Work Text:
Kuguri knew college was going to be hard, but not this hard.
He stares at the wall of text, struggling to decipher exactly what it’s talking about.
Okay, so the primary active transporter can only go from low to high due to ATP but also helps the secondary active transporter by having two molecules going at the same time due to the primary active transpor- wait what?
He lets out a heavy sigh and rubs his eyes. He questions why he even chose to do a stem major at this point. It’s his first set of stem classes too, if he doesn’t pass these, how will he continue into the next classes in the series?
The sense of doom began to creep up Kuguri. Oh god, what if he fails this class, what if he doesn’t get declared this major, what if he has to drop out or graduate later than all of his friends?
What if he chose the wrong major? That he isn’t meant for college? That he’s just some lazy person that isn’t trying hard enough?
Wait… when is the next assignment due again? Oh shoot, the next practice test isn’t too far from now, wait do I have tutoring this week?
His heart begins to race at an uncontrollable speed, his breathing pauses for too long and he gasps for air again.
Just the day before, he was having the time of his life, he hung out with his hometown friends, basically the Nohebi team having a small reunion and checking up on each other before everyone heads back to college again.
Ugh, all he wanted was to be at his home, not his college dorm, he wanted to continue seeing his friends every single day and not worry about school, to not worry about anything.
But that’s unrealistic, he isn’t a kid anymore, he has to prepare for the real world or else he’ll be left behind and be seen as some sort of useless person. He doesn’t want to be a burden on his friends for failing education, or especially on his parents who have spent so much money on him to attend this dream school.
He feels warm tears on his face, the salty taste reaching his trembling lips, suddenly the words on the screen are too blurry to read now.
The first two weeks back at college after winter break have been dreadful. Kuguri has been trying to study 24/7 but ends up getting distracted a couple of times, because he then prioritized having to complete all these things he believes he has to do… like join clubs, make connections, find organizations, find internships, everything he HAS to do.
By the second week he wasn’t eating properly, he started to track his calories at dangerous standards but convinced himself he was fine, he avoided eating more than the required amount of calories for his tall figure.
It worried him when it got hard to travel around campus, and his biggest fear was passing out and falling behind on his studies.
Yeah, he cared more about his studies than his own health.
So he texted Kunimi, explaining to him how stressed he has been, that his hair has been falling out, that he fears eating over a certain calorie limit, how it’s been hard to walk around and pay attention in his classes, or that he feels too slow processing the information compared to others.
Kunimi comforted his good friend, it’s hard because they both attend different colleges, they aren’t able to see each other in times of needing one another for support, and have to text or call on the phone instead.
Kunimi suggested that whenever Kuguri would eat, to call him, so that Kuguri would feel more comfortable to eat with someone there and not focus on calories too much. Kunimi also stated that he would get something to eat too so Kuguri wouldn’t feel alone.
Kuguri appreciated that very much, it made him feel that someone cared.
But it doesn’t erase his current dread right now about his future and his education.
He then hears his door click open and he looks up, his eyes widening to see his mom walking in, she notices his tears and her face softens.
“Oh Kuguri what happened?” Her gentle voice flows into Kuguri’s ear, comforting him instantly.
He sniffles, trying to find his voice on what to say. “I’m so scared, that I’m not doing good, and that I won’t have a good job, or future, and fail you as your kid.”
He admits, and those words stung his mother’s heart, she immediately closes the door and walks in, sitting next to her dear child, putting her arm around him.
“Kuguri, you are not a burden, you’re trying as hard as everyone else.”
“But I’m not in enough good clubs or internships or anything and what if I can’t find a good job-”
“You can work for my company, it has what you enjoy right?”
“I know but-”
“Kuguri, stop.”
Kuguri shuts himself up, hearing his mother's stern words, seeing her child beat himself up for something that is many years ahead from now.
She rubs his back, her motherly touch easing his breathing.
“I love you so much, I want to be here to support you all the way through your educational journey. You’re only a first year in college, not everyone has a career planned out, some people change their majors, I didn’t even know what I was going to do when I did college.” She admits, sharing her experiences that Kuguri knows very well from her personal stories.
Her warm hands wipes away his tears and she leans to kiss his forehead.
“You’re future-tripping too much, you haven’t even completed your first year, or started your fourth year, how do you know what will happen in the future?”
Kuguri stays silent, it’s true, no matter how much he focuses on the future, it’s unexpected, he won’t know what’ll happen four years from now.
His silence tells his mother his true thoughts, that her hypothesis is correct, that Kuguri isn’t sure like everyone else.
“Focus on the then and now okay? Stem is hard, it’s hard for anyone, even the smartest people out there that have to do all those complex engineering majors, or those in med school. You will fail, you will get the worst grades ever, but you will learn, and that is what matters.” She whispers, ruffling his already messy-bed hair.
“I want you to just focus on now, okay? Focus on the assignments you have due tomorrow rather than the assignments you have due two weeks from now… unless it’s a project.” She chuckles, making Kuguri let out a laugh as well.
Kuguri doesn't feel his heart racing anymore, his breathing is at a normal pace again, and his head doesn’t hurt.
“Okay mom.”
His mother hugs him tightly, a warm embrace that always helped Kuguri stop crying when he was younger.
She made him put all his study materials away, put his laptop in charge, sent him to the bathroom so he could brush his teeth and finally tuck her child into bed, even if he’s 18 now.
A motherly love and support can bring a long way to anyone, by the next day Kuguri’s mind was refreshed from his mom’s words and taking a break on studying, that he was able to hop right back onto track and be able to understand the topics he was studying.