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Darkness. The silence of the Forgotten Knight was oddly comforting to her. She never could get used to how stuffy the manor felt. How she'd sink into the plush sheets or the perfumed smell of the linens. It didn't have the simple comforts the inn had. It was more mundane, more like home. Though it still felt malms away from the quiet life from it.
There was a quiet knock at the door.
Silence.
Then another knock, this time with more urgency.
Sarantsatsr grumbled, who would need her so badly they needed to disturb her in the middle of the night. She quietly mumbled to herself, telling whoever was on the other side that she was awake.
Whoever had the nerve to call on her so urgently better be damn important. Gods forbid if it was something less than that.
She cracked open the door, cautiously peeking out.
“Hello…”
Rielle stood before her, awkwardly shuffling behind the door. Sarantsatsr let out a quiet sigh of relief and opened the door.
“I'm sorry for waking you.” Rielle said quietly.
She stood there unmoving. Shyly waiting for her to say something.
Something was wrong. The way she wouldn't look her in the eye. How her hands fidgeted with the fabric of her nightgown.
“Rielle? What's wrong?”
Sarantsatsr got down on a knee, trying to get a better look at her in the dim light.
“Can I sleep here tonight?”
She looked back toward her bed, then back at Rielle. She was trembling.
Sarantsatsr led her inside, “I'll get some extra sheets. You can take my bed, I'll sleep on the floor.”
“No!” Rielle said suddenly, almost surprised by her own outburst. She looked away again. “Is it okay if I sleep with you tonight?”
She slowly nodded, pulling open the covers for her. Rielle silently climbed into the bed, burying herself in the sheets. Sarantsatsr quickly followed, shuffling beside her to make room for both of them.
They laid there stiffly. Sleep would not come easy to either of them. Rielle clung to her side, nuzzling her head into her chest. The cold draft from the window made her shiver. Rielle was still trembling, but not from the chill.
“Does Sid know you're here?”
“No,” she said softly.
Sarantsatsr pulled an arm around her, gently rubbing her back.
“Rielle… why did you come here tonight?” It was a foolish question. One she was mostly asking for herself.
Rielle shook her head against her.
“Is it something you can't tell him?”
She shook her head again.
“Your face isn't as scary as his.” Rielle said quietly. “I know he's not a bad person, but he's always so angry. But he seems less angry around you.”
“You think so?”
“Mhm,” Rielle said with a nod. She let out a shaky breath, but she seemed a bit calmer. “You know how to not be a chocobo's arse like he is.”
Sarantsatsr let out a small chuckle, and Rielle hugged her tighter when she did.
He was a bit stubborn. They both were. Maybe it was something she learned from him.
The two of them had been together longer than when she met him. Cold and alone in the snow.
Cold and alone in her sheets.
She was resilient, more than she knew herself. More than Sidurgu would let her know.
Rielle shuddered again, her breath catching in her throat.
“Rielle?”
Warm tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Oh Rielle…” Sarantsatsr said softly. Gently wiping the tears from her eyes.
She tried muffling her sobs against her, but the tears kept flowing. Unable to speak with how she'd gasp in between breaths. Clinging desperately to her as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded.
Sarantsatsr pulled her closer, whispering words of “It's okay,” and “I'm here,” to her. She continued to stroke her back, trying to steady her between sobs. But eventually the trembling stopped, and the tears stopped flowing.
Rielle looked up at her, cold and afraid. As if the warmth being given to her was sapped out in an instant. She looked utterly exhausted. Sarantsatsr brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, so softly as she feared she might break again. Rielle took a few deep breaths to steady herself, looking back to hold her gaze.
“Why did Mother stop loving me?”
Rielle bit her lip as she said that. As if it was something meant to be unspoken. She looked at her, waiting for her to say something. Sarantsatsr felt her throat go dry. She already knew the answer but she didn't dare speak it.
A foolish war led by foolish men. Ones who would let the downtrodden be trampled on.
“Rielle, I-I…” Her words left her stuttering. How else was she supposed to answer something like that?
Sarantsatsr felt Rielle go rigid in her grasp. The pain was unrelenting, but there were no more tears left in her.
“It's okay,” Rielle said quietly, a hint of disappointment in her voice. “Sid would never tell me either. I wouldn't expect you to know either.”
“No, it's just that…” The words she needed to say were slipping her. “It's fine,” Rielle said under her breath. Too tired to even care anymore. Her eyes already too heavy to stay awake any longer.
“Rielle, i-it's not your fault… it never was…”
But sleep had already taken her before she could hear the rest.
There was a knock at the door. It turned into pounding the moment she didn't answer.
She turned over to see Rielle peacefully sleeping. At least whoever was knocking didn't wake her up.
Trudging toward the door, she let out a yawn. Answering the door to another call that needed her so badly.
She cracked open the door. “Who is it?”
“Where's Rielle?!”
She let out a sigh. Who else could it be to wake her up so early.
She opened the door to see Sidurgu. There was a kind of desperation in his voice. One she had never heard before.
“Have you seen Rielle?! She's not in her room! She-”
Sarantsatsr held up a hand to stop him. He was already moving too fast for her. She opened the door for him, letting him take a peek. There lay Rielle, fast asleep in her bed.
“It's alright Sidurgu, she's here with me,” she said with a yawn. She could see the wave of relief that washed over him.
He cursed under his breath. “What happened with her?”
“I…” She didn't really know how to answer, not after the events of last night. “She came to my room in the middle of the night, asking if she could sleep with me. I think… I think she's lonely.”
“Lonely…” He said quietly back to himself.
“There are things she shouldn't be worrying about at her age. I tried to comfort her, but there are some wounds too deep to heal on her own.”
Sidurgu let out a sigh. “I'm sorry for this, but thank you.”
She silently nodded back.
The two of them stood there, unmoving and unknowing of what to say next.
“You're a bad influence for her… but you're all that she has.”
“She has you.”
“She needs you more.”
Sarantsatsr shook her head. “If I'm on the other side of the world, what will you do? What would you do if I'm malms away?”
She didn't even let him speak. “I won't be here all the time, but you will.”
He guiltily looked away, clicking his tongue.
“Sarantsatsr?” Rielle said sleepily. “Oh- Sid!”
“It's okay, Rielle.” She said softly. “Sorry for waking you, but it's alright.”
“Mhm,” She mumbled back and pulled herself under the covers.
They looked back at each other, still unsure of what else they could say. “It's alright. I'll take care of her for now. We'll join you downstairs when we're ready.”
“Right…” He said quietly. Sidurgu turned away to leave before stopping. “Thank you, again for… for this.”
“Of course.” She said quietly, as she watched him walk away.
There was a knock at the door. Then another again. Sarantsatsr would wake to Rielle in the night. Cold and alone, and she would welcome her inside.
It was an odd routine, one where they'd lay in her bed. One where she'd hold her till she fell asleep. Where she'd dry her tears that she couldn't hold back. How she'd be haunted in her dreams and it would send her screaming to her bed.
It would continue, night after night. How Rielle would huddle with her for warmth. One she needed so desperately, warmth she no longer had.
She told her of memories, ones that she once knew. How Sidurgu once told her he lost his family when he was younger than her. Her memories of him and Fray.
But then he died too. And all that was left was the two of them.
And each time Sarantsatsr would pull her close, to give her that warmth. One she could never replicate, an imitation of something to warm her hands and heart.
Her cold fingers would cling on to her. Soft hands that had not seen such violence. Soft hands which once knew a mother's touch. But all she could hold were the ones in her grasp. Calloused hands, marred with scars and blood.
Blood that would run red in the snow.
He told her to look away but she couldn't.
The way her mother slumped lifelessly in the snow.
Her body still warm as her blood pooled around her.
But Rielle could no longer hold her hands, for there was nothing to hold on to.
They left without a word, with Rielle trailing behind them. She looked back one last time. One last time to see what once was. But she turned away to catch up with them. Grabbing onto the hands that she learned to love.
There she was in her bed again. But there wasn't much to talk about, not really.
They returned to the inn earlier and sat down at their table. There was nothing worth celebrating, eating their meal in silence.
Then liquor started flowing and maybe there was a smile, then a laugh. Loosening their tongues and talking amongst themselves. Returning to a sense of normalcy they had grown accustomed to.
Rielle curled up into her neck, resting her eyes. She couldn't sleep, but she was restless in another way. The air was heavy with the smell of booze.
“You stink.” Rielle said childishly.
“I'm sorry.”
“You smell like him.”
“Perhaps we are alike in more ways than one,” she said with a smile.
Rielle shook her head. “No, you're different than him… and better than him.”
Sarantsatsr let out a laugh. Her breath was laced with the scent of ale, hearty and warming.
“Maybe I should tell him that. I'm sure he'd take it well.”
“No, don't!” Rielle said giggling. “Well… maybe you could… It would be rather funny.”
“Maybe if we dress up a moogle like him you'd like him more.”
“I think that would only make things worse for Sid,” she said with a laugh.
“You're probably right,” Sarantsatsr smiled back at her.
She once thought it turbulous to fall asleep. Having to exhaust herself with tears and anguish till she could find peace. But for once, sleep came more easily.
No longer bound by the uneasiness that gripped her heart, for there was another hand who kept it steady.