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Ariana arrived early. She always did, but especially when she was nervous, and today she was very nervous. In the period of time—was it twenty seconds or twenty days?—between ringing the doorbell and the door opening, she tried her best to calm down her restless heart. Thankfully the face that appeared in the hallway was her brother’s. Richard pulled her inside, immediately grabbing her bag and jacket and neatly putting them away.
“Anna! I’m so glad you came.”
“I said I would, didn’t I?”
“I’m still happy you’re here. I can’t wait for you to meet everyone.”
He embraced her tightly. When he pulled away, there was something in his eyes that made him look more alive than she’d ever seen before. This must be what he looked like when their parents weren’t around to criticize his every move.
“I’m excited to meet them too. And slightly nervous.”
“Don’t worry,” Richard assured her, “they’re amazing people.”
“Are you complimenting me again?” A voice Ariana didn’t recognize called from around the corner.
“I wouldn’t dare to,” Richard answered with a lovesick look.
The body belonging to the voice entered the hallway. He was everything Richard had made him out to be and more. He approached her with a goofy grin, still wearing an apron covered in flour (the flour was also in his hair, but no one mentioned it).
“Hi, Anna! Glad to finally meet you. Are you a hug person?”
“Hey, Charlie. Yes, I am, when the other person isn’t covered in flour.”
Charlie looked down, only now realising that he hadn’t taken of his apron.
“I forgot to change. One second.” And Charlie was gone again.
“I still need to change too,” Ariana said. “Didn’t want to risk Mum having a heart attack at me wearing a dress.”
“I’ll show you the bathroom.”
After Ariana changed into her dress, Charlie insisted on doing her make-up. Richard watched contently, seeing his boyfriend and sister get along so well was really all he wanted from the evening. They were just done when the bell ringed again. Charlie and Ariana went to open the door, while Richard readied the last few things in their living room.
“Knoxious!” Charlie greeted his friend with a hug. “I’ve found a new addition to Team Hug.”
Before Knox could answer, Richard called from the kitchen. “Charlie! Something is burning in here!”
“Shit!” Charlie cursed, running to the kitchen.
Knox seemed to hesitate for a moment before saying anything. “How do you feel about a spin?”
Ariana smiled. “Very positive, if you don’t let me go right after.”
“Great.” Knox wrapped his arms around her waist and gently lifted her up, spinning her around twice. After letting her down again, he held on until she pulled away. “Knox Overstreet, nice to meet you.”
Ariana shook his offered hand. “Ariana Cameron.”
“Anna isn’t your full name?” Knox genuinely seemed shocked.
“No? Should it be?”
“No, it’s just— Cameron always calls people by their full names. It took ages for Charlie to convince him to stop calling him Charles, but he always calls you Anna.”
“Really? I didn’t know that.”
“I swear it’s true. You can ask Charlie.”
“I believe you. But it really is Ariana. I don’t mind nicknames, though.”
“Can I call you Ari?”
“Sure!”
Although Ariana met all of her brother’s friends that evening, Knox didn’t leave her side once. The Poets all pretended to not see anything, but exchanged knowing (and slightly worried) glances behind their backs.
Despite his thorough knowledge of physics and how time worked (well, as far as science actually understands how time works), Stephen was convinced that time slowed down and sped up as it wished in the period between Christmas and New Year’s. Today, New Year’s Eve it had decided to be particularly wonky. Looking back, all he remembered were blurry images, filled with light and joy. There were only two things he could recall clearly, two moments of time acting normally. The first was when everyone had arrived, before midnight. Someone, probably Charlie, had turned of most of the lights and turned on the music loudly, declaring the dance floor opened. Of course, Stephen and Gerard didn’t need to be told twice. No chance to dance had been declined by either of them since they met. Neither of them knew exactly what it was, but when they danced they were free, free of reality and expectations, for as long as the song lasted.
Dancing was how they became friends, the only two brave enough to dance during a school dance, when no one else dared to. After seeing them having so much fun, more students followed their example, but it always felt like it was just the two of them. Just them, dancing at a concert, on a roof, in the snow, on top of a mountain. Just them, dancing to the music playing on a radio they built, dancing with friends, in public or private, during sunrises and sunsets, under the stars and moon, or a mirror ball. They always danced together, no matter what.
Gerard spun him around and Stephen wanted to tell him everything, how much it all mattered, but he didn’t have to. It was New Year’s Eve and they were dancing. The look on both of their faces said enough. They understood.
Knox loved parties. He loved a little too loud music, drinks with unnatural colours, people pressing into him on all sides. Tonight wasn’t exactly like that. Although some of his friends loved parties as much as he did, some did not. The music was loud, but not too loud, most of the lights were turned off, except for some fairylights and there were no people pressing into each other because of a lack of space (there were for other reasons, but as one of the only single people there, Knox didn’t care much for it). Despite all of this, it was one of Knox’s favourite parties ever. His friends, his favourite people in the entire world, all seemed so happy. Charlie had outdone himself with the snacks and drinks, whoever selected the music did a great job, and most of all (although he didn’t quite want to admit it to himself), he was beyond excited to finally meet Cam’s sister.
He’d heard Cam talk about her before, and he’d wanted to meet her just as much as the rest of the poets, but the moment he walked through the door and saw her standing there, he’d felt something special about her. All of the poets got on with her just fine, but for the most part she stuck to his side, something he enjoyed deeply. Knox felt like he’d finally found his match. Her quiet, yet hilarious remarks, and his loud laughter. Their shared enjoyment of small touches, just to make sure the other was still there. His love for gossip and her secretive smile. Her ice-cold hands and his eternally warm ones. Her soft hair and his fingers. Her mouth and his—no, too far. Knox squeezed his eyes shut, trying to remove the thought from his head.
Knox knew that he moved too fast, that he got in over his head in mere minutes, that he was too much. And so he controlled himself. He didn’t say the things he felt and thought out loud. He kept himself in a neat, little box that prevented him from hurting others. It was fine, good even, he assured himself. Better than before.
“Knox?”
He looked up from his thoughts at Ari, who was looking at him with an amused smile.
“What’s up?”
“I said that I was going to the quiet room for a bit.”
“Oh,” Knox desperately tried to refocus his brain, to get back to the here and now. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Just a bit too much everything.”
Knox didn’t understand it, how anyone could not enjoy it, but he had been around introverts for long enough to understand that if they said it was too much, it was better for everyone around that they got their quiet time. He finished his drink (bright purple, Charlie refused to say what was in it) and gently tugged on Ari’s hand.
“Let’s go then.”
The quiet room wasn’t really a room. It consisted of the entire first floor of the house: the study (mostly used by Cam, but cleaned out for the party), the guest bedroom and a bathroom. Ari and Knox headed into the guest bedroom, where Ari immediately laid down on the bed, burying her face in the pillow. Knox said down on the edge of the bed, unsure of what to do. After about a minute Ari turned her head back to him.
“Feeling better?”
“Much.”
“Good. Do you want me to go?”
“Would you stay?”
I would do anything you asked me to, Knox didn’t say. “If you asked me to.”
“Stay?”
“Of course.”
Knox remained seated on the bed, until Ari, with a surprising amount of force, pulled him down on the bed beside her.
“You could’ve asked,” Knox remarked with a fond smile.
Ari rolled her eyes. “This was more effective. You always doubt whether I actually want something.”
“I don’t want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable,” he answered quietly.
Ari intertwined their fingers. “You don’t. And if you did, I’d tell you.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” As if to give her words more strength, Ari moved closer to Knox and rested her head on his chest. “You make a great pillow.”
Knox chuckled. “I don’t think I’ve ever been told that before.”
“Well, it’s true,” Ari mumbled into his chest. Knox had instinctively started playing with her hair. “If I fall asleep, will you wake me before midnight?”
“Sure.”
It didn’t take long for her to doze off. Knox didn’t sleep, instead quietly pondering the dread that had started filling his mind. At midnight all his friends would get to kiss their other half. Knox was happy for them, he really was, but he was jealous too. He knew that he was fine without a partner, that he had friends and family who loved him, but that didn’t stop him from wanting. Someone had once jokingly told him that he fell in love with everyone he met, but it was true, wasn’t it? Knox did have a habit of falling in love with just about anyone and most of the time it passed just as quickly as it came. Was this different? He thought so, looking at the girl asleep in his arms. He couldn’t imagine that this feeling would be gone in just a few weeks. But didn’t he always think that it was different this time? Did he just want it to be different? His friends would never forgive him if he hurt Ari. He would never forgive himself. He told himself that he’d learned, that he’d grown past his mistakes. He deserved to be happily in love as much as his friends. If you wanted something, you had to fight for it, right? Then Knox would fight for it, for them, to be happy.
“I swear I’ll try my very best,” Knox whispered, suddenly feeling the need to say it out loud. Ari didn’t respond. Knox checked the time on his phone, careful not to let the light disturb Ari. It was a quarter to midnight; he decided to give her five more minutes of peaceful sleep.
When he did wake her up, she awakened quickly.
“I can’t believe the year is almost over.” They were both sitting up now, Ari cross-legged with her back to the wall, Knox hugging his knees across from her.
“Me neither,” Knox answered. “Did you have a good year?”
Ari shrugged. “It wasn’t my worst.”
“You could say the same about me. Do you want to rejoin the others?”
“Not really. I like the quiet here.”
“Me neither.”
Ari tilted her head in confusion. “Why not?”
“Does it matter?”
“No.”
After a beat of silence, he told her anyway. “All of the New Year’s kisses make me feel lonely.”
“Because you don’t have one?”
“Yeah.”
Ari hesitated for a moment, before saying, “I could be yours.”
“Don’t say that just because you pity me.”
“I’m not. I’ve never had one before, and I like you.”
Knox smiled. “I like you too.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Nothing, I suppose.”
“Exactly.”
Knox had propped up his phone with the countdown, but it wasn’t necessary. The poets’ shouts could be heard through the entire house. 10, 9, 8, 7. Knox moved closer to Ari. 6, 5, 4. Knox ignored his nerves, ignored the voice in the back of his head saying that it was a bad idea. 3, 2, 1. He cupped her cheek and brought their mouths together. Her lips were as soft as they looked (not that Knox had been looking at them). When he pulled away, she was smiling.
Charlie had never been this happy, he was sure of it. This was the best moment of his life. When he told Cameron this, he was told that he was drunk. Which was true, but not relevant in Charlie’s opinion.
“I mean it!” he said defensively.
“I’m sure you do,” Cameron replied, with a fond smile. Cameron and his stupid, pretty mouth.
“You’re not listening,” Charlie said, furrowing his brows.
“Yes, I am, sweetheart. You said you were having a great time.”
Charlie tried to turn himself towards Cameron, thinking he might realise just how happy Charlie was, if he could look him straight in the eyes. Maybe he was further gone than he thought, though, because somewhere in the process of moving (while sitting on the couch) he lost his balance and almost ended up falling face-first in Cameron’s lap. Cameron caught Charlie before this happened.
“I think you’ve had enough for tonight.”
“Who says that wasn’t on purpose?”
“You’re usually much more graceful than that.”
“You think I’m graceful?”
“You won’t remember tomorrow, anyway.”
“I’ll write it down!” Charlie said, euphorically. He went to grab his phone, temporarily forgetting that he was holding himself up with the same arms he wanted to use for writing it down. This time he did fall into Cameron’s lap. He was quite comfortable there, his head resting on Cameron’s thigh. Cameron brushed the hair from his forehead and gave it a quick kiss. Charlie would be content to stay there forever, until he remembered that he had to tell Cameron.
Charlie sat up carefully and, as a precaution, moved himself fully onto Cameron’s lap, resting his knees outside of Cameron’s legs.
“Hello to you too,” Cameron said drily.
“Shh,” Charlie placed his finger on Cameron’s lips. “I love you.”
Charlie sensed that Cameron wanted to reply, so he went on before he got the chance. “I love you so much and you’re so great and sometimes you don’t you’re great, but you are and you have to know that. You’re the smartest person I know and the prettiest and the beautiful-est and the hottest and the kindest and I don’t understand how anyone couldn’t love you when you’re just so you and I don’t understand how we used to fight so much and how I couldn’t see how great you are, but I see it now, I know and I want you to know that I just love you so much and I’ll love you forever.”
Cameron wrapped his arms around Charlie’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. When they pulled away they kept their foreheads resting against each other. “I’ll love you forever, too.”
Todd was not a big fan of parties. He was a big fan of his friends, though, so he kept finding himself at parties. Tonight he was quite done with partying. The sounds felt they were circling around him, slowly inching closer and closer until they’d strangle him to death.
“Todd?” Someone was waving a hand in front of his face. Someone was Stephen, looking worried. “You alright?”
“The sounds are strangling me.”
“What?” Of course he hadn’t heard him. Ironic. The music was too loud and Todd always spoke too quietly.
Todd gave up on speaking and rolled himself up in a little ball. It seemed to communicate his feelings well enough, because one of Stephen’s hands started moving in comforting circles on his back and the other carefully helped him to his feet.
“Let’s get you out of here, hm?”
Todd let himself be lead out of the party room, up the stairs and more stairs, until his face was suddenly hit with fresh air. The cold helped him slowly get back in control of his own brain. They were on the roof. He dropped himself to the ground, resting his back against the wall. He let out a big sigh.
“Thanks.”
“Not a problem at all. You were looking somewhat… like you were dying inside.”
“I suppose I was. Too many sounds. You know.”
“Yeah.” Stephen sat down next to him. Todd shivered. Now that his mind was no longer busy with attempting to not have a panic attack, he suddenly realised just how cold the cold was. Stephen offered him his sweater. When had he taken that off? Todd accepted it gladly. Stephen always felt too warm, Todd too cold. Stephen’s sweater was soft and vaguely smelled like him. Todd rested his head on Stephen’s shoulder.
“Tired?” Stephen asked.
“Yes.”
“Me too. Want to go home?”
“Not yet. I like the roof.”
They sat in silence for a while. Breathing and being together. That is, until the door to the roof is thrown open and two of their friends stumble in. They’re not paying any attention to their surroundings, being deeply absorbed in a heated kiss.
Todd and Stephen make eye contact. Stephen coughs politely. After finally pulling away, Gerard has the good sense to look ashamed; Neil does not.
“Hi! Sorry, didn’t know anyone would be here. We thought you guys were downstairs.” Neil’s charming smile almost makes up for it.
“We wanted a break from all the party-ness, and, well, Knox hasn’t returned yet, so this seemed the safest bet.”
“He’s still in there with her?”
“Yup.”
“Oh God.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
Neil looks back at Gerard, then turns his attention back to Stephen. “So… should we…?”
“Oh, no, don’t worry about it. We were going to leave soon anyway.”
“Are you sure?”
“We’re sure,” Stephen said.
“Yeah, let’s go home,” Todd added.
“Sounds great.”
They got up from the ground and went back inside. It didn’t sound like Neil and Gerard waited very long to continue what they were doing.