Work Text:
Liam: who’s working Tampa tonight?
Donnie: terry I think
Brody: something weird happened at the Montreal-Ottawa game last night and I need to run it by you guys
Liam: sup?
Brody: so did I ever tell you that my mom is Russian? I’m fluent in Russian.
Donnie: so?
Brody: so last night, when Roz and Hollander were facing off, Roz kept speaking in Russian. And the really weird thing is Hollander was responding.
Donnie: there’s lot of Russians in the league, Hollander has probably picked some of it up
Brody: it’s the stuff he was saying though. The first face off he just said “Hollander” but in like a super sexy way. Like a lover would.
Donnie: and what did Hollander do?
Brody: he just winked!
Liam: sounds like an inside joke
Brody: but then their second face off Roz said in Russian “if you win this one, I’m gonna fuck you in the back of that stupid fucking car of yours”
Liam: whoa
Donnie: now that could just be a weird chirp. These guys have been playing each other 10 years
Brody: all right, now this one I’m not 100% on since Hollander’s Russian is terrible, but Roz had him up against the board and I swear he said “you’re getting me so hard, don’t be a tease”
Brody: then Roz called him his sweet sexy newspaper
Donnie: ok but why that hilarious
Liam: 🤣 that is definitely a chirp
Brody: third period, lining up again, and again, I need to stress how bad Hollander’s Russian is, but he says to Roz “my mom says hi”
Liam: wait is this a reverse chirp where Hollander insults his own mother?
Donnie: 🤣
Donnie: probably messed up his grammar
Brody: then Roz replies “tell her I can help with the garden on Tuesday”
Liam: is Roz fucking Hollander’s mom?
Brody: I don’t know! It’s so weird!
Brody: when I was leaving the arena, the strap on my bag broke, so admittedly I was kinda sitting in the shadows down by the dumpsters trying to tie it back together, but I saw Roz come out the players door
Brody: the Ottawa bus had already left so I don’t know why he was still there
Brody: he crosses the parking lot to an SUV and gets in
Brody: I swear I’m not bullshitting you on this next part
Brody: Hollander was the driver. The light was ok so I could see through the windshield and swear Rozanov kissed Hollander’s hand
Liam: WTF
Brody: am I missing something? I know I’m new but…
Donnie: no, no, this is weird
Liam: can I add a few refs here? I wonder if anyone else has seen anything
(Mel, Cam, Alex and Hank have been added to the chat)
Liam: I brought everyone up to speed
Cam: Alex and I were on the ice when Hollander went down a couple years ago. I had to push Rozanov back to his bench, he just kept yelling at the medics. He seemed very concerned for just a guy he supposedly doesn’t know that well
Alex: wait, I overheard Hollander when they were taking him out on the board. He was asking for Ilya. Did he mean Ilya Rozanov?
Hank: I remember hearing Hollander calling Roz lover boy once, but I figured it was a chirp
Hank: Mel, you’re being very quiet. You’ve been around the longest
Mel: I don’t know if I should say
Cam: aw come on
Mel: this doesn’t leave this group chat. Got it?
Mel: when my ex and I first moved to Montreal, we were renting a place in Hollander’s building. We never really saw each other, he was in the penthouse and we were on the second floor. I’m not sure he even knew I was living there.
Mel: one night after a game against Boston, I was having trouble sleeping so I thought I’d go for a run. I usually go out the back door, the back alley leads to the park. So I open the door that goes to the stairwell and I look down and who do I see but Rozanov and Hollander
Mel: Roz is getting his coat on and tying his shoes, and they’re talking about the Olympics. Hollander looked like he had just been fucked 9 ways from Saturday and completely blissed out. Then Roz made a joke about making him cum, they kissed goodbye and Roz went out the back door. I snuck off before I got caught.
Mel: I totally intruded and I never told anyone. I need you all to promise you’ll keep this to yourself as well, this would out them and I don’t know how that would go for them.
Cam: totally understood
Alex: of course
Liam: hey, it’s ref code
Hank: we all swear on our stripes
Brody: absolutely
Donnie: just got caught up, secret is safe with us
Cam: I just can’t believe it, that’s insane
Hank: so they’ve been doing this since 2014 at least
Liam: I bet going after each other on the ice is a crazy hot aphrodisiac
Donnie: I mean… I know when Trish and I play Scrabble, it always leads to freaky sex
Mel: gross
Brody: did anyone see Pike’s Fanmail video??
Donnie: I just did, holy shit
Donnie: twitter and IG are blowing up
Mel: what’s going on
Liam: Hayden Pike sent out a Fanmail vid and you can see Roz and Hollander kissing in the background
Hank: oh god
Cam: what can we do? I wish we could show our support for them somehow
Liam: like send them a fruit basket?
Alex: I just heard they’re both benched
Cam: are you fucking kidding me
Hank: who’s working the Montreal and Ottawa games
Liam: Terry is doing Ottawa, Donnie is doing Montreal
Brody: why isn’t Terry in this chat?
Hank: he is
Brody: would it be weird to DM Roz or Hollander and show our support? Is that allowed?
Cam: if it’s private probably
Brody: how’s this: I’m writing you on behalf of a group of referees. We’ve watched you two on the ice for years, and saw the connection between you. We wish you both nothing but the best. We can understand the amount of pressure you’re both under right now, but I hope you know we all stand with you.
Liam: that sounds great
Hank: yeah 👍
Brody: everyone sign off and I’ll send it to Roz
Cam: have y’all seen the insta post?
Hank: they’re so cute!
Liam: are we taking bets on how long they’ve been together?
Brody: according to Mel it’s been at least since 2014
Hank: I’m gonna say 2013
Liam: why?
Hank: 🤷♂️
Cam: oh god what if they hooked up in their rookie year
Liam: can you imagine?
Hank: holy shit did you see the video Rozy just posted?? They’re getting married!
Liam: they’re so fucking cute
Cam: should we all chip in and send them flowers or a blender or something
Mel: I know a really good Russian artist who lives in Ottawa, I’ll talk to her to see if she has anything that might be appropriate
Brody: I love that idea
Mel: I’ll text her now and let y’all know
Liam: I’ve been refreshing IG to see if they’ve posted pics yet
Hank: ??
Liam: Rozy and Hollander are getting married today
Hank: where did you hear that?
Liam: I heard Hayden Pike talking about it with JJ
Brody: did Mel get that painting sorted out?
Cam: yeah it was delivered yesterday
Liam: go to Rozy’s IG, he just posted a couple pictures! Including one of our gift!
Cam: holy shit!
Alex: they look so in love 😻
Donnie: pls stop using the cat face emojis, you’re a 42 year old man
Alex: 😽 no
Brody: yeh Donnie, leave him alone
Donnie: fuck off Brody you’re 12
Liam: quit being ageist
Donnie: I will when Brody graduates middle school
Alex: don’t worry Brody, he’s just jealous of your youth
Cam: and your hairline
Donnie: fuck all of you
Mel: you are all awful and I don’t know why I’m friends with you
Mel: all right y’all, my phone is getting turned off, Terry and I are headed to the cottage
Mel: 2 weeks of no phone, no email, just sunshine and campfires
Terry: and no clothing
Alex: aw, you crazy kids, don’t forget to hydrate
Mel: 😎☀️🏖️
Terry: 🍆🍆🍑🍑