Chapter Text
He slipped out of consciousness, the hooves of his beloved beasts beating in the distance. His body trampled. He did what he had to for everyone and that was okay.
Then Gundham was awake.
Far more suddenly and abruptly than the way he'd died. For with waking up came a flood of memories. They were painful. Despair, anguish, and guilt swirled around in his mind.
And there was love.
So much love.
It broke through the other thoughts.
It hurt.
He had been forced to forget this love, between brainwashing and the Neo World Program memory loss, but the two always found each other. They were drawn to each other regardless.
He pressed frantically at the glass in front of him, trying to find the release. He wasn't supposed to be alive, and yet he was, which meant something had gone horribly wrong, or possibly, unbelievably right.
He hoped for the latter.
He hoped.
How long had it been since he last hoped for anything? It was both familiar and deeply confusing. And yet in this moment all he had was hope. That his beloved was alive, that this had not all been for nothing, that he'd get to see him again. That the plan they'd set up, to get into this situation, the whole reason they were here - he hoped it had failed.
The pod opened and he saw Hajime. He was definitely Hajime though one of his eyes was still red. His face was kind.
"Welcome back Gundham," Hajime held out his hand both in a hand shake and to help him up. Gundham accepted wordlessly. His clothes were returned to him, the same clothes he remembered wearing in the simulation. His scarf he was especially pleased to see once more. He dressed himself
"How are you feeling?" Hajime asked.
Feeling. The question stirred everything back up again.
"Wh- where is Kazuichi?" His words came out low and breathy.
Hajime smiled, wrapping a blanket around Gundham's shoulders.
"I'll take you to him" Hajime extended an arm for Gundham to take to steady himself.
Gundham was again lost in thought, following Hajime's lead on autopilot. His brain was full, too full. What if he was taking him to a memorial site, or a hospital bed. What if Kazuichi was fine but he didn't remember life before the simulation? His feelings for Sonia had returned there, he couldn't fault him for that, they didn't know. But the idea of losing him in any way would break his heart. He tried to spare everyone from the pain of dying, but what if they had died anyway? What if Kazuichi had woken up a different person to who he was before? Remembered different things? Felt differently? Brains were so fragile after all and theirs had gone through so much. Too much. His stomach was in knots yet he did not stop walking with Hajime. He would have answers.
Hajime stopped in front of a door and knocked.
"Kazuichi, are you still awake?" Hajime asked through the door with a playful grin.
There was silence, maybe a shuffle in the room behind. Gundham held his breath, not wanting to miss any sign of Kazuichi.
Hajime knocked again, firmer this time.
"Kazuichi..."
"You said I could sleep tonight,” Kazuichi’s voice was muffled by the door, but it was unmistakably him. Whining about having to get up. It was him.
"I know but there's someone here who wants to see you," Hajime turned to Gundham and lowered his voice, "don't take it personally he's had it rough since we woke up."
Gundham only nodded. Kazuichi’s voice sent his heartbeat into overdrive. He was giddy and excited and scared all at the same time. Kazuichi was alive, here, behind that door, and Gundham didn't know what he'd say. What to do. There was still one thing yet to confirm.
The door opened and there he stood.
His hair messy, unbrushed, roots grown out far longer than he'd ever let them go by choice, deep, dark circles under both eyes, contrasting against his too pale skin, his clothes sat baggy on his body, he was tired and cranky, and he was beautiful and he was here.
Kazuichi gave Hajime an incredulous look, and then seemed to realise there was a second person attached to him.
Their eyes finally met.
A small amount of colour returned to Kazuichi's face, his tired eyes widened, jaw slackened and he let out a small whisper.
"Gundham," his voice was so soft, Gundham might have missed it if he wasn't so transfixed on him.
"Kazuichi," Gundham whispered in return, the only response he had.
The corners of Kazuichi's eyes filled with tears.
Gundham really hadn't figured out what he was going to say. They just stared at each other for what felt like forever. Hajime nudged Gundham a bit with his arm.
"I... I want to be sure you remember our romantic partnership," Gundham asked quietly.
"Yes of course i remember," Kazuichi took a shaky breath, "does this mean you do too?"
Gundham nodded, continuing "And would you want to continue?"
"Yes! If that's okay because I... I still... i mean if you-" words were spilling from Kazuichi's mouth but nothing coherent was coming through.
Gundham moved closer to Kazuicui, sliding his arm out of Hajime's grasp and instead placing his hand on Kazuichi's shoulder.
"I still love you," Gundham stated, looking straight into Kazuichi's eyes.
Kazuichi's arms wrapped around his waist almost instantly. Gundham returned the hug, partiality enveloping him in the blanket that had been on his shoulders.
"I love you too," Kazuichi said resting his head on his shoulder, as naturally as they'd done many times before, but not having done so in too long. Their bodies had changed, between time and the havoc that had been wreaked on them. Most notably they were much weaker than they used to be, far too thin, bones more visible under the skin, malnourished. Tired. New scars on the surface of their skin from whatever despair had driven them to do. Their fragile bodies matched their more fragile mental state. But they could heal, they could get better together.
Kazuichi turned his head to face Hajime. He mouthed a silent thank you to his friend. Hajime nodded in return.
"Gundham, you can stay here or I can take you to another spare room, up to you," Hajime said, he seemed like he was following a protocol, he knew the answer he was going to get.
Kazuichi still tightened his grip around Gundham, smiling into his shoulder.
"I'll stay," he replied, rubbing Kazuichi's back.
"Can I let people know you're awake? They might want to see you" this question from Hajime seemed more genuine.
Gundham tapped the back of Kazuichi's shoulder, raising an eyebrow. Kazuichi nodded.
"That should be acceptable," Gundham responded
"I'll leave you to it then" Hajime left and Kazuichi brought Gundham into his room, to his bed.
Cuddling soon became slow and sleepy kisses. Their lips moving gently against the other, as if they'd never been apart. Limbs tangled around each other; the warmth of their bodies bringing much needed comfort. Their simple presence keeping each of them grounded in the moment, no despair, no spiraling anxiety. Only comfort. A sense of mental peace and calm. To such a point that Kazuichi was clearly struggling to stay awake.
"Have you been unable to sleep my love?" Gundham whispered, recalling the words he’d first heard from Kazuichi today.
"Mmhm," he hummed affirmatively.
"Rest then, I'll still be here when the sun rises"
"Mmmhhmm"
Gundham kissed his boyfriend on the top of his head as he snuggled into his neck and chest to sleep.
"Doors unlocked if people want to visit" Kazuichi mumbled, before reaching slightly to place a light kiss on Gundham's jaw, eyes hardly able to stay open.
Gundham could feel Kazuichi's breathing become slow and steady as he nestled into him. Gundham moved his hand to the back of Kazuichi’s head, combing his fingers through his hair and trailing down his back. Repeating this motion to help Kazuichi relax into sleep.
The other survivors did visit throughout the night. Gundham was grateful to see them, to be able to talk to people. He gained understanding of what had gone on after he had died and before he woke up. No matter how much they talked or who came in, Kazuichi didn't stir at all. Even if Gundham shifted Kazuichi seemed to adjust himself with him, making sure he had an arm thrown over him and much of their body pressed together as possible. Gundham napped for a few hours after it seemed like everyone was done visiting, but having been at rest for so long didn't feel the need to sleep as much.
Hajime arrived late in the morning with breakfast. He pulled a chair up to the side of the bed.
"Sorry to interrupt we just have to make sure he eats"
Gundham nudged Kazuichi awake. The sleep already seemed to do him some good. He didn't look as sickly.
"Breakfast my dear"
Kazuichi slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes.
Hajime handed them a breakfast each.
"Good Morning Kazuichi, you know the deal, just a couple bites if you can. Ideally, you eat a little bit more than yesterday"
Kazuichi poked at the food on the tray. Picked up an apple slice and ate it in one go. Then slowly took a bite out of one of the bread buns. Picked up the fork and took a piece of omelette. And slowly over the course of an hour he'd picked the entire tray clean.
"Hajime, I think I was hungry again," Kazuichi said softly.
"Thats good, I'll be back with lunch later, okay?"
Kazuichi nodded as Hajime left the two alone again.
"Were you not eating either?" Gundham asked Kazuichi, his brow furrowed with worry.
"N-not on purpose. It wasn't a remnant thing if you... remember that" Kazuichi sighed, "I just felt sick, I couldn't eat much, they monitored me for a while I had like fluids and stuff, but being in the hospital wing was uncomfortable especially when everyone's watching you all the time waiting for you to snap. Plus, all the crap they have to put on you to monitor you. Didn’t leave me much ability to comfortably rest and recover. Hajime would bring my meals at least. I didn’t feel as pressured with him. He still has to make sure I eat something, but he's a friend, he gets what we went through. Told him about us too, asked him to visit you when I couldn't. Probably made me feel more sick to not visit you"
Gundham's arms had wrapped tighter around Kazuichi as he talked.
"I just want to be sure you're okay," Gundham said. He remembered how he had felt, what he couldn't bear to feel just 12 hours ago, and realised Kazuichi had been feeling like that for much, much longer.
Kazuichi nudged Gundham's nose with his own and they both leaned into another kiss, familiar and loving.
"I will be," Kazuichi whispered.