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You loved Melissa with a ferocity that knew no bounds. She was rough around the edges, but soft whenever it came to you. There was never a moment that you weren’t showered with her love, which is why you put up with a lot. You had gotten used to her screaming excessively during football games. You even came to adore the way that she would throw popcorn at the TV when the Flyers were losing. At night, you had even come to adore the way that she snored right in your ear as she kept herself curled around you.
There was a lot that you could handle, but you reached your limit when she came home with a guinea pig cage in hand. Your brother had a guinea pig growing up and used it to torture you for years. He had taught it to bite you, scare you while you were walking around the house, and use your bedroom as its personal litter box. It was a nightmare that you were not ready to relive, no matter how many years had gone by.
“What the hell did you just bring into this house, Melissa Ann Caterina Schemmenti?” You say with your arms crossing over your chest.
Melissa’s full name stuns her, and she closes her eyes as a flood of memories comes back to her. “Shit, your brother.”
She sets down the cage on the floor and walks around the kitchen island. Her arms extend, and normally, you would melt right into them. Today, however, you glare at her and then back at the cage. Melissa runs a hand through her red hair, trying to figure out how to salvage this situation. There was no way she was going to leave Sweet Cheeks in the hands of her 2nd graders, who absolutely threatened his life daily, but she wasn’t going to throw away your relationship either. As you watched your girlfriend pondering her current predicament, you knew part of you was being irrational.
“Does it bite?” You ask softly as Sweet Cheeks stands against the bars of his cage.
“No, no,” Melissa says adamantly. “Sweet Cheeks ain’t got a bad bone in his body. His problem is that he is too trusting. Jamari almost fed him some chocolate that would have killed him!”
You look at your girlfriend and the horror written across her features. Against your will a part of you softens. “Sweet Cheeks… really Mel?” She shrugs but you can see her relax at the use of a nickname instead of her full government title. “How long have you had him?”
“Well Janine didn’t listen to me and got him three weeks ago. He is supposed to be a class pet and go with the kids on the weekends and breaks. I tried baby, I really did. Every time he came back from the gremlins house he was skinny, looking at me with pitiful eyes. You should have seen it! I couldn’t let him go.”
You let out a huff of laughter as you finally wrap your arm around Melissa’s neck. She pulls you into a hug and you kiss her forehead lightly. “He can stay, but I swear to your season tickets to the Eagles, I will get rid of him if he ever bites me.”
Melissa’s face lights up brighter than the sun as she kisses your lips then your cheeks, then your forehead. “I promise Sweet Cheeks will be the most behaved creature you ever seen.”
Her promise proved to be true the longer Sweet Cheeks came home on the weekends. He was quiet and during his “freedom times” as Melissa called it he would roll around in a ball that she had adorned with a bell. You could hear him halfway across the house, which made you laugh, especially when he got stuck under various pieces of furniture.
When he seemed to be outgrowing his original crate, you encouraged Melissa to get him a bigger one for the house. You loaded it with treats and little enrichment activities that kept him busy most of the day. Late into the night, there would be some squeaking and the grind of his wheel, but Melissa would merely shut the door and flick on background music to drown out the noise. Eventually, you got the courage to start holding him, and when he licked your cheek instead of biting it, you knew that he was part of the family.
You didn’t let Melissa know this, enjoying the way that she showered you with extra love and adoration now to make up for the furry creature. Which went well until she found you curled up on the couch, with Sweet Cheeks across your chest, watching Survivor reruns.
“I don’t know if I should be more hurt that you are watching Boston Rob without me, or that you are doing it with Sweet Cheeks,” she scoffs as she plops down next to you. “I think this may be grounds for a breakup.”
You roll your eyes, shoving her shoulder. “You know you love it.”
“You and Sweet Cheeks, yes,” she affirms, leaning over to kiss your cheek. “Watching my show without me-no. I will withhold all cuddles for two months if you ever watch Survivor without me again.”
You adjust to lie against her chest, still holding Sweet Cheeks close to you. Melissa presses another kiss to your temple as you smile.
“You couldn’t last that long.”
“I would try my best,” Melissa winks and then ruffles Sweet Cheeks’ fur lightly.