Work Text:
Julie had always been happy to be alone. She’d always relished her own personal routine, her schedule and her privacy. She woke up to eat the same breakfast she always did – oatmeal with some honey and granola – and to make her coffee, only to drink it out of her stupid little mug she’d stolen from her roommate in college. It said cup of fuckoffee in big bold letters and a symbol of a middle finger. It was most definitely the tackiest thing she owned, but she couldn’t let go of it.
Her carefully crafted routine had been interrupted briefly years back when she went to do a year abroad in Italy for her second year of university. She’d been twenty years old then, and decided to let herself relax a little. In Italy, she’d been wild and free. She’d stayed out clubbing until six in the morning, made out with random people in said clubs, woken up at noon the next day to go have coffee at the bar under her apartment, smoked cigarettes, eaten nothing but carbs, and let the day lead her wherever it happened to take her. Then she’d come home and been thrown back in her routine like nothing had ever disturbed it. Sometimes she opened the photo album she had made after coming back and missed the person she had been back then. But that happened rarely. It was history now, and there was no going back to that time.
Julie’s solitude was dear to her. She didn’t mind working ten or more hours a day only to then go home, mechanically complete her nightly routine, maybe read a bit and then go to sleep. In the mornings, she didn’t waste any time getting to work and throwing herself into the stimulant that the job truly was. It was nice. Sometimes she also did yoga in her apartment. Which was also nice. This is how it had been for years and years, she didn’t need things to change.
But, of course, that wasn’t how life worked. Life threw curveballs at everyone, and although Julie had always been quite good at dodging them, recently, her life had started to veer off the rails at a pace she couldn’t keep up with. She’d lost her control, and it felt like the walls she’d carefully been building were crumbling one brick at a time. Her mom was back in her life, she had friends, and she had a gnawing undistiguishable pull deep in her chest.
When she’d first walked through the doors of the Pacific View residence, she had been solely focused on the case and solving it. Then she’d shaken hands with Didi Santos Cordero and something in her brain chemistry had done a complete backflip. She was good at squelching it, of course she was. But nothing had been the same since then. Her brain stopped functioning whenever Didi was in the same room with her. It was like her mind was betraying her.
Julie had visited Pacific View often when the case had been ongoing. More often than necessary, probably. And not a single one of those visits had passed without her actively seeking out Didi’s presence. Which wasn’t hard to achieve, not really, because Didi was attentive and somehow just knew whenever a visitor walked in through the doors of the residence. Julie saw her every time. She didn’t really need to say anything to her; she had nothing to say. But she wanted to watch and observe. She wanted to know what was going on in Didi’s head, understand the way she behaved, and maybe know what perfume and shampoo she used, because there had not been a smell as overwhelming as Didi’s since the first time they’d met. Julie knew Didi had walked in the room from her scent alone; she didn’t even need to see or hear her. She needed to know what perfume it was.
Whenever Didi was in the room, Julie found it impossible to focus on anything else. She always kept her distance, especially after the hostile parting after Didi had caught them, caught her. Julie watched her, though, from a distance. She’d learned Didi’s mannerisms, facial expressions, and how she carried herself in different situations. She knew that Didi tipped her head to the side when she was annoyed, clenched her hands in fists when she was angry, and that every other time she was smiling. She was always smiling. Sometimes, when she smiled, she touched her canine teeth with her tongue, and whenever that happened, Julie would have to look away quickly, face feeling hot.
Julie found herself plagued by these images even when she wasn’t in Didi’s vicinity, and it was confusing. There must be something she was missing, something shifty going on around the surface that she couldn’t pinpoint. Something in Didi was capturing her attention. She couldn’t figure out what it was. She’d run countless background checks on the woman, but there was nothing suspicious going on. Julie couldn’t understand why she felt so dazed around her. She’d driven past Pacific View time after time, wanting nothing more but to go inside and force Didi to confess whatever it was that she must be hiding to alert Julie’s senses in such a way. Julie was just so frustrated.
She wanted to scream.
She had thought after the Pacific case, the feeling would’ve gone away, but it hadn’t. Julie had thought walking away from Pacific View would’ve felt liberating, but it hadn’t. Because she walked away with Didi’s hatred-filled eyes glued to her back. Julie had never felt so small; she’d been caught. And it felt horrible. She wanted to go back for Didi to explain what Julie had done that was so bad. It was her job. She’d been racked with an unprecedented feeling of guilt and shame, and it was all because of Didi. She couldn’t stop thinking about the anger and hurt in her eyes when she’d confronted Julie in Charles’ room.
She’d been in those situations before. Deceiving innocent people for the sake of a case. But she’d never felt the shame she had when Didi had cast those empty eyes upon her.
And then, Didi had hired her to run background checks on new employees. She’d acted so strangely all of the times they’d met in her office. Julie had, of course, reasonably thought that it was an elaborate plan to get revenge, but apparently that had been a miscalculation, too. Julie was usually so on top of everything, but Didi threw her off balance. She’d asked weird questions about vacations and strange stuff like that, and Julie couldn’t understand why. But she kept replaying those conversations in her head at night over and over, trying to dissect them and understand.
Useless.
At Thanksgiving, Julie had already been on edge, stressed the fuck out and a nervous wreck, then she’d seen Didi walk through the doors, which had been the final straw. She’d seen Megan and Didi chatting alone outside on the patio, and wanted to do nothing more than go and eavesdrop, but no, she couldn’t. She had her mother to deal with. Megan had called Didi her friend, Julie’s mom held a speech that she did not want to hear, and, against all her principles of composure and not laying out her emotional weaknesses out for everyone to see, Julie absolutely crashed out. She avoided everyone’s eyes as she stormed out.
She’d wished Didi would’ve followed her out and asked her if she was okay. Maybe then, they could’ve made peace.
That night, she’d taken melatonin to sleep. That, of course, made her dreams seem like strange hallucinations. She did not feel rested after waking up.
After Pacific View, she’d promised herself she would stop trying to figure Didi out. But by this point, it was pointless. Not a day had gone by without her thoughts drifting toward that goddamn woman. She’d come to the conclusion she would have to finally just say it to Didi’s face.
So she did something stupid and invited her to Charles’ surprise party.
of course i’ll come <3
The reply message had been open on Julie’s desk for a long time. She had to physically restrain herself from getting a piece of paper to make a mind map about the implications of the heart symbol at the end of the message. Why did she send her a heart? Must’ve been for her appreciation of Charles.
The day of the party, Julie spent 32 minutes choosing an outfit, which proved to be useless, as in the end she just wore one of her suits, albeit one of the nicest ones. She spent double the amount of time she usually did doing her hair and makeup. It was a party, after all. She had to look nice for Charles. Of course, Didi would be there too, but she definitely wouldn’t care what Julie was wearing. Didi probably didn’t have to think twice about the clothes she put on in the morning. That woman would’ve looked like a goddess in a plastic bag, anyway.
Maybe Didi would wear something that left the tattoos on her arms exposed. Julie thought they probably had something to do with whatever it was she had to find out about Didi, and would have to definitely investigate further.
Julie’s heart was pounding as soon as she set foot in the building, and it didn’t ease throughout the day. In the evening, when the guests arrived, she only spared a small, thin-lipped smile for Didi, turning away immediately. From the corner of her eye, she swore she could see Megan shaking her head in exasperation. She decided to ignore it. She would interrogate her later.
And then the orbiting began. She strayed away from Didi, keeping a close eye on her at all times. And whenever she made the mistake of looking her in the eye, those eyes were always meeting her from the other side of the room. Julie’s hands were shaking. This was her plan to apologise, but clearly Didi had something to say as well. And it made Julie nervous in a way she couldn’t understand. So she bailed.
“I just wanted to say…” Julie dug her nails into the soft flesh of her own palms. They were alone in her office, everyone else was in the other room. The air in the office could probably be cut with an actual knife. “We’re going to a bar later. You should come.”
And then Julie stood abruptly, walking away, ignoring Didi’s voice asking her to wait, telling her she also had something to say. Julie’s ears were ringing when she was engulfed in the music and chatter in the reception of the office. She shook her head and fell into the closest seat she saw. Calbert, who was sitting on the other end of the sofa, sent her a curious look. Then he looked over his shoulder at Didi emerging from Julie’s office.
Julie kept her eyes forward, and pretended to be engaged in the conversation Emily and Charles were having across from her.
From that moment on, until they were inside and seated in the bar that Emily had chosen, Julie and Didi seemed to have a quiet agreement of not even looking each other's way. After around three gin tonics, Julie’s eyes started to wander again, but Didi was not meeting her eyes anymore, stubbornly staring at her drink or Megan, who was whispering something in her ear. Julie needed to know what was being said. But the music was too loud, and the alcohol was rushing in her veins, blocking her ears.
She stood up suddenly, everyone’s eyes turned toward her – even Didi’s – and she made the weak excuse of going up to the bar for another drink. Even though their table definitely had table service. Before turning around to walk away, she lifted her eyebrows at Didi, who was immediately elbowed by Megan.
Julie practically sprinted to the bar and had time to order her drink and the one she’d seen Didi sipping before a body leaned on the counter half a meter away from her. “Listen, Julie…”
“No, wait, I’ll talk.” She shoved Didi’s drink into her hands and turned on her heels again, guiding them to the darkest corner of the bar she could locate. She heard Didi huff and puff in annoyance behind her, but followed nevertheless.
She let Didi sit down first, and knew she should’ve sat down across the table, but Didi had made enough space for Julie to sit next to her. So she did.
A strained silence ensued. Didi’s manicured nails were tapping against her glass, and Julie’s leg was bouncing up and down quite rapidly. Then Julie inhaled deeply and shifted to face Didi, her knee up on the seat. It bumped against Didi’s thigh. “I need to apologise for the way I acted.”
Didi turned to look at her with her deep, dark eyes, hooded by the low lights and the downturn of her head. Her hair was longer than Julie had ever seen it. Except for the photos of younger Didi that she’d extracted from the depths of the internet (Didi’s old Facebook page). The intensity in those eyes was something Julie hadn’t prepared for, and she lost her breath. And her carefully crafted speech.
“Yeah?” Didi’s voice was questioning and quiet, and Julie bit her lip.
“I…I shouldn’t have-” Julie gulped rather audibly, and paused to down a mouthful of her drink. “Accused you of trying to get back at me.”
“Yeah.” Didi nodded slowly. And finally finally, her mouth curved up into a smirk. Julie felt like she could breathe again. “Especially because that’s the complete opposite of why I hired you.”
Julie stared in silence, mouth agape. Didi stared back with a challenging tilt to her head, eyes never leaving hers.
Julie started rewinding their interactions. All of them. Started rewinding all of her own reactions to everything Didi had ever done. Didi’s reactions to her. And suddenly it made sense. It made so much sense. Julie exhaled and twitched toward Didi, who turned her body to face hers as well. That was all the confirmation Julie needed before surging forward and crashing her lips on hers.
Julie’s nerves lit up on fire in a way they had never before. Somewhere deep in her rational mind, she knew the alcohol had something to do with it, but she didn’t really care. Not when her universe finally aligned, when the mystery she’d been tormenting herself over was finally solved. With the most obvious answer, with all the evidence laid out before her. All she needed to do was look inside her own head. How oblivious had she been. It had been so clear.
The force of Julie’s body colliding with hers sent Didi falling on her back on the bench, but Julie went down with her, lifting her other leg, enclosing Didi between her knees. The realisation of this knocked her back into reality, and she pulled back, eyes wide, searching for Didi’s confirmation that they were on the same page. But Didi’s hands were buried deep in her hair, which had fallen out of the ponytail Julie had tied up, and she used them to pull her back down, connecting their mouths.
Julie couldn’t register anything else but the warm and soft feeling of Didi’s lips, the coarseness of her hair in between her fingers, and the scent of whatever otherworldly perfume she was wearing. It had hints of jasmine, Julie was sure. It threw her entire world off-balance, and she heard a desperate sound leaving her mouth. Didi seemed to take that as encouragement to move her lips to Julie’s jaw, pressing hot open-mouthed kisses across it and down her neck. And when Didi sucked the skin there in between her teeth, Julie’s hips bucked involuntarily.
But then Didi stopped. Tilting her face up, breathing heavily in Julie’s ear. “No. Not here. Not like this.”
Julie whined.
Didi was right, of course.
“Not here, indeed.” Said a deep voice behind Julie, sending her flying upwards, Didi rising to sit up with her. The bouncer was glaring down at them. “Like goddamn teenagers. Get out of here, both of you.”
It was the most humbling walk Julie had ever taken. From the far corner back to the table their friends were still occupying, taking their coats and bags, getting the fuck out of the bar. Julie thanked god that their friends were smart enough to keep their mouths shut, even if most of them were hiding shit-eating grins beneath their hands. She blocked out their laughter as they stepped outside, accompanied by the glaring bouncer.
For a moment, Julie and Didi stood there in silence. Glancing at each other, they burst out in laughter as well. Didi shook her head and reached inside her bag, pulling out a pack of cigarettes, taking one in between her lips and lighting it.
Julie’s mouth fell open. Again. “Aren’t you supposed be working in healthcare?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be a detective, Miss Oblivious-to-her-own-feelings?” Didi smirked and leaned her back against the brick wall of the building. She looked giddy. Her cheeks were red, and her eyes were glinting.
Julie gave in to the smile she was fighting. She placed herself next to Didi and plucked the cigarette from her hands, taking a deep drag. Didi just looked down at her with a sweet smile. Julie’s heart was jumping up and down, sideways and backwards. What happened now? She didn’t know. She had no answer. She wanted to know what Didi was thinking.
“Stop panicking.” Didi nudged her. “How drunk are you?”
“Well.” Julie drew in another drag. It kind of helped to regulate her erratic heart. “Seeing as I never finished that fourth drink, and probably sweat out the rest, not that drunk.”
Ew. Why would she say she was sweating like she was in a sauna to the woman she hoped to fuck tonight?
But, of course, Didi just laughed like the angel she was. “Let’s go, then.”
They took a shared taxi. When it reached Didi’s apartment, Julie was presented with the option of either going up with her or continuing the ride to her own apartment. Didi seemed calm and peaceful, and Julie didn’t feel pressured to choose one or the other. She could truly choose to do what she wished.
Didi’s apartment was a perfect reflection of her personality as far as Julie knew. As soon as they’d walked through the door, Didi had walked up to a record player and put on music. Julie didn’t recognise the song, but it was nice. The apartment was filled with warm orange lights placed in the corners, and plants were scattered in different types of pots on every surface. There were tiny objects everywhere. Memorabilia, probably. Julie dragged her finger on the back of a statue of a horse that seemed to be made out of volcanic ash. The apartment was warm and colourful.
Julie kind of hoped she would never have to show Didi her apartment that looked more like an undecorated dorm room than a home.
“You’re not allergic to cats, right?” Didi emerged from the kitchen with a bottle of wine, two glasses and a cat swivelling around her legs.
“I am not.” Julie let herself drop on the soft rug in front of the sofa, carefully reaching her hand toward the tabby cat.
Didi stepped around her, sat down on the sofa, and started pouring their glasses. “Her name is Turbo, and she can be evil sometimes, so be careful.”
That didn’t really deter Julie, who was already raking her nails through the fur of the purring cat. It seemed to like her, which she took as a good sign. She threw a prideful look Didi’s way and earned an eyeroll back. The eyeroll was followed by a hand that pulled Julie up on the sofa next to Didi. Turbo followed and jumped on Julie’s lap.
She was glad for the cat, because a nervous feeling had slowly been creeping back in, and petting the cloud-soft fur served as a great distraction. Didi was looking at her, but Julie cast her eyes on her lap, opening and closing her mouth, searching for words.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Didi asked then. “We don’t have to right now, but at some point I’d like to.”
Julie weighed the question. Did it really matter anymore? Her feelings had been laid out quite clearly already. And now that her mind had given her the opportunity to explore this, she didn’t really want to let it go. She felt nervous, but also comfortable. “We can talk.”
“Great, listen, I wanted you from the moment I first met you.” Didi took her wine glass in one hand and leaned against the sofa with an arm resting along the back of it. Julie looked up at that and bit her lip to stop herself from grinning like an idiot. “And then, well… you know. But that’s why I hired you to do background checks. I just wanted to be around you again. But you were not having it.” It wasn’t accusatory. It was teasing.
“I…” Julie licked her lips, leaning to the side to rest her head on Didi’s bicep. “I didn’t realise.”
Didi huffed a laugh. “I know.”
“But I… Didi.” Julie sat up again and grabbed Didi’s arm with both hands. “I was going insane. I would go to Pacific View just to see you. With any excuse I could think of. I kept convincing myself you were at the centre of what was going on, and then, after, I thought you had some grand plan. I convinced myself there was something else I had to find out about you. I thought I had some weird sixth sense about you, and that you were involved in some crime, and that’s why I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Didi, I have been thinking about you every single day. I dream about you. I can’t believe I didn’t realise this before.” She was out of breath when she finished her monologue.
Didi leaned in slightly. “Stalker.” She practically purred with a devilish smile.
Julie huffed and laughed out the breath she’d been holding.
“Thank you for telling me.” Didi took her hand and interlaced their fingers. “That makes me feel a lot better. I wasn’t the only one falling apart mentally, then.”
Julie’s fingertips tingled at the words and the meaning behind them.
“You should’ve told me.” Julie sighed, rubbing her thumb over and over Didi’s hand. “We would’ve got here faster.”
“I think it was important for you to come to this conclusion on your own, detective.”
Julie bit into her cheek, lowering her eyes again. “I don’t want to let go of you.” She whispered.
Didi pressed her lips on hers again. It wasn’t frantic and desperate like it had been in the bar, but sweet and gentle. And Julie melted into it. Turbo leapt out of her lap as she shifted closer to Didi, pressed her body against hers, wrapped her arms around her neck and wrapped her thighs around her hips.
“About time.” Didi lifted her from her thighs and laid her on her back, caging her head with her elbows. Julie could feel the ends of her hair tickling her face and neck, and gathered it in her hands to pull it behind Didi’s head. She tied it up with a hairtie she found on her own wrist. It granted Julie access to Didi’s neck, which she took full advantage of. The smell of that jasmine perfume was even stronger, and when Julie pressed her tongue to the pulse point, she could feel the bitterness of it.
“Julie.” Didi whispered breathlessly. “Jules.” One of her hands had found its way under Julie’s blouse and was slowly creeping upward. Every feather-light touch sent a jolt of electricity through Julie’s veins, making her breathe harder. She hummed against Didi’s neck.
Didi retreated and pulled Julie up from the sofa with her. “Come on.” She guided them to the bedroom, lips never really leaving Julie’s.