Chapter Text
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the park always felt different at sunset.
funneh noticed it every time she came here, especially in winter, when the sky softened into muted colors that didn’t quite belong to day or night. the sun hovered low, staining the clouds pale pink and dull orange, while the cold crept in quietly, settling into her bones before she ever realized she was shivering. oddly attentive to scenery, per usual for her. she tugged the sleeves of the sweater down over her hands.
it was his sweater. alec’s. he’d given it to her hours ago without much ceremony, like it was nothing, like he hadn’t hesitated for a split second before pulling it off and holding it out to her. she remembered the way his fingers had lingered when she’d taken it, how he’d avoided her eyes immediately after. now it smelled like him. something clean, something warm, something that made her chest ache in a way she often pretended not to understand. but she did, oh did she ever.
the park was mostly empty, which wasn’t surprising given the time of year. early january meant cold benches, bare trees, and frozen patches of grass that crunched faintly beneath her shoes as she walked. the first snowflakes were starting to fall, sparse and weirdly hesitant, like they weren’t sure they were welcome yet.
of course alec walked beside her, hands shoved into the pockets of his dark grey sweats, jacket zipped halfway up. his dreads were half tied back, the blonde roots catching what little light remained, the rest falling around his shoulders. he looked relaxed from a distance, but funneh had known him too long not to notice the tension in his shoulders, or maybe the way his jaw flexed every so often. they hadn’t said much since arriving. though that wasn’t unusual- not for them. silence had always been something they shared easily, even when everything else between them felt tangled and complicated. especially then
“it’s starting to snow,” funneh said softly, mostly to fill the quiet. alec glanced up, then back down at her. “yeah. figures.” she smiled a little. “you hate the cold.” alec snorted. “I hate being cold,” he corrected. “snow’s fine. sometimes.”
she hummed in agreement, adjusting the sweater again. it was too big on her, sleeves hanging past her hands, the hem brushing her thighs. grey on grey, soft and worn, like it had been lived in. they reached a bench near the edge of the park, overlooking a small frozen pond. the water was dull and still, a thin layer of ice reflecting the fading sky. alec slowed, then stopped, nodding toward it.
“you wanna sit?”
funneh nodded, and they both lowered themselves onto the bench. it was cold even through their clothes, but neither of them complained. the space between them was minimal, their shoulders almost touching. almost.
for a moment, funneh let herself exist there. the quiet, the cold, the way the world seemed to pause just for them. she thought about how long this had been going on, how many moments like this they’d shared without ever naming what it meant.
since sophomore year.
she’d been about fifteen or sixteen then, awkward and uncertain, trying to figure herself out while balancing school, friendships, and feelings she didn’t know how to process. alec had already been there, somehow steady even when everything else felt like it was shifting. he’d been kyran’s friend first, childhood friends who argued like aggitated brothers but oddly enough, had each other’s backs without question. funneh had met alec through gold, technically- but also not really? she still remembered sitting at that crowded table, gold tossing her phone down the stairs, kyran on the other side of the street. alec had been quieter back then, watching more than he spoke, dark red eyes flicking up whenever she laughed.
gold had noticed immediately. “he’s looking at you,” gold had whispered, elbowing her lightly. funneh had flushed, denying it even as her heart had raced. it hadn’t been obvious at first. it never was with alec. he cared in ways that were subtle, almost invisible if you weren’t paying attention. walking her to class when it was raining. saving her a seat. remembering things she mentioned once and never thought he’d keep track of. kyran used to tease them relentlessly. or, tease alec relentlessly.
“just date already,” he’d said more than once, usually with gold or prince nodding in agreement from behind him. alec had always brushed it off, scoffing, changing the subject. funneh had laughed along, pretending it didn’t affect her. pretending had become second nature.
now, years later, sitting beside him as snow began to fall, pretending felt heavier than ever.
she glanced at him, catching him already looking at her. their eyes met, and something unspoken passed between them. alec looked away first, exhaling slowly.
“you okay?” she asked. he nodded. “yeah. just thinking.” funneh nodded, thinking to herself for a moment before muttering. “about?” he hesitated, then shrugged. “stuff.” she smiled faintly. “that’s vague.”
“that’s me,” he said, lips twitching into what looked almost like a smile.
they fell quiet again, watching the snow gather on the ground, on the bench, on the edges of the pond a decent amount of feet away. the sky was darkening fast now, the sunset fading into deep blues and purples, and maybe an odd tone of red if you squint.
funneh’s phone buzzed in her pocket. she ignored it at first, but when it buzzed again, she sighed and pulled it out.
gold: u alive?
funneh smiled, typing back quickly.
funneh: yeah. at the park with alec.
gold: of course u are. does he know he’s in love with u yet?
funneh rolled her eyes, though her cheeks warmed.
funneh: stop.
gold: i’m serious. also kyran says hi and that if alec doesn’t say something soon he’s gonna lose his mind.
she glanced at alec again, who was staring out at the pond, expression unreadable.
funneh: tell kyran to relax.
gold: now u know i can’t promise such
funneh slipped the phone back into her pocket, heart pounding a little faster.
“gold?” alec asked suddenly, noticing she had been on her phone for a minute. she blinked. “yeah. how’d you know?” she laughed. he smiled. “you smile different,” he said quietly. that made her chest tighten. “what does that mean?” he shrugged again, but his ears were faintly red. “just… you do.” she laughed softly, before adding “she was checking if i’m alive.”
“sounds like her,” he said. “she always worries.”.
.
“she pretends she doesn’t,” funneh replied. “but yeah.” another pause. alec shifted, rubbing his gloved hands together for warmth. “you cold?” he asked, head turning to her once again. his eyes met hers, but this time he didn’t look away.
“a little.”
without much thinking, he moved closer, shoulder brushing hers. the contact was light, almost tentative, but it sent a jolt through her anyway. she didn’t pull away.
snow was falling more steadily now, dusting his dreads, catching in her hair. funneh tilted her head back slightly, watching it. “it’s kinda perfect,” she murmured.
“yeah,” alec agreed. “it is.”
he sounded different. softer. more vulnerable.
she turned to look at him, really look at him. the way his eyes reflected the dim light, the tension still present but mixed with something else. something like fear. “alec,” she said gently. he swallowed. “yeah?”
“you’ve been weird all day.”
he huffed out a quiet laugh. “wow. thanks.” funneh faintly smiled before playfully rolling her eyes. “you know what i mean,” she said. “did something happen?” to which he didn’t answer right away. instead, he looked down to his hands, gently fidgeting with the gloves over them, before standing. funneh watched him, both confused and concerned.
“i’ve been trying to figure out how to say something,” he admitted finally, voice low. “and every time i think i’ve got it, i realize i don’t.”
her heart skipped. “say what?”
he ran a hand through his dreads, tugging slightly. “this is hard.” she immediatelly stood too, closing the distance between them. “you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.”
he looked at her then, really looked at her, dark red eyes intense. “that’s the problem,” he said quietly. “i want to.” the snow fell between them, the world hushed and still. oddly, oddly still.
“funneh,” alec began, then stopped, shaking his head. “i’ve known you for years. like… years. and i keep telling myself that what i feel will fade, or that it’s just because we’re close, or because we’ve been through so much together.” her breath caught.
“but it hasn’t,” he continued. “it’s gotten worse. deeper. scarier.”
she didn’t interrupt. she couldn’t.
“i care about you in ways that scare me,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “you’re the first person i think about when something good happens. or something bad. you’re the one i wanna talk to. and i’ve tried to be okay with just… whatever this is.”
he gestured vaguely between them.
“but i’m not,” he admitted. “because every time you smile at someone else, or talk about your future, or even just exist, i feel like i’m standing on the edge of something and i don’t know if i’m brave enough to jump.”
tears pricked at funneh’s eyes, not from the cold. her heart pounding so loudly she was sure he could hear it in her ears, echoing.
“i don’t want to lose you,” alec said. “but i also don’t want to keep pretending that this doesn’t mean something to me. that you don’t mean everything.” he stopped, chest rising and falling rapidly.
“i’m in love with you,” he said finally. confidently. “and i have been for a long time." the words hung in the cold air, fragile and real. funneh stared at him, emotions crashing over her all at once. relief. fear. joy. sadness for all the time they’d wasted.
she took a shaky breath. “alec…”
he stiffened, bracing himself.
“i thought i was being stupid,” she said softly. “for feeling the way i do.” his eyes widened slightly.
“i kept telling myself that you didn’t feel the same,” she continued. “that i was just reading too much into things. that if i said anything, it would ruin what we had.”
she stepped closer, snow crunching under her feet.
“but the truth is,” funneh said, voice trembling, “i’ve loved you since sophomore year. maybe even before i realized what it was. you’ve been my constant. my safe place. my ‘what-if.’”
alec let out a shaky breath, something like a laugh mixed with a sob.
“i tried to move on,” she admitted. “i tried to convince myself that maybe evan, or someone else, would make things easier. but it never felt right. because.. it was always you.” tears slipped down her cheeks now, warm against the cold. she didn’t attempt to wipe them, she could give two fucks less about tears right now.
“i love you,” funneh said. “and i don’t want to pretend anymore either.”
for a moment, alec didn’t move. then he stepped forward, pulling her into his arms. she buried her face into his chest, clutching his jacket, feeling his heart race against hers. alec hesitated, still holding her close, his hands warm against the cold that had settled into the park. “funneh,” he said quietly, voice rough, “can i ask you something? like, for real.” she nodded, heart racing with a gentle laugh. “yeah. anything.”
he took a breath, steadying himself. “i don’t wanna do this halfway anymore. i don’t wanna keep calling it ‘whatever this is’ or pretend we’re just… talking.” his thumb brushed over her knuckles. “i want you. i want us. and i know it’s scary, but i want to be exclusive. i want to be your boyfriend, if you’ll let me.” her chest tightened, eyes burning. she laughed softly, shaking her head like she couldn’t believe it.
“seriously,” she whispered, “thought you’d never ask.” she squeezed his hand. “yes. i want that. of course I want that, alec, i want you. ive wanted you.”
his breath left him in a shaky exhale, relief flooding his face.
“yeah?” he asked, just to be sure.
“yeah,” she said, smiling
“god,” he whispered, pressing his forehead to her hair. “i was so scared.” now funneh was the one to laugh, a sob and a laugh. “me too,” she murmured. they stood there as snow fell around them, the park silent and still, like it was holding its own breath. when alec pulled back slightly, he cupped her face gently, thumbs brushing away her tears, the salty warm liquid hardly dampening his gloves.
“is this okay?” he asked. she smiled through her tears. “yeah. it is.”
he leaned down slowly, eyes meeting hers, giving her time to pull away if she wanted to. she didn’t. ofcourse she didn’t. their lips met softly. not rough, or aggressive, just.. soft. a kiss that felt like relief more than anything else. when they broke apart, both of them were smiling, breathless and laughing quietly.
“we should probably tell the others, they’ve waited long enough.” funneh said.
alec groaned. “kyran’s never gonna let me live this down.”
“gold either,” she replied, grinning.
“well, i’d say its worth it,” he said, squeezing her hand.
they sat back down on the bench, fingers intertwined, watching the snow cover the park completely as night settled in. and for the first time in years, for the both of them- separate and together- everything felt simple.
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