Archive of Our Own

“McQueen.” Nice Nature said.

“Yes?” McQueen answered meekly.

“I think this is a little bit bigger than what we were thinking.”

“…You are very much correct. As always…” 

“You don’t have to give me that much credit.  … Are you going to be, like… okay?” 

“I… I don’t know…”

Nature sighed. “Look. If you need to call it off, that’s totally fine. We’re not going to make fun of you because you had an idea that you didn’t quite think it through. I mean, that’s what you tell me to do all the time, right? So…”

“No, no!” McQueen said, shaking her head. “I’ll be fine. Everything is… under control.” 

Nature blinked once, then twice. She wanted to believe McQueen, she really did, but the way her tail was swaying back and forth somewhat betrayed her hesitance. “Well, if you say so-“

“Queenie! Natie! We can buy an entire bucket of fresh baked cookies here!”

“Oh my goddesses…” McQueen’s face crumbled in front of Nature’s eyes, and the heiress stared at her pleadingly. “My kilocalorie limit is supposed to be fifteen thousand today…”

Nature sighed, patting McQueen on the back slowly. “You know, we are halfway across the world right now. If there was ever a time to have a cheat day or two, it’s probably when you can try a bunch of different foods.”

“I’m going to regret this so much,” McQueen said, but she did straighten herself up. “Very well, let’s join Teio,” she said, although the way her tail twitched belied her eagerness to eat all the (presumably very greasy) food. 

“McQueen? Nature? You coming?!” Teio yelled out at them from across the way. 

“We’re on our way!” Nature shouted back, then turned back to McQueen. “Alright, let’s get going. I want to know what the heck a [cheese curd] is and how badly it’s going to mess up my stomach.”

This far into her first trip to America, Nice Nature had been surprised at how off base all of the stereotypes she’d had about it were. Sure, she’d met plenty of Americans at various fan meetups for Teio and McQueen and Kitasan, but apart from the language barrier they were mostly the same as any other fan, with all the good and bad that implied. Thus, her understanding of the country had been limited only to what she saw in race broadcasts and movies. McQueen was steadily broadening Nature’s list of movies seen, but so far all that really did was add ‘hardcore special agent guy’ and ‘sleazy car salesman’ to the list of American archetypes she knew. But outside of movies you didn’t really run into any of those, and as it turned out they didn’t encounter any cowboys either. They’d started from Arlington Park in Illinois to meet with a couple of the sponsors for Ardan’s foundation, then driven up to Brainerd and Fargo in North Dakota to do some sightseeing for McQueen, then driven across to St Paul, Minnesota for their state fair on a bit of a whim from Teio. (Nature knew all of that only because she was navigating for Ikee-san all throughout their long highway drive; she was certainly not an expert in the American Midwest.) All the while, Nature was growing convinced that while there were some key differences to Japan, America wasn’t quite like her preconceptions. 

And then they’d actually made it to the state fair, and Nature realized that there was absolutely a nugget of truth to all of those jokes, and that nugget was deep fried and lathered in grease. The fairground was the size of Tokyo Racecourse, stands and all, and it held about the same amount of people in it right now even at this early hour. Just, instead of a racecourse, there was a veritable smorgasbord of carnival games, attractions, and the widest - and fattiest - array of food choices she’d ever seen. Sure, the fairs back home had some things that could ruin a carefully planned diet, like cotton candy and yakitori and ramen snacks and whatnot, but this was on a whole other level. And everything was given in truly massive portions, too; several people she saw had novelty hot dogs the size of Nature’s forearm, and there were indeed many buckets of cookies being carried around.

Teio was absolutely in her element, and her inner child was running rampant. She was currently poring through a giant map of the area while snacking on a couple of very tasty shrimp and pork skewers. The blurb had said that they were prepared in the [Hmong style], which mostly told Nature that she didn’t know anything about anywhere. She was resisting the urge to look up everything because she knew she’d get lost in a maze of Umapedia links and spend more time translating stuff than enjoying anything. “Natie! Queenie! Look here - they have a whole section for carnival games! And there’s a big roller coaster and a drop tower! And there’s an uma musume acrobatics troupe performing at 4 pm!”

“… We should probably do the rides first,” Nature said, looking at how McQueen was intently studying the menu at the nearby onion ring place. “Wouldn’t want to do a rollar coaster on a full stomach.” 

McQueen nodded. “Yes, let’s prioritize… [Ah, sir, can I have a small order of the onion rings here? Thank you very much.] The lines don’t look too long at the current moment, but I imagine they’ll get longer as the day goes on.” McQueen’s English was the best out of all of theirs, even if it drew some looks for being far too formal for the setting. It was a good thing that it was her, because she wanted to try out at least one thing from each of the vendors. Nature had already vetoed a couple of stands that were redundant; McQueen had a bad habit of stuffing herself on appetizers before the main course came out if she wasn’t paying attention.

“Alright. It looks like we can go to the [Mighty Midway] right now and get some early bird discounts, then break for lunch, and then see that acrobatics show, and then there’s a couple of animal exhibits, a house of mirrors, a haunted house… Yeah, they have everything and then some,” Nature said. “Alright, follow me.”

“If we’re going to have a proper lunch, should we really be getting all these snacks?” Teio asked, although she pointedly did not stop eating the meat skewers.

“Well, we’ll be grazing throughout the day and burning off the calories at the same time,” Nature explained. “But lunch is when we’re gonna be able to really dig into some dishes that we want more than just a couple bits of.” 

“Gotcha! Dang, you really do know your stuff. I bet you could give Kita-chan a run for her money in festival knowledge.”

“Well, Kita-chan just ate what she wanted whenever she wanted,” Nature said with a sigh. “It’s only mortals like us that have to think so much about their food consumption.” 

“Still, your expertise in this area is greatly appreciated,” McQueen said. “You must have done this often.”

“No, but my mom ran a stall at the local festival, so I saw it from the other end often,” Nature explained. “Old people who ate slightly too much and needed a drink were our best customers. Oh wow, the line is pretty short.”

“… Are you sure, Nature? The sign here says there’s going to be a 10 minute wait,” McQueen said, although she lined up without complaint alongside the rest of them.

Teio looked at McQueen funny. “McQueen, that is short. Look at how many people are here.”

“Wait… have you ever been to an amusement park  before?” Nature asked.

“Well, yes, but it’s always been during Mejiro family events. Ardan brought me along for a company event for the hospital employees once.”

“So you’ve only seen a theme park when you rented out the whole place?” Teio asked pointedly.

“… Yes,” McQueen said bashfully. 

“Sorry, McQueen,” Nice Nature said. She didn’t mean to make McQueen feel out of touch for growing up so privileged, she just kind of did it by existing around her. “To be honest, you aren’t missing out on much,” Nature added. “You already get most of the experience by getting racecourse food… well, uh, for like a normal theme park, that is. Maybe not this American version.”

“Well, a roller coaster is a roller coaster,” the Mejiro heiress said. “What could possibly be different about an American one?”

“Holy shit, we have to show these to Gold Ship. She’s gonna die laughing."

“I know, right?! This is the literal first time I’m ever considering buying these photos.”

“I shouldn’t have done this… I should have known that you guys would find it hilarious…” 

“Yeah, well…” Nature started before breaking into another fit of giggles. “I’m sorry, but you do look hilarious!”

“Hmph…” McQueen crossed her arms and pouted. 

Normally, Nature would instantly fold to the sheer incongruity of the sight (or, as Digital would say, “die from gap moe”) but the pictures they were currently getting printed out were far too funny for that to happen. The fairgrounds had installed cameras in the middle of the corkscrew through the middle so the riders could get pictures of themselves. Amidst all of the cheering and screaming riders was one Mejiro McQueen, hair tied back in a ponytail that was fluttering behind her as she went upside down… and she was completely and utterly stonefaced, as if she was posing for a school ID picture instead of being flung through the air on a steel deathtrap moving at 85 kilometers an hour.  

“I simply don’t see what the big fuss is about roller coasters, that’s all,” McQueen said. 

“Come on!” Teio asked indignantly. “You really don’t get the allure of the speed? You’re an uma musume!”

“Doing it with myself is what makes it special. It’s only meaningful if I reach the heavens with my own two legs,” McQueen said. 

Nature looked at the rest of the pictures, picking out a couple of them where Teio had a broad grin of joy on her face that was distorted to the point of comedy by the motion and one where Nature didn’t look too stupid with her face of utter panic. “For what it’s worth, I agree with McQueen. I never really saw the appeal,” she said understatedly, as if she wasn’t screaming her lungs out in abject terror.

“Aww, fine, I guess I’ll have to bring Maya next time,” Teio said with a pout. “You just don’t get it.”

“As long as you can convince Maya that it’s not childish somehow,” Nature replied.

“She got over that, actually!” Teio said. “Or at least, I think so. Last time we went she never even said anything about being an adult.”

“… Well, what was she doing instead?” McQueen asked. 

“Oh, pining for Brian, I think!” Teio said cheerily.

McQueen blinked. “I thought Laurel was doing that?”

“Brian has a lot of people pining for her. She’s kind of stupid, though, so she has no idea.”

“Speaking from experience?” Nature asked teasingly.

“Hey, it was McQueen that had no idea you were crushing on her too! I knew you had a crush on me!” Teio said in self defense.

“You just had no idea what to do about it,” McQueen jabbed back.

“Well, yeah, duh,” Teio said, and the three of them shared a good laugh. 

“[Hey, misses, here ya go],” the attendant said, holding out prints of all of their selected pictures.

“[Thank you very much],” McQueen replied. 

“McQueen, we should be able to get the digital files too,” Nature pointed out, gesturing at the sign above the stall. “Can you have them send it to us? Just gotta give them an email.” 

“Eh? Oh, you’re correct! [Can we have the pictures sent to us, sir?]” With the guidance of the attendant, Nature filled out the form on the provided tablet. 

“Nature, I didn’t realize your English was so good!” Teio exclaimed as they headed out. “You never told us? And why aren’t you talking as well?”

“Well, it didn’t really come up until now…” Nature said, her ears laying back in embarrassment. “And I can’t really say anything, which is the issue. My mouth trips all over itself. But I can read and understand it pretty well, even write some out.”

“That’s still impressive, though,” McQueen said. “How did you go about practicing?”

“… I watch a streamer on Youtube,” Nice Nature shamefully admitted. 

“Oh, like Gold Ship?” McQueen asked. 

“Gold Ship’s a streamer?” Nice Nature asked incredulously.

“Yeah, she is,” Teio explained. “After she entered the Dream Series, she made a channel and started doing random stuff - Tracen interviews, gaming, stupid pranks... I played some goofy fighting game with her a couple times, it was fun. King Halo is actually still getting merch from the game companies. She's quite popular nowadays.”

“Huh.” Nice Nature said, nonplussed. “I don’t suppose she ever played The Binding of Isaac, did she?” When she had woken up today, she was not expecting to find out that there was a non-zero chance that Gold Ship and Northernlion had interacted, and quite frankly she was a little scared.

“No idea what that is!” Teio said cheerily. “But you could probably ask her if you think it’s a good idea for her to stream, maybe even do it with her” 

“… What if I really don’t think it’s a good idea?” 

McQueen sighed. “You are my girlfriend, so a certain amount of Gold Ship in your life is mostly unavoidable.” 

Nice Nature shuddered involuntarily. “I already get enough of her from Kita, and from what I gather, that’s Golshi at her most responsible... I’m trying to avoid her meeting Turbo at all costs.”

“Turbo’s her editor.”

Nice Nature blinked once, then twice, and then spread a big smile onto her face, suppressing the urge to scream. “You know, let’s give this other ride a try…” she said. “I actually want to be spun around in a big spinning whirlygig of doom.”

“Uh, Nature, you okay?” McQueen asked.

“That is a question for future Nice Nature!”

After a couple more instances of being shaken through the air at far too fast of a speed for Nature’s liking, they eventually did get to break for lunch. “No- no more…” Nice Nature wheezed out, clinging onto a nearby metal railing. She could practically feel her tail dragging along the floor.

“Are you alright?” McQueen said, patting her on the back. She looked just as perfectly put together as always, and Nature was so jealous of how stupidly pretty she was.

“I’m mostly exaggerating. Mostly.” 

“Natie, I got you some lemonade!” Teio called out. “And some fries, if you want.”

Nature accepted the cold drink gratefully. “Thank you, dear,” she said tiredly. She was about to make another joke about being old and talking like an old lady, but she stopped herself; next to her, McQueen smiled just a bit wider. Fuck, she was whipped. “… Why does the box just say [[Fresh Hot Fries]]?”

“That’s what the place was called,” Teio said with a shrug.

“Huh.” Nice Nature took a fry from the big basket and ate it. “… Yeah, they sure are hot and fresh.”

“Oh, that’s what it means! I thought that was a person’s name.” 

“I feel like they’re missing out on a branding opportunity, but the fries are pretty good…” McQueen ate a couple more of the fries, then turned back to Nature. “Are you ready? I must admit, I’ve worked up a bit of an appetite today.”

Nature looked at the massive food area with both excitement and trepidation in her heart. “Yes, but… McQueen. Teio. Can you promise me one thing?” 

Teio and McQueen looked at each other, then back at Nature. “What is it?” Teio asked.

“We don’t look at any of the nutritional facts for any of the things we’re buying today.” 

McQueen let out a long shuddering breath. “You’re right. There are things that we are not meant to know, and the calorie count of fairground food is certainly one of those things.”

And thus, the three girlfriends set out to the vast fairground, picking out anything and everything that caught their fancy. Much to Teio’s delight, honey products seemed to be a local specialty, or perhaps a trend. Teio got herself a hot honey chicken sandwich, a couple hot honey pizza balls, honey ice cream, some kind of horrible honey jalapeno … bacon… cream cheese… donut … thing, and lastly a bag of honey sweets and a jar of the stuff to take home. Apart from her trademark favorite food, she mostly seemed to pick up gimmick foods and local specialties, things that would make for a great story or a great picture even if they didn’t make for a great meal, which is how Nature and McQueen found themselves having to avert their eyes from the complete disasterpieces in front of her. Nature was sure that Teio would finish all of it, but just looking at that abomination of a donut kind of upset her. Teio was also very interested in the soft serve beer ice cream, meaning that Nature had to physically drag her away from the stall before they had a repeat of the All Comers Incident. 

McQueen was … well, it was impossible to really be refined at a fair of all places, but she was making a damn good attempt at being so. Her selections were varied and cosmopolitan; she had spent most of her allotted calorie budget in the International Bazaar and had come out with food from places that Nature had barely heard of. The interesting part was that they all still were playing by the rules of engagement at the fairground, so to speak. The Somalian grill had put their traditional spiced beef and vegetables on top of a bed of fries and drizzled it in sauce, the Greek stand was selling olives skewered on a stick like they were chicken hearts, the Turkish place had put their lamb kebeb into some kinda wrap called a gyro, and the Mexican place had deep fried a couple of mini burritos and put them in a cup. Nature briefly wondered if there was any way they could perhaps incorporate their own bar’s food into an easier to carry method… perhaps without all the grease and butter used to make these work. And if she had maybe just a few too many sweets, well, that wasn’t any of Nature’s business.

For her own part, Nature had picked out the classics, or at least whatever her guidebook had said the classics were. This still meant that her food was completely foreign to everyone at the table, but it was foreign in a way that was typical in Minnesota at least. The cheese curds were just as fatty as Nature had expected, and the fact that they had deep fried them did not help matters at all. Nature also had picked out a basket of Pronto Pups and had been told several times that they were not corn dogs, but something different. Since Nature didn’t know what a corn dog was to begin with, she would have to take them at their word. She also bought a handful of egg rolls, a pickle on a hot dog bun, a massive turkey sandwich, a jerk chicken wrap, the aforementioned bucket of cookies, a deep fried apple pie, a serving of liquid nitrogen ice cream, several ears of corn… And yes, she was using the coupons inside of the guidebook, because no matter how rich the three of them got, she was still at heart the girl picking out the most cost effective candy at Toyoshima’s shop with her 500 yen. 

“… I feel a little bit like Oguri-senpai now,” McQueen said, gesturing to the piles of food they’d ordered. 

“Don’t even joke about that,” Teio said. “She’d have literal hills of food. Not even Spe could keep up with her.” 

“Calories wise, we might be on the same pace… Oh, right!” McQueen clapped a hand to her mouth. 

“No, no, you’re good,” Nature said, waving her hand. “Looking at it like this is kind of intimidating.” 

There was a long pause as the three of them looked at the food in front of them. Teio, predictably, broke the stalemate first, partially because she couldn’t keep quiet for long and partially because Nature and McQueen were absolutely staring at Teio’s portion of the food. “Hey! Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“You bought a stick of fried butter,” Nature said. “That sounds like a joke that the old men at Mom’s bar would laugh at.”

“That’s basically the same as a fried cheese curd, though.” Teio grabbed the offending stick and took a big bite out of it, smiling widely. “And it’s good! Here, you try!” 

“… No thanks. Calling butter and cheese the same thing is crazy.” 

“Scared of the indirect kiss?” Teio grinned, then offered the abomination against aortas to McQueen instead. 

“Not anymore, after what you two have put me through…”

“… Did you not like it?” McQueen asked, putting the bare stick onto her trash plate.

“Well, no, but you guys always kiss me a lot. Like you’re making it a competition.” Nature looked between Teio and McQueen and took note of their equally sheepish faces. “It is a competition, isn’t it.”

“… You should try some of this Hawaiian pork, it’s really good,” McQueen said.

Nature affixed her deadpan gaze onto McQueen instead now that she had spoken up. 

“Okay, yes, it’s a bit of a competition,” McQueen admitted. “But we can’t help it. You get so cute when you’re flustered.”

Nature’s previous indignation fell apart and her face started burning red. “W-well, Teio gets really embarrassed too, sometimes. Why not kiss her too?” she protested weakly. “… A-anyways, uh, your apology is accepted, as long as I can have some of those banana chips too.” 

“Hey, you can’t leave me out!” Teio exclaimed as Nature ate the delicious pork, not denying the allegations of fighting over Nature at all. “Here, let’s see… what can I give you… Oh! You want a bite out of the burger here? The guy said I should eat it fast.”

“What are the buns on that thing?” Nature asked with no small amount of trepidation. 

“It’s called an Uncrustaburger and these things are deep fried Uncrustables,” Teio said. 

“Do you know what an Uncrustable is, Teio?” McQueen asked apprehensively.

“No idea, but it definitely does not have a crust." Teio held up the burger and the buns had little seams where they were pinched together.

"So that means there's something inside of them. … Maybe you should try this first,” Nature said.

"Alright! But it’s gonna be awkward if you want a bite.”

“I don’t think that’s going to be an issue somehow,” Nature said with a wry smile. “Go ahead.”

“Alright!” Teio carefully bit into the Uncrustaburger, and holy crap those were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that had been deep fried. Nature and McQueen sat there completely flabbergasted, their own platefuls of fried nonsense completely forgotten as Teio chewed through the first mouthful, a complicated expression on her face. Teio swallowed and then took a moment to gather her thoughts. “It’s, uh… it’s not bad, but…” 

“Teio, the sandwiches are dripping all over your hands!” McQueen pointed out urgently.

“Huh? Oh crap!” Sure enough, the cursed burger was bleeding grape jelly everywhere now that Teio had broken the seal.  Quickly, Teio gobbled down the rest of the Uncrustaburger, but the sheer size of the thing meant that it was an incredibly messy affair, juice from the burger and jelly from the sandwich dribbling all over Teio’s hands and the plate underneath. Nature had grabbed a bunch of paper towels for… well, not exactly this situation because who would expect such a thing, but she passed Teio a handful as she finished up the burger. 

Amazingly, she still had the temerity to offer up the last bite to Nature and McQueen. McQueen looked at Nature and grimaced. “I was intending on trying out a lot of new stuff today, but… this might be a step too far.”

“Alright, give it here,” Nature said. Teio, still trying to finish up her own mouthful, held out the last bite up for Nature. “Ok, Teio, I don’t mind you feeding me in principle, but not when your hands are covered in grease like that,” she said, snatching the bit of burger from Teio’s hands. 

“Mmph mmph!” Teio said, a wide and devilish grin on her face that was almost visible beyond the huge burger chunk in her mouth. 

“If you’re trying to be seductive, now is quite possibly the worst time to do so,” Nature muttered, gesturing to the still uneaten [Croffle Cloud] in front of Teio. “No one could possibly look sexy if they ordered this out of their own free will.”

“I don’t know, it looks pretty attractive to me…” McQueen said, eyes fixated on the crushed croissant and cotton candy combo. 

“Alright, here goes nothing,” Nature said, ignoring McQueen’s overpowering love of sweets. In one fell swoop, she put the last bits of the Uncrustaburger into her mouth and chewed a couple times. It… it wasn’t bad, really? They didn’t add any ketchup, so the grape jelly and peanut butter was the only sweetness in the pile, and it was mostly an afterthought compared to the stronger savory tastes. Somehow, the peanut butter combined well with the pickled jalapenos and meat, giving the whole thing a bit of texture. … It was still a cheeseburger where the buns were deep fried sandwiches, but there were parts of this that weren’t just a gimmick. 

“It’s not bad, right?” Teio said as Nature finished the burger. 

“I never want to see it again, but that’s probably not the worst thing we’ll eat today. Something could be salvaged there, actually.”

“Considering I was a little worried we might puke, that’s practically a glowing review!” Teio said cheerily. “Alright, now, what else is here…”

“Do we have anything that’s, like… a non-pickled, not fried vegetable?” Nature asked, already knowing the answer was no. With a sigh, she picked up an egg roll and some of the Somalian fries. At least there was a tiny bit of lettuce as a garnish.

“Eating all this food makes me feel like a racer again,” McQueen said wistfully as she put down a pork chop that had been stripped to the bone. “I like swimming, but it’s just not the same.”

“Well, good thing you aren’t an active racer at the moment. If Trainer caught us eating this stuff, we’d be chewed out for days,” Teio pointed out. “I think almost all of these things are on the watchlist in the trainer’s exam. … Actually, Nature, are you going to be okay?”

“Eh, the next D1 for me isn’t for another month and a half, and my diet can stomach one cheat day. Even if the food makes it count more like two or three cheat days” Nature said, gesturing at Teio’s horrific donut. “Just looking at that thing makes me want to sign up for partner running with Kitasan.”

“Doesn’t she still do full endurance regimens?” McQueen asked.

“Yeah, she’s nutso,” Teio said. “She’s only been Dream League for a year now and still went to summer camp for fun. Lugged around a tire and everything. Trainer and I are gonna ask if she wants to be Spica’s fitness coach once she’s finally out of the circuit.”

“And make you guys even more terrifying, huh…” Nature sighed, just a bit of the old Canopus homerism coming out. “Oh! This corn is actually really good. Take some.” 

“And it’s… well, it’s kind of a vegetable. Taxonomically if not culinarially.” McQueen passed around her plate of Korean tacos to Teio and McQueen, and while Nature didn’t know what exactly made them Korean she did know that they tasted really good. “Wow, the corn is really top notch… Perhaps they added a little too much butter, though.”

“Well, you know, that probably goes for like, half of the things there.” Of course, that didn’t stop Nature from grabbing a handful of cheese curds and fried pickles, then passing them back the other way. “But honestly, most of the stuff is pretty good. Even Teio’s food has been tasty, aside from the obvious novelty foods.”

“Honestly, some of the gimmick foods aren’t bad!” Teio said in defense. “The croissant waffle with the cotton candy was actually really tasty. But yeah, this spicy honey trend is really good. Do you think we can bring this back to Japan? I still have that sponsorship going.” 

“It must be really good if you’re actually eating that donut,” Nature said, grabbing one of the hot honey pizza balls and popping it into her mouth. And indeed, they really were quite good, light and airy balls of dough stuffed with a shockingly reasonable amount of cheese and pepperoni and drizzled on top with the spiced honey. 

“This one is maybe a little too much,” Teio said, although she still finished the cream cheese, bacon, and jalapeno monstrosity. “Definitely not as good as the fried ranch.”

“… Ranch? Like… like the salad dressing?” McQueen asked.

“Yeah, but they made it into a cream cheese filling with a crust of bread crumbs. Almost like a fried dumpling, but more horrifying in every way,” Teio explained. “But it tastes good!”

McQueen turned to Nice Nature and sighed. “Nature, how are we in love with this idiot who is telling us that fried ranch is a good food?” 

“While I do have to agree, you do have a fried candy bar in front of you too.” Nature said. 

“That’s… That’s a real food with a history! Even the Tigers stadium sells them sometimes.”

“Well, someone has to be the innovator! And I say this is better. The ranch makes more sense with the breading than the chocolate,” Teio argued. “I think fried foods really should be savory rather than sweet. Although… Nature, what about that pie? Can I get a taste?”

“… I ate it all,” Nature admitted. “It was really good… And kinda hard to split.”

“Hmm, then it’s worth a shot,” Teio said. She polished off the honey ice cream, then appraised the growing pile of empty plates and cleaned off sticks at their table. “Maybe we can get some more in round two.”

McQueen and Nature stared at Teio as they slowly worked through their remaining plates of food. 

“… That was a joke.”

“Don’t put that evil into our heads, Teio.”

“Maybe… Maybe just a little more dessert? That frozen apple cider pop was quite good…”

Nature sighed, resigning herself to being the voice of reason. “We’ll get some later in the day, McQueen. But for now, we have to start moving, otherwise I’m going to pass out for the rest of the day.”

“You know? I don’t really know what I was expecting,” Nature said.

“They certainly properly set our expectations,” McQueen replied.

“Well, yeah. They said we’d see a big pig, and that is one big pig,” Teio said, snapping a picture. “I don’t think I could even lift the thing.”

Nature looked over at the placard showing how much it weighed, then back at the pig. “I might, but I think it’d probably kill me first.”  

As if to respond to their insightful commentary, the pig snorted and walked away from them, moving towards its feed trough. It was truly a massive specimen, more than thousand kilograms of hog lumbering throughout the enclosure and generally expressing its disinterest. It wasn’t pretty like the show pigs, but there was a certain elegance to the way that it moved around. Nature… wasn’t really moved, per se, but Teio and McQueen were quite into it, so she could live. Still, she took a picture of the big pig once it turned back around to the three of them. Her mom had always been a big picture taker and thus it had fallen upon her to take enough photos to satisfy her. Plus, she didn’t want to just have pictures of Teio’s pizza cheese curd tacos on her phone. 

“They’re going to have a competition for the pigs later today,” McQueen said. “Do we want to see that?”

“What do they even judge them on?” Nature asked. “Just like… general build? Are there handsome pigs or something?”

“Ehh, probably something like that. Maybe how tasty they are?” Teio shrugged. “Oh! Do you think the pig could beat the cow in a fight?”

“ I know cows are stupid, but look at that beast,” Nature said, gesturing to the giant cow. “She’s at least another 500 kilograms. I think the pig would just get run over.”

“Is there a reason for them to fight? Should they not just coexist?” McQueen asked.

“Ah, you’re right… so we should both be Nature’s best girlfriend,” Teio said with a cheeky grin.

“… I see your point, but I doubt they’re romantically involved,” McQueen said. 

“Can’t you just act like normal rivals and make out with each other instead?” Nature said with a sigh. She could practically see their competitive spirit flaring up.

“No.” Teio said immediately, but then she paused to reconsider. “Well, yes, we could, but only after we kiss you first. Those are the rules.”

“Says who — wait…”  Nature started before getting completely distracted by a sign on the animal barn.

“I don’t agree with that at all! What if I want to start with you and then kiss Nature after?” 

“Sounds like you’re giving up!”

“Your taunts may work on Sirius-senpai, but not me, Teio. You forget that I know Gold Ship, and —“ 

McQueen’s retort was suddenly interrupted by Nature forcibly grabbing them by the hands. “Come with me,” she barked. 

“Woah!” Teio said as both she and McQueen were dragged off. “Are you forcing us into make-up makeout time? Because I gotta say, that’s kinda h-“

“They have bunnies here.” 

“Oh, really?” 

“Yeah. And we can go pet them. So that’s what we’re doing now,” Nature said definitively. 

“Absolutely, but, um, could you let us go?” McQueen asked. “… I do have to agree with Teio, though…” she muttered to herself. 

Nature decided to ignore that for now in favor of getting ever closer to the bunnies, although she did file that particular bit of information away for later consideration. Nature beelined straight towards the bunny enclosure, the crowd parting swiftly in the face of her powerful strides and very determined gaze honed in the Twinkle Series and put to the test in the supermarket during the flash sales at the supermarket. (Cutting someone off in an official race was grounds for disqualification, but people in the grocery store seemed to treat it like a friendly greeting.) She did eventually remember to release her grip on Teio and McQueen’s hands, letting them follow in her wake instead. They were probably pretty amused about the whole thing, judging by the snippets of conversation that made it into her head, but her ears were firmly pointed forward.

The rabbit enclosure was tucked into the back of the poultry barn, which was thankfully kept well cleaned and only vaguely smelled like an actual barn. Nature was a city girl through and through and did not have a good time the last time she was out on a tour. If it smelled bad… well, Nature probably would have just dealt with it, because it would have been worth it, but the point stood. The line wasn’t nearly as long here, so they were able to get their ticket pretty much immediately. 

“[So this is Pepe,]” the caretaker said quietly as Nature came up to the enclosed area, tail swishing back and forth far too much. “[He’s a New Zealand rabbit. Despite the name, the breed is actually from California. Now, dearie,  take a seat for me, will you? We’ll see if he wants to come out and play a little.]” Nature slowly sat down seiza style, willing herself to be as still as a statue. Pepe hopped once towards her, then twitched his whiskers. He was only about 40 cm long, and his white fur practically shone in the barn. He turned his head left then right suddenly, clearly sizing up Nature with his beady eyes. “[I think he likes you.]”

“[R-really?”] Nature whispered back.

“[Yeah,]” the caretaker replied. “[Just give him a second…]” Nature waited with bated breath as Pepe got up and blinked a couple of times. Just as she was about to speak up again, though, the white rabbit jumped into Nature’s waiting lap. Nature felt her tail move at never before seen speeds behind her as Pepe kneaded her legs experimentally, then lay down right in the middle of her lap. “[Now, no sudden moves or loud noises. Remember, rabbits are anxious little fellows no matter how domesticated they are, so we don’t want to scare him off.]”

“If anyone scares him, I will kill them.” Nature said absentmindedly, the majority of her brain focused on how ungodly soft the rabbit’s fur was.

“[What’s that?]”

“[Oh, she was just saying that she understands.]” McQueen explained helpfully to the attendant. [So, uh, could we also touch him?”]

“[Yeah, just give him a second to get comfortable.]” Pepe looked back and forth a couple of times, twitching his whiskers and sniffing around. Nature was struck by how quiet the rabbit was - most animals would have made a bunch of noises, but even as Pepe twitched his nose, he remained completely silent. After a couple of twitches, the rabbit settled down fully, and Nature slowly brought a hand up to his back. “[Give it a go!] the caretaker whispered, giving Nature a thumbs up. 

Slowly, hesitantly, Nature brought her hand down onto the rabbit and was instantly transported to heaven. It was like touching a fluffy plushie but if it was wonderfully warm and twitching underneath, and it was hijacking all of the reward centers of her brain that were supposed to be for other things. “Three goddesses…” she said.

“She looks like she’s died and gone to heaven.” Teio said from somewhere far away.

“Indeed.” 

“… McQueen, is it normal to get jealous over a pet rabbit?”

“Teio, sometimes your clinginess starts to concern me.”

“So that’s a no.” Teio came up next to her, then knelt down too. “Can we?”

“Yeah. Be careful, though!” Nature said with honestly more force than she intended. 

“Wow, you really like him, huh?” Teio said with a soft giggle. “Here, McQueen, give it a go.”

McQueen knelt down next to Nature and gingerly put her hand on Pepe, as if she was afraid that the bunny would explode upon being touched. As if sensing the hesitation in McQueen’s heart, Pepe squirmed as soon as the heiress touched her, causing her to flinch in shock, ears sticking up straight and tail whipping up in concern. Thankfully, she kept enough of a cool to not make any undue noises with her mouth (although she did have to use her hand to block her face in a classic rich girl move) and after a bit Pepe calmed down enough to settle back down on Nature’s lap. Nature gave him a couple of pets to help calm him down. “Shhh, dear, it’s gonna be alright… McQueen’s just being a little silly right now, but she’s really nice, ok?” The rabbit didn’t show any signs of being able to understand Japanese, but that was okay, he was back to being mostly calm. 

McQueen gently brought her hands in again and this time was able to actually keep her hands steady on top of the bunny. “[See, there you go,]” the attendant said. “[Just keep her easy. Horse girls usually get the trick pretty quick.]”

“[He’s so soft!]” McQueen exclaimed.

“[Sure is!]” As Teio moved in to pet the rabbit a little, the attendant gestured towards Nature. “[Hun, once your friend here is done, there’s something else you can do. Unless you two want a turn?”]

“[No, no, she deserves it the most.]” Nature was too busy enjoying the sensation of Pepe twitching on her lap to protest at being pampered. Every time he made that little sound with his teeth, Nature felt her smile going even wider. 

“[Alright, we have a big bunny lover here, hmm? I getcha. Now, how about we try one more thing? How about you lay down on the ground?]” 

“[Uh, what are we doing?]” Despite not knowing anything, Nature obliged, lying spread eagle on the tarp on the floor. 

“[I want to see if this might work. He likes you, so maybe… Oh!]” Nature’s thoughts instantly short circuited as the bunny snuggled up against her neck. Time stood still for a long moment as Pepe figured out the best way to situate himself inside of his new burrow, Nature’s right shoulder.

“Teio. McQueen.” Nature said. “I’m sorry, but… you’re gonna have to go on without me.” 

“Nature…”

“I’m gonna be here until the rest of time, actually.” She could feel Pepe breathing against her neck as he shuffled around, then squeezed into a tighter ball. Maybe Admire Vega was really onto something with her incessant pursuit of fluffiness.

After a couple of minutes of blissful nonthinking, Teio piped up. “I think we need to bring out the big guns, Queenie.” 

“Indeed.” McQueen said as she leaned down over Nature. “Nature, there are cats here too.”

“There are cats at home, but we don’t have bunny cafes…”

“Well, we have tickets to see the uma acrobatics show here! You don't want to waste them, do you?” Teio joined McQueen in standing above Nature. 

“Go without me.” Pepe was shuffling back and forth, and Nature was hoping that he would hop up on top of her if she was still enough.

“What about if you got smooches from your two loving and adoring girlfriends after you got up?” Teio made a nuclear level pout right in front of her face, which was dreadfully unfair.

“… You drive a hard bargain,” Nature said, sighing. But before she needed to muster the astronomical strength to separate herself from the unbelievable softness of a bunny snuggling with her, Pepe made the decision for her by hopping out and running around in a couple of circles. “Fine, fine, I’m up… But please, only kiss me later.”

“Hah! Take that, rabbit! The Invincible Teio wins again!” Teio beamed. If Pepe had any hard feelings about that, his face didn’t show any of it as he ran around.

“McQueen, Teio…” Nature said.

“Yes, dear?”

“Can we get a bunny?”

“… We can think about it.”

Everyone knew the saying: Uma Musume were born to run. Really, it was almost self evident: spend any amount of time around an uma, and you would almost immediately learn that they loved running. It was why every big apartment had a treadmill, it was why lunch breaks were an hour, and it was why one of the best ways for a human to diet was to start going out with an uma. However, upon seeing the trapeze show being put on by the Flying Pegasi, Nature felt that an addendum was needed to the old adage: some Uma Musume were born to fly. 

Right in front of her eyes, the stage troupe leveraged their incredible strength to hurtle themselves through the air, flipping head over tail multiple times nearly every single trick only to catch each other seamlessly. Nature was simultaneously incredibly impressed and quite concerned - sure, there were protective nets, and the redheaded lead uma did demonstrate their efficacy by jumping into the net at the start of the routine, but at heart she was a worrywart. Still, though, her eyes were glued to the performance, to the complete and total synchronicity that the troupe had, and to the utmost faith that the three umas had in each other. As Nature watched, the redhead flung herself straight up in the air and remained there for nearly two seconds before getting caught by her blue haired companion, doing an entire twist in the process like it was a figure skating competition.

Nature could easily see how this could scratch the same itch as racing - honing her entire body into a perfect machine, refining her reflexes and sharpening her vision, and then feeling the roar of the crowd as she put everything into motion. Some racers even seemed to relish the twin danger thrill of speed, and this was probably one of the only things that involved more death defying velocity than a full on race. Sounds of Earth would probably enjoy this a lot, although perhaps she would be incorporating the more circus attraction things. She could already see Sounds jumping through a big ring of fire in her mind’s eye… and the more she thought about it, the more she was convinced to not tell the other uma about trapeze artists.

“Holy crap!” Teio exclaimed as the blonde uma leapt into the air at an angle away from the redhead, somersaulting multiple times through the air with nothing below her but the net… only for the blue haired one to catch her outstretched hands, flipping her safely onto the top of the other trapeze. “Did you see that! That was incredible!” 

“Indeed,” McQueen said. “The kind of strength needed to catch someone falling for that distance is truly amazing, even if some of the energy is absorbed by the rope… These are masters of their craft.”

“They’re strong,” Nature said, watching as the yellow haired uma was able to fully swing around the supporting bar, completing a full rotation with nothing but her own strength. “I can’t imagine doing that.”

“Really? I seem to remember you beating the pants out of us at the squat rack,” Teio replied.

“That’s one thing, this is another. Look at her damn musculature. It’s not as efficient in a race to do that much training, but she could probably lift those tires instead of dragging them around.” As if to illustrate her point, the blue uma threw herself into the air, doing multiple twists in the air before coming back down.

“Ahh, so like how Ryan started bulking up way more after leaving the Twinkle Series to do weight lifting.”

“Exactly, although Ryan does go beyond this too.” Nature finished her explanation, then decided to shut up, sensing that the show was just about to hit its climax. She had learned McQueen and Teio would happily chat with her the entire time if left unchecked, so Nature had to be the one to keep things under control. 

For the final act, the three umas all got onto the same trapeze, the redhead up on top of the bar, the blue haired uma hanging upside down with her knees locked above the bar, and the blonde hanging from the blue haired uma’s hands. The audience collectively held their breath as they swung back and forth and built up speed, then cheered raucously as the blonde jumped all the way to the other swinging pendulum in one smooth motion, catching the bar like it was a fixed object rather than something swinging back and forth with no one guiding it. The next swing back, the blue haired uma threw herself over to the other side as well, getting caught after twisting around twice. And to top it all off, as the troupe leader slung down below the bar herself, the other two trapeze artists slung themselves up to the top of their own bar, then flipped upside down, the top one holding the bottom uma by the legs. This was done just in time for the blonde to launch herself in the air and complete a full rotation both horizontally and vertically about herself before just barely being caught by the other uma’s outstretched hand.

“Amazing!” Teio exclaimed, getting to her feet and joining in the cheering from the crowd. The trapeze troupe clambered to the top of the trapeze, leader in the center and the other two hanging off the wings and waving at the adoring fans. Nature winced, but thankfully she had come prepared and was wearing her sound deadening ear covers. 

After the applause died down to tolerable levels, Nature was finally able to speak up. “Teio, I can’t believe you don’t have a massive headache… Your ears are even better than ours. You really shouldn’t do that…”

“I mean, my head does hurt a little,” Teio admitted. “But I can’t let that get in the way of this. That was so cool!”

“Nature’s right, though. You should be more careful with your ears, Teio.”

“Who are you, my mom?” Nature did not say the first thing that came to her mind, although the look on her face meant that Teio could read between the lines. “Natie, don’t you start with that.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“But you thought it,” Teio said with a pout. “If McQueen gets to use therapy techniques to give you more self esteem, then I get to use it to stop you from making jokes at my expense. And besides, you were right there with me!”

McQueen politely coughed to get their attention. “The crowd’s clearing up. Shall we depart?”

“… Yes, let’s,” Nature said, her face lightly flushed.

As the three of them headed back past the ticket booth, they were unexpectedly interrupted by the ticket taker. “[Excuse me? The Flying Pegasi wanted to speak with you. Do you have a moment?]”

“Oh, um… Do we have a moment?” McQueen asked Nature. 

“I mean, we don’t have anything planned,” Nature said. “The fair will still be there after we talk with them.”

“[Absolutely. Lead the way],” McQueen said in assent.

The three of them were led to the dressing room that the Flying Pegasi used, and Nature immediately felt a little more at ease. No matter where she was in the world, she could always count on a dressing room to be pretty much the same, big mirrors and stools and a little bit too much perfume. 

"[Hello!]" the leader of the troupe said, eagerly gesturing to the three of them. "[Gosh, we were not expecting to see celebrities all the way from Japan here. Sorry to interrupt your trip, but when Kelly said she had spotted you, we just had to reach out to you. Little Miss Macho here is a huge fan of yours! Oh, and I’m Highlighter and this here is Volatile Storm.]”

“[You really didn’t have to do all that,]” the aforementioned redhead said, frowning slightly despite her monotone voice. Nature was glad to put names to faces and not just have to think about hair colors. “[They’re just trying to go about their vacation here, is all.]”

[“Come on, girl!”] Volatile Storm chimed in, smiling at the recalcitrant looking uma. “[Were you really gonna see the Nice Nature in front of you and not even try to say hello? What kinda fan are you?]”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Nice Nature stammered out, trying to piece together the spoken English in three different accents. That being said, it was impossible to miss one distinct phrase in the lot. “You’re a fan of me? Not Teio or McQueen?” Teio started laughing out loud, and McQueen was holding in a giggle too. Nature could feel her face flushing and frantically tried to keep it together. She was a professional! “Oh, um, er… [Thank you very much,]” she said in her very best attempt at not horribly mangling the foreign words.

For her part, Little Miss Macho seemed just as flustered as Nature. “Thank you,” she replied in Japanese. 

“[Your pronunciation is pretty good,]” McQueen said, again taking up the role of translator.

“[Oh, no, I’m nothing special.]” 

“[Better than I could do!]” Highlighter grinned. “[But yeah, Macho watches the races, she has the posters, she even ordered the plush straight from Japan - bitched all day about the shipping fees, lemme tell you -]”  Macho whipped her hand into Highlighter’s side, which stopped her dead in her tracks. As expected from an uma who was able to get twenty feet of vertical height with just her arm strength, though, Highlander simply laughed and dropped the subject. 

“[I am always happy to see a fan, but, um… why me? You have plenty of local racers, and I’m not even the best.]” Nature asked by way of McQueen.

“[Oh, um… I mean, I do watch a bunch here, both down at Canterbury Park and in the majors, but I got into the URA because of your Winning Lives. I liked Obey Your Master, and seeing her perform that dance routine was way better than yet another rock concert or marching band performance. After that, I watched Oguri Cap, and then after she went to the Dream League I followed you.”

“So you’re saying I’m your third favorite, is that it?” 

“[… Oh goddesses, I didn’t even think about that.]” Macho's face went completely blank.

Nature laughed a little, shaking her hands in front of her to signal that she was fine. "[No, no, no, it's ok.] Umm… McQueen, help?"

"[Don't worry about it, she's just joking. You didn't say anything wrong.]" Nature nodded vigorously, trying to reassure Macho. Privately, she wondered if perhaps Little Miss Macho became a fan of her because they had similar personalities. 

"How about me, the invincible Tokai Teio?" Teio said, puffing out her chest. "Do you have any merch of me?"

"[Oh, no. Sorry.]" McQueen didn't even need to translate Macho's response there. 

Teio let out a long, exaggerated whine and a nuclear level pout… aimed mostly at Nature, for some reason. "Naaaatieeee… your fan doesn't even have any merch of me! This is an outrage!"

Nature wasn't quite sure what to make of Teio's sudden brattiness, so she took a wild stab in the dark. "... Are you just upset that I'm beating you in something?"

“No, dummy! I'm saying we need to do a joint merch thing!" Teio flipped right back to her usual cheeky smile. “Then Macho-tan will have no choice but to have something of mine. And maybe we can get McQueen in there too!”

“… We can talk about that later.” That was far too close to going public for Nature’s liking.

“[I’m gonna call you Macho-tan from now on],” Volatile Storm said with a shit-eating grin, the English conversation going along mostly in parallel to the Japanese one.

“[Whatever.]” Macho managed to make her absolute displeasure clear without changing her tone of voice or verbiage at all, which was quite an impressive feat. “[Anyways, yeah. Been a fan of you ever since, especially after you entered the Dream League. You’re really not bad at all.]”

“[That’s high praise coming from Macho!]” Highlander said boisterously. “[She never says anything positive if she can help it. Don’t worry about it, though.  I will translate the Minnesotan for you just like you’re translating the Japanese!]”

“[Thank you very much,]” McQueen said graciously albeit confusedly. 

“… So, uh, what’s going on?” Teio asked, her patience for sitting there finally done.

“Uhh… Macho is a fan of Nature, but is being understated about it. Highlander is saying that this is normal for people in Minnesota,” McQueen did her best to keep Teio filled in on the troupe’s banter.

“So is Minnesota just a place where the average person is Brian?” Teio asked after a bit of thought.

“Almost certainly not.” McQueen flicked Teio on the head. “Apologize to both Brian and the state of Minnesota.”

“[I am very sorry.]” Nature wasn’t Teio and the Flying Pegasi weren’t Brian or the state of Minnesota, but she still felt it had to be said, even in her somewhat clumsy English. “[They aren’t normally this weird.]”

“[I don’t even know what you’re apologizing for, but we’ll accept it… if you do something cool for us.]” Volatile Storm said with a grin.

“[Don’t listen to her,]” Macho said. [“You really don’t have to.”]

“No, no,” Nice Nature said via McQueen. “Of course I can do something for you. You guys had a really good show, too.”

“[That’s just our job. You paid for the ticket, so you don’t owe us anything.]” 

Nature’s eyes narrowed slightly, although she kept smiling. “Hey, it’s not a problem at all. I’m always happy to do stuff for fans, especially ones who are following from so far.” 

“[I couldn’t possibly impose on you. You’ve got the concert coming up - you’re gonna go see that, right?]” 

Before Nature even could say anything, McQueen picked up on how this conversation was going to go. “[No, we insist. Miss Highlander, could you possibly get something for us to sign for Miss Macho?]” 

“[Ah, but…]” Macho’s ears drooped and she sighed in defeat as Highlander unrolled a couple of posters. Nice Nature felt bad for her; going up against McQueen in a politeness contest was a nearly impossible task for anyone. The Mejiro heiress had been trained by the most courteous people in the country and had honed her skills fighting over who got to cover all of Nature’s bills with Teio. If Little Miss Macho wanted to avoid getting something from McQueen, she would have to prepare dozens, perhaps even hundreds of little excuses and polite refusals well ahead of time and they would have to present a united front against her. If Little Miss Macho couldn't even handle the beginner step of giving the gift via third party, she didn't stand a chance. 

“[Here ya go! But you’re getting a poster too, okay?]” Highlander said cheerily, handing them two big posters of the troupe to sign. "[Volatile, Macho, let's sign theirs, too. We can do a swap!]"

"[Sure, I love ripping off people!]" Volatile Storm said cheerily. "[Hey, you mind if I cut out Teio's signature and sell it on Umabay?]"

"[Absolutely not,]" Macho replied.

“Aaaand done!” Teio said with a big flourish of her pen. "Here you go~” she said before passing it to Nature.

Nature looked down at the poster with the new addition of Teio's massive signature across the bottom, written in both Japanese and English. “Was that really necessary?” Nature asked, signing the poster in a much more normal size.

“Of course it was!”

“Teio’s been practicing her signatures, I see…” McQueen said with an understated air of judgement. “[Here you are,]” she said to Little Miss Macho, trading their signed poster for the one that the Flying Pegasi had signed. 

“[Thank you kindly!]" 

"Any time," Nature said. "I just have one question. … What's a pegasus?"

“How was your outing, young mistresses?” McQueen’s butler asked. Nature would probably never get used to having an actual real life butler referring to her like that, but Ikee-san looked so uncomfortable calling her by her name that she’d acquiesced to the name. Teio, of course, was chuffed every time she was referred to as such.

“It went very well, thank you very much,” McQueen said. “Teio, do we need to refrigerate any of your food?”

“No, most of it is honey. If we just keep that away from the sun, then there’s no problem with it.”

“Do you know if we need to declare this as an import on the plane?” Nature asked, as she stashed the honey in the bottom of their suitcase. 

Teio blinked. “… What?”

“You know, those sheets that they give to us - oh, right, you always fall asleep for the whole flight. Ikee-san, let’s figure that out before we get to the airport.”

“Of course, young miss.”

“And thank you very much for securing us a room with multiple beds this time.” Nature pointedly did not look at Teio and McQueen as she said that. “Did you have a good time in Minneapolis?”

“I did, thank you very much. There were some rather interesting museums. But it’s past time for me to retire, so I will see you tomorrow.” And with one more bow to the three of them, Ikee gracefully exited the room.

“I didn’t hear you complaining last time!” Teio protested as soon as the butler couldn’t hear.

“Incorrect, you heard me moan for like an hour when I woke up with your legs all across my chest, and then I kept on complaining for the entire rest of the day.” 

“… I thought it would help save money,” McQueen said. 

“I would almost buy that, except for the fact that that penthouse suite had a king sized bed.” Nature sighed, and McQueen flushed guiltily under Nature’s gaze. “Look, you two can do whatever you want on the other bed, but I need to get a full night of sleep so I don’t murder someone. You know I can’t fall asleep on a plane, first class or not.”

“Alright, fine, you can have it your way.” Teio said with a pout. “Although… Nature, do you need help with that suitcase?”

“Yes, I need you to convince me to not bring as big a suitcase next time. Every time we bring a bigger suitcase and every time I just buy more stuff instead.” Nature rearranged the big pile of merchandise, trying to see if she could fit everything inside of the one massive suitcase. “You could also stop enabling me. I have enough useless junk as it is.”

“Why? Your mom loves the stuff, and it’s not like you don’t have the room or the money.” Teio pointed out.

“If I may, I still use your coffee maker. It is perhaps overdesigned, but it is reliable.” McQueen said.

“A really fancy coffee machine is one thing, but I really shouldn’t have got these mugs, or these fridge magnets, or this novelty t-shirt… My boobs aren’t even that big.”

“Nature, Twin Peaks is a TV show.”

“… Ah, well, you know.” Nature clammed up, desperately hoping that Teio wouldn’t be able to grasp the pun through the language barrier. McQueen would probably let it go and then ambush her later, but Teio would absolutely needle Nature for weeks, and she’d probably tell Mayano too for extra heckling. 

Thankfully, Teio did not pick up on the gaffe, instead choosing to bring out… wow, she still had more of the honey pizza balls. “So, what’s our rating for the Land of Fried Butter? I had a good time!”

“I did as well,” McQueen said. “There was a huge variety of food, and it wasn’t quite as greasy as I was afraid of. Certainly not something to be eating every day, but also not instantly disqualifying. I’d probably pass on the fried butter itself next time.”

“I have some ideas for Mom for next year’s summer, and maybe I can get with some of the guys next to Tracen too…” Nature said, thinking out loud. “I learned a lot, honestly. And I had fun, which is also important. I’d say it was worth the price of admission, even if I’m definitely going to have to borrow more space in Ikee-san’s suitcase.” 

“Oh yeah, speaking about stuff to buy, do you still want a bunny? Because we absolutely could get one,” Teio said.

“… Okay, let me think about that once we’re back in Japan.” Nature raised a hand to preempt any initial response from McQueen. “A pet isn’t the same as a coffee machine or a pool table or a lifesized cut out of Bruce Lee. That’s a commitment on all of our parts. I may have been… weak in that moment, but I do want us to properly consider that.”

“Of course,” McQueen said. Good, step one went well. Now, Nature only had to do another five things to make sure McQueen and Teio wouldn’t just up and buy her a pet rabbit. 

“Alright!” Teio said. “Now, before you go sleep alone in the other bed, like a stupid dummy idiot, we’re going to kiss you a bunch right now. After all, we owe you one.”

“Gee, thanks - wait, wait, Teio, McQueen, your breaths probably still taste like pizza -“

They did taste like pizza, but Nature found that she didn't really mind.

“Peace peace! Golshi-chan here! Today, I’ve got a very special request for today’s PakaTube food episode! This one comes from NiceNatureLover52 on Umatter, with a very interesting pick. This is called an Uncrustaburger, and -“

Nice Nature’s eyebrow twitched.