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Namjoon stepped up to the door, his hand already reaching for the bell when he heard raised voices coming from inside the apartment. He froze, hand hanging in the air, unsure of how to proceed.
Almost instinctively, he tuned into the conversation. It didn’t take long for him to conclude that an argument was going on, as he could hear Hoseok’s voice as well as yours, both sounding agitated and definitely less than happy.
The man considered turning around and leaving them both to it, but then remembered the reason why he had come over in the first place. The band had an album to produce and the deadline was breathing down their neck. There were at least half a dozen songs that needed polishing up, and if they didn’t take advantage of the time they had today, he wasn’t sure if they’d be able to get it done in time.
Bracing himself for the worst, Namjoon reached out and rang the doorbell.
The voices immediately went quiet. Namjoon heard a few hushed whispers that he couldn’t make out and then footsteps.
The door opened to reveal an unusually disheveled Hoseok. Not due to the messy, stay-at-home clothes, but rather because of the bags under his eyes and the exhausted look on his face.
“Bad time..?” Namjoon spoke first, once again regretting his decision to not just leave.
“You could say that, yeah,” Hoseok sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I forgot you were coming over today.”
“Should I go? We can work another time,” Namjoon offered, even though both him and his bandmate were well aware of the tight schedule they had going on at the moment.
“Hi, Joon,” your voice came up from behind Hoseok, your head barely poking through from over his shoulder, as you stood a few feet back.
Namjoon lifted a hand in greeting, trying to muster the best polite smile he could. He knew he had walked in on something he shouldn’t have, and it was incredibly uncomfortable to feel like he was intruding on Hoseok’s personal life.
With another sigh, Hoseok stepped aside, granting the other man passage. Namjoon hesitated for a second, but figured it was too late to leave now. As he entered the apartment, his eyes zeroed in on the cardboard boxes that were still scattered around the place, testament to you having moved in not even a month ago.
Then he also noticed the redness to your face, the slight puffiness of your eyelids, telltale signs that you had most likely been crying before he made his presence known like the doofus he was.
“I’ll leave you two to it,” you said in a low voice, offering one last fake smile before disappearing down the long corridor that led to the rooms.
“Sorry about this,” Hoseok said once you were completely out of sight.
“Don’t worry about it,” was Namjoon’s reply, but truthfully, he was indeed very worried at the fact that his friend had already been engaged in such a heated argument with his partner before 10 AM.
A beat of silence passed between the two men, exacerbating the awkwardness of the situation.
“Wanna talk about it?” Namjoon offered, even though he knew Hoseok wasn’t usually one to vent about his problems.
Sure enough, the man shook his head. “No, let’s just work. I’ll make us some coffee before we get started.”
Namjoon respected his bandmate's boundaries and trailed after him towards the kitchen. Unlike the living room, there weren’t any unpacked boxes around, giving Namjoon a sense of familiarity. After all, he had been here more times than he could count in the past few years.
Without another word, Hoseok filled the pot with water, attaching it back into the coffee machine and flipping a switch. Namjoon sat at one of the bar stools, focusing his attention on the humming sounds of the machine and the faint aroma of the brew that slowly filled the place.
Hoseok leaned back into the counter, arms crossed over his chest. His expression was neutral, and his eyes weren’t staring at anything in particular, but the tension in his jaw gave away how he truly felt.
“I take it that her moving in hasn’t been going too smoothly..?” Namjoon blurted out before he could stop himself, and cursed himself for his inability to just stay quiet.
A sharp huff left Hoseok’s lips. “You could say that again.”
The curt response achieved its desired goal of shutting down the conversation. Once the coffee was done, Hoseok poured two mugs, handing one over to Namjoon before the two men made their way further into the house towards the home studio.
Despite everything, work flowed nicely, and proved to be exactly what Hoseok needed to get his mind off of his relationship troubles. There was still a trace of tension in his body language, but the man managed to gradually relax as the day went on.
At some point, they could hear the faint noise of the front door slamming shut, signaling you had left the apartment. Hoseok sighed and Namjoon chose not to comment on it.
It wasn’t until much later, as they took a break to eat the take out lunch they had ordered, that Namjoon decided once again to try and make his friend open up.
“I think we made nice progress. We’ll show it to Yoongi on Thursday when he’s back in Seoul,” Namjoon eased into conversation, receiving an affirmative hum from Hoseok.
Namjoon took a sip of his drink, preparing himself to bring up the sensitive topic.
“So… I’m here for you, you know that, right? If you want to vent about… anything.”
Hoseok bought himself time by chewing on the piece of chicken he had just brought up to his mouth. When he eventually spoke, his voice came out measured, but there was a clear sign of vulnerability that hadn't been there before.
“It’s been a rough couple of weeks,” he admitted, still not meeting his friend’s eyes.
Namjoon kept silent, allowing the other man to open up at his own pace.
“She moved in so we could spend more time together, but all we do is fight,” Hoseok rubbed his eyes tiredly. “We keep getting into these stupid arguments, always over the same things.”
“Maybe it’s just a learning curve,” Namjoon offered, hoping to sound encouraging.
Hoseok shook his head. “She just moved in, shouldn’t we be in the honeymoon phase right now? Instead of arguing over some petty bullshit? I swear, I’ve never had this many fights in my previous relationships.”
“Those still ended, though,” Namjoon pointed out.
“Yeah, yeah…” Hoseok agreed reluctantly. “I guess they did.”
“Look, man,” Namjoon sat up a bit straighter, facing his friend fully. “Living together is never easy. Remember how much Yoongi hyung and I fought when we first moved in together?”
Hoseok let out a small huff of laughter, remembering their past in the tiny dorm. “How could I forget? It was practically a war zone, with the two of you throwing laundry at each other.”
The two men laughed together at the fond memory.
“You two will get over this,” Namjoon said at last. “It’s just an obstacle that will make your relationship stronger, you’ll see.”
“What are you, my therapist?” Hoseok asked sarcastically, but it was undeniable that Namjoon had been able to lighten up his mood a bit.
“No, just your best friend,” Namjoon replied, not bothered if his words sounded too sappy.
Hoseok’s expression softened even further, his friend’s heartfelt words giving him a boost he didn’t think was possible.
The sound of the front door opening and then closing, caused Hoseok’s body to immediately tense up again, all of the progress vanishing in the blink of an eye.
“We’ve made good progress on the tracks today,” Namjoon spoke first, already gathering his things to leave. “You two should talk it out.”
For a split second, it looked like Hoseok might protest, but then he seemed to think better of it and nodded.
They walked out of the studio together, heading for the front door. Although you were nowhere to be seen, the small noises coming from the kitchen gave away your position.
Namjoon paused at the door, turning to give his friend one last pat on the shoulder. “Good luck. Just hear her out, okay? Don’t be so defensive,” he advised before finally stepping out.
Hoseok rolled his eyes, but there was no malice behind the action. He knew Namjoon had a point, he did tend to get defensive during confrontations. He waited until his friend disappeared inside the elevator to close the door and join you.
When he entered the kitchen, he immediately noticed the grocery bags on the counter. You were inside the pantry, organizing some of the items you had bought.
“Hey,” Hoseok called out in what he hoped was a soft voice.
“Hey…” you called back without looking at him. “Are you guys still working?”
“No. Namjoon just left,” Hoseok responded, stepping further into the kitchen. He could tell that you were still on edge and, even though the tension had managed to dissipate considerably due to the hours apart, he braced himself for what he knew would be a hard conversation. “We need to talk.”
“Yeah… we do.”
“What the hell was that this morning?” he said, and immediately regretted the harsh words.
“You tell me,” you exited the pantry, facing him for the first time since the argument as you stood on the other side of the kitchen island.
“Are you serious? You’re going to act as if you weren’t the one who started it?” Hoseok bit back, already feeling the pent up frustration building under his skin.
“You’re the one who complains about everything I do. Don’t blame me for finally snapping,” you glared at him.
“Oh, you’re right, I’m sorry,” he said sarcastically. “I forgot I’m not allowed to say anything at all when you do something I don’t like.”
The tension was at an all time high, and Hoseok already regretted even trying to talk to you at all. He couldn’t understand how it had come to this. The two of you used to be so good together. But now that you had moved in, it was constant fighting and bickering. He really hadn't expected things to turn out this way, and it pained him to admit that if he had known, he never would have suggested for you to move in in the first place.
“Moving here was a mistake,” you said, as if you had read his mind.
Hoseok froze, surprised by your words. This was the first time either of you had verbalized that things weren’t working out between the two of you, and he was surprised by how much it hurt him to hear those words said out loud.
The silence that ensued was thicker and more tense than ever. It definitely felt like you had reached a breaking point in your relationship, and that if neither of you were willing to give ground now, things would only keep escalating.
Hoseok let out a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. “Can we just… not fight for five minutes? I’m exhausted.”
He had half expected you to give him a snarky reply, but instead you let out a sigh of your own. “So am I.”
The man took a moment to look at you. Really look. And it pained him to see how tired and sad you looked, especially knowing he was the cause behind it.
“I hate that we’ve become like this,” he said.
Your shoulders sagged, and you leaned forward into the kitchen island, hanging your head low. After a moment that seemed to stretch on forever, you said, “What do we do now?”
“Damn if I know,” he replied, feeling truly at a loss.
“Do you want me to move out?”
Your question caught him off guard. Never in his worst days, did the possibility of you moving out ever cross his mind.
“No, that’s not— I don’t want you to do that,” he replied, a hint of desperation coming through in the form of a voice crack. He paused, collecting his thoughts for a moment before continuing. “I don’t want to give up on this.”
“Maybe it wasn’t the right time for us to live together.”
Hoseok hated the truth behind your words. But even so, confessing that he also felt like this had been a mistake would be like admitting defeat, and he wasn’t ready for that just yet.
“I moved in so we could have more time together… But it only drove us apart,” you added, once again confirming Hoseok’s own thoughts.
“I know…” he agreed quietly. “And I hate it. We shouldn’t have to try so damn hard just to live together without fighting.”
Hoseok didn’t like the direction this conversation seemed to be headed in. There was a sense of finality in it that scared him to the core.
“I don’t wanna lose you…” he heard you mutter quietly, the words tugging at his heart. His chest ached seeing the same pain he felt mirrored on your face.
You pushed away from the counter and turned away, glancing out the kitchen window. Hoseok opened his mouth to say something, anything, but no words came out.
He saw as the first tear ran down your cheek, and was like a stab to his heart. He felt like a failure, guilt and helplessness mixing inside his chest and almost suffocating him. Was this it? Was this the moment when you finally gave up on each other and walked away?
All he wanted to do was reach out to you, to hold you in his arms and tell you that everything would be okay. But he couldn’t, not wanting to overstep any boundaries.
He hated how distant you had become. Just a few weeks ago, he prided himself in being your confidant, your safe harbour. But now, he couldn’t even bring himself to console you as you cried in front of him, didn’t feel like he had the right to.
But as a broken sob clawed its way out of your throat, Hoseok threw his doubts aside. He couldn’t take it anymore.
Pushing himself off the counter, he crossed the distance between you. With a tentative hand on your shoulder, he pulled you into his arms. He was surprised with no resistance on your part, willingly burying your head in his chest and allowing your tears to flow freely.
He pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around you as a hand came up to cradle the back of your neck. He rested his chin on the top of your head, his own emotions threatening to spill out.
“I don’t wanna break up,” you mumbled against his chest, causing him to take a sharp inhale.
“I don’t want that either.” Swallowing the lump in his throat, he pulled back the slightest bit, just so he could look at your face. He gently wiped away a few tears. “I’m so sorry, baby…”
“I’m sorry too…” you replied in a meek voice, and he immediately shook his head.
“No, don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry about. This is on me,” he leaned down, pressing his forehead to yours. He closed his eyes, breathing in your scent before continuing. “I’ve been acting like such an ass. It’s not fair to you.”
He couldn’t understand how they had gotten to this point. He remembered the moment he had suggested for you to move in, how happy you both had been. It had seemed so right, so obvious. You loved each other. Even though he had never lived with a partner before, he was convinced it would be the great next step in your relationship. That you’d finally get to spend as much time as you wanted together and that things would naturally fall into place. Oh, how wrong had you both been.
“I don’t want to argue anymore,” you lifted your head to meet his eyes.
“Neither do I…”
“But… Can I say something?” you added, looking hesitant, clearly afraid to start another argument.
“Of course, baby. Anything,” he caressed your hair encouragingly.
“I know this is your apartment and that you have lived here for years, even before we started dating,” you began and he nodded, wondering what point you were trying to make. “But from the moment you asked me to move in… it should become our space. And you still act like it’s just yours.”
Deep down, he had always known this was the issue. He knew from the start that letting someone else into his space would be an adjustment, but he hadn't really made any effort to accommodate you. The realization of how inconsiderate he had been and how much pain it had caused you, almost at the cost of your relationship, made him feel deeply embarrassed.
“I’m sorry,” he replied, unsure of how to convey how truly regretful he was.
“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. It’s exhausting,” you pressed on, encouraged by his receptiveness to your critic. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose… but it still hurts.”
Hoseok apologized again, unable to find the words to convey how ashamed he was of his own territorial behavior.
“If this is going to work, you need to back off a bit,” you concluded, holding his gaze.
His immediate reaction was to nod, but something in his expression must have given away how conflicted he still felt deep down.
“Be honest. Can you do that?” you asked, no longer afraid of facing the topic head on.
“I… I don’t know,” he admitted. “But I promise I’ll try. I want this to work.”
“If you think it’s too much, I’d rather just move out again. Cut our losses before we end up resenting each other so much that we end up breaking up.”
He couldn’t help but wince at your straightforwardness. But he appreciated the honesty and completely understood your point. He couldn’t bear the thought of you moving out because of him, because of his inability to welcome you into his life and his home.
And even though he knew you were being truthful in your stance, he also knew that agreeing to you moving out would be like putting an expiration date on your relationship. How much longer would you be willing to stay with a man who couldn’t make the smallest concessions for you to fit into his life? Into his future?
“I don’t want you to move out,” he said at last. “I’ll do better.”
“Okay,” you nodded, and he was relieved to see that you truly seemed to believe in him. “We’ll try a bit longer.”
“Thank you,” he breathed out in relief. “I promise I’ll be better. Be the man you deserve.”
You tightened your hold on him and he did the same. The two of you stood there in the kitchen, the silence no longer feeling constrictive, but instead hopeful and warm.
“You’re too good for me,” he whispered into your hair.
“I know… I even remembered to buy those biscuits you like,” you motioned to the pantry.
The small comment managed to get the most sincere laugh out of him, and how good it felt. Things were finally headed in the right direction again.