fire.”
Against the gravity of the situation, Dan grins. Because that is so Chris.
“And you’ve got…the ability to give me a concussion via trees?”
The grin quickly turns into a frown, and a level of guilt washes over Dan. He probably did over-react, maybe just a little. However, he didn’t exactly have a choice. It was panic-driven. And panic plus a mixture of supernatural abilities is never a fantastic combination.
“Sorry, Chris. Honestly I- It’s telekinesis, actually. I did kind of loose it there for a moment.”
“An awesome moment.” Chris comments, like the fact that he got knocked with enough force to potentially break a bone is literally no big deal. “A fucking ‘moving shit with you mind’ kind of awesome moment.”
That really hits home, because there has never been someone that Dan has been able to discuss this with. He’s never met anyone else with abilities, and besides his family, he has never been able to speak about them. Yet here he is, sitting after school in a goddam circle with two of his friends talking freely about each of their abilities.
It feels like there is an invisible weight lifted off his shoulder.
And for the second time in his life, Dan’s world is turned upside down.
But this time, it’s for a much better reason.