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The taunting 'Game Over' flashes on the screen like a mockery , and she slowly sets the controller down, hands in her lap. Her gaze never breaks from the screen, faint disbelief painted in her expression as she mouths the words, brow furrowing. Its a mistake. It has to be a mistake.
She hears Hinata laugh victoriously, but she can't muster up the will to cheer with him, or entertain his teasing brags. Her eyes stay glued to the screen, unsure if she's seeing it right, and it takes a moment for her to speak, quiet voice cracking as she finally finds the words.
"I lost?" It's unfathomable. By all means, it shouldn't be happening, but the game's bright colors still display the same words, no matter how hard she blinks, and she finds herself leaning back slightly, swallowing thickly. Hajime goes quiet, too, and she can feel heterochromatic eyes on her, soft and gentle and yet still curious as he reaches out.
"Hey." His voice is hesitant, and there's a pause before he rests his hand — warm, warm — on her arm, gaze softening slightly as he shifts down until he's holding her hand gently. " You okay? "
Something shifts, clicks. The turning of a gear, and flipping of a switch, and Chiaki nods, turning to him with a small smile. She shuts her eyes as her smile widens slightly, even if just so she doesn't have to see Hinata's frown, the way his eyebrows crease in concern.
"Yep." Her tone is deceptively light as she tilts her head slightly, feeling the cold metal of her hairclip press against her head. " I'm okay. Just totally surprised. Great job, Hinata. "
It's a bittersweet congratulations. She shouldn't have lost — it's unfathomable. It goes against logic — she's the Ultimate Gamer, she isn't supposed to lose.
Hinata doesn't reply immediately, and she knows he's seen through her lie. They've long since adjusted to the world outside of the Neo World Program — Chiaki's used to the way Hinata sometimes spaces out entirely, trapped somewhere between 'Hajime' and 'Izuru' , and Hajime is used to the way Chiaki sometimes freezes up at the sight of fire or the smell of blood, afraid her friends have been thrown back into that hell where she was useless to save them.
One of the things Chiaki's grown used to as well, is how perceptive Hinata is. He easily catches onto every small shift in her tone or expression, and doesn't hesitate to prod at her if her words are untrue. Sometimes, it's a talent she appreciates.
Sometimes.
“ It's fine , you know? " His hand is warm, warm, so painfully warm as it closes around her ice cold fingers, squeezing gently, and she automatically leans against his shoulder, the familiar routine easy to fall into. His free hand comes up to wrap around her shoulder, resting in the curled strands of hair as he continues speaking, tone casual but not condescending. " You don't have to win everytime. Doesn't make me think any differently of you or anything. "
The gesture is soothing, and the words settle over her like a weighted blanket. She knows they're true, but her skin still itches with the wrongness of it all, the wrongness of the Ultimate Gamer losing. Even though she knows its different now, with Hajime's multitude of talents, he has the Ultimate Gamer and Ultimate Luck and Ultimate Strategist and plenty others that lean in his favor, now.
It doesn't make it sting any less.
"Yeah." She says softly, gaze still boring into the TV as she feels tears burning at the corners of her eyes. " I know. "
She pauses for a moment, debating with herself before speaking. " I guess I'm just totally bummed out today. Its like starting a game with 2/25 HP and 0 MP. "
"And no healing items?"
" And no healing items. " She confirms, and some of the tension leaves her frame as she hears Hajime chuckle.
They both lapse into silence as the words sink in. Neither of them are unfamiliar with it, the days where sometimes everything feels wrong, and either of them wakes up on the verge of falling apart or snapping.
They've seen it in their other classmates too, in the way Fuyuhiko's avoids everyone again, casting harsh side glances to anyone who dares look at him. In the way Akane's lips press together with displeasure at every little smell and sound, senses overwhelmed by too much stimuli, and how her words fall like bullets, targeted and aimed to hurt. In the way Kazuichi locks himself in the workshop, goggles shielding his eyes from anyone trying to speak to him and the screeching of the drill blocking out any words of concern.
In the way Hajime speaks to no one, gaze drifting and never focused, lips only forming mutters about how boring and how bothersome everything is, and how the lack of anything interesting leaves him no reason to be here.
In the way Chiaki gets too quiet, too fragile, on edge and alert, hood pulled over her head and face buried in a game, hiding away from the discomfort of reality in another world of fiction — the Neo World Program all over again.
" Well, maybe we just — don't do anything today. " She feels Hajime shrug beneath her, and she drowsily forces her eyes back open, fighting the hazy exhaustion that threatens to take over her mind as she hums in acknowledgement, earning herself a huff of amusement from the boy. " I'm serious. We can just — stay here, you know? "
" On the couch? " She murmurs after a moment, too tired to pump sarcasm into her tone, but Hajime seems to pick up on the intention anyway, as he scoffs softly as he nudges her, and she allows herself a quiet laugh, eyes fluttering shut again. There's a silent understanding between them despite the joking, the unspoken confession that it's hardly about losing the game at all, and Hajime holds her tighter.
The world outside of the Neo World Program is far from perfect. They're still rebuilding it, still fixing all of the mistakes and cleaning up the remnants of despair left, but it's a new start, nonetheless.
And in the midst of a new game, Chiaki Nanami allows herself to breathe.